POCKET  EDITION 

KNICKERBOCKER'S 
HISTORY  OF  NEW 
YORK       c3*       BY 
WASHINGTON 
IRVING              a* 

VOL.  n. 

Wew  Ifforft  anO  atonSon 
<S.  IP.  Putnam's   Sons 

Zbc  Iknfcfterbocfter  ipresa,  tHew  Borft 


6^  v?tor 


CONTENTS. 


BOOK  W .—Continued. 

Chap,  v.— Of  the  jurisprudence  of  William  the 
Testy,  and  his  admirable  expedients  for  the  sup- 
pression of  poverty i 

Chap.  VI. — Projects  of  William  the  Testy  for  increas- 
ing the  currency ;  he  is  outwitted  by  the  Yan- 
kees—The great  oyster  war 8 

Chap.  VII.— Growing  discontents  of  New  Amster- 
dam under  the  government  of  William  the 
Testy 15 

Chap.  VIII.— The  edict  of  William  the  Testy  against 
tobacco— Of  the  pipe  plot,  and  the  rise  of  feuds 
and  parties 19 

Chap.  IX. — Of  the  folly  of  being  happy  in  the  time  of 
prosperity — Of  troubles  to  the  south  brought  on 
by  annexation— Of  the  secret  expedition  of  Jan 
Jansen  Alpendam,  and  his  magnificent  reward,      26 

Chap.  X.— Troublous  times  on  the  Hudson— How 
Killian  Van  Rensellaer  erected  a  feudal  castle, 
and  how  he  introduced  club-law  into  the  prov- 
ince         32 

Chap.  XI.— Of  the  diplomatic  mission  of  Antony 
the  Trumpeter  to  the  fortress  of  RenseUaer- 
stein,  and  how  he  was  puzzled  by  a  cabalistic 
reply 37 


iv  Contents 

Chap.  XII. — Containing  the  rise  of  the  great  Am- 
phyctyonic  Council  of  the  Pilgrims,  with  the 
decline  and  final  extinction  of  William  the 
Testy 42 

BOOK  V. 

CONTAINING  THE  FIRST  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER 
STUYVESANT,  AND  HIS  TROUBLES  WITH  THE  AM- 
PHYCTYONIC  COUNCIL. 

Chap.  I.— In  which  the  death  of  a  great  man  is 
shown  to  be  no  very  inconsolable  matter  of 
sorrow ;  and  how  Peter  Stu3rvesant  acquired  a 
great  name  from  the  uncommon  strength  of  his 
head 50 

Chap.  II.— Showing  how  Peter  the  Headstrong  be- 
stirred himself  among  the  rats  and  cobwebs  on 
entering  into  ofl&ce  ;  his  interview  with  Antony 
the  Trumpeter,  and  his  perilous  meddling  with 
the  currency 60 

Chap.  III.— How  the  Yankee  I,eague  waxed  more 
and  more  potent,  and  how  it  outwitted  the  good 
Peter  in  treaty-making 66 

Chap.  IV. — Containing  divers  speculations  on  war 
and  negotiations,  showing  that  a  treaty  of 
peace  is  a  great  national  evil 74 

Chap.  V. — How  Peter  Stuyv-esant  was  grievously  be- 
lied by  the  great  council  of  the  I^eague,  and  how 
he  sent  Antony  the  Trumpeter  to  take  to  the 
council  a  piece  of  his  mind 84 

Chap.  VI. — How  Peter  Stuy vesant  demanded  a  court 
of  honor,  and  what  the  court  of  honor  awarded 
to  him 91 

Chap.  VII.— How  "  Drum  Ecclesiastic  "  was  beaten 
throughout  Connecticut  for  a  crusade  against 
the  New  Netherlands,  and  how  Peter  Stuyvesant 
took  measures  to  fortify  his  capital       ...      95 


Contents  ▼ 

Chap.  VIII. — How  the  Yankee  crusade  against  the 
New  Netherlands  was  baflSed  by  the  sudden 
outbreak  of  witchcraft  among  the  people  of  the 
east 102 

Chap.  IX.— Which  records  the  rise  and  renown  of  a 
military  commander,  showing  that  a  man,  like 
a  bladder,  may  be  pufifed  up  to  greatness  by 
mere  wind  ;  together  with  the  catastrophe  of  a 
veteran  and  his  queue 109 

BOOK  VI. 

CONTAINING  THE  SECOND  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER 
THE  HEADSTRONG,  AND  HIS  GALLANT  ACHIEVE- 
MENTS ON   THE  DELAWARE. 

Chap.  I. — In  which  is  exhibited  a  warlike  portrait 
of  the  great  Peter — Of  the  windy  contest  of  Gen- 
eral Van  Poffenburgh  and  General  Printz,  and 
of  the  mosquito  war  on  the  Delaware  .        .        .     120 

Chap.  II.— Of  Jan  Risingh,  his  giantly  person  and 
crafty  deeds ;  and  of  the  catastrophe  at  Fort 
Casimir 129 

Chap.  III. — Showing  how  profound  secrets  are  often 
brought  to  light ;  with  the  proceedings  of  Peter 
the  Headstrong  when  he  heard  of  the  misfor- 
tunes of  General  Van  Poffenburgh        .        .        .138 

Chap.  IV. — Containing  Peter  Stuyvesant's  voyage 
up  the  Hudson,  and  the  wonders  and  delights 
of  that  renowned  river 149 

Chap.  V.— Describing  the  powerful  army  that  as- 
sembled at  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  ;  to- 
gether with  the  interview  between  Peter  the 
Headstrong  and  General  Van  Poffenburgh,  and 
Peter's  sentiments  touching  unfortunate  great 
men 160 


wi  Contents 

Chap.  VI.— In  which  the  author  discourses  very  in- 
geniously of  himself,  after  which  is  to  be  found 
much  interesting  history  about  Peter  the  Head- 
strong and  his  followers 170 

Chap.  VII.— Showing  the  great  advantage  that  the 
author  has  over  his  reader  in  time  of  battle,  to- 
together  with  divers  portentous  movements, 
which  betoken  that  something  terrible  is  about 
to  happen 183 

Chap.  VIII. — Containing  the  most  horrible  battle 
ever  recorded  in  poetry  or  prose  ;  with  the  ad- 
mirable exploits  of  Peter  the  Headstrong   .        .     19a 

Chap.  IX.— In  which  the  author  and  the  reader, 
while  reposing  after  the  battle,  faU  into  a  very 
grave  discourse  ;  after  which  is  recorded  the  con- 
duct of  Peter  Stuyvesant  after  his  victory    .        .201 

BOOK  VII. 

CONTAINING  THE  THIRD  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER 
THE  HEADSTRONG  ;  HIS  TROUBLES  WITH  THE  BRIT- 
ISH NATION,  AND  THE  DECLINE  AND  FALL  OF  THE 
DUTCH  DYNASTY. 

Chap.  I. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  relieved  the  sover- 
eign people  from  the  burden  of  taking  care  of 
the  nation  ;  with  sundry  particulars  of  his  con- 
duct in  the  time  of  peace,  and  of  the  rise  of  a 
great  Dutch  aristocracy 220 

Chap.  II.— Hov/  Peter  Stuyvesant  labored  to  civilize 
the  community— How  he  was  a  great  promoter 
of  the  holidays— How  he  instituted  kissing  on 
New  Year's  Day  —  How  he  distributed  fiddles 
throughout  the  New  Netherlands— How  he  ven- 
tured to  reform  the  ladies'  petticoats,  and  how 
he  caught  a  Tartar 230 


Contents  vi-i 

Chap.  III.— How  troubles  thickened  on  the  province 
— How  it  is  threatened  by  the  Helderbergers, 
the  Merrylanders,  and  the  giants  of  the  Susque- 
hanna   236 

Chap.  IV.— How  Peter  Stuyvcsant  adventured  into 

the  east  country,  and  how  he  fared  there    .        .    241 

Chap.  V.— How  the  Yankees  secretly  sought  the  aid 
of  the  British  cabinet  in  their  hostile  schemes 
against  the  Manhattoes 251 

Chap.  VI. — Of  Peter  Stuj'vesant's  expedition  into 
the  east  country,  showing  that,  though  an  old 
bird,  he  did  not  understand  trap    .        .        .        .255 

Chap.  VII.— How  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam 
were  thrown  into  a  great  panic  by  the  news  of 
the  threatened  invasion  ;  and  the  manner  in 
which  they  fortified  themselves      .        .        .        .262 

Chap,  vni.— How  the  grand  council  of  the  New 
Netherlands  were  miraculously  gifted  with  long 
tongues  in  the  moment  of  emergency,  showing 
the  value  of  words  in  warfare         ....    267 

Chap.  IX. — In  which  the  troubles  of  New  Amster- 
dam appear  to  thicken,  showing  the  bravery,  in 
time  of  peril,  of  a  people  who  defend  themselves 
by  resolutions 273 

Chap.  X. — Containing  a  doleful  disaster  of  Antony 
the  Trumpeter ;  and  how  Peter  Stuj'^'esant,  like 
a  second  Cromwell,  suddenly  dissolved  a  rump 
parliament 284 

Chap.  XI. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  defended  the  city 
of  New  Amsterdam  for  several  days,  by  dint  of 
the  strength  of  his  head 291 

Chap.  XII. — Containing  the  dignified  retiiement, 

and  mortal  surrender  of  Peter  the  Headstrong  .    302 

Chap.  XIII. — The  author's  reflections  upon  what 

has  been  said 312 


A  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

BOOK  rv. 

CHAPTER  V. 

OF  THE  JURISPRUDENCES  OF  WILWAM  THE 
TESTY,  AND  HIS  ADMIRABI^E  EXPEDIENTS 
FOR  THE  SUPPRESSION  OF  POVERTY. 

AMONG  the  wrecks  and  fragments  of  exalted 
wisdom,  which  have  floated  down  the 
stream  of  time  from  venerable  antiquity,  and 
been  picked  up  by  those  humble  but  industri- 
ous wights  who  ply  along  the  shores  of  litera- 
ture, we  find  a  shrewd  ordinance  of  Charondas 
the  Locrian  legislator.  Anxious  to  preserve 
the  judicial  code  of  the  state  from  the  additions 
and  amendments  of  the  country  members  and 
seekers  of  popularity,  he  ordained  that,  who- 
ever proposed  a  new  law  should  do  it  with  a 
halter  about  his  neck ;    whereby,    in  cas«  his 


2  fbistov^  of  IRew  J^ork 

proposition  were  rejected,  they  just  hung  him 
up — and  there  the  matter  ended. 

The  effect  was,  that  for  more  than  two  hun- 
dred years  there  was  but  one  trifling  alteration 
in  the  judicial  code  ;  and  legal  matters  were  so 
clear  and  simple  that  the  whole  race  of  lawyers 
starved  to  death  for  want  of  employment.  The 
Locrians,  too,  being  freed  from  all  incitement 
to  litigation,  lived  very  lovingly  together,  and 
were  so  happy  a  people  that  they  make  scarce 
any  figure  in  history,  it  being  only  your  liti- 
gious, quarrelsome,  rantipole  nations  who  make 
much  noise  in  the  world. 

I  have  been  reminded  of  these  historical  facts 
in  coming  to  treat  of  the  internal  policy  of  Wil- 
liam the  Testy.  Well  would  it  have  been  for 
him  had  he,  in  the  course  of  his  universal  ac- 
quirements, stumbled  upon  the  precaution  of 
the  good  Charondas,  or  had  he  looked  nearer 
home  at  the  protectorate  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer, 
when  the  community  was  governed  without 
laws.  Such  legislation,  however,  was  not  suited 
to  the  busy,  meddling  mind  of  William  the 
Testy.  On  the  contrary,  he  conceived  that  the 
true  wisdom  of  legislation  consisted  in  the  mul- 
tiplicity of  laws.  He  accordingly  had  great 
punishments  for  great  crimes,  and  little  punish- 
ments for  little  offences.  By  degrees  the  whole 
surface  of  society  was  cut  up  by  ditches  and 


/ftuItipUcltg  of  Xaw0  3 

fences,  and  quickset  hedges  of  the  law,  and  even 
the  sequestered  paths  of  private  life  so  beset  by 
petty  rules  and  ordinances,  too  numerous  to  be 
remembered,  that  one  could  scarce  walk  at 
large  without  the  risk  of  letting  oflf  a  spring- 
gun  or  falling  into  a  man-trap. 

In  a  Httle  while  the  blessings  of  innumerable 
laws  became  apparent ;  a  class  of  men  arose  to 
expound  and  confound  them.  Petty  courts 
were  instituted  to  take  cognizance  of  petty 
offences,  pettifoggers  began  to  abound  ;  and  the 
community  was  soon  set  together  by  the  ears. 

Let  me  not  be  thought  as  intending  any 
thing  derogatory  to  the  profession  of  the  law, 
or  to  the  distinguished  members  of  that  illus- 
trious order;  Well  am  I  aware  that  we  have  in 
this  ancient  city  innumerable  worthy  gentle- 
men, the  knights-errant  of  modem  days,  who 
go  about  redressing  wrongs  and  defending  the 
defenceless,  not  for  the  love  of  filthy  lucre,  nor 
the  selfish  cravings  of  renown,  but  merely  for 
the  pleasure  of  doing  good.  Sooner  would  I 
throw  this  trusty  pen  into  the  flames,  and  cork 
up  my  ink-bottle  forever,  than  infringe  even 
for  a  nail's  breadth  upon  the  dignity  of  these 
truly  benevolent  champions  of  the  distressed. 
On  the  contrary,  I  allude  merely  to  those 
caitiff  scouts  who,  in  these  latter  days  of  evil, 
infest  the  skirts  of  the  profession,  as  did  the 


4  l)i6tors  of  Tlew  15or!i 

recreant  Cornish  knights  of  yore  the  honorable 
order  of  chivah-y, — who,  under  its  auspices, 
commit  flagrant  wrongs, — who  thrive  by  quib- 
bles, by  quirks  and  chicanery,  and  like  vermin 
increase  the  corruption  in  which  they  are  eu' 
gendered. 

Nothing  so  soon  awakens  the  malevolent  pas- 
sions as  the  facility  of  gratification.  The  courts 
of  law  would  never  be  so  crowded  with  petty, 
vexatious,  and  disgraceful  suits,  were  it  not  for 
the  herds  of  pettifoggers.  These  tamper  with 
the  passions  of  the  poorer  and  more  ignorant 
classes,  who,  as  if  poverty  were  not  a  sufficient 
misery  in  itself,  are  ever  ready  to  embitter  it  by 
litigation.  These,  like  quacks  in  medicine, 
excite  the  malady  to  profit  by  the  cure,  and  re- 
tard the  cure  to  augment  the  fees.  As  the 
quack  exhausts  the  constitution,  the  pettifogger 
exhausts  the  purse,  and  as  he  who  has  once 
been  under  the  hands  of  a  quack  is  forever  after 
prone  to  dabble  in  drugs,  and  poison  himself 
with  infallible  prescriptions,  so  the  client  of  the 
pettifogger  is  ever  after  proue  to  embroil  him- 
self with  his  neighbors,  and  impoverish  himself 
with  successful  lawsuits.  My  readers  -will  ex- 
cuse this  digression  into  which  I  have  been 
unwarily  betrayed  ;  but  I  could  not  avoid  giv- 
ing a  cool  and  unprejudiced  account  of  an 
abomination  too  prevalent  in  this  excellent  city. 


XLbc  Sin  ot  povcrttj  5 

and  with  the  effects  of  which  I  am  ruefully 
acquainted :  having  been  nearly  ruined  by  a 
lawsuit  which  was  decided  against  me  ;  and  my 
ruin  haxnng  been  completed  by  another,  which 
was  decided  in  my  favor. 

To  return  to  our  theme.  There  was  nothing 
in  the  whole  range  of  moral  offences  against 
which  the  jurisprudence  of  William  the  Testy 
was  more  strenuously  directed  than  the  crying 
sin  of  poverty.  He  pronounced  it  the  root  of 
all  evil,  and  determined  to  cut  it  up,  root  and 
branch,  and  extirpate  it  from  the  land.  He 
had  been  struck,  in  the  course  of  his  travels  in 
the  old  countries  in  Europe,  with  the  wisdom 
of  those  notices  posted  up  in  country  towns, 
that  ' '  any  vagrant  found  begging  there  would 
be  put  in  the  stocks,"  and  he  had  observed  that 
no  beggars  were  to  be  seen  in  these  neighbor- 
hoods ;  having  doubtless  thrown  off  their  rags 
and  their  poverty,  and  become  rich  under  the 
terror  of  the  law.  He  determined  to  improve 
upon  this  hint.  In  a  little  while  a  new  machine, 
of  his  own  invention,  was  erected  hard  by  Dog's 
Misery,  This  was  nothing  more  nor  less  than 
a  gibbet,  of  a  very  strange,  uncouth,  and  un- 
matchable  construction,  far  more  efficacious,  as 
he  boasted,  than  the  stocks,  for  the  punishment 
of  poverty.  It  was  for  altitude  not  a  whit  in- 
ferior to  that  of  Haman  so  renowned  in  Bible 


6  Ijistorg  of  nacw  l^ork 

history ;  but  the  marvel  of  the  contrivance  was, 
that  the  culprit,  instead  of  being  suspended  by 
by  the  neck,  according  to  venerable  custom, 
was  hoisted  by  the  waistband,  and  kept  dan- 
gling and  sprawling  between  heaven  and  earth 
for  an  hour  or  two  at  a  time — to  the  infinite  en- 
tertainment and  edification  of  the  respectable 
citizens  who  usually  attend  exhibitions  of  the 
kind. 

It  is  incredible  how  the  little  governor 
chuckled  at  beholding  caitiff  vagrants  and 
sturdy  beggars  thus  swinging  by  the  cruppers, 
and  cutting  antic  gambols  in  the  air.  He  had 
a  thousand  pleasantries  and  mirthful  conceits 
to  utter  upon  these  occasions.  He  called  them 
his  dandle-lions — his  wild-fowl — his  high-fliers 
— his  spread-eagles — his  goshawks — his  scare- 
crows— and  finally,  his  gallows-birds ;  which 
ingenious  appellation,  though  originally  con- 
fined to  worthies  who  had  taken  the  air  in  this 
strange  manner,  has  since  grown  to  be  a  cant 
name  given  to  all  candidates  for  legal  elevation. 
This  punishment,  moreover,  if  we  may  credit 
the  assertions  of  certain  grave  etymologists, 
gave  the  first  hint  for  a  kind  of  harnessing,  or 
strapping,  by  which  our  forefathers  braced  up 
their  multifarious  breeches,  and  which  has  of 
late  years  been  revived  and  continues  to  be 
worn  at  the  present  day. 


B  •RemcDg  for  povcrti?  7 

Such  was  the  punishment  of  all  petty  delin- 
quents, vagrants  and  beggars  and  others  de- 
tected in  being  guilty  of  poverty  in  a  small  way ; 
as  to  those  who  had  offended  on  a  great  scale, 
who  had  been  guilty  of  flagrant  misfortunes  and 
enormous  backslidings  of  the  purse,  and  who 
stood  convicted  of  large  debts,  which  they 
were  unable  to  pay,  William  Kieft  had  them 
straightway  enclosed  within  the  stone  walls  of 
a  prison,  there  to  remain  until  they  should 
reform  and  grow  rich.  This  notable  expedient, 
however,  does  not  seem  to  have  been  more 
efficacious  under  William  the  Testy  than  in 
■snore  modern  days :  it  was  found  that  the 
longer  a  poor  devil  was  kept  in  prison  the 
poorer  he  grew. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

PROJECTS  OF  WII,I<IAM  THE  TESTY  FOR  IN- 
CREASING THE  CURRENCY  —  HE  IS  OUTWIT- 
TED BY  THE  YANKEES — ^THE  GREAT  OYSTER 
WAR. 

NEXT  to  his  projects  for  the  suppression  of 
poverty  may  be  classed  those  of  William 
the  Testy,  for  increasing  the  wealth  of  New 
Amsterdam.  Solomon,  of  whose  character  for 
wisdom  the  little  governor  was  somewhat  emu- 
lous, had  made  gold  and  silver  as  plenty  as  the 
stones  in  the  streets  of  Jerusalem.  William 
Kieft  could  not  pretend  to  vie  with  him  as  to 
the  precious  metals,  but  he  determined,  as  an 
equivalent,  to  flood  the  streets  of  New  Amster- 
dam with  Indian  money.  This  was  nothing 
more  nor  less  than  strings  of  beads  wrought  of 
clams,  periwinkles,  and  other  shell-fish,  and 
called  seawant  or  wampum.  These  had  formed 
a  native  currency  among  the  simple  savages, 
who  were  content  to  take  them  of  the  Dutch- 


IFlew  Coinage  9 

men  in  exchange  for  peltries.  In  aa  unlucky- 
moment,  "William  the  Testy,  seeing  this  money 
of  easy  production,  conceived  the  project  of 
making  it  the  current  coin  of  the  province.  It 
is  true  it  had  an  intrinsic  value  among  the 
Indians,  who  used  it  to  ornament  their  robes 
and  moccasins,  but  among  the  honest  burghers 
it  had  no  more  intrinsic  value  than  those  rags 
which  form  the  paper  currency  of  modem  days. 
This  consideration,  however,  had  no  weight 
with  William  Kieft.  He  began  paying  all  the 
servants  of  the  company,  and  all  the  debts  of 
government,  in  strings  of  wampum.  He  sent 
emissaries  to  sweep  the  shores  of  Long  Island, 
which  was  the  Ophir  of  this  modern  Solomon, 
and  abounded  in  shell-fish.  These  were  trans- 
ported in  loads  to  New  Amsterdam,  coined  into 
Indian  money,  and  launched  into  circulation. 

And  now,  for  a  time,  affairs  went  on  swim- 
mingly ;  money  became  as  plentiful  as  in  the 
modem  days  of  paper  currency,  and,  to  use  the 
popular  phrase,  "  a  wonderful  impulse  was 
given  to  public  prosperity."  Yankee  traders 
poured  into  the  province,  buying  every  thing 
they  could  lay  their  hands  on,  and  paying  the 
worthy  Dutchmen  their  own  price — in  Indian 
money.  If  the  latter,  however,  attempted  to 
pay  the  Yankees  in  the  same  coin  for  their  tin 
ware  and  wooden  bowls,  the  case  was  altered ; 


le  Ibistors  of  IRew  l^ork 

nothing  would  do  but  Dutch  guilders  and  such 
like  "metallic  currency."  What  was  worse, 
the  Yankees  introduced  an  inferior  kind  of 
wampum  made  of  oyster-shells,  with  which 
they  deluged  the  province,  carrying  off  in  ex- 
change all  the  silver  and  gold,  the  Dutch  her- 
rings, and  Dutch  cheeses  :  thus  early  did  the 
knowing  men  of  the  east  manifest  their  skill  in 
bargaining  the  New  Amsterdammers  out  of  the 
oyster,  and  leaving  them  the  shell.* 

It  was  a  long  time  before  William  the  Testy 
was  made  sensible  how  completely  his  grand 
project  of  finance  was  turned  against  him  by 
his  eastern  neighbors  ;  nor  would  he  probably 
have  ever  found  it  out,  had  not  tidings  been 
brought  him  that  the  Yankees  had  made  a  de- 
scent upon  Long  Island,  and  had  established  a 

*  In  a  manuscript  record  of  the  province,  dated  1659, 
I,ibrary  of  the  New  York  Historical  Society,  is  the  follow- 
ing mention  of  Indian  money : 

"  Seazaani  alias  wampum.  Beads  m^anufactnred  from 
the  Quakang-  or  wt'Ik  :  a  shell-fish  formerly  abounding 
on  our  coasts,  but  lately  of  more  rare  occurrence,  of  two 
colors,  black  and  white  ;  the  former  twice  the  value  of 
the  latter.  Six  beads  of  the  white  and  three  of  the  black 
for  an  English  penny.  The  seawant  depreciates  from 
time  to  time.  The  New  England  people  make  use  of 
it  as  a  means  of  barter,  not  only  to  carry  away  the  best 
cargoes  which  we  send  thither,  but  to  accumulate  a  large 
quantity  of  beavers  and  other  furs ;  by  which  the  com- 

Sany  is  defrauded  of  her  revenues,  aud  the  merchants 
isappointed  in  making  returns  with  that  speed  with 
which  they  might  wish  to  meet  their  engagements ; 
while  their  commissioners  and  the  inhabitants  remain 
overstocked  with  seawant,— a  sort  of  currency  of  no 
value  except  with  the  New  Netherland  savages,  etc." 


©lister  TWlar  n 

kind  of  mint  at  Oyster  Bay,  where  they  were 
coining  up  all  the  oyster-banks. 

Now  this  was  making  a  vital  attack  upon  the 
province  in  a  double  sense,  financial  and  gas- 
tronomical.  Ever  since  the  council-dinner  of 
Oloffe  the  Dreamer  at  the  founding  of  New 
Amsterdam,  at  which  banquet  the  oyster  figured 
so  conspicuously,  this  divine  shell-fish  has  been 
held  in  a  kind  of  superstitious  reverence  at  the 
Manhattoes  ;  as  witness  the  temples  erected  to 
its  cult  in  every  street  and  lane  and  alley.  In 
fact,  it  is  the  standard  luxury  of  the  place,  as  is 
the  terrapin  at  Philadelphia,  the  soft  crab  at 
Baltimore,  or  the  canvas-back  at  Washington. 

The  seizure  of  Oyster  Bay,  therefore,  was  an 
outrage  not  merely  on  the  pockets,  but  the 
larders,  of  the  New  Amsterdammers  ;  the  whole 
community  was  aroused,  and  an  oyster  crusade 
was  immediately  set  on  foot  against  the  Yan- 
kees. Every  stout  trencher-man  hastened  to 
the  standard  ;  nay,  some  o^  the  most  corpulent 
burgomasters  and  Schepens  joined  the  expe- 
dition as  a  corps  de  reserve,  only  to  be  called 
into  action  when  the  sacking  commenced. 

The  conduct  of  the  expedition  was  intrusted 
to  a  valiant  Dutchman,  who  for  size  and  weight 
might  have  matched  with  Colbrand  the  Danish 
champion,  slain  by  Guy  of  Warwick.  He  was 
famous  throughout  the  pro\'ince  for  strength  of 


12  fbietov^  ot  Irtew  lock 

arm  and  skill  at  quarter-staflf,  and  hence  was 
named  StofTel  Brinkerhoff,  or  rather,  Brinker- 
hoofd,  that  is  to  say,  Stoffel  the  head-breaker. 

This  sturdy  commander,  who  was  a  man  of 
few  words  but  vigorous  deeds,  led  his  troops 
resolutely  on  through  Nineveh,  and  Babylon, 
and  Jericho,  and  Patch-hog,  and  other  Long 
Island  towns,  without  encountering  any  dij65- 
culty  of  note  ;  though  it  is  said  that  some  of 
the  burgomasters  gave  out  at  Hardscramble 
Hill  and  Hungry  Hollow,  and  that  others  lost 
heart  and  turned  back  at  Puss-panick.  With 
the  rest  he  made  good  his  march  until  he 
arrived  in  the  neighborhood  of  Oyster  Bay. 

Here  he  was  encountered  by  a  host  of  Yankee 
warriors,  headed  by  Preserved  Fish,  and  Habak- 
kuk  Nutter,  and  Return  Strong,  and  Zerubbabel 
Fisk,  and  Determined  Cock  !  at  the  sound  of 
whose  names  StofFel  Brinkerhofif  verily  believed 
the  whole  parliament  of  Praise-God  Barebones 
had  been  let  loose  upon  him.  He  soon  found, 
however,  that  they  were  merely  the  "select- 
men "  of  the  settlement,  armed  with  no  weapon 
but  the  tongue,  and  disposed  only  to  meet  him 
on  the  field  of  argument.  Stoflfel  had  but  one 
mode  of  arguing,  that  was,  with  the  cudgel ; 
but  he  used  it  with  such  effect  that  he  routed 
his  antagonists,  broke  up  the  settlement,  and 
would  have  driven  the  inhabitants  into  the  sea 


JBrinfterboff's  ^riumpb  13 

if  they  had  not  managed  to  escape  across  the 
Sound  to  the  mainland  by  the  Devil's  stepping- 
stones,  which  remain  to  this  day  monuments  of 
this  great  Dutch  victory  over  the  Yankees. 

Stoffel  Brinkerhoff  made  great  spoil  of  oysters 
and  clams,  coined  and  uncoined,  and  then  set 
out  on  his  return  to  the  Manhattoes.  A  grand 
triumph,  after  the  manner  of  the  ancients,  was 
prepared  for  him  by  William  the  Testy.  He 
entered  New  Amsterdam  as  a  conqueror, 
mounted  on  a  Narraganset  pacer.  Five  dried 
codfish  on  poles,  standards  taken  from  the 
enemy,  were  borne  before  him,  and  an  im- 
mense store  of  oysters  and  clams.  Weathers- 
field  onions,  and  Yankee  ''notions"  formed 
the  spolia  opima ;  while  several  coiners  of 
oyster-shells  were  led  captive  to  grace  the 
hero's  triumph. 

The  procession  was  accompanied  by  a  full 
band  of  boys  and  negroes,  performing  on  the 
popular  instruments  of  rattle-bones  and  clam- 
shells, while  Antony  Van  Corlear  sounded  his 
trumpet  from  the  ramparts. 

A  great  banquet  was  served  up  in  the  stadt- 
house  from  the  clams  and  oysters  taken  from 
the  enemy,  while  the  governor  sent  the  shells 
privately  to  the  mint,  and  had  them  coined  into 
Indian  money,  with  which  he  paid  his  troops. 

It  is  moreover  said  that  the  governor,  calling 


14 


fbietov^  of  IRcw  lorft 


to  mind  the  practice  among  tlie  ancients  to 
honor  their  victorious  general  with  public 
statues,  passed  a  magnanimous  decree,  by 
which  every  tavern-keeper  was  permitted  to 
paint  the  head  of  Stoflfel  BrinkerhoflF  upon  his 
sign! 


CHAPTER  VII. 

GROWING  DISCONTENTS  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM 
UNDER  THE  GOVERNMENT  OF  WII,LIAM  THE 
TESTY. 

IT  has  been  remarked  by  the  observ^ant  writer 
of  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  that  under 
the  administration  of  William  Kieft  the  disposi- 
tion of  the  inhabitants  of  New  Amsterdam  ex- 
perienced an  essential  change,  so  that  they 
became  very  meddlesome  and  factious.  The 
unfortunate  propensity  of  the  little  governor  to 
experiment  and  innovation,  and  the  frequent 
exacerbations  of  his  temper,  kept  his  council  in 
a  continual  worry  ;  and  the  council  being  to 
the  people  at  large  what  yeast  or  leaven  is  to  a 
batch,  they  threw  the  whole  community  in  a 
ferment ;  and  the  people  at  large  being  to  the 
city  what  the  mind  is  to  the  body,  the  unhappy 
commotions  they  underwent  operated  most  dis- 
astrously upon  New  Amsterdam, — insomuch 
that,  in  certain  of  their  paroxysms  of  conster- 
nation and  perplexity,  they  begat  several  of  the 


i6  Ibistors  of  Tlcvv  lork 

most  crooked,  distorted,  and  abominable  streets, 
lanes,  and  alleys,  with  which  this  metropolis  is 
disfigured. 

The  fact  was,  that  about  this  time  the  com- 
munity, like  Balaam's  ass,  began  to  grow  more 
enlightened  than  its  rider,  and  to  show  a  dispo- 
sition for  what  is  called  "self-government." 
This  restive  propensity  was  first  evinced  in  cer- 
tain popular  meetings,  in  which  the  burghers 
of  New  Amsterdam  met  to  talk  and  smoke  over 
the  complicated  afiairs  of  the  province,  gradu- 
ally obfuscating  themselves  with  politics  and 
tobacco-smoke.  Hither  resorted  those  idlers 
and  squires  of  low  degree  who  hang  loose  on 
society  and  are  blown  about  by  every  wind  of 
doctrine.  Cobblers  abandoned  their  stalls  to 
give  lessons  on  political  economy ;  blacksmiths 
suffered  their  fires  to  go  out  while  they  stirred 
up  the  fires  of  faction  ;  and  even  tailors,  though 
said  to  be  the  ninth  parts  of  humanity,  neglect- 
ed their  own  measures  to  criticise  the  measures 
of  government. 

Strange !  that  the  science  of  government, 
which  seems  to  be  so  generally  understood, 
should  invariably  be  denied  to  the  only  one 
called  to  exercise  it.  Not  one  of  the  politicians 
in  question,  but,  take  his  word  for  it,  could 
have  administered  affairs  ten  times  better  than 
William  the  Testy. 


political  Baitationa  17 

Under  the  instructions  of  these  political  ora- 
cles the  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam  soon 
became  exceedingly  enlightened,  and,  as  a  mat- 
ter of  course,  exceedingly  discontented.  They 
gradually  found  out  the  fearful  error  in  which 
they  had  indulged,  of  thinking  themselves  the 
happiest  people  in  creation,  and  were  convinced 
that,  all  circumstances  to  the  contrary  notwith- 
standing, they  were  a  very  unhappy,  deluded, 
and  consequently  ruined  people  ! 

We  are  naturally  prone  to  discontent,  and 
avaricious  after  imaginary  causes  of  lamenta- 
tion. Like  lubberly  monks  we  belabor  our 
own  shoulders,  and  take  a  vast  satisfaction  in 
the  music  of  our  own  groans.  Nor  is  this  said 
by  way  of  paradox  ;  daily  experience  shows  the 
truth  of  these  observations.  It  is  almost  im- 
possible to  elevate  the  spirits  of  a  man  groaning 
under  ideal  calamities  ;  but  nothing  is  easier 
than  to  render  him  wretched,  though  on  the 
pinnacle  of  felicity  ;  as  it  would  be  an  hercu- 
lean task  to  hoist  a  man  to  the  top  of  a  steeple, 
though  the  merest  child  could  topple  him  off 
thence. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  the  popular 
meetings  were  generally  held  at  some  noted 
tavern,  these  public  edifices  possessing  what  in 
modern  times  are  thought  the  true  fountain  of 
political  inspiration.     The  ancient  Greeks  de- 


i8  f)i5torB  ot  IFlew  forft 

liberated  upon  a  matter  when  drunk,  and  recon- 
sidered it  when  sober.  Mob-politicians  in  mod- 
ern times  dislike  to  have  two  minds  upon  a 
subject,  so  they  both  deliberate  and  act  when 
drunk  ;  by  this  means  a  world  of  delay  is 
spared ;  and  as  it  is  universally  allowed  that  a 
man  when  drunk  sees  double,  it  follows  conclu- 
sively that  he  sees  twice  as  well  as  his  sober 
neighbors. 


CHAPTER  Vni. 

OP  THE  EDICT  OF  WII,I.IAM  THE  TESTY  AGAINST 
TOBACCO — OF  THE  PIPE  PI^OT,  AND  THE  RISE 
OF  FEUDS  AND  PARTIES. 


WILHELMUS  KIEFT,  as  has  already  been 
observed,  was  a  great  legislator  on  a 
small  scale,  and  had  a  microscopic  eye  in  public 
affairs.  He  had  been  greatly  annoyed  by  the 
factious  meeting  of  the  good  people  of  New 
Amsterdam,  but,  observing  that  on  these  occa- 
sions the  pipe  was  ever  in  their  mouth,  he  be- 
gan to  think  that  the  pipe  was  at  the  bottom 
of  the  affair,  and  that  there  was  some  mysteri- 
ous affinity  between  politics  and  tobacco-smoke. 
Determined  to  strike  at  the  root  of  the  evil,  he 
began  forthwith  to  rail  at  tobacco  as  a  noxious, 
nauseous  weed,  filthy  in  all  its  uses  ;  and  as  to 
smoking,  he  denounced  it  as  a  heavy  tax  upon 
the  public  pocket, — a  vast  consumer  of  time,  a 
great  encourager  of  idleness,  and  a  deadly  bane 


20  t)i6tors  of  Bew  l^orft 

to  the  prosperity  and  morals  of  the  people. 
Finally  he  issued  an  edict,  prohibiting  the 
smoking  of  tobacco  throughout  the  New  Neth- 
erlands. Ill-fated  Kieft !  Had  he  lived  in  the 
present  age  and  attempted  to  check  the  un- 
bounded license  of  the  press,  he  could  not  have 
struck  more  sorely  upon  the  sensibilities  of  the 
million.  The  pipe,  in  fact,  was  the  great  organ 
of  reflection  and  deliberation  of  the  New  Neth- 
erlander. It  was  his  constant  companion  and 
solace  :  was  he  gay,  he  smoked  ;  was  he  sad, 
he  smoked  ;  his  pipe  was  never  out  of  his 
mouth ;  it  was  a  part  of  his  physiognomy ; 
without  it  his  best  friends  would  not  know  him. 
Take  away  his  pipe  ?  You  might  as  well  take 
away  his  nose  ! 

The  immediate  effect  of  the  edict  of  William 
the  Testy  was  a  popular  commotion.  A  vast 
multitude,  armed  with  pipes  and  tobacco-boxes, 
and  an  immense  supply  of  ammunition,  sat 
themselves  down  before  the  governor's  house, 
and  fell  to  smoking  with  tremendous  violence. 
The  testy  "William  issued  forth  like  a  wrathful 
spider,  demanding  the  reason  of  this  lawless 
fumigation.  The  sturdy  rioters  replied  by  loll- 
ing back  in  their  seats,  and  puffing  away  with 
redoubled  fury,  raising  such  a  murky  cloud 
that  the  governor  was  fain  to  take  refuge  in 
the  interior  of  his  castle. 


XLhc  pipe  plot  21 

A  long  negotiation  ensued  through  the  medi- 
um of  Antony  the  Trumpeter.  The  governor 
was  at  first  wrathful  and  unyielding,  but  was 
gradually  smoked  into  terms.  He  concluded 
by  permitting  the  smoking  of  tobacco,  but  he 
abolished  the  fair  long  pipe  used  in  the  days  of 
Wouter  Van  Twiller,  denoting  ease,  tranquil- 
lity, and  sobriety  of  deportment ;  these  he  con- 
demned as  incompatible  with  the  despatch  of 
business,  in  place  whereof  he  substituted  little 
captious  short  pipes,  two  inches  in  length, 
which,  he  observed,  could  be  stuck  in  one  cor- 
ner of  the  mouth,  or  twisted  in  the  hat-band, 
and  would  never  be  in  the  way.  Thus  ended 
this  alarming  insurrection,  which  was  long 
known  by  the  name  of  The  Pipe  Plot,  and 
which,  it  has  been  somewhat  quaintly  observed, 
did  end,  like  most  plots  and  seditions,  in  mere 
smoke. 

But  mark,  O  reader !  the  deplorable  evils 
which  did  afterwards  result.  The  smoke  of 
these  villainous  little  pipes,  continually  ascend- 
ing in  a  cloud,  stood  about  the  nose,  penetrated 
into  and  befogged  the  cerebellum,  dried  up  all 
the  kindly  moisture  of  the  brain,  and  rendered 
the  people  who  use  them  as  vaporish  and  testy 
as  the  governor  himself.  Nay,  what  is  worse, 
from  being  goodly,  burly,  sleek-conditioned 
men,  they  became,  like  our  Dutch  yeomanry 


22  l)i0tors  of  t\cw  ^ox\{ 

who  smoke  short  pipes,  a  lantern-jawed,  smoke- 
dried,  leather-hided  race. 

Nor  was  this  all.  From  this  fatal  schism  in 
tobacco-pipes  we  may  date  the  rise  of  parties  in 
the  Nieuw  Nederlandts.  The  rich  and  self-im- 
portant burghers  who  had  made  their  fortunes, 
and  could  afiFord  to  be  lazy,  adhered  to  the 
ancient  fashion,  and  formed  a  kind  of  aristoc- 
racy known  as  the  Long  Pipes ;  while  the 
lower  order,  adopting  the  reform  of  William 
Kieft  as  more  convenient  in  their  handicraft 
employments,  were  branded  with  the  plebeian 
name  of  Short  Pipes. 

A  third  party  sprang  up,  headed  by  the  de- 
scendants of  Robert  Chewit,  the  companion  of 
the  great  Hudson.  These  discarded  pipes  alto- 
gether and  took  to  chewing  tobacco  ;  hence 
they  were  called  Quids, — an  appellation  since 
given  to  those  political  mongrels,  which  some- 
times spring  up  between  two  great  parties,  as  a 
mule  is  produced  between  a  horse  and  an  ass. 

And  here  I  would  note  the  great  benefit  of 
party  distinctions  in  saving  the  people  at  large 
the  trouble  of  thinking.  Hesiod  divides  man- 
kind into  three  classes, — those  who  think  for 
themselves,  those  who  think  as  others  think, 
and  those  who  do  not  think  at  all.  The  second 
class  comprises  the  great  mass  of  society  ;  for 
most  people  require  a  set  creed  and  a  file-leader. 


©rlgln  ot  parties  23 

Hence  the  origin  of  party  :  which  means  a 
large  body  of  people,  some  few  of  whom  think, 
and  all  the  rest  talk.  The  former  take  the  lead 
and  discipline  the  latter,  prescribing  what  they 
must  say,  what  they  must  approve,  what  they 
must  hoot  at,  whom  they  must  support,  but, 
above  all,  whom  they  must  hate  ;  for  no  one 
can  be  a  right  good  partisan  who  is  not  a  thor- 
ough-going hater. 

The  enlightened  inhabitants  of  the  Manhat- 
toes,  therefore,  being  divided  into  parties,  were 
enabled  to  hate  each  other  with  great  accuracy. 
And  now  the  great  business  of  politics  went 
bravely  on,  the  long  pipes  and  short  pipes 
assembling  in  separate  beer-houses,  and  smok- 
ing at  each  other  with  implacable  vehemence, 
to  the  great  support  of  the  state  and  profit  to 
the  tavern-keepers.  Some,  indeed,  went  so  far 
as  to  bespatter  their  adversaries  with  those 
odoriferous  little  words  which  smell  so  strong 
in  the  Dutch  language,  believing,  like  true  pol- 
iticians, that  they  served  their  party,  and  glori- 
fied themselves  in  proportion  as  they  bewrayed 
their  neighbors.  But,  however  they  might 
differ  among  themselves,  all  parties  agreed  in 
abusing  the  governor,  seeing  that  he  was  not 
a  governor  of  their  choice,  but  appointed  by 
others  to  rule  over  them. 

Unhappy  William  Kieft !  exclaims  the  sage 


24  •ff)(0torg  ot  naew  lork 

writer  of  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  doomed 
to  contend  with  enemies  too  knowing  to  be  en- 
trapped, and  to  reign  over  a  people  too  wise  to 
be  governed.  All  his  foreign  expeditions  were 
baffled  and  set  at  naught  by  the  all-pervading 
Yankees  ;  all  his  home  measures  were  canvassed 
and  condemned  by  **  numerous  and  respectable 
meetings"  of  pot-house  politicians. 

In  the  multitude  of  counsellors  we  are  told 
there  is  safety;  but  the  multitude  of  counsel- 
lors was  a  continual  source  of  perplexity  to 
William  Kieft.  With  a  temperament  as  hot  as 
an  old  radish,  and  a  mind  subject  to  perpetual 
whiilwinds  and  tornadoes,  he  never  failed  to 
get  into  a  passion  with  every  one  who  under- 
took to  advise  him.  I  have  observed,  however, 
that  your  passionate  little  men,  like  small  boats 
with  large  sails,  are  easily  upset  or  blown  out 
of  their  course ;  so  was  it  with  William  the 
Testy,  who  was  prone  to  be  carried  away  by  the 
last  piece  of  advice  blown  into  his  ear.  The 
consequence  was  that,  though  a  projector  of 
the  iirst  class,  yet  by  continually  changing  his 
projects  he  gave  none  a  fair  trial  ;  and  by  en- 
deavoring to  do  every  thing,  he  in  sober  truth 
did  nothing. 

In  the  meantime  the  sovereign  people  got 
into  the  saddle,  showed  themselves,  as  usual, 
unmerciful  riders  ;  spurring  on  the  little  gov 


TRUorrs  of  tbe  (Sovcrnor 


25 


emor  with  harangues  and  petitions,  and  thwart- 
ing him  with  memorials  and  reproaches,  in 
much  the  same  as  holiday  apprentices  man- 
age an  unlucky  devil  of  a  hack-horse, — so  that 
Wilhelmus  Kieft  was  kept  at  a  worry  or  a 
gallop  throughout  the  whole  of  his  adminis- 
tration. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

OF  THE  FOI«LY  OF  BEING  HAPPY  IN  TIME  OF 
PROSPERITY — OF  TROUBI^ES  TO  THE  SOUTH 
BEING  BROUGHT  ON  BY  ANNEXATION — OF 
THE  SECRET  EXPEDITION  OF  JAN  JANSEN 
ALPENDAM,  AND  HIS  MAGNIFICENT  RE- 
WARD. 

IF  we  could  but  get  a  peep  at  the  tally  of 
Dame  Fortune,  where  like  a  vigilant  land- 
lady she  chalks  up  the  debtor  and  creditor  ac- 
counts of  thoughtless  mortals  we  should  find 
that  every  good  is  checked  off  by  an  evil,  and 
that,  however  we  may  apparently  revel  scot- 
free  for  a  season,  the  time  will  come  when  we 
must  ruefully  pay  off  the  reckoning.  Fortune 
in  fact  is  a  pestilent  shrew,  and  withal  an  inex- 
orable creditor ;  and  though  for  a  time  she  may 
be  all  smiles  and  courtesies  and  indulge  us  in 
long  credits,  yet  sooner  or  later  she  brings  up 
her  arrears  with  a  vengeance,  and  washes  out 


3ftchle  ^fortune  27 

lier  scores  with  our  tears.  "  Since,"  says  good 
old  Boetius,  "no  man  can  retain  her  at  his 
pleasure  ;  what  are  her  favors  but  sure  prognosti- 
cations of  approaching  trouble  and  calamity?" 

This  is  the  fundamental  maxim  of  that  sage 
school  of  philosophers,  the  croakers,  who  esteem 
it  true  wisdom  to  doubt  and  despond  when  other 
men  rejoice,  well  knowing  that  happiness  is  at 
best  but  transient, — that,  the  higher  one  is  ele- 
vated on  the  seesaw  balance  of  fortune,  the 
lower  must  be  its  subsequent  depression, — that 
he  who  is  on  the  uppermost  round  of  a  ladder 
has  most  to  suffer  from  a  fall,  while  he  who  is 
at  the  bottom  runs  very  little  risk  of  breaking 
his  neck  by  tumbling  to  the  top. 

Philosophical  readers  of  this  stamp  must  have 
doubtless  indulged  in  dismal  forebodings  all 
through  the  tranquil  reign  of  Walter  the 
Doubter,  and  considered  it  what  Dutch  seamen 
call  a  weather-breeder.  They  will  not  be  sur- 
prised, therefore,  that  the  foul  weather  which 
gathered  during  his  days  should  now  be  rattling 
from  all  quarters  on  the  head  of  William  the 
Testy. 

The  origin  of  some  of  these  troubles  may  be 
traced  quite  back  to  the  discoveries  and  annexa- 
tions of  Hans  Reinier  Oothout,  the  explorer, 
and  Wynant  Ten  Breeches,  the  land-measurer, 
made  in  the  twilight  days  of  Oloffe  the  Dream- 


28  l)igtori2  ot  Bevv  l^orFi 

er ;  by  which  the  territories  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
landts  were  carried  far  to  the  south,  to  Delaware 
River  and  parts  beyond.  The  consequence  was, 
many  disputes  and  brawls  with  the  Indians, 
which  now  and  then  reached  the  drowsy  ears  of 
Walter  the  Doubter  and  his  council,  like  the 
muttering  of  distant  thunder  from  behind  the 
mountains,  without,  however,  disturbing  their 
repose.  It  was  not  till  the  time  of  William  the 
Testy  that  the  thunderbolt  reached  the  Manhat- 
toes.  While  the  little  governor  was  diligently 
protecting  his  eastern  boundaries  from  the 
Yankees,  word  was  brought  him  of  the  irrup- 
tion of  a  vagrant  colony  of  Swedes  in  the 
south,  who  had  landed  on  the  banks  of  the 
Delaware  and  displayed  the  banner  of  that  re- 
doubtable virago  Queen  Christina,  and  taken 
possession  of  the  country  in  her  name.  These 
had  been  guided  in  their  expedition  by  one 
Peter  Minuits,  or  Minnewits,  a  renegade  Dutch- 
man, formerly  in  the  service  of  their  High 
Mightinesses,  but  who  now  declared  himself 
governor  of  all  the  surrounding  country,  to 
which  was  given  the  name  of  the  province  of 
New  Sweden. 

It  is  an  old  saying  that  "  a  little  pot  is  soon 
hot,"  which  was  the  case  with  William  the 
Testy.  Being  a  little  man,  he  was  soon  in  a 
passion,  and  once  in  a  passion,  he  soon  boiled 


Unvasion  from  tbe  Soutb  29 

over.  Summoning  his  council  on  receipt  of 
this  news,  he  belabored  the  Swedes  in  the 
longest  speech  that  had  been  heard  in  the 
colony  since  the  wordy  warfare  of  Ten  Breeches 
and  Tough  Breeches.  Having  thus  taken  off 
the  fire-edge  of  his  valor,  he  resorted  to  his 
favorite  measure  of  proclamation,  and  de- 
spatched a  document  of  the  kind,  ordering  the 
renegade  Minnewits  and  his  gang  of  Swedish 
vagabonds  to  leave  the  country  immediately, 
under  pain  of  the  vengeance  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  the  Lords  States-General,  and  of 
the  potentates  of  the  Manhattoes. 

This  strong  measure  was  not  a  whit  more 
effectual  than  its  predecessors,  which  had  been 
thundered  against  the  Yankees  ;  and  William 
Kieft  was  preparing  to  follow  it  up  with  some- 
thing still  more  formidable,  when  he  received 
intelligence  of  other  invaders  in  his  southern 
frontier,  who  had  taken  possession  of  the  banks 
of  the  Schuylkill,  and  built  a  fort  there.  They 
were  represented  as  a  gigantic,  gunpowder  race 
of  men,  exceedingly  expert  at  boxing,  biting, 
gouging,  and  other  branches  of  the  rough-and- 
tumble  mode  of  warfare,  which  they  had  learned 
from  their  prototypes  and  cousins-german,  the 
Virginians,  to  whom  they  have  ever  borne  con- 
siderable resemblance.  Like  them,  too,  they 
were  great  roisters,  much  given  to  revel  on  hoe- 


30  Ibfstorg  ot  IRew  l^orft 

cake  and  bacon,  mint-julep  and  apple-toddy, 
whence  their  newly  formed  colony  had  already 
acquired  the  name  of  Merryland,  which,  with  a 
slight  modification,  it  retains  to  the  present 
day. 

In  fact,  the  Merrylanders  and  their  cousins, 
the  Virginians,  were  represented  to  William 
Kieft  as  offsets  from  the  same  original  stock  as 
his  bitter  enemies  the  Yanokie,  or  Yankee 
tribes  of  the  east,  having  both  come  over  to 
this  country  for  the  liberty  of  conscience,  or,  in 
other  words,  to  live  as  they  pleased :  the 
Yankees  taking  to  praying  and  money-making, 
and  converting  Quakers ;  and  the  Southerners 
to  horse-racing  and  cock-fighting,  and  breeding 
negroes. 

Against  these  new  invaders  Wilhelmus  Kieft 
immediately  despatched  a  naval  armament  of 
two  sloops  and  thirty  men,  under  Jan  Jansen 
Alpendam,  who  was  armed  to  the  very  teeth 
with  one  of  the  little  governor's  most  powerful 
speeches,  written  in  vigorous  lyow  Dutch. 

Admiral  Alpendam  arrived  without  accident 
in  the  Schuylkill,  and  came  upon  the  enemy 
just  as  they  were  engaged  in  a  great  "barbecue," 
a  kind  of  festivity  or  carouse  much  practised  in 
Merryland.  Opening  upon  them  with  the 
speech  of  William  the  Testy,  he  denounced 
them  as  a  pack  of  lazy,  canting,  julep-tippling; 


^be  BC)m(rar6  IRcbutt  31 

cock-fighting,  horse-racing,  slave-trading,  tav- 
ern-hunting. Sabbath-breaking,  mulatto-breed- 
ing upstarts,  and  concluded  by  ordering  them 
to  evacuate  the  country  immediately  ;  to  which 
they  laconically  replied  in  plain  English, 
'*  they  'd  see  him  d— d  first !  " 

Now,  this  was  a  reply  on  which  neither  Jan 
Jansen  Alpendam  nor  Wilhelmus  Kieft  had  made 
any  calculation.  Finding  himself,  therefore, 
totally  unprepared  to  answer  so  terrible  a  rebuff 
with  suitable  hostility,  the  admiral  concluded 
his  wisest  course  would  be  to  return  home  and 
report  progress.  He  accordingly  steered  his 
course  back  to  New  Amsterdam,  where  he  ar- 
rived safe,  having  accomplished  this  hazardous 
enterprise  at  small  expense  of  treasure  and  no 
loss  of  life.  His  saving  policy  gained  him  the 
universal  appellation  of  the  Savior  of  his 
Country  ;  and  his  services  were  suitably  re- 
warded by  a  shingle  monument,  erected  by 
subscription  on  the  top  of  Flattenbarrack  Hill, 
where  it  immortalized  his  name  for  three  whole 
years,  when  it  fell  to  pieces  and  was  burnt  for 
fire-wood. 


CHAPTER  X. 

TROUBI^OUS  TIMES  ON  THE  HUDSON — HOW  KII,- 
WAN  VAN  RENSELI.AER  ERECTED  A  FEUDAI, 
CASTI.E,  AND  HOW  HE  INTRODUCED  CI,UB- 
I,AW  INTO  THE  PROVINCE. 


ABOUT  this  time  the  testy  little  governor  of 
the  New  Netherlands  appears  to  have  had 
his  hands  full,  and  with  one  annoyance  and  the 
other  to  have  been  kept  continually  on  the 
bounce.  He  was  on  the  very  point  of  following 
up  the  expedition  of  Jan  Jansen  Alpendam  by 
some  belligerent  measures  against  the  maraud- 
ers of  Merryland,  when  his  attention  was  sud- 
denly called  away  by  belligerent  troubles 
springing  up  in  another  quarter,  the  seeds  of 
which  had  been  sown  in  the  tranquil  days  of 
Walter  the  Doubter. 

The  reader  will  recollect  the  deep  doubt 
into  which  that  most  pacific  governor  was 
thrown  on  Killian  Van  Rensellaer's  taking 
possession  of  Beam  Island   by   wapen   recht. 


1 


Castle  of  IRensellaerstclu  33 

While  the  governor  doubted  and  did  nothing, 
the  lordly  Killian  went  on  to  complete  his 
sturdy  little  castellum  of  Rensellaerstein,  and 
to  garrison  it  with  a  number  of  his  tenants 
from  the  Helderberg,  a  mountain  region  famous 
for  the  hardest  heads  and  hardest  fists  in  the 
province.  Nicholas  Koom,  a  faithful  squire  of 
the  patroon,  accustomed  to  strut  at  his  heels, 
wear  his  cast-off  clothes,  and  imitate  his  lofty 
bearing,  was  established  in  this  post  as  wacht- 
meester.  His  duty  it  was  to  keep  an  eye  on  the 
river,  and  oblige  every  vessel  that  passed,  un- 
less on  the  service  of  their  High  Mightinesses, 
to  strike  its  flag,  lower  its  peak,  and  pay  toll  to 
the  lord  of  Rensellaerstein. 

This  assumption  of  sovereign  authority  within 
the  territories  of  the  Lords  States-General,  how- 
ever it  might  have  been  tolerated  by  Walter 
the  Doubter,  had  been  sharply  contested  by 
William  the  Testy  on  coming  into  office  ;  and 
many  written  remonstrances  had  been  addressed 
by  him  to  Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  to  which  the 
latter  never  deigned  a  reply.  Thus,  by  degrees, 
a  sore  place,  or,  in  Hibernian  parlance,  a  raw^ 
had  been  established  in  the  irritable  soul  of  the 
little  governor,  insomuch  that  he  winced  at  the 
very  name  of  Rensellaerstein. 

Now  it  came  to  pass  that  on  a  fine  sunny  day 
the  Company's  yacht,  the  Half-3Ioon,  having 


34  fbfstors  of  Iftew  ^ox\{ 

been  on  one  of  its  stated  visits  to  Fort  Aurania, 
was  quietly  tiding  it  down  the  Hudson.  The 
commander,  Govert  Lockerman,  a  veteran  Dutch 
skipper  of  few  words  but  great  bottom,  was 
seated  on  the  high  poop,  quietly  smoking  his 
pipe  under  the  shadow  of  the  proud  flag  of 
Orange,  when,  on  arriving  abreast  of  Beam 
Island,  he  was  saluted  by  a  stentorian  voice 
from  the  shore,  "Lower  thy  flag,  and  be  d— d 
to  thee!" 

Govert  Lockerman,  without  taking  his  pipe 
out  of  his  mouth,  turned  up  his  eye  from  under 
his  broad-brimmed  hat  to  see  who  hailed  him 
thus  discourteously.  There,  on  the  ramparts  of 
the  fort,  stood  Nicholas  Koom,  armed  to  the 
teeth,  flourishing  a  brass-hilted  sword,  while  a 
steeple-crowned  hat  and  cock's  tail-feather,  for- 
merly worn  by  Killian  Van  Rensellaer  himself, 
gave  an  inexpressible  loftiness  to  his  demeanor. 

Govert  Lockerman  eyed  the  warrior  from  top 
to  toe,  but  was  not  to  be  dismayed.  Taking  the 
pipe  slowly  out  of  his  mouth,  "To  whom  should 
I  lower  my  flag?"  demanded  he.  "To  the 
high  and  mighty  Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  the 
lord  of  Rensellaerstein  !  "  was  the  reply. 

"I  lower  to  none  but  the  Prince  of  Orange 
and  my  masters  the  Lords  States-General."  So 
saying,  he  resumed  his  pipe  and  smoked  with 
an  air  of  dogged  determination. 


Covert  Xocfterman  33 

Bang !  went  a  gun  from  the  fortress  ;  the  ball 
cut  both  sail  and  rigging.  Govert  Lockerman 
said  nothing,  but  smoked  the  more  doggedly. 

Bang  !  went  another  gun  ;  the  shot  whistled 
close  astern. 

"Fire,  and  be  d — d  !  "  cried  Govert  Locker- 
man, cramming  a  new  charge  of  tobacco  into 
his  pipe,  and  smoking  with  still  increasing  ve- 
hemence. 

Bang  !  went  a  third  gun.  The  shot  passed 
over  his  head,  tearing  a  hole  in  the  "  princely- 
flag  of  Orange." 

This  was  the  hardest  trial  of  all  for  the  pride 
and  patience  of  Govert  Lockerman.  He  main- 
tained a  stubborn,  though  swelling  silence ;  but 
his  smothered  rage  might  be  perceived  by  the 
short  vehement  puffs  of  smoke  emitted  from  his 
pipe,  by  which  he  might  be  tracked  for  miles, 
as  he  slowly  floated  out  of  shot  and  out  of  sight 
of  Beam  Island.  In  fact,  he  never  gave  vent  to 
his  passion  until  he  got  fairly  among  the  high- 
lands of  the  Hudson  ;  when  he  let  fly  whole 
volleys  of  Dutch  oaths,  which  are  said  to  linger 
to  this  verj'-  day  among  the  echoes  of  the  Dun- 
derberg,  and  to  give  particular  effect  to  the 
thunder-storms  in  that  neighborhood. 

It  was  the  sudden  apparition  of  Govert  Lock- 
erman at  Dog's  Misery,  bearing  in  his  hand  the 
tattered  liag  of  Orange,  that  arrested  the  atten- 


56  fjistor^  of  "Wew  DorTi 

tion  of  William  the  Testy,  just  as  he  was  devis- 
ing a  new  expedition  against  the  marauders  of 
Merryland,  I  will  not  pretend  to  describe  the 
passion  of  the  little  man  when  he  heard  of  the 
outrage  of  Rensellaerstein.  Suffice  it  to  say,  in 
the  first  transports  of  his  fury,  he  turned  Dog's 
Misery  topsy-turvy ;  kicked  every  cur  out  of 
doors,  and  threw  the  cats  out  of  the  window  ; 
after  which,  his  spleen  being  in  some  measure 
relieved,  he  went  into  a  council  of  war  with 
Govert  Lockerman,  the  skipper,  assisted  by 
Antony  Van  Corlear,  the  Trumpeter. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

THE  DIPI^OMATIC  MISSION  OP  ANTONY  THIS 
TRUMPETER  TO  THE  FORTRESS  OF  RENSEV 
I^AERSTEIN — AND  HOW  HE  WAS  PUZZI^ED  BY 
A  CABAI^TIC  REPI^Y. 


THE  eyes  of  all  New  Amsterdam  were  now 
turned  to  see  what  would  be  the  end  of 
this  direful  feud  between  William  the  Testy 
and  the  patroon  of  Rensellaerwick  ;  and  some, 
observing  the  consultations  of  the  governor 
with  the  skipper  and  the  trumpeter,  predicted 
warlike  measures  by  sea  and  land.  The  wTath 
of  William  Kieft,  however,  though  quick  to  rise, 
was  quick  to  evaporate.  He  was  a  perfect  brush- 
heap  in  a  blaze,  snapping  and  crackling  for  a 
time,  and  then  ending  in  smoke.  Like  many 
other  valiant  potentates,  his  first  thoughts  were 
all  for  war,  his  sober  second  thoughts  for  diplo- 
macy. 

Accordingly,    Govert  Lockerman   was    once 


38  Ibistors  of  IRew  l!?orJi 

more  despatched  up  the  river  in  the  Company's 
yacht,  the  Goed  Hoop,  bearing  Antony  the 
Trumpeter  as  ambassador,  to  treat  with  the  bel- 
ligerent powers  of  Rensellaerstein.  In  the  ful- 
ness of  time  the  yacht  arrived  before  Beam 
Island,  and  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  mounting 
the  poop,  sounded  a  parley  to  the  fortress.  In 
a  little  while  the  steeple-crowned  hat  of  Nicholas 
Koom,  the  wacht-meester,  rose  above  the  battle- 
ments, followed  by  his  iron  visage,  and  ultimate- 
ly his  whole  person,  armed,  as  before,  to  the  very 
teeth  ;  while,  one  by  one,  a  whole  row  of  Helder- 
bergers  reared  their  round  burly  heads  above 
the  wall,  and  beside  each  pumpkin-head  ap- 
peared the  end  of  a  rusty  musket.  Nothing 
daunted  by  this  formidable  array,  Antony  Van 
Corlear  drew  forth  and  read  with  audible  voice 
a  missive  from  William  the  Testy,  protesting 
against  the  usurpation  of  Bearn  Island,  and 
ordering  the  garrison  to  quit  the  premises,  bag 
and  baggage,  on  pain  of  the  vengeance  of  the 
potentate  of  the  Manhattoes. 

In  reply,  the  wacht-meester  applied  the  thumb 
of  his  right  hand  to  the  end  of  his  nose,  and  the 
thumb  of  his  left  hand  to  the  little  finger  of  the 
right,  and  spreading  each  hand  like  a  fan,  made 
an  aerial  flourish  with  his  fingers.  Antony  Van 
Corlear  was  sorely  perplexed  to  understand  this 
sign,  which  seemed  to  him  something  myste- 


^be  Sign  /Bbanual  39 

rious  and  masonic.  Not  liking  to  betray  his 
ignorance,  he  again  read  with  a  loud  voice  the 
missive  of  William  the  Testy,  and  again  Nicho- 
las Koorn  applied  the  thumb  of  his  right  hand 
to  the  end  of  his  nose,  and  the  thumb  of  his  left 
hand  to  the  little  finger  of  the  right,  and  re- 
peated this  kind  of  nasal  weathercock.  An- 
tony Van  Corlear  now  persuaded  himself  that 
this  was  some  short-hand  sign  or  symbol,  cur- 
rent in  diplomacy,  which,  though  unintelligible 
to  a  new  diplomat,  like  himself,  would  speak 
volumes  to  the  experienced  intellect  of  William 
the  Testy  ;  considering  his  embassy  therefore 
at  an  end,  he  sounded  his  trumpet  with  great 
complacency  and  set  sail  on  his  return  down 
the  river,  every  now  and  then  practising  this 
mysterious  sign  of  the  wacht-meester  to  keep 
it  accurately  in  mind. 

Arrived  at  New  Amsterdam,  he  made  a  faith- 
ful report  of  his  embassy  to  the  governor,  ac- 
companied by  a  manual  exhibition  of  the  re- 
sponse of  Nicholas  Koorn.  The  governor  was 
equally  perplexed  with  his  embassy.  He  was 
deeply  versed  in  the  mysteries  of  freemasonry  ; 
but  they  threw  no  light  on  the  matter.  He 
knew  every  variety  of  windmill  and  weather- 
cock, but  was  not  a  whit  the  wiser  as  to  the 
aerial  sign  in  question.  He  had  even  dabbled  in 
Egyptian  hieroglyphics  and  the  mystic  symbols 


40  1bistori5  of  IFlcw  l^orft 

of  the  obelisks,  but  none  furnished  a  key  to  the 
reply  of  Nicholas  Koom.  He  called  a  meeting 
of  his  council.  Antony  Van  Corlear  stood  forth 
in  the  midst,  and  putting  the  thumb  of  his 
right  hand  to  his  nose,  and  the  thumb  of  his 
left  hand  to  the  finger  of  his  right,  he  gave  a 
faithful  fac-simile  of  the  portentous  sign.  Hav- 
ing a  nose  of  unusual  dimensions,  it  was  as  if 
the  reply  had  been  put  in  capitals  ;  but  all  in 
vain  :  the  worthy  burgomasters  were  equally 
perplexed  with  the  governor.  Bach  one  put 
his  thumb  to  the  end  of  his  nose,  spread  his 
fingers  like  a  fan,  imitated  the  motion  of  An- 
tony Van  Corlear,  and  then  smoked  in  dubious 
silence.  Several  times  was  Antony  obliged  to 
stand  forth  like  a  fugleman  and  repeat  the  sign, 
and  each  time  a  circle  of  nasal  weathercocks 
might  be  seen  in  the  council-chamber. 

Perplexed  in  the  extreme,  William  the  Testy 
sent  for  all  the  soothsayers,  and  fortune-tellers, 
and  wise  men  of  the  Manhattoes,  but  none 
could  interpret  the  mysterious  reply  of  Nicholas 
Koom.  The  council  broke  up  in  sore  perplex- 
ity. The  matter  got  abroad,  and  Antony  Van 
Corlear  was  stopped  at  every  corner  to  repeat 
the  signal  to  a  knot  of  anxious  newsmongers, 
each  of  whom  departed  with  his  thumb  to  his 
nose  and  his  fingers  in  the  air,  to  carry  the 
story  home  to  his  family.     For  several  days  all 


Zbc  IbelOerbergcrs  41 

business  was  neglected  in  New  Amsterdam ; 
nothing  was  talked  of  but  the  diplomatic  mis- 
sion of  Antony  the  Trumpeter, — nothing  was  to 
be  seen  but  knots  of  politicians  with  their 
thumbs  to  their  noses.  In  the  meantime  the 
fierce  feud  between  William  the  Testy  and  Kil- 
lian  Van  Rensellaer,  which  at  first  had  men- 
aced deadly  warfare,  gradually  cooled  off",  like 
many  other  war  questions,  in  the  prolonged  de- 
lays of  diplomacy. 

Still  to  this  early  affair  of  Rensellaerstein 
may  be  traced  the  remote  origin  of  those  windy 
wars  in  modern  days  which  rage  in  the  bowels 
of  the  Helderberg,  and  have  wellnigh  shaken 
the  great  patroonship  of  the  Van  Rensellaers  to 
its  foundation ;  for  we  are  told  that  the  bully 
boys  of  the  Helderberg  who  served  under  Nich- 
olas Koorn  the  wacht-meester,  carried  back  to 
their  mountains  the  hieroglyphic  sign  which 
had  so  sorely  puzzled  Antony  Van  Corlear  and 
the  sages  of  the  Manhattoes  ;  so  that  to  the  pres- 
ent day  the  thumb  to  the  nose  and  the  fingers  in 
the  air  is  apt  to  be  the  reply  of  the  Helder- 
bergers  whenever  called  upon  for  any  long  ar- 
rears of  rent 


CHAPTER  XII. 

CONTAINING  THE  RISE  OF  THE  GREAT  AMPHIC- 
TYONIC  COUNCII,  OF  THE  PIIcGRIMS,  WITH 
THE  DECLINE  AND  FINAI,  EXTINCTION  OF 
WII,I,IAM  THE  TESTY. 

IT  was  asserted  by  the  wise  men  of  ancient 
times,  who  had  a  nearer  opportunity  of 
ascertaining  the  fact,  that  at  the  gate  of  Jupiter's 
palace  lay  two  huge  tuns,  one  filled  with  bless- 
ings, the  other  with  misfortunes,  and  it  would 
verily  seem  as  if  the  latter  had  been  completely 
overturned  and  left  to  deluge  the  unlucky  prov- 
ince of  Nieuw  Nederlandts  ;  for  about  this  time, 
while  harassed  and  annoyed  from  the  south  and 
the  north,  incessant  forays  were  made  by  the 
border  chivalry  of  Connecticut  upon  the  pig- 
sties and  hen-roosts  of  the  Nederlanders.  Every 
day  or  two  some  broad-bottomed  express-rider, 
covered  with  mud  and  mire,  would  come  floun- 
dering   into    the    gate   of    New    Amsterdam, 


^be  ©atberltiQ  Storm  4.7 

freighted  with  some  new  tale  of  aggression 
from  the  frontier  ;  whereupon  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear,  seizing  his  trumpet,  the  only  substitute  for 
a  newspaper  in  those  primitive  days,  would 
sound  the  tidings  from  the  ramparts  with  such 
doleful  notes  and  disastrous  cadence  as  to 
throw  half  the  old  women  in  the  city  into 
hysterics  ;  all  which  tended  greatly  to  increase 
his  popularity,  there  being  nothing  for  which 
the  public  are  more  grateful  than  being  fre- 
quently treated  to  a  panic, — a  secret  well  known 
to  the  modem  editors. 

But,  O  ye  powers  !  into  what  a  paroxysm  of 
passion  did  each  new  outrage  of  the  Yankees 
throw  the  choleric  little  governor  !  Letter  after 
letter,  protest  after  protest,  bad  Latin,  worse 
English,  and  hideous  Low  Dutch,  were  inces- 
santly fulminated  upon  them,  and  the  four-and- 
twenty  letters  of  the  alphabet,  which  formed 
his  standing  army,  were  worn  out  by  constant 
campaigning.  All,  however,  was  ineffectual ; 
even  the  recent  victory  at  Oyster  Bay,  which 
had  shed  such  a  gleam  of  sunshine  between  the 
clouds  of  his  foul-weather  reign,  was  soon 
followed  by  a  more  fearful  gathering  up  of 
those  clouds  and  indications  of  more  portentous 
tempest ;  for  the  Yankee  tribe  on  the  banks  of 
the  Connecticut,  finding  on  this  memorable 
occasion  their  incompetency   to   cope,   in  fair 


44  l)l0torB  ot  naew  l^orFi 

fight,  with  the  sturdy  chivalry  of  the  Manhat- 
toes,  had  called  to  their  aid  all  the  ten  tribes  of 
their  brethem,  who  inhabit  the  east  country, 
which  from  them  has  derived  the  name  of 
Yankee-land.  This  call  was  promptly  respond- 
ed to.  The  consequence  was  a  great  confedera- 
cy of  the  tribes  of  Massachusetts,  Connecticut, 
New  Plymouth,  and  New  Haven,  under  the 
title  of  the  "  United  Colonies  of  New  England" ; 
the  pretended  object  of  which  was  mutual  de- 
fence against  the  savages,  but  the  real  object  the 
subjugation  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts. 

For,  to  let  the  reader  into  one  of  the  great 
secrets  of  histor}^,  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts  had 
long  been  regarded  by  the  whole  Yankee  race 
as  the  modern  land  of  promise,  and  themselves 
as  the  chosen  and  peculiar  people  destined,  one 
day  or  other,  by  hook  or  by  crook,  to  get  pos- 
session of  it.  In  truth,  they  are  a  wonderful 
and  all-prevalent  people,  of  that  class  who  only 
require  an  inch  to  gain  an  ell,  or  a  halter  to 
gain  a  horse.  From  the  time  they  first  gained 
a  foothold  on  Plymouth  Rock,  they  began  to 
migrate,  progressing  and  progressing  from  place 
to  place,  and  land  to  land,  making  a  little  here 
and  a  little  there,  and  controverting  the  old 
proverb  that  a  rolling  stone  gathers  no  moss. 
Hence  they  have  facetiously  received  the  nick- 
name of  The  PiIvGRIMS  :  that  is  to  say,  a  peo- 


Jibe  ©reat  l^anhee  Xeague         45 

pie  who  are  always  seeking  a  better  country 
than  their  own. 

The  tidings  of  this  great  Yankee  league  struck 
William  Kieft  with  dismay,  and  for  once  in  his 
life  he  forgot  to  bounce  on  receiving  a  disagree- 
able piece  of  intelligence.  In  fact,  turning  over 
in  his  mind  all  that  he  had  read  at  the  Hague 
about  leagues  and  combinations,  he  found  that 
this  was  an  exact  counterpart  of  the  Amphicty- 
onic  League,  by  which  the  states  of  Greece 
attained  such  power  and  supremacy  ;  and  the 
very  idea  made  his  heart  quake  for  the  safety 
of  his  empire  at  the  Manhattoes. 

The  affairs  of  the  confederacy  were  managed 
by  an  annual  council  of  delegates  held  at  Boston, 
which  Kieft  denominated  the  Delphos  of  this 
truly  classic  league.  The  very  first  meeting 
gave  evidence  of  hostility  to  the  New  Neder- 
landers,  who  were  charged,  in  their  dealings 
with  the  Indians,  with  carrying  on  a  traffic  in 
"guns,  powther,  and  shott, — a  trade  damnable 
and  injurious  to  the  colonists."  It  is  true  the 
Connecticut  traders  were  fain  to  dabble  a  little 
in  this  damnable  traffic  ;  but  then  they  always 
dealt  in  what  were  termed  Yankee  guns,  in- 
geniously calculated  to  burst  in  the  pagan  hands 
which  used  them. 

The  rise  of  this  potent  confederacy  was  a 
death-blow  to  the  glorj'  of  William  the  Testy, 


46  Ibistorg  of  IRew  l^orFi 

for  from  that  day  forward  he  never  held  up  his 
head,  but  appeared  quite  crestfallen.  It  is  true, 
as  the  grand  council  augmented  in  power,  and 
the  league,  rolling  onward,  gathered  about  the 
red  hills  of  New  Haven,  threatening  to  over- 
whelm the  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  he  continued 
occasionally  to  fulminate  proclamations  and 
protests,  as  a  shrewd  sea-captain  fires  his  gun 
into  a  water-spout ;  but  alas  !  they  had  no  more 
effect  than  so  many  blank  cartridges. 

Thus  end  the  authenticated  chronicles  of  the 
reign  of  William  the  Testy  ;  for  henceforth,  in 
the  troubles,  perplexities,  and  confusion  of  the 
times,  he  seems  to  have  been  totally  overlooked, 
and  to  have  slipped  forever  through  the  fingers 
of  scrupulous  history.  It  is  a  matter  of  deep 
concern  that  such  obscurity  should  hang  over 
his  latter  days ;  for  he  was  in  truth  a  mighty 
and  great-little  man,  seeing  that  he  was  the  first 
potentate  that  introduced  into  this  land  the  art 
of  fighting  by  proclamation,  and  defending  a 
country  by  trumpeters  and  wind-mills. 

It  is  true,  that  certain  of  the  early  provincial 
poets,  of  whom  there  were  great  numbers  in  the 
Nieuw  Nederlandts,  taking  advantage  of  his 
mysterious  exit,  have  fabled  that,  like  Romu- 
lus, he  was  translated  to  the  skies,  and  forms  a 
very  fiery  little  star,  somewhere  on  the  left 
claw  of  the  Crab  ;  while  others,  equally  fanciful, 


jpate  ot  HCliUiam  tbe  Zcet^        47 

declare  that  he  experienced  a  fate  similar  to 
that  of  the  good  King  Arthur,  who,  we  are 
assured  by  ancient  bards,  was  carried  away  to 
the  delicious  abodes  of  fairy-land,  where  he  still 
exists  in  pristine  worth  and  vigor,  and  will  one 
day  or  another  return  to  restore  the  gallantry, 
the  honor,  and  the  immaculate  probity,  which 
prevailed  in  the  glorious  days  of  the  Round 
Table.* 

All  these,  however,  are  but  pleasing  fantasies, 
the  cobweb  visions  of  those  dreaming  varlets, 
to  which  I  would  not  have  my  judicious  readers 
attach  any  credibility.  Neither  am  I  disposed 
to  credit  an  ancient  and  rather  apocryphal  histo- 
rian, who  asserts  that  the  ingenious  Wilhelmus 
was  annihilated  by  the  blowing  down  of  one 
of  his  wind-mills  ;  nor  a  writer  of  later  times, 
who  affirms  that  he  fell  a  victim  to  an  experiment 
in  natural  history,  having  the  misfortune  to 
break  his  neck  from  the  garret-window  of  the 
stadthouse  in  attempting  to  catch  swallows  by 
sprinkling  salt  upon  their  tails.     Still  less  do  I 

*  The  old  Welsh  bards  believed  that  King  Arthur  was 
not  dead,  but  carried  awaie  by  the  fairies  into  some 
pleasant  place,  where  he  sholde  remaine  for  a  time,  and 
then  retume  againe  and  reign e  in  as  great  authority  as 
ever. — Hollinshed. 

The  Britons  suppose  that  he  shall  come  yet  and  con- 
quere  all  Britaigne,  for  certes,  this  is  the  prophicye  of 
Merlyn — He  say'd  that  his  deth  shall  be  doubteous  ;  and 
saidsoth,  for  men  thereof  yet  have  doubte  and  shullen 
for  ever  more  —  for  men  wyt  not  whether  he  lyveth  or  is 
dede.— D.  I^eew.  Chron. 


48  tblstors  ot  IRew  l^ocft 

put  my  faith  in  the  tradition  that  he  perished  at 
sea  in  conveying  home  to  Holland  a  treasure 
of  golden  ore,  discovered  somewhere  among 
the  hatmted  regions  of  the  Catskill  Moun- 
tains.* 

*  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  in  his  scrupulous  search 
after  truth,  is  sometimes  too  fastidious  in  regard  to  facts 
which  border  a  little  on  the  marvellous.  The  story  of  the 
golden  ore  rests  on  something  better  than  mere  tradi- 
tion. The  venerable  Adrian  Van  der  Donck,  Doctor  of 
l,aws,  in  his  description  of  the  Nevsr  Netherlands,  asserts 
it  from  his  own  observation  as  an  eye-witness.  He  was 
present,  he  says,  in  1645,  at  a  treaty  between  Governor 
Kieft  and  the  Mohawk  Indians,  in  which  one  of  the 
latter,  in  painting  himself  for  the  ceremony,  used  a  pig- 
ment, the  weight  and  shining  appearance  of  which 
excited  the  curiosity  of  the  governor  and  Mynheer  Van 
der  Donck.  They  obtained  a  lump,  and  gave  it  to  be 
proved  by  a  skilful  doctor  of  medicine,  Johannes  de  la 
Montague,  one  of  the  councillors  of  the  New  Nether- 
lands. It  was  put  into  a  crucible,  and  yielded  two  pieces 
of  gold,  worth  about  three  guilders.  All  this,  continues 
Adrian  Van  der  Donck,  was  kept  secret.  As  soon  as 
peace  was  made  with  the  Mohawks,  an  ofl&cer  and  a  few 
men  were  sent  to  the  mountain,  (in  the  region  of  the 
Kaatskill,)  under  the  guidance  01  an  Indian,  to  search  for 
the  precious  mineral.  They  brought  back  a  bucketful  of 
ore ;  which,  being  submitted  to  the  crucible,  proved  as 
productive  as  the  first.  William  Kiefl  now  thought  the 
discovery  certain.  He  sent  a  confidential  person,  Arent 
Corsen,  with  a  bag  full  of  the  mineral,  to  New  Haven,  to 
take  passage  in  an  E)nglish  ship  for  England^  thence  to 
proceed  to  Holland.  The  vessel  sailed  at  Christmas,  but 
never  reached  her  port.    All  on  board  perished. 

In  the  year  1647,  Wilhelmus  Kieft  himself  embarked 
on  board  the  Princess,  taking  with  him  specimens  of 
the  supposed  mineral.  The  ship  was  never  heard  of 
more! 

Some  have  supposed  that  the  mineral  in  question  was 
not  gold,  but  pyrites ;  but  we  have  the  assertion  of 
Adrian  Van  der  Donck,  an  eye-witness,  and  the  experi- 
ment of  Johannes  de  la  Montagne,  a  learned  doctor  of 
medicine,  on  the  golden  side  of  the  question.  Cornelius 
Van  Tienhooven,  also,  at  that  time  secretary  of  the  New 


Ibis  probable  BnD  49 

The  most  probable  account  declares  that, 
what  with  the  constant  troubles  on  his  frontiers, 
the  incessant  schemings  and  projects  going  on 
in  his  own  pericranium,  the  memorials,  peti- 
tions, remonstrances,  and  sage  pieces  of  advice 
of  respectable  meetings  of  the  sovereign  people, 
and  the  refractory  disposition  of  his  councillors, 
who  were  siire  to  differ  from  him  on  every  point, 
and  uniformly  to  be  in  the  wrong,  his  mind  was 
kept  in  a  furnace  heat,  until  he  became  as  com- 
pletely burnt  out  as  a  Dutch  family  pipe  which 
has  passed  through  three  generations  of  hard 
smokers.  In  this  manner  did  he  undergo  a 
kind  of  animal  combustion,  consuming  away 
like  a  farthing  rushlight;  so  that  when  grim 
death  finally  snuffed  him  out,  there  was  scarce 
left  enough  of  him  to  bury  ! 

Netherlands,  declared  in  Holland  that  he  had  tested 
several  specimens  of  the  mineral,  which  proved  satisfac- 
tory-.* 

It  would  appear  however,  that  these  golden  treasures 
of  the  Kaatskill  always  brought  ill  luck  :  as  is  e\'idenced 
in  the  fate  of  Arent  Corsen  and  Wilhelmus  Kieft,  and  the 
wreck  of  the  ships  in  which  they  attempted  to  convey 
the  treasure  across  the  ocean.  The  golden  mines  have 
never  since  been  explored,  but  remain  among  the  mys- 
teries of  the  Kaatskill  Mountains,  and  under  the  pro- 
tection of  the  goblins  that  haunt  them. 

*  See  Van  der  Donck's  "  Description  of  the  New  Neth- 
erlands." Collect.  New  York  Hist.  Society,  Vol.  I.,  p.  161. 


BOOK  V. 

CONTAINING  TH^  FIRST  PART  OF  THR  REIGN 
OF  PETER  STUYVESANT,  AND  HIS  TROUBI^ES 
WITH  THE  AMPHICTYONIC  COUNCII,. 

CHAPTER  I. 

IN  WHICH  THE  DEATH  OF  A  GREAT  MAN  IS 
SHOWN  TO  BE  NO  VERY  INCONSOIyABI^E 
MATTER  OF  SORROW  —  AND  HOW  PETER 
STUYVESANT  ACQUIRED  A  GREAT  NAME 
FROM  THE  UNCOMMON  STRENGTH  OF  HIS 
HEAD. 


TO  a  profound  philosopher  like  myself,  who 
am  apt  to  see  clear  through  a  subject, 
where  the  penetration  of  ordinary  people  ex- 
tends but  half  way,  there  is  no  fact  more  simple 
and  manifest  than  that  the  death  of  a  great  man 
is  a  matter  of  very  little  importance.  Much  as 
we  may  think  of  ourselves,  and  much  as  we  may 
excite  the  empty  plaudits  of  the  million,  it  is 


Cbfet  /Bournera  5t 

certain  that  the  greatest  among  us  do  actually 
fill  but  an  exceeding  small  space  in  the  world ; 
and  it  is  equally  certain  that  even  that  small 
space  is  quickly  supplied  when  we  leave 
it  vacant.  "Of  what  consequence  is  it,"  said 
Pliny,  *'  that  individuals  appear,  or  make  their 
exit  ?  The  world  is  a  theatre,  whose  scenes  and 
actors  are  continually  changing."  Never  did 
philosopher  speak  more  correctly  ;  and  I  only 
wonder  that  so  wise  a  remark  could  have  ex- 
isted so  many  ages,  and  mankind  not  have  laid 
it  more  to  heart.  Sage  follows  on  in  the  foot- 
steps of  sage ;  one  hero  just  steps  out  of  his 
triumphal  car,  to  make  way  for  the  hero  who 
comes  after  him ;  and  of  the  proudest  monarch 
it  is  merely  said,  that  "he  slept  with  his  fa- 
thers, and  his  successor  reigned  in  his  stead." 

The  world,  to  tell  the  private  truth,  cares  but 
little  for  their  loss,  and  if  left  to  itself  would 
soon  forget  to  grieve  ;  and  though  a  nation  has 
often  been  figuratively  drowned  in  tears  on  the 
death  of  a  great  man,  yet  it  is  ten  to  one  if  an 
individual  tear  has  been  shed  on  the  occasion, 
excepting  from  the  forlorn  pen  of  some  hungry 
author.  It  is  the  historian,  the  biographer,  and 
the  poet,  who  have  the  whole  burden  of  grief  to 
sustain, — who — kind  souls  ! — like  undertakers 
in  England,  act  the  part  of  chief  mourners, — 
who    inflate    a    nation    with    sighs    it   never 


52  1bi6tors  of  TRew  forft 

heaved,  and  deluge  it  with  tears  it  never 
dreamt  of  shedding.  Thus,  while  the  patriotic 
author  is  weeping  and  howling,  in  prose,  in 
hlank  verse,  and  in  rhyme,  and  collecting  the 
drops  of  public  sorrow  into  his  volume,  as  into 
a  lachrymal  vase,  it  is  more  than  probable  his 
fellow-citizens  are  eating  and  drinking,  fiddling 
and  dancing,  as  utterly  ignorant  of  the  bitter 
lamentations  made  in  their  name  as  are  those 
men  of  straw,  John  Doe  and  Richard  Roe,  of 
the  plaintiffs  for  whom  they  are  generously 
pleased  to  become  sureties. 

The  most  glorious  hero  that  ever  desolated 
nations  might  have  mouldered  into  oblivion 
among  the  rubbish  of  his  own  monument,  did 
not  some  historian  take  him  into  favor,  and 
benevolently  transmit  his  name  to  posterity  ; 
and  much  as  the  vahant  William  Kieft  worried, 
and  hustled,  and  turmoiled,  while  he  had  the 
destinies  of  a  whole  colony  in  his  hand,  I  ques- 
tion seriously  whether  he  will  not  be  obliged  to 
this  authentic  history  for  all  his  future  celebrity. 

His  exit  occasioned  no  convulsion  in  the  city 
of  New  Amsterdam  nor  its  vicinity  ;  the  earth 
trembled  not,  neither  did  any  stars  shoot  from 
their  spheres;  the  heavens  were  not  shrouded 
in  black,  as  poets  w^ould  fain  persuade  us  they 
have  been,  on  the  death  of  a  hero  ;  the  rocks 
Chard-hearted  varlets !)   melted  not  into  tears, 


f  n  /Rcmoriam  53 

nor  did  the  trees  hang  their  heads  in  silent  sor- 
row ;  and  as  to  the  sun,  he  lay  abed  the  next 
night  just  as  long,  and  showed  as  jolly  a  face 
when  he  rose  as  he  ever  did  on  the  same  day  of 
the  month  in  any  year,  either  before  or  since. 
The  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  one  and 
all,  declared  that  he  had  been  a  very  busy, 
active,  bustling  little  governor ;  that  he  was 
"  the  father  of  this  country  "  ;  that  he  was  ''the 
noblest  work  of  God"  ;  that  "he  was  a  man, 
take  him  for  all  in  all,  they  ne'er  should  look 
upon  his  like  again  "  ;  together  with  sundry  oth- 
er civil  and  affectionate  speeches  regularly  said 
on  the  death  of  all  great  men  ;  after  which  they 
smoked  their  pipes,  thought  no  more  about  him, 
and  Peter  Stuyvesant  succeeded  to  his  station. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  the  last,  and,  like  the 
renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  the  best  of  our 
ancient  Dutch  governors  ;  Wouter  having  sur- 
passed all  who  preceded  him,  and  Peter,  or  Piet, 
as  he  was  sociably  called  by  the  old  Dutch 
burghers,  who  were  ever  prone  to  familiarize 
names,  having  never  been  equalled  by  any  suc- 
cessor. He  was  in  fact  the  very  man  fitted  by 
nature  to  retrieve  the  desperate  fortunes  of  her 
beloved  province,  had  not  the  fates,  those  most 
potent  and  unrelenting  of  all  ancient  spinsters, 
destined  them  to  inextricable  confusion. 

To  say  merely  that  he  was  a  hero,  would  be 


54  1bl6tors  ot  Bew  l^orft 

doing  him  great  injustice  :  he  was  in  truth  a 
combination  of  heroes  ;  for  he  was  of  a  sturdy, 
raw-boned  make,  like  Ajax  Telamon,  with  a  pair 
of  round  shoulders  that  Hercules  would  have 
given  his  hide  for  (meaning  his  lion's  hide) 
when  he  undertook  to  ease  old  Atlas  of  his  load. 
He  was,  moreover,  as  Plutarch  describes  Corio- 
lanus,  not  only  terrible  for  the  force  of  his  arm, 
but  likewise  of  his  voice,  which  sounded  as 
though  it  came  out  of  a  barrel ;  and,  like  the 
self-same  warrior,  he  possessed  a  sovereign  con- 
tempt for  the  sovereign  people,  and  an  iron 
aspect,  which  was  enough  of  itself  to  make  the 
very  bowels  of  his  adversaries  quake  with  terror 
and  dismay.  All  this  material  excellency  of 
appearance  was  inexpressibly  heightened  by  an 
accidental  advantage,  with  which  I  am  surprised 
that  neither  Homer  nor  Virgil  have  graced  any 
of  their  heroes.  This  was  nothing  less  than  a 
wooden  leg,  which  was  the  only  prize  he  had 
gained  in  bravely  fighting  the  battles  of  his 
country,  but  of  which  he  was  so  proud,  that  he 
was  often  heard  to  declare  he  valued  it  more 
than  all  his  other  limbs  put  together ;  indeed  so 
highly  did  he  esteem  it  that  he  had  it  gallantly 
enchased  and  relieved  with  silver  devices,  which 
caused  it  to  be  related  in  divers  histories  and 
legends  that  he  wore  a  silver  leg.* 

*  See  the  histories  of  Masters  Josselyn  and  Blome. 


peter  Stuisvesant  55 

Like  that  choleric  warrior  Achilles,  he  was 
somewhat  subject  to  extempore  bursts  of  pas- 
sion, which  were  rather  unpleasant  to  his  favor- 
ites and  attendants,  whose  perceptions  he  was 
apt  to  quicken,  after  the  manner  of  his  illustrious 
imitator,  Peter  the  Great,  by  anointing  their 
shoulders  with  his  walking-staff. 

Though  I  cannot  find  that  he  had  read  Plato, 
or  Aristotle,  or  Hobbes,  or  Bacon,  or  Algernon 
Sydney,  or  Tom  Paine,  yet  did  he  sometimes 
manifest  a  shrewdness  and  sagacity  in  his  meas- 
ures, that  one  would  hardly  expect  from  a  man 
who  did  not  know  Greek,  and  had  never  studied 
the  ancients.  True  it  is,  and  I  confess  it  with 
sorrow,  that  he  had  an  unreasonable  aversion 
to  experiments,  and  was  fond  of  governing  his 
province  after  the  simplest  manner ;  but  then 
he  contrived  to  keep  it  in  better  order  than  did 
the  erudite  Kieft,  though  he  had  all  the  philos- 
ophers, ancient  and  modem,  to  assist  and  per- 
plex him.  I  must  likewise  own  that  he  made 
but  very  few  laws  ;  but  then,  again,  he  took  care 
that  those  few  were  rigidly  and  impartially  en- 
forced ;  and  I  do  not  know  but  justice,  on  the 
whole,  was  as  well  administered  as  if  there  had 
been  volumes  of  sage  acts  and  statutes  yearly 
made,  and  daily  neglected  and  forgotten. 

He  was,  in  fact,  the  very  reverse  of  his  pred- 
ecessors, being  neither  tranquil  and  inert,  like 


56  Ibistor^  of  IFlew  l^ork 

Walter  the  Doubter,  nor  restless  and  fidgeting, 
like  William  the  Testy,  but  a  man,  or  rather  a 
governor,  of  such  uncommon  activity  and  deci- 
sion of  mind,  that  he  never  sought  nor  accepted 
the  advice  of  others, — depending  bravely  upon 
his  single  head,  as  would  a  hero  of  yore  upon 
his  single  arm,  to  carry  him  through  all  diffi- 
culties and  dangers.  To  tell  the  simple  truth, 
he  wanted  nothing  more  to  complete  him  as  a 
statesman  than  to  think  always  right ;  for  no  one 
can  say  but  that  he  always  acted  as  he  thought. 
He  was  never  a  man  to  flinch  when  he  found 
himself  in  a  scrape,  but  to  dash  forward  through 
thick  and  thin,  trusting,  by  hook  or  by  crook, 
to  make  all  things  straight  in  the  end.  In  a 
word,  he  possessed,  in  an  eminent  degree,  that 
great  quality  in  a  statesman,  called  perseverance 
by  the  polite,  but  nicknamed  obstinacy  by  the 
vulgar, — a  wonderful  salve  for  official  blunders, 
since  he  who  perseveres  in  error  without  flinch- 
ing gets  the  credit  of  boldness  and  consistency, 
while  he  who  wavers  in  seeking  to  do  what  is 
right  gets  stigmatized  as  a  trimmer.  This  much 
is  certain,  and  it  is  a  maxim  well  worthy  the  at- 
tention of  all  legislators,  great  and  small,  who 
stand  shaking  in  the  wind,  irresolute  which  way 
to  steer,  that  a  ruler  who  follows  his  own  will 
pleases  himself,  while  he  who  seeks  to  satisfy 
the  wishes  and  whims  of  others  runs  great  risk 


'QClinDs  ^vit>n^  57 

of  pleasing  nobody.  There  is  nothing,  too,  like 
putting  down  one's  foot  resolutely  when  in 
doubt,  and  letting  things  take  their  course.  The 
clock  that  stands  still  points  right  twice  in  the 
four-and-twenty  hours,  while  others  may  keep 
going  continually  and  be  continually  going 
wrong. 

Nor  did  this  magnanimous  quality  escape  the 
discernment  of  the  good  people  of  Nieuw  Neder- 
landts  ;  on  the  contrary,  so  much  were  they 
struck  with  the  independent  will  and  vigorous 
resolution  displayed  on  all  occasions  by  their 
new  governor,  that  they  universally  called  him 
Hard-Koppig  Piet,  or  Peter  the  Headstrong, — 
a  great  compliment  to  the  strength  of  his  un- 
derstanding. 

If,  from  all  that  I  have  said,  thou  dost  not 
gather,  worthy  reader,  that  Peter  Stuyvesant 
was  a  rough,  sturdy,  valiant,  weather-beaten, 
mettlesome,  obstinate,  leathern-sided,  lion- 
hearted,  generous-spirited  old  governor,  either 
I  have  written  to  but  little  purpose,  or  thou  art 
very  dull  at  drawing  conclusions. 

This  most  excellent  governor  commenced  his 
administration  on  the  29th  of  May,  1647, — a 
remarkably  stormy  day,  distinguished  in  all  the 
almanacs  of  the  time  which  have  come  down  to 
us  by  the  name  of  Windy  Friday.  As  he  was 
very  jealous  of  his  personal  and  oflScial  dignity, 


58  Ibistorg  of  naew  l^orft 

he  was  inaugurated  into  office  with  great  cere- 
mony,— the  goodly  oaken  chair  of  the  re- 
nowned Wouter  Van  Twiller  being  carefully 
preserved  for  such  occasions,  in  like  manner  as 
the  chair  and  stone  were  reverentially  preserved 
at  Schone,  in  Scotland,  for  the  coronation  of 
the  Caledonian  monarchs. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  the  tem- 
pestuous state  of  the  elements,  together  with 
its  being  that  unlucky  day  of  the  week  termed 
"hanging-day,"  did  not  fail  to  excite  much 
grave  speculations  and  divers  very  reasonable 
apprehensions  among  the  more  ancient  and 
enlightened  inhabitants ;  and  several  of  the 
sager  sex,  who  were  reputed  to  be  not  a  little 
skilled  in  the  mystery  of  astrology  and  fortune- 
telling,  did  declare  outright  that  they  were 
omens  of  a  disastrous  administration, — an  event 
that  came  to  be  lamentably  verified,  and  which 
proves  beyond  dispute  the  wisdom  of  attending 
to  those  preternatural  intimations  furnished 
by  dreams  and  visions,  the  flying  of  birds,  fall- 
ing of  stones,  and  cackling  of  geese,  on  which 
the  sages  and  rulers  of  ancient  times  placed 
such  reliance ;  or  to  those  shootings  of  stars, 
eclipses  of  the  moon,  bowlings  of  dogs,  and 
flarings  of  candles,  carefully  noted  and  inter- 
preted by  the  oracular  sibyls  of  our  day, — who, 
in  my  humble  opinion,  are  the  legitimate  in- 


CbreatencD  Danger  59 

heritors  and  preservers  of  the  ancient  science 
of  divination.  This  much  is  certain,  that  Gov- 
ernor Stuyvesant  succeeded  to  the  chair  of 
state  at  a  turbulent  period :  when  foes  thronged 
and  threatened  from  without ;  when  anarchy 
and  stiflf-necked  opposition  reigned  rampant 
within;  when  the  authority  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  the  Lords  States-General,  though 
supported  by  economy  and  defended  by  speech- 
es, protests,  and  proclamations,  yet  tottered  to 
its  very  centre  ;  and  when  the  great  city  of 
New  Amsterdam,  though  fortified  by  flag-staffs, 
trumpeters,  and  windmills,  seemed,  like  some 
fair  lady  of  easy  virtue,  to  lie  open  to  attack, 
and  ready  to  yield  to  the  first  invader. 


CHAPTER  II. 

SHOWING  HOW  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  BE- 
STIRRED HIMSEI.F  AMONG  THE  RATS  AND 
COBWEBS  ON  ENTERING  INTO  OFFICE — HIS 
INTERVIEW  WITH  ANTONY  THE  TRUMP- 
ETER, AND  HIS  PERII^OUS  MEDDI^ING  WITH 
THE  CURRENCY. 

THB  very  first  movements  of  the  great  Peter, 
on  taking  the  reins  of  government,  dis- 
played his  magnanimity,  though  they  occa- 
sioned not  a  little  marvel  and  uneasiness  among 
the  people  of  the  Manhattoes.  Finding  him- 
self constantly  interrupted  by  the  opposition, 
and  annoyed  by  the  advice  of  his  privy  council, 
the  members  of  which  had  acquired  the  unrea- 
sonable habit  of  thinking  and  speaking  for 
themselves  during  the  preceding  reign,  he  de- 
termined at  once  to  put  a  stop  to  such  grievous 
abominations.  Scarcely,  therefore,  had  he 
entered  upon  his  authority,  than  he  turned  out 


DlGorous  /Bbeasures  6i 

of  office  all  the  meddlesome  spirits  of  the  fac- 
tious cabinet  of  William  the  Testy  ;  in  place  of 
whom  he  chose  unto  himself  counsellors  from 
those  fat,  somniferous,  respectable  burghers  who 
had  flourished  and  slumbered  under  the  easy- 
reign  of  Walter  the  Doubter.  All  these  he 
caused  to  be  furnished  with  abundance  of  fair 
long  pipes,  and  to  be  regaled  with  frequent 
corporation  dinners,  admonishing  them  to 
smoke,  and  eat,  and  sleep  for  the  good  of  the 
nation,  while  he  took  the  burden  of  govern- 
ment upon  his  own  shoulders, — an  arrangement 
to  which  they  all  gave  hearty  acquiescence. 

Nor  did  he  stop  here,  but  made  a  hideous  rout 
among  the  inventions  and  expedients  of  his 
learned  predecessor, — rooting  up  his  patent  gal- 
lows, where  caitiff  vagabonds  were  suspended 
by  the  waistband, — demolishing  his  flag-staffs 
and  windmills,  which,  like  mighty  giants, 
guarded  the  ramparts  of  New  Amsterdam, — 
pitching  to  the  duj^el  whole  batteries  of  quaker 
guns, — and,  in  a  word,  turning  topsy-turvy  the 
whole  philosophic,  economic,  and  windmill 
system  of  the  immortal  sage  of  Saardam. 

The  honest  folk  of  New  Amsterdam  began  to 
quake  now  for  the  fate  of  their  matchless  cham- 
pion, Antony  the  Trumpeter,  who  had  acquired 
prodigious  favor  in  the  eyes  of  the  women,  by 
means  of  his  whiskers  and  his  trumpet.     Him 


62  1bl6torg  of  IFlcw  l^orft 

did  Peter  the  Headstrong  cause  to  be  brought 
into  his  presence,  and  eying  him  for  a  moment 
from  head  to  foot,  with  a  countenance  that  would 
have  appalled  any  thing  else  than  a  sounder  of 
brass, — "Pr'ylhee,  who  and  what  art  thou?" 
said  he.  **  Sire,"  replied  the  other,  in  no  wise 
dismayed,  **  for  my  name,  it  is  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear  ;  for  my  parentage,  I  am  the  son  of  my 
mother ;  for  my  profession,  I  am  champion  and 
garrison  of  this  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam." 
"I  doubt  me  much,"  said  Peter  Stuyvesant, 
**that  thou  art  some  scurvy  costard-monger 
knave.  How  didst  thou  acquire  this  paramount 
honor  and  dignity ?  "  "Marry,  sir, "  replied  the 
other,  "like  many  a  great  man  before  me,  simply 
by  sounding  my  own  trutnpet.''^  *'  Ay,  is  it  so  ?  " 
quoth  the  governor ;  "why,  then,  let  us  have  a 
relish  of  thy  art. "  Whereupon  the  good  Antony 
put  his  instrument  to  his  lip,  and  sounded  a 
charge  with  such  a  tremendous  outset,  such  a 
delectable  quaver,  and  such  a  triumphant 
cadence,  that  it  was  enough  to  make  one's  heart 
leap  out  of  one's  mouth  only  to  be  within  a  mile 
of  it.  Like  as  a  war-worn  charger,  grazing  in 
peaceful  plains,  starts  at  a  strain  of  martial  music, 
pricks  up  his  ears,  and  snorts,  and  paws,  and 
kindles  at  the  noise,  so  did  the  heroic  Peter  joy 
to  hear  the  clangor  of  the  trumpet ;  for  of  him 
might  truly  be  said,  what  was  recorded  of  the 


peter  anD  Bntonis  63 

renowned  St.  George  of  England,  "there  was 
nothing  in  all  the  world  that  more  rejoiced  his 
heart  than  to  hear  the  pleasant  sound  of  war, 
and  see  the  soldiers  brandish  forth  their  steeled 
weapons."  Casting  his  eye  more  kindly,  there- 
fore, upon  the  sturdy  Van  Corlear,  and  finding 
him  to  be  a  jovial  varlet,  shrewd  in  his  discourse, 
yet  of  great  discretion  and  immeasurable  wind, 
he  straightway  conceived  a  vast  kindness  for  him, 
and  discharging  him  from  the  troublesome  duty 
of  garrisoning,  defending,  and  alarming  the  city, 
ever  after  retained  him  about  his  person,  as  his 
chief  favorite,  confidential  envoy,  and  trusty 
squire.  Instead  of  disturbing  the  city  with  dis- 
astrous notes,  he  was  instructed  to  play  so  as  to 
dehght  the  governor  while  at  his  repasts,  as  did 
the  minstrels  of  yore  in  the  days  of  glorious 
chivalry,  and  on  all  public  occasions  to  rejoice 
the  ears  of  the  people  with  warlike  melody, — 
thereby  keeping  alive  a  noble  and  martial 
spirit. 

But  the  measure  of  the  valiant  Peter  which 
produced  the  greatest  agitation  in  the  commu- 
nity, was  his  laying  his  hand  on  the  currency. 
He  had  old-fashioned  notions  in  favor  of  gold 
and  silver,  which  he  considered  the  true  standards 
of  wealth  and  mediums  of  commerce  ;  and  one 
of  his  first  edicts  was,  that  all  duties  to  govern- 
ment should  be  paid  in  those  precious  metals, 


64  Iblstors  of  naew  l^orft 

and  that  seawant,  or  wampum,  should  no  longer 
be  a  legal  tender. 

Here  was  a  blow  at  public  prosperity  !  All 
those  who  speculated  on  the  rise  and  fall  of  this 
fluctuating  currency,  found  their  calling  at  an 
end  ;  those,  too,  who  had  hoarded  Indian  money 
by  barrels  full,  found  their  capital  shrunk  in 
amount ;  but,  above  all,  the  Yankee  traders,  who 
were  accustomed  to  flood  the  market  with  newly 
coined  oyster-shells,  and  to  abstract  Dutch  mer- 
chandise in  exchange,  were  loud-mouthed  in  de- 
crying this  "tampering  with  the  currency."  It 
was  clipping  the  wings  of  commerce  ;  it  was 
checking  the  development  of  public  prosperity  ; 
trade  would  be  at  an  end ;  goods  would  moulder 
on  the  shelves ;  grain  would  rot  in  the  granaries  ; 
grass  would  grow  in  the  market-place.  In  a 
word,  no  one  who  has  not  heard  the  outcries  and 
bowlings  of  a  modern  Tarshish,  at  any  check 
upon  **  paper-money,"  can  have  any  idea  of  the 
clamor  against  Peter  the  Headstrong,  for  check- 
ing the  circulation  of  oyster-shells. 

In  fact,  trade  did  sink  into  narrower  chan- 
nels ;  but  then  the  stream  was  deep  as  it  was 
broad  ;  the  honest  Dutchmen  sold  less  goods ; 
but  then  they  got  the  worth  of  them,  either  in 
silver  and  gold,  or  in  codfish,  tin-ware,  apple- 
brandy, Weathersfield  onions,  wooden  bowls, 
and  other  articles  of  Yankee  barter.     The  in- 


"dCloo&cn  tiutmcQe  65 

genious  people  of  the  east,  however,  indemnified 
themselves  another  way  for  having  to  abandon 
the  coinage  of  oyster-shells  ;  for  about  this  time 
we  are  told  that  wooden  nutmegs  made  their 
first  appearance  in  New  Amsterdam,  to  the  great 
annoyance  of  the  Dutch  housewives. 

NOTE. 

From  a  manuscript  record  of  the  province ;  Lib.  N.  Y. 
Hist.  Society. — We  have  been  unable  to  render  your  in- 
habitants wiser  and  prevent  their  being  further  imposed 
upon  than  to  declare  absolutely  and  peremptorily  that 
henceforward  seawant  shall  be  bullion, — not  longer  ad- 
missible in  trade,  without  any  value,  as  it  is  indeed.  So 
that  every  one  may  be  upon  his  guard  to  barter  no  longer 
away  his  wares  and  merchandises  for  these  bubbles, — 
at  least  not  to  accept  them  at  a  higher  rate,  or  in  a  larger 
quantity,  than  as  they  may  want  them  in  their  trade  with 
the  savages. 

In  this  way  your  English  (Yankee)  neighbors  shall  no 
longer  be  enabled  to  draw  the  best  wares  and  merchan- 
dises from  our  country  for  nothing, — the  beavers  and  furs 
not  excepted.  This  has  indeed  long  since  been  insuffer- 
able, although  it  ought  chiefly  to  be  imputed  to  the  im- 
prudent penuriousness  of  our  own  merchants  and  in- 
habitants, who,  it  is  to  be  hoped,  shall,  through  the 
abolition  of  this  seawant,  become  wiser  and  more 
prudent. 

27th  January,  1662. 

Seawant  falls  into  disrepute ;  duties  to  be  paid  in  silver 


CHAPTER  III. 

HOW  THE  YANKEE  IvEAGUE  WAXED  MORE  AND 
MORE  POTENT  ;  AND  HOW  IT  OUTWITTED  THE 
GOOD  PETER  IN  TREATY-MAKING. 

NOW  it  came  to  pass  that,  while  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  was  busy  regulating  the  internal 
afifairs  of  his  domain,  the  great  Yankee  league, 
which  had  caused  such  tribulation  to  William 
the  Testy,  continued  to  increase  in  extent  and 
power.  The  grand  Amphictyonic  council  of 
the  league  was  held  at  Boston,  where  it  spun  a 
web,  which  threatened  to  link  within  it  all  the 
mighty  principalities  and  powers  of  the  east. 
The  object  proposed  by  this  formidable  combi- 
nation was  mutual  protection  and  defence 
against  their  savage  neighbors ;  but  all  the 
world  knows  the  real  aim  was  to  form  a  grand 
crusade  against  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  and  to 
get  possession  of  the  city  of  the  Manhattoes, — 
as  devout  an  object  of  enterprise  and  ambition 
to  the  Yankees  as  was  ever  the  capture  of  Jeru- 
salem to  ancient  crusaders. 


•KboDe  lIslanD  petition  67 

In  the  very  year  following  the  inauguration 
of  Governor  Stuyvesant,  a  grand  deputation 
departed  from  the  city  of  Providence  (famous 
for  its  dusty  streets  and  beauteous  women)  in 
behalf  of  the  plantation  of  Rhode  Island,  pray- 
ing to  be  admitted  into  the  league. 

The  following  minute  of  this  deputation  ap- 
peared in  the  ancient  records  of  the  council.* 

"Mr.  Will.  Cottington  and  Captain  Partridg 
of  Rhoode  Island  presented  this  insewing  re- 
quest to  the  commissioners  in  wrighting — 

"  Our  request  and  motion  is  in  behalfe  of 
Rhoode  Hand,  that  wee  the  Ilauders  of  Roode- 
Iland  may  be  rescauied  into  combination  with 
all  the  united  colonyes  of  New  England  in  a 
firme  and  perpetual  league  of  friendship  and 
amity  of  ofence  and  defence,  mutuall  advice 
and  succor  upon  all  just  occasions  for  our  mu- 
tuall safety  and  wellfaire,  etc. 

"  WiLi.  Cottington. 

"  AwcxsANDER  Partridg." 

There  was  certainly  something  in  the  very 
physiognomy  of  this  document  that  might  well 
inspire  apprehension.  The  name  of  Alexander, 
however  misspelt,  has  been  warlike  in  every 
age  ;  and  though  its  fierceness  is  in  some  meas- 
ure softened  by  being  coupled  with  the  gentle 

•  Haz.  Col.  Stat.  Pap. 


68  Distort  of  IRcw  l^orFi 

cognomen  of  Partridge,  still,  like  the  color  of 
scarlet,  it  bears  an  exceeding  great  resemblance 
to  the  sound  of  a  trumpet.  From  the  style  of 
the  letter,  moreover,  and  the  soldier-like  igno- 
rance of  orthography  displayed  by  the  noble 
Captain  Alicxsander  Partridg  in  spelling  his 
own  name,  we  may  picture  to  ourselves  this 
mighty  man  of  Rhodes,  strong  in  arms,  potent 
in  the  field,  and  as  great  a  scholar  as  though  he 
had  been  educated  among  that  learned  people 
of  Thrace,  who,  Aristotle  assures  us,  could  not 
count  beyond  the  nimiber  four. 

The  result  of  this  great  Yankee  league  was 
augmented  audacity  on  the  part  of  the  moss- 
troopers of  Connecticut, — pushing  their  en- 
croachments farther  and  farther  into  the  terri- 
tories of  their  High  Mightinesses,  so  that  even 
the  inhabitants  of  New  Amsterdam  began  to 
draw  short  breath  and  to  find  themselves  ex- 
ceedingly cramped  for  elbow-room. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  not  a  man  to  submit 
quietly  to  such  intrusions  ;  his  first  impulse 
was  to  march  at  once  to  the  frontier  and  kick 
these  squatting  Yankees  out  of  the  country  ; 
but,  bethinking  himself  in  time  that  he  was 
now  a  governor  and  legislator,  the  policy  of  the 
statesman  for  once  cooled  the  fire  of  the  old 
soldier,  and  he  determined  to  try  his  hand  at 
negotiation.       A    correspondence    accordingly 


f)an3  IRelnier  ©otbout  69 

ensued  between  him  and  the  grand  council  of 
the  league,  and  it  was  agreed  that  commissioners 
from  either  side  should  meet  at  Hartford,  to 
settle  boundaries,  adjust  grievances,  and  estab- 
lish a  "  perpetual  and  happy  peace." 

The  commissioners  on  the  part  of  the  Man- 
hattoes  were  chosen,  according  to  immemorial 
usage  of  that  venerable  metropolis,  from  among 
the  "wisest  and  weightiest"  men  of  the  com- 
munity, that  is  to  say,  men  with  the  oldest 
heads  and  heaviest  pockets.  Among  these 
sages  the  veteran  navigator,  Hans  Reinier 
Oothout,  who  had  made  such  extensive  discov- 
eries during  the  time  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer, 
was  looked  up  to  as  an  oracle  in  all  matters  of 
the  kind  ;  and  he  was  ready  to  produce  the  very 
spy-glass  with  which  he  first  spied  the  mouth 
of  the  Connecticut  River  from  his  mast-head ; 
and  all  the  world  knows  the  discovery  of  the 
mouth  of  a  river  gives  prior  right  to  all  the 
lands  drained  by  its  waters. 

It  was  with  feelings  of  pride  and  exultation 
that  the  good  people  of  the  Manhattoes  saw  two 
of  the  richest  and  most  ponderous  burghers 
departing  on  this  embassy, — men  whose  word 
on  'change  was  oracular,  and  in  whose  presence 
no  poor  man  ventured  to  appear  without  taking 
off  his  hat ;  when  it  was  seen,  too,  that  the  vet- 
eran Reinier  Oothout  accompanied  them  with 


70  1b(6torg  ot  Bew  ^oxU 

his  spy-glass  under  his  arm,  all  the  old  men 
and  old  women  predicted  that  men  of  such 
weight,  with  such  evidence,  would  leave  the 
Yankees  no  alternative  but  to  pack  up  their  tin 
kettles  and  wooden  wares,  put  wife  and  chil- 
dren in  a  cart,  and  abandon  all  the  lands  of 
their  High  Mightinesses  on  which  they  had 
squatted. 

In  truth,  the  commissioners  sent  to  Hartford 
by  the  league  seemed  in  no  wise  calculated  to 
compete  with  men  of  such  capacity.  They 
were  two  lean  Yankee  lawyers,  litigious-look- 
ing varlets,  and  evidently  men  of  no  substance, 
since  they  had  no  rotundity  in  the  belt,  and 
there  was  no  jingling  of  money  in  their  pock- 
ets ;  it  is  true,  they  had  longer  heads  than  the 
Dutchmen  ;  but  if  the  heads  of  the  latter  were 
flat  at  top,  they  were  broad  at  bottom,  and  what 
was  wanting  in  height  of  forehead  was  made 
up  by  a  double  chin. 

The  negotiation  turned  as  usual  upon  the 
good  old  comer-stone  of  original  discovery, — 
according  to  the  principle  that  he  who  first  sees 
a  new  country  has  an  unquestionable  right  to 
it  This  being  admitted,  the  veteran  Oothout, 
at  a  concerted  signal,  stepped  forth  in  the 
assembly  with  the  identical  tarpauling  spy- 
glass in  his  hand  with  which  he  had  discovered 
the  mouth  of  the  Connecticut,  while  the  worthy 


Dutch  commissioners  lolled  back  in  their  chairs, 
secretly  chuckling  at  the  idea  of  having  for 
once  got  the  weather-gage  of  the  Yankees  ;  but 
what  was  their  dismay  when  the  latter  pro- 
duced a  Nantucket  whaler  with  a  spy-glass 
twice  as  long,  with  which  he  discovered  the 
whole  coast,  quite  down  to  the  Manhattoes,  and 
so  crooked  that  he  had  spied  with  it  up  the 
whole  course  of  the  Connecticut  River.  This 
principle  pushed  home,  therefore,  the  Yankees 
had  a  right  to  the  whole  country  bordering  on 
the  Sound  ;  nay,  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam 
was  a  mere  Dutch  squatting-place  on  their  ter- 
ritories. 

I  forbear  to  dwell  upon  the  confusion  of  the 
worthy  Dutch  commissioners  at  finding  their 
main  pillar  of  proof  thus  knocked  from  under 
them;  neither  will  I  pretend  to  describe  the 
consternation  of  the  wise  men  at  the  Manhat- 
toes when  they  learned  how  their  commissioners 
had  been  out-trumped  by  the  Yankees,  and 
how  the  latter  pretended  to  claim  to  the  very 
gates  of  New  Amsterdam. 

Long  was  the  negotiation  protracted,  and  long 
was  the  public  mind  kept  in  a  state  of  anxiety. 
There  are  two  modes  of  settling  boundary  ques- 
tions when  the  claims  of  the  opposite  are  irrec- 
oncilable. One  is  by  an  appeal  to  arms,  in 
which  case  the  weakest  party  is  apt  to  lose  its 


72  1b(0torg  ot  1FICW  l^orf; 

right,  and  get  a  broken  head  in  the  bargain  ; 
the  other  mode  is  by  compromise,  or  mutual 
concession, — that  is  to  say,  one  party  cedes  half 
of  its  claims,  and  the  other  party  half  of  its 
rights  ;  he  who  grasps  most  gets  most,  and  the 
whole  is  pronounced  an  equitable  division, 
**  perfectly  honorable  to  both  parties." 

The  latter  mode  was  adopted  in  the  present 
instance.  The  Yankees  gave  up  claims  to  vast 
tracts  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  which  they 
had  never  seen,  and  all  right  to  the  land  of 
Mannahata  and  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  to 
which  they  had  no  right  at  all;  while  the 
Dutch,  in  return,  agreed  that  the  Yankees 
should  retain  possession  of  the  frontier  places 
where  they  had  squatted,  and  of  both  sides  of 
the  Connecticut  River. 

When  the  news  of  this  treaty  arrived  at  New 
Amsterdam  the  whole  city  was  in  an  uproar  of 
exultation.  The  old  women  rejoiced  that  there 
was  to  be  no  war ;  the  old  men  that  their  cab- 
bage-gardens were  safe  from  invasion  ;  while 
the  political  sages  pronounced  the  treaty  a 
great  triumph  over  the  Yankees,  considering 
how  much  they  had  claimed,  and  how  little 
they  had  been  "  fobbed  off  with." 

And  now  my  worthy  reader  is,  doubtless,  like 
the  great  and  good  Peter,  congratulating  him- 
self with   the   idea  that    his   feelings  will  no 


tTrcatg  ot  peace  73 

longer  be  harassed  by  afflicting  details  of  stolen 
horses,  broken  heads,  impounded  hogs,  and  all 
the  other  catalogue  of  heart-rending  cruelties 
that  disgraced  these  border  wars.  But  if  he 
should  indulge  in  such  expectations,  it  is  a 
proof  that  he  is  but  little  versed  in  the  para- 
doxical ways  of  cabinets,  to  convince  him  of 
which  I  solicit  his  serious  attention  to  my  next 
chapter,  wherein  I  will  show  that  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant  has  already  committed  a  great  error  in 
poHtics,  and  by  effecting  a  peace  has  materially 
hazarded  the  tranquillity  of  the  province. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

CONTAINING  DIVERS  SPECUI^ATIONS  ON  WAR 
AND  NEGOTIATIONS  —  SHOWING  THAT  A 
TREATY  OP  PEACE  IS  A  GREAT  NATIONAI, 
EVII,. 

IT  was  the  opinion  of  that  poetical  philoso- 
pher, Lucretius,  that  war  was  the  original 
state  of  man,  whom  he  described  as  being  prim- 
itively a  savage  beast  of  prey,  engaged  in  a  con- 
stant state  of  hostility  with  his  own  species, 
and  that  this  ferocious  spirit  was  tamed  and 
ameliorated  by  society.  The  same  opinion  has 
been  advocated  by  Hobbes  *  ;  nor  have  there 
been  wanting  many  other  philosophers  to  ad- 
mit and  defend. 

For  my  part,   though  prodigiously  fond  of 
these  valuable  speculations,  so  complimentary 
to  human  nature,  yet  in  this  instance  I  am  in- 
clined to  take  the  proposition  by  halves,  believ- 
*  Hobbes'  "I^eviathan,"  part  i.,  ch.  13. 


^be  Brt  of  'tClar  75 

ing  with  Horace,*  that  though  war  may  have 
been  originally  the  favorite  amusement  and  in- 
dustrious employment  of  our  progenitors,  yet, 
like  many  other  excellent  habits,  so  far  from 
being  ameliorated,  it  has  been  cultivated  and 
confirmed  by  refinement  and  civilization,  and 
increases  in  exact  proportion  as  we  approach 
towards  that  state  of  perfection  which  is  the 
ne  plus  ultra  of  modem  philosophy. 

The  first  conflict  between  man  and  man  was 
the  mere  exertion  of  physical  force,  unaided  by 
auxiliary  weapons;  his  arm  was  his  buckler, 
his  fist  was  his  mace,  and  a  broken  head  the 
catastrophe  of  his  encounters.  The  battle  of 
unassisted  strength  was  succeeded  by  the  more 
rugged  one  of  stones  and  clubs,  and  war  as- 
sumed a  sanguinary  aspect.  As  man  advanced 
in  refinement,  as  his  faculties  expanded,  and  as 
his  sensibilities  became  more  exquisite,  he  grew 
rapidly  more  ingenious  and  experienced  in  the 
art  of  murdering  his  fellow-beings.  He  invented 
a  thousand  devices  to  defend  and  to  assault : 
the  helmet,  the  cuirass,  and  the  buckler,  the 
sword,  the  dart,  and  the  javelin,  prepared  him 
to  elude  the  wound  as  well  as  to  launch  the 


♦Quum  prorepserunt  primis  animalia  terris, 
Mutuum  ac  turpe  pecus,  glandematquecubilia  propter, 
Ungiiibus  et  pugnis,  dein  fustibus,  atque  ita  porro 
Pugnabant  armis,  quae  post  fabricaverat  usus. 

HOR.  Sat.,  ly.  i.,  S.  3. 


76  Ibistorg  of  mew  lorFi 

blow.  Still  urging  on,  in  the  career  of  pliil- 
antliropic  invention,  he  enlarges  and  heightens 
his  powers  of  defence  and  injury  : — The  Aries, 
the  Scorpio,  the  Balista,  and  the  Catapulta,  give 
a  horror  and  sublimity  to  war,  and  magnify  its 
glory,  by  increasing  its  desolation.  Still  insati- 
able, though  armed  with  machinery  that  seemed 
to  reach  the  limits  of  destructive  invention,  and 
to  yield  a  power  of  injury  commensurate  even 
with  the  desires  of  revenge, — still  deeper  re- 
searches must  be  made  in  the  diabolical  arcana. 
With  furious  zeal  he  dives  into  the  bowels  of 
the  earth  ;  he  toils  midst  poisonous  minerals  and 
deadly  salts, — the  sublime  discovery  of  gun- 
powder blazes  upon  the  world, — and  finally  the 
dreadful  art  of  fighting  by  proclamation  seems 
to  endow  the  demon  of  war  with  ubiquity  and 
omnipotence  ! 

This,  indeed,  is  grand ! — this,  indeed,  marks 
the  powers  of  mind,  and  bespeaks  that  divine 
endowment  of  reason,  which  distinguishes  us 
from  the  animals,  our  inferiors.  The  unenlight- 
ened brutes  content  themselves  with  the  native 
force  which  Providence  has  assigned  them.  The 
angry  bull  butts  with  his  horns,  as  did  his  pro- 
genitors before  him  ;  the  lion,  the  leopard,  and 
the  tiger  seek  only  with  their  talons  and  their 
fangs  to  gratify  their  sanguinary  fury  ;  and  even 
the  subtle  serpent  darts  the  same  venom,  and 


treaties  ot  ipeace  77 

uses  the  same  wiles,  as  did  his  sire  before  the 
flood.  Man  alone,  blessed  with  the  inventive 
mind,  goes  on  from  discovery  to  discovery,— 
enlarges  and  multiplies  his  powers  of  destruc- 
tion,— arrogates  the  tremendous  w^eapons  of 
Diety  itself,  and  tasks  creation  to  assist  him  in 
murdering  his  brother-worm  ! 

In  proportion  as  the  art  of  war  has  increased 
in  improvement  has  the  art  of  preserving  peace 
advanced  in  equal  ratio  ;  and  as  we  have  discov- 
ered, in  this  age  of  wonders  and  inventions,  that 
proclamation  is  the  most  formidable  engine  in 
war,  so  have  we  discovered  the  no  less  ingenious 
mode  of  maintaining  peace  by  perpetual  ne- 
gotiations. 

A  treaty,  or,  to  speak  more  correctly,  a  nego- 
tiation, therefore,  according  to  the  acceptation 
of  experienced  statesmen  learned  in  these 
matters,  is  no  longer  an  attempt  to  accommo- 
date differences,  to  ascertain  rights,  and  to  estab- 
lish an  equitable  exchange  of  kind  offices,  but 
a  contest  of  skill  between  two  powers,  which 
shall  overreach  and  take  in  the  other.  It  is  a 
cunning  endeavor  to  obtain  by  peaceful  ma- 
noeuvre, and  the  chicanery  of  cabinets,  those  ad- 
vantages which  a  nation  would  otherwise  have 
wrested  by  force  of  arms, — in  the  same  manner 
as  a  conscientious  highwayman  reforms  and  be- 
comes a  quiet  and  praiseworthy  citizen,  content- 


78  1bi0tors  ot  Uaew  l^ocft 

ing  himself  with  cheating  his  neighbor  out  of 
that  property  he  would  formerly  have  seized 
with  open  violence. 

In  fact,  the  only  time  when  two  nations  can 
be  said  to  be  in  a  state  of  perfect  amity  is,  when 
a  negotiation  is  open,  and  a  treaty  pending. 
Then,  when  there  are  no  stipulations  entered 
into,  no  bonds  to  restrain  the  will,  ro  specific 
limits  to  awaken  the  captious  jealousy  of  right 
implanted  in  our  nature,  when  each  party  has 
some  advantage  to  hope  and  expect  from  the 
other,  then  it  is  that  the  two  nations  are  won- 
derfully gracious  and  friendly, — their  ministers 
professing  the  highest  mutual  regard,  exchan- 
ging billets-doux,  making  fine  speeches,  and  in- 
dulging in  all  those  little  diplomatic  flirtations, 
coquetries,  and  fondlings,  that  do  so  marvellous- 
ly tickle  the  good-humor  of  the  respective  na- 
tions. Thus  it  may  paradoxically  be  said,  that 
there  is  never  so  good  an  understanding  between 
two  nations  as  when  there  is  a  little  misunder- 
standing,— and  that  so  long  as  they  are  on  no 
terms  at  all,  they  are  on  the  best  terms  in  the 
world  ! 

I  do  not  by  any  means  pretend  to  claim  the 
merit  of  having  made  the  above  discovery.  It 
has,  in  fact,  long  been  secretly  acted  upon  by 
certain  enlightened  cabinets,  and  is,  together 
with  divers  other  notable    theories,   privately 


^be  art  ot  ©bstructlng  79 

copied  out  of  the  commonplace  book  of  an  il- 
lustrious gentleman,  who  has  been  member  of 
Congress,  and  enjoyed  the  unlimited  confidence 
of  heads  of  departments.  To  this  principle  may 
be  ascribed  the  wonderful  ingenuity  shown  of 
late  years  in  protracting  and  interrupting  nego- 
tiations. Hence  the  cunning  measiu-e  of  ap- 
pointing as  ambassador  some  political  pettifogger 
skilled  in  delays,  sophisms,  and  misapprehen- 
sions, and  dexterous  in  the  art  of  baffling  argu- 
ment,— or  some  blundering  statesman,  whose 
errors  and  misconstructions  may  be  a  plea  for 
refusing  to  ratify  his  engagements.  And  hence, 
too,  that  most  notable  expedient  so  popular  with 
our  government,  of  sending  out  a  brace  of  am- 
bassadors,— ^between  whom,  having  each  an  in- 
dividual will  to  consult,  character  to  establish, 
and  interest  to  promote,  you  may  as  well  look 
for  unanimity  and  concord  as  between  two  lovers 
with  one  mistress,  two  dogs  with  one  bone,  or 
two  naked  rogues  with  one  pair  of  breeches. 
This  disagreement,  therefore,  is  continually 
breeding  delays  and  impediments,  in  conse- 
quence of  which  the  negotiation  goes  on  .swim- 
mingly— inasmuch  as  there  is  no  prospect  of  its 
ever  coming  to  a  close.  Nothing  is  lost  by  these 
delays  and  obstacles  but  time  ;  and  in  a  nego- 
tiation, according  to  the  theory  I  have  exposed, 
all  time  lost  is  in  reality  so  much  time  gained : 


8o  l)i6tors  of  "Wcw  l?orft 

— with  what  delightful  paradoxes  does  modem 
political  economy  abound  ! 

Now  all  that  I  have  here  advanced  is  so  noto- 
riously true,  that  I  almost  blush  to  take  up  the 
time  of  my  readers  with  treating  of  matters 
which  must  many  a  time  have  stared  them  in 
the  face.  But  the  proposition  to  which  I  would 
most  earnestly  call  their  attention  is  this,  that, 
though  a  negotiation  be  the  most  harmonizing 
of  all  national  transactions,  yet  a  treaty  of  peace 
is  a  great  political  evil,  and  one  of  the  most 
fruitful  sources  of  war. 

I  have  rarely  seen  an  instance  of  any  special 
contract  between  individuals  that  did  not  pro- 
duce jealousies,  bickerings,  and  often  down- 
right ruptures  between  them ;  nor  did  I  ever 
know  of  a  treaty  between  two  nations  that  did 
not  occasion  continual  misunderstandings.  How 
many  worthy  country  neighbors  have  I  known, 
who,  after  living  in  peace  and  good-fellowship 
for  years,  have  been  thrown  into  a  state  of  dis- 
trust, cavilling,  and  animosity,  by  some  ill- 
starred  agreement  about  fences,  runs  of  water, 
and  stray  cattle  !  And  how  many  well-meaning 
nations,  who  would  otherwise  have  remained 
in  the  most  amiable  disposition  towards  each 
other,  have  been  brought  to  swords'  points 
about  the  infringement  or  misconstruction  of 
some  treaty,  which  in  an  evil  hour  they  had 


Ifrom  peace  to  "Mav  si 

concluded,  by  way  of  making  their  amity  more 
sure! 

Treaties  at  best  are  but  complied  with  so  long 
as  interest  requires  their  fulfilment ;  conse- 
quently they  are  virtually  binding  on  the  weak- 
er party  only,  or,  in  plain  truth,  they  are  not 
binding  at  all.  No  nation  will  wantonly  go  to 
war  with  another  if  it  has  nothing  to  gain  there- 
by, and  therefore  needs  no  treaty  to  restrain  it 
from  violence  ;  and  if  it  have  any  thing  to  gain, 
I  much  question,  from  what  I  have  witnessed  of 
the  righteous  conduct  of  nations,  whether  any 
treaty  could  be  made  so  strong  that  it  could 
not  thrust  the  sword  through, — nay,  I  would 
hold  ten  to  one,  the  treaty  itself  would  be  the 
very  source  to  which  resort  would  be  had  to 
find  a  pretext  for  hostilities. 

Thus,  therefore,  I  conclude, — that,  though  it 
is  the  best  of  all  policies  for  a  nation  to  keep  up 
a  constant  negotiation  with  its  neighbors,  yet  it 
is  the  summit  of  folly  for  it  ever  to  be  beguiled 
into  a  treaty  ;  for  then  comes  on  non-fiiliilment 
and  infraction,  then  remonstrance,  then  alter- 
cation, then  retaliation,  then  recrimination,  and 
finally  open  war.  In  a  word,  negotiation  is 
like  courtship,  a  time  of  sweet  words,  gallant 
speeches,  soft  looks,  and  endearing  caresses, — 
but  the  marriage  ceremony  is  the  signal  for 
hostilities. 


82  fbietot^  of  Bew  ^otk 

If  my  painstaking  reader  be  not  somewliat 
perplexed  by  the  ratiocination  of  the  foregoing 
passage,  he  will  perceive,  at  a  glance,  that  the 
Great  Peter,  in  concluding  a  treaty  with  his 
eastern  neighbors,  was  guilty  of  lamentable 
error  in  policy.  In  fact,  to  this  unlucky  agree- 
ment may  be  traced  a  world  of  bickerings  and 
heart-burnings  between  the  parties,  about  fan- 
cied or  pretended  infringements  of  treaty  stipu- 
lations ;  in  all  which  the  Yankees  were  prone 
to  indemnify  themselves  by  a  "dig  into  the 
sides ' '  of  the  New  Netherlands.  But,  in  sooth, 
these  border  feuds,  albeit  they  gave  great  an- 
noyance to  the  good  burghers  of  Manna-hata, 
were  so  pitiful  in  their  nature,  that  a  grave  his- 
torian like  myself,  who  grudges  the  time  spent 
in  any  thing  less  than  the  revolutions  of  states 
and  fall  of  empires,  would  deem  them  unworthy 
of  being  inscribed  on  his  page.  The  reader  is, 
therefore,  to  take  it  for  granted,  though  I  scorn 
to  waste,  in  the  detail,  that  time  which  my  fur- 
rowed brow  and  trembling  hand  inform  me  is 
invaluable,  that  all  the  while  the  Great  Peter 
was  occupied  in  those  tremendous  and  bloody 
contests  which  I  shall  shortly  rehearse,  there 
was  a  continued  series  of  little,  dirty,  snivelling 
scourings,  broils,  and  maraudings,  kept  up  on 
the  eastern  frontiers  by  the  moss-troopers  of 
Connecticut.     But,  like  that  mirror  of  chivalry, 


•ffmpenOing  E)i6a0ter6  83 

the  sage  and  valorous  Don  Quixote,  I  leave 
these  petty  contests  for  some  future  Sancho 
Panza  of  an  historian,  while  I  reserve  my  prow- 
ess and  pen  for  achievements  of  higher  dignity  ; 
for  at  this  moment  I  hear  a  direful  and  porten- 
tous note  issuing  from  the  bosom  of  the  great 
council  of  the  league,  and  resounding  through- 
out the  regions  of  the  east,  menacing  the  fame 
and  fortunes  of  Peter  Stuyvesant.  I  call,  there- 
fore, upon  the  reader  to  leave  behind  him  all 
the  paltry  brawls  of  the  Connecticut  borders, 
and  to  press  forward  with  me  to  the  relief  of 
our  favorite  hero,  who,  I  foresee,  will  be  wofully 
beset  by  the  implacable  Yankees  in  the  next 
chapter. 


CHAPTER  V. 

how  peter  stuyvesant  was  grievously 
belied  by  the  great  council  oe  the 
league;  and  how  he  sent  antony  the 
trumpeter  to  take  to  the  council  a 
piece  of  his  mind. 

THAT  the  reader  may  be  aware  of  the  peril 
at  this  moment  menacing  Peter  Stuyvesant 
and  his  capital,  I  must  remind  him  of  the  old 
charge  advanced  in  the  council  of  the  league  in 
the  time  of  William  the  Testy,  that  the  Neder- 
landers  were  carrying  on  a  trade  "damnable 
and  injurious  to  the  colonists,"  in  furnishing 
the  savages  with  "guns,  powther,  and  shott." 
This,  as  I  then  suggested,  was  a  crafty  device 
of  the  Yankee  confederacy  to  have  a  snug  cause 
of  war  in  pettOy  in  case  any  favorable  opportu- 
nity should  present  of  attempting  the  conquest 
of  the  New  Nederlands — the  great  object  of 
Yankee  ambition. 

Accordingly  we  now  find,  when  every  other 
ground  of  complaint  had  apparently  been  re- 


21  aBasc  Bccusatlon  85 

moved  by  treaty,  this  nefarious  charge  revived 
with  tenfold  virulence,  and  hurled  like  a  thun- 
derbolt at  the  very  head  of  Peter  Stuyvesant ; 
happily  his  head,  like  that  of  the  great  bull  of 
the  Wabash,  was  proof  against  such  missiles. 

To  be  explicit,  we  are  told  that  in  the  year 
165 1,  the  great  confederacy  of  the  east  accused 
the  immaculate  Peter,  the  soul  of  honor  and 
heart  of  steel,  of  secretly  endeavoring,  by  gifts 
and  promises,  to  instigate  the  Narroheganset, 
Mohaque,  and  Pequot  Indians,  to  surprise  and 
massacre  the  Yankee  settlements.  "For,"  as 
the  grand  council  observed,  "  the  Indians  round 
about  for  divers  hundred  miles  cercute  seeme  to 
have  drunk  deepe  of  an  intoxicating  cupp,  att 
or  from  the  Manhattoes  against  the  English, 
whoe  have  sought  their  good,  both  in  bodily  and 
spirituall  respects. ' ' 

This  charge  they  pretended  to  support  by  the 
evidence  of  divers  Indians,  who  were  probably 
moved  by  that  spirit  of  truth  which  is  said  to 
reside  in  the  bottle,  and  who  swore  to  the  fact 
as  sturdily  as  though  they  had  been  so  many 
Christian  troopers. 

Though  descended  from  a  family  which  suf- 
fered much  injury  from  the  losel  Yankees  of 
those  times,  my  great-grandfather  having  had 
a  yoke  of  oxen  and  his  best  pacer  stolen,  and 
having  received   a  pair  of  black  eyes  and  a 


86  Distorg  of  mew  l^orft 

"bloody  nose  in  one  of  these  border  wars,  and 
my  grandfather,  when  a  very  little  boy  tending 
pigs,  having  been  kidnapped  and  severely 
flogged  by  a  long-sided  Connecticut  school- 
master,— yet  I  should  have  passed  over  all  these 
wrongs  with  forgiveness  and  oblivion, — I  could 
even  have  suffered  them  to  have  broken  Evert 
Ducking's  head  ;  to  have  kicked  the  doughty 
Jacobus  Van  Curlet  and  his  ragged  regiment 
out-of-doors ;  to  have  carried  every  hog  into 
captivity,  and  depopulated  every  hen-roost  on 
the  face  of  the  earth  with  perfect  impunity, — 
but  this  wanton  attack  upon  one  of  the  most 
gallant  and  irreproachable  heroes  of  modem 
times,  is  too  much  even  forme  to  digest,  and  has 
overset,  with  a  single  puff,  the  patience  of  the 
historian,  and  the  forbearance  of  the  Dutchman. 
O,  reader,  it  was  false  !  I  swear  to  thee,  it 
was  false  ! — if  thou  hast  any  respect  to  my  word, 
—  if  the  undeviating  character  for  veracity, 
which  I  have  endeavored  to  maintain  throughout 
this  work,  has  its  due  weight  upon  thee,  thou 
wilt  not  give  thy  faith  to  this  tale  of  slander  ; 
for  I  pledge  my  honor  and  my  immortal  fame 
to  thee,  that  the  gallant  Peter  Stuyvesant  was 
not  only  innocent  of  this  foul  conspiracy,  but 
would  have  suffered  his  right  arm  or  even  his 
wooden  leg  to  consume  with  slow  and  everlast- 
ing flames,  rather  than  attempt  to  destroy  his 


%  Ibcco  ot  Cblvalcg  87 

enemies  in  any  other  way  than  open,  generous 
warfare  ; — beshrew  those  caitiff  scouts,  that  con- 
spired to  sully  his  honest  name  by  such  au 
imputation  ! 

Peter  Stuy  vesant,  though  haply  he  may  never 
have  heard  of  a  knight-errant,  had  as  true  a 
heart  of  chivalry  as  ever  beat  at  the  rovmd  table 
of  King  Arthur.  In  the  honest  bosom  of  this 
heroic  Dutchman  dwelt  the  seven  noble  virtues 
of  knighthood,  flourishing  among  his  hardy 
qualities  like  wild  flowers  among  rocks.  He 
■was,  in  truth,  a  hero  of  chivalry  struck  off  by 
nature  at  a  single  heat,  and  though  httle  care 
may  have  been  taken  to  refine  her  workmanship, 
he  stood  forth  a  miracle  of  her  skill.  In  all  his 
dealings  he  was  headstrong  perhaps,  but  open 
and  above-board  ;  if  there  was  any  thing  in  the 
whole  world  he  most  loathed  and  despised,  it 
was  cunning  and  secret  wile;  ** straight  for- 
ward" was  his  motto;  and  he  would  at  any 
time  rather  run  his  hard  head  against  a  stone 
wall  than  attempt  to  get  round  it. 

Such  was  Peter  Stuy  vesant ;  and  if  my  admira- 
tion of  him  has  on  this  occasion  transported  my 
style  beyond  the  sober  gravity  which  becomes 
the  philosophic  recorder  of  historic  events,  I 
must  plead  as  an  apology,  that,  though  a  Uttle 
gray-headed  Dutchman,  arrived  almost  at  the 
down-hill  of  life,  I  still  retain  a  lingering  spark 


«8  l)l6tors  of  "Hew  l^orft 

of  that  fire  which  kindles  in  the  eye  of  youth 
when  contemplating  the  virtues  of  ancient 
worthies.  Blessed,  thrice  and  nine  times 
blessed  be  the  good  St.  Nicholas,  if  I  have 
indeed  escaped  that  apathy  which  chills  the 
sympathies  of  age  and  paralyzes  every  glow  of 
enthusiasm  ! 

The  first  measure  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  on 
hearing  of  this  slanderous  charge,  would  have 
been  worthy  of  a  man  who  had  studied  for 
years  in  the  chivalrous  library  of  Don  Quixote. 
Drawing  his  sword  and  laying  it  across  the 
table,  to  put  him  in  proper  tune,  he  took  pen  in 
hand  and  indited  a  proud  and  lofty  letter  to  the 
council  of  the  league,  reproaching  them  with 
giving  ear  to  the  slanders  of  heathen  savages 
against  a  Christian,  a  soldier,  and  a  cavalier; 
declaring  that  whoever  charged  him  with  the 
plot  in  question  lied  in  his  throat ;  to  prove 
which  he  offered  to  meet  the  president  of  the 
council  or  any  of  his  compeers,  or  their  cham- 
pion, Captain  Alicxsander  Partridg,  that  mighty 
man  of  Rhodes,  in  single  combat,  wherein  he 
trusted  to  vindicate  his  honor  by  the  prowess 
of  his  arm. 

This  missive  was  intrusted  to  his  trumpeter 
and  squire,  Antony  Van  Corlear,  that  man  of 
emergencies,  with  orders  to  travel  night  and 
day,  sparing  neither  whip  nor  spur,  seeing  that 


Bntons'0  /Biesion  89 

he  carried  the  vindication  of  his  patron's  fame 
in  his  saddle-bags. 

The  loyal  Antony  accomplished  his  mission 
with  great  speed  and  considerable  loss  of 
leather.  He  delivered  his  missive  with  becom- 
ing ceremony,  accompanying  it  with  a  flourish 
of  defiance  on  his  trumpet  to  the  whole  council, 
ending  with  a  significant  and  nasal  twang  full 
in  the  face  of  Captain  Partridg,  who  nearly 
jumped  out  of  his  skin  in  an  ecstasy  of  astonish- 
ment. 

The  grand  council  was  composed  of  men  too 
cool  and  practical  to  be  put  readily  in  a  heat,  or 
to  indulge  in  knight-errantry,  and  above  all  to 
run  a  tilt  with  such  a  fiery  hero  as  Peter  the 
Headstrong.  They  knew  the  advantage,  how- 
ever, to  have  always  a  snug,  justifiable  cause 
of  war  in  reserve  with  a  neighbor  who  had 
territories  worth  invading ;  so  they  devised  a 
reply  to  Peter  Stuyvesant,  calculated  to  keep 
up  the  "raw"  which  they  had  established. 

On  receiving  this  answer,  Antony  Van  Corlear 
remounted  the  Flanders  mare  which  he  always 
rode,  and  trotted  merrily  back  to  the  Manhat- 
toes,  solacing  himself  by  the  way  according  to 
his  wont;  twanging  his  trimipet  like  a  very 
devil,  so  that  the  sweet  valleys  and  banks  of 
the  Connecticut  resoimded  with  the  warlike 
melody  ;  bringing  all  the  folks  to  the  windows 


as  he  passed  through  Hartford  and  Pyquag,  and 
Middletown,  and  all  the  other  border  towns ; 
ogling  and  winking  at  the  women,  and  making 
aerial  windmills  from  the  ends  of  his  nose  at 
their  husbands ;  and  stopping  occasionally  in 
the  villages  to  eat  pumpkin-pies,  dance  at 
country  frolics,  and  bundle  with  the  Yankee 
lasses — whom  he  rejoiced  exceedingly  with  his 
soul-stirring  instrument 


CHAPTER  VI. 

HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT  DEMANDED  A  COURT 
OF  HONOR— AND  WHAT  THE  COURT  OF  HONOR 
AWARDED  TO  HIM. 

THE  reply  of  the  grand  council  to  Peter 
Stuyvesant  was  couched  in  the  coolest  and 
most  diplomatic  language.  They  assured  him 
that  "  his  confident  denials  of  the  barbarous  plot 
alleged  against  him  would  weigh  little  against 
the  testimony  of  divers  sober  and  respectable 
Indians"  ;  that  "his  guilt  was  proved  to  their 
perfect  satisfaction,"  so  that  they  must  still  re- 
quire and  seek  due  satisfaction  and  security; 
ending  with — "so  we  rest,  sir — Yours  in  ways 
of  righteousness." 

I  forbear  to  say  how  the  lion-hearted  Peter 
roared  and  ramped  at  finding  himself  more  and 
more  entangled  in  the  meshes  thus  artfully 
drawn  round  him  by  the  knowing  Yankees. 
Impatient,  however,  of  suffering  so  gross  an 


92  1bi0tori2  of  IHew  ll)orft 

aspersion  to  rest  upon  his  honest  name,  he  sent 
a  second  messenger  to  the  council,  reiterating 
his  denial  of  the  treachery  imputed  to  him,  and 
offering  to  submit  his  conduct  to  the  scrutiny 
of  a  court  of  honor.  His  offer  was  readily  ac- 
cepted ;  and  now  he  looked  forward  with  confi- 
dence to  an  august  tribunal  to  be  assembled  at 
the  Manhattoes,  formed  of  high-minded  cava- 
liers, peradventure  governors  and  commanders 
of  the  confederate  plantations,  when  the  mat- 
ter might  be  investigated  by  his  peers,  in  a  man- 
ner befitting  his  rank  and  dignity. 

While  he  was  awaiting  the  arrival  of  such 
high  functionaries,  behold,  one  sunshiny  after- 
noon there  rode  into  the  great  gate  of  the  Man- 
hattoes two  lean,  hungry-looking  Yankees, 
mounted  on  Narraganset  pacers,  with  saddle- 
bags under  their  bottoms,  and  green  satchels 
under  their  arms,  who  looked  marvellously  like 
two  pettifogging  attorneys  beating  the  hoof  from 
one  county  court  to  another  in  quest  of  lawsuits  ; 
and,  in  sooth,  though  they  may  have  passed 
under  different  names  at  the  time,  I  have  reason 
to  suspect  they  were  the  identical  varlets  who 
had  negotiatedthe  worthy  Dutch  commissioners 
out  of  the  Connecticut  River. 

It  was  a  rule  with  these  indefatigable  mission- 
aries never  to  let  the  grass  grow  under  their 
feet.      Scarce  had  they,  therefore,  alighted  at 


Xlbc  Court  of  Ibonor  93 

the  inn  and  deposited  their  saddle-bags,  than 
they  made  their  way  to  the  residence  of  the 
governor.  They  found  him,  according  to  custom, 
smoking  his  afternoon  pipe  on  the  "stoop,"  or 
bench  at  the  porch  of  his  house,  and  announced 
themselves,  at  once,  as  commissioners  sent 
by  the  grand  council  of  the  east  to  investigate 
the  tinith  of  certain  charges  advanced  against 
him. 

The  good  Peter  took  his  pipe  from  his  mouth, 
and  gazed  at  them  for  a  moment  in  mute  aston- 
ishment. By  way  of  expediting  business,  they 
were  proceeding  on  the  spot  to  put  some  pre- 
liminary' questions, — asking  him,  peradventure, 
whether  he  pleaded  guilty  or  not  guilty,  con- 
sidering him  something  in  the  light  of  a  culprit 
at  the  bar, — when  they  were  brought  to  a  pause 
by  seeing  him  lay  down  his  pipe  and  begin  to 
fumble  with  his  walking-staff.  For  a  moment 
those  present  would  not  have  given  half  a  crown 
for  both  the  crowns  of  the  commissioners  ;  but 
Peter  Stuyvesant  repressed  his  mighty  wrath 
and  stayed  his  hand  ;  he  scanned  the  varlets 
from  head  to  foot,  satchels  and  all,  with  a  look 
of  ineffable  scorn  ;  then  strode  into  the  house, 
slammed  the  door  after  him,  and  commanded 
that  they  should  never  again  be  admitted  to  his 
presence. 

The  knowing  commissioners  winked  to  each 


94  *ft)istor^  of  IRew  15ork 

other,  and  made  a  certificate  on  the  spot  that 
the  governor  had  refused  to  answer  their  inter- 
rogatories or  to  submit  to  their  examination. 
They  then  proceeded  to  rummage  about  the  city 
for  two  or  three  days,  in  quest  of  what  they 
called  evidence,  perplexing  Indians  and  old 
women  with  their  cross-questioning,  until  they 
had  stufifed  their  satchels  and  saddle-bags  with 
all  kinds  of  apocryphal  tales,  rumors,  and  cal- 
iminies  ;  with  these  they  mounted  their  Narra- 
ganset  pacers  and  travelled  back  to  the  grand 
council ;  neither  did  the  proud-hearted  Peter 
trouble  himself  to  hinder  their  researches  nor 
impede  their  departure  ;  he  was  too  mindful  of 
their  sacred  character  as  envoys  ;  but  I  warrant 
me,  had  they  played  the  same  tricks  with  Wil- 
liam the  Testy,  he  would  have  had  them  tucked 
up  by  the  waistband  and  treated  to  an  aerial 
gambol  on  his  patent  gallows. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

HOW  "drum  ECClvESIASTiC "  WAS  BEATEN 
THROUGHOUT  CONNECTICUT  FOR  A  CRUSADE 
AGAINST  THE  NEW  NETHERIvANDS,  AND  HOW 
PETER  STUYVESANT  TOOK  MEASURES  TO 
FORTIFY  HIS  CAPITAI,. 

THE  grand  council  of  the  east  held  a  solemn 
meeting  on  the  return  of  their  envoys. 
As  no  advocate  appeared  in  behalf  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant,  every  thing  went  against  him.  His 
haughty  refusal  to  submit  to  the  questioning 
of  the  commissioners  was  construed  into  a  con- 
sciousness of  guilt.  The  contents  of  the  satch- 
els and  saddle-bags  were  poured  forth  before 
the  council  and  appeared  a  mountain  of  evi- 
dence. A  pale,  bilious  orator  took  the  floor, 
and  declaimed  for  hours  and  in  belligerent 
terms.  He  was  one  of  those  furious  zealots 
who  blows  the  bellows  of  faction  until  the 
whole  furnace  of  politics  is  red-hot  with  sparks 
and  cinders.     \'.  hat  was  it  to  him  if  he  should 


96  1bl0ton?  ot  flew  l^orFi 

set  the  house  on  fire,  so  that  he  might  boil  his 
pot  by  the  blaze.  He  was  from  the  borders  of 
Connecticut ;  his  constituents  lived  by  maraud- 
ing their  Dutch  neighbors,  and  were  the  great- 
est poachers  in  Christendom,  excepting  the 
Scotch  border  nobles.  His  eloquence  had  its 
effect,  and  it  -was  determined  to  set  on  foot  an 
expedition  against  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts. 

It  was  necessary,  however,  to  prepare  the 
public  mind  for  this  measure.  Accordingly  the 
arguments  of  the  orator  were  echoed  from  the 
pulpit  for  several  succeeding  Sundays,  and  a 
crusade  was  preached  up  against  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  and  his  devoted  city. 

This  is  the  first  we  hear  of  the  "  drum  eccle- 
siastic" beating  up  for  recruits  in  worldly  war- 
fare in  our  country.  It  has  since  been  called 
into  frequent  use.  A  cunning  politician  often 
lurks  under  the  clerical  robe  ;  things  spiritual 
and  things  temporal  are  strangely  jumbled  to- 
gether, like  drugs  on  an  apothecary's  shelf; 
and  instead  of  a  peaceful  sermon,  the  simple 
seeker  after  righteousness  has  often  a  political 
pamphlet  thrust  down  his  throat,  labelled  with 
a  pious  text  from  Scripture. 

And  now  nothing  was  talked  of  but  an  expe- 
dition against  the  Mauhattoes.  It  pleased  the 
populace,  who  had  a  vehement  prejudice  against 
the  Dutch,  considering  them  a  vastly  inferior 


Ebe  JBicvcntb  CommanC)ment       97 

race,  who  had  sought  the  new  world  for  the 
lucre  of  gain,  not  the  liberty  of  conscience  ; 
who  were  heretics  and  infidels,  inasmuch  as 
they  refused  to  believe  in  witches  and  sea- 
serpents,  and  had  faith  in  the  virtues  of  horse- 
shoes nailed  to  the  door ;  ate  pork  without 
molasses ;  held  pumpkins  in  contempt  ;  and 
were  in  perpetual  breach  of  the  eleventh  com- 
mandment of  all  true  Yankees,  "Thou  shalt 
have  codfish  dinners  on  Saturdays." 

No  sooner  did  Peter  Stuyvesant  get  wind  of 
the  storm  that  was  brewing  in  the  east  than  he 
set  to  work  to  prepare  for  it.  He  was  not  one 
of  those  economical  rulers,  who  postpone  the 
expense  of  fortifying  until  the  enemy  is  at  the 
door.  There  is  nothing,  he  would  say,  that 
keeps  off  enemies  and  crows  more  than  the 
smell  of  gunpowder.  He  proceeded,  therefore, 
with  all  diligence,  to  put  the  province  and  its 
metropolis  in  a  posture  of  defence. 

Among  the  remnants  which  remained  from 
the  days  of  William  the  Testy  were  the  militia 
laws, — by  which  the  inhabitants  were  obliged 
to  turn  out  twice  a  year,  with  such  military 
equipments  as  it  pleased  God,  and  were  put 
under  the  command  of  tailors  and  man-milli- 
ners, who,  though  on  ordinary  occasions  they 
might  have  been  the  meekest,  most  pippin- 
hearted  little    men   in   the  world,   were  very 


98  Distort  of  Uaew  l^orft 

devils  at  parade,  when  they  had  cocked  hats 
on  their  heads  and  swords  by  their  sides.  Un- 
der the  instructions  of  these  periodical  warriors, 
the  peaceful  burghers  of  the  Manhattoes  were 
schooled  in  iron  war,  and  became  so  hardy  in 
the  process  of  time,  that  they  could  march 
through  sun  and  rain,  from  one  end  of  the  town 
to  the  other,  without  flinching ;  and  so  intrepid 
and  adroit,  that  they  could  face  to  the  right, 
wheel  to  the  left,  and  fire  without  winking  or 
blinking. 

Peter  Stujrvesant,  like  all  old  soldiers  who 
have  seen  service  and  smelt  gunpowder,  had  no 
great  respect  for  militia  troops ;  however,  he 
determined  to  give  them  a  trial,  and  accord- 
ingly called  for  a  general  muster,  inspection, 
and  review.  But,  O  Mars  and  Bellona !  what 
a  turning-out  was  here !  Here  came  old  Roelant 
Cuckaburt,  with  a  short  blunderbuss  on  his 
shoulder  and  a  long  horseman's  sword  trailing 
by  his  side  ;  and  Barent  Dirkson,  with  some- 
thing that  looked  like  a  copper  kettle  turned 
upside  down  on  his  head,  and  a  couple  of  old 
horse-pistols  in  his  belt ;  and  Dirk  Volkertson, 
with  a  long  duck  fowling-piece  without  any 
ramrod;  and  a  host  more,  armed  higgledy- 
piggledy, — with  swords,  hatchets,  snickersnees, 
crowbars,  broomsticks,  and  what  not ;  the  o£B- 
cers  distinguished  from  the  rest  by  having  their 


/Rilitia  :ejerci0e  99 

slouched  hats  cocked  up  with  pins,  and  sur- 
mounted with  cocktail  feathers. 

The  sturdy  Peter  eyed  this  nondescript  host 
with  some  such  rueful  aspect  as  a  man  would 
eye  the  Devil,  and  determined  to  give  his 
feather-bed  soldiers  a  seasoning.  He  accord- 
ingly put  them  through  their  manual  exercise 
over  and  over  again  ;  trudged  them  backwards 
and  forwards  about  the  streets  of  New  Amster- 
dam imtil  their  short  legs  ached  and  their  fat 
sides  sweated  again  ;  and  finally  encamped 
them  in  the  evening  on  the  summit  of  a  hill 
without  the  city,  to  give  them  a  taste  of  camp 
life,  intending  the  next  day  to  renew  the  toils 
and  perils  of  the  field.  But  so  it  came  to  pass 
that  in  the  night  there  fell  a  great  and  heavy 
rain,  and  melted  away  the  army,  so  that  in  the 
morning,  when  Gaffer  Phoebus  shed  his  first 
beams  upon  the  camp,  scarce  a  warrior  re- 
mained except  Peter  Stuyvesant  and  his  trump- 
eter Van  Corlear. 

This  awful  desolation  of  a  whole  army  would 
have  appalled  a  commander  of  less  nerve,  but 
it  served  to  confirm  Peter's  want  of  confidence 
in  the  militia  system,  which  he  thenceforward 
used  to  call,  in  joke — for  he  sometimes  in- 
dulged in  a  joke, — William  the  Testy's  broken 
reed.  He  now  took  into  his  service  a  goodly 
number  of  burly,  broad-shouldered,  broad-bot- 


loo  Di6tori3  ot  mew  l!)orft 

tomed  Dutchmen,  whom  he  paid  in  good  silver 
and  gold,  and  of  whom  he  boasted,  that, 
whether  they  could  stand  fire  or  not,  they  were 
at  least  waterproof. 

He  fortified  the  city,  too,  with  pickets  and 
palisadoes,  extending  across  the  island  from 
river  to  river,  and,  above  all,  cast  up  mud  bat- 
teries, or  redoubts,  on  the  point  of  the  island 
where  it  divided  the  beautiful  bosom  of  the 
bay. 

These  latter  redoubts,  in  process  of  time, 
came  to  be  pleasantly  overrun  by  a  carpet  of 
grass  and  clover,  and  overshadowed  by  wide- 
spreading  elms  and  sycamores,  among  the 
branches  of  which  the  birds  would  build  their 
nests  and  rejoice  the  ear  with  their  melodious 
notes.  Under  these  trees,  too,  the  old  burghers 
would  smoke  their  afternoon  pipe,  contemplat- 
ing the  golden  sun  as  he  sank  in  the  west,  an 
emblem  of  the  tranquil  end  toward  which  they 
were  declining.  Here,  too,  would  the  young 
men  and  maidens  of  the  town  take  their  even- 
ing stroll,  watching  the  silver  moonbeams  as 
they  trembled  along  the  calm  bosom  of  the  bay, 
or  lit  up  the  sail  of  some  gliding  bark,  and  per- 
adventure  interchanging  the  soft  vows  of  hon- 
est affection, — for  to  evening  strolls  in  this 
favored  spot  were  traced  most  of  the  marriages 
in  New  Amsterdam. 


Zbc  ^Batters  loi 

Such  was  the  origin  of  that  renowned  prome- 
nade, The  Battery,  which,  though  ostensibly- 
devoted  to  the  stem  purposes  of  war,  has  ever 
been  consecrated  to  the  sweet  delights  of  peace. 
The  scene  of  many  a  gambol  in  happy  child- 
hood,— of  many  a  tender  assignation  in  riper 
years, — of  many  a  soothing  walk  in  declining 
age, — the  healthful  resort  of  the  feeble  invalid, 
— the  Sunday  refreshment  of  the  dusty  trades- 
man,— in  fine,  the  ornament  and  delight  of 
New  York,  and  the  pride  of  the  lovely  island 
of  Manna-hata. 


CHAPTER  Vin. 

HOW  THE  YANKEE  CRUSADE  AGAINST  THE 
NEW  NETHERI^ANDS  WAS  BAFFI^ED  BY  THE 
SUDDEN  OUTBREAK  OE  WITCHCRAFT  AMONG 
THE  PEOPLE  OF  THE  EAST. 

HAVING  thus  provided  for  the  temporary 
security  of  New  Amsterdam,  and  guarded 
it  against  any  sudden  surprise,  the  gallant  Peter 
took  a  hearty  pinch  of  snufF,  and  snapping  his 
fingers,  set  the  great  council  of  Amphictyons 
and  their  champion,  the  redoubtable  Alicxsan- 
der  Partridg,  at  defiance.  In  the  meantime  the 
moss-troopers  of  Connecticut,  the  warriors  of 
New  Haven  and  Hartford,  and  Pyquag,  other- 
wise called  Weathersfield,  famous  for  its  onions 
and  its  witches,  and  of  all  the  other  border- 
towns,  were  in  a  prodigious  turmoil,  furbishing 
up  their  rusty  weapons,  shouting  aloud  for  war, 
and  anticipating  easy  conquests,  and  glorious 
rummaging  of  the  fat  little  Dutch  villages. 


Detection  ot  /Bbaseacbusetts       103 

In  the  midst  of  these  warlike  preparations, 
however,  they  received  the  chilling  news  that 
the  colony  of  Massachusetts  refused  to  back 
them  in  this  righteous  war.  It  seems  that  the 
gallant  conduct  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  the  gener- 
ous warmth  of  his  \nndication,  and  the  chival- 
rous spirit  of  his  defiance,  though  lost  upon  the 
grand  council  of  the  league,  had  carried  convic- 
tion to  the  general  court  of  Massachusetts,  which 
nobly  refused  to  believe  him  guilty  of  the  vil- 
lainous plot  laid  at  his  door.* 

The  defection  of  so  important  a  colony  para- 
lyzed the  councils  of  the  league  ;  some  such  dis- 
sension rose  among  its  members  as  prevailed 
of  yore  in  the  camp  of  the  brawling  warriors  of 
Greece,  and  in  the  end  the  crusade  against  the 
Manhattoes  was  abandoned. 

It  is  said  that  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecti- 
cut were  sorely  disappointed  ;  but  well  for  them 
that  their  belligerent  cravings  were  not  gratified ; 
for  by  my  faith,  whatever  might  have  been  the 
ultimate  result  of  a  conflict  with  all  the  powers 
of  the  east,  in  the  interim  the  stomachful  he- 
roes of  Pyquag  would  have  been  choked  with 
their  own  onions,  and  all  the  border  towns  of 
Connecticut  would  have  had  such  a  scouring 
from  the  lion-hearted  Peter  and  his  robustious 
myrmidons,  that  I  warrant  me  they  would  not 

*  Hazard's  Satate  Papers. 


io6  Ibistor^  of  IRew  l^ork 

apparitions,  if  you  will  believe  report,  of  a  shal- 
lop at  sea  manned  with  women, — and  of  a  ship 
and  great  red  horse  standing  by  the  main-mast ; 
the  ship  being  in  a  small  cove  to  the  eastward, 
vanished  of  a  sudden,"  etc. 

The  number  of  delinquents,  however,  and 
their  magical  devices,  were  not  more  remark- 
able than  their  diabolical  obstinacy.  Though 
exhorted  in  the  most  solemn,  persuasive,  and 
affectionate  manner  to  confess  themselves  guilty, 
and  be  burnt  for  the  good  of  religion  and  the 
entertainment  of  the  public,  yet  did  they  most 
pertinaciously  persist  in  asserting  their  inno- 
cence. Such  incredible  obstinacy  was  in  itself 
deserving  of  immediate  punishment,  and  was 
sufficient  proof,  if  proof  were  necessary,  that 
they  were  in  league  with  the  Devil,  who  is  per- 
verseness  itself.  But  their  judges  were  just  and 
merciful,  and  were  determined  to  punish  none 
that  were  not  convicted  on  the  best  of  testimony ; 
not  that  they  needed  any  evidence  to  satisfy 
their  own  minds,  for,  like  true  and  experienced 
judges,  their  minds  were  perfectly  made  up,  and 
they  were  thoroughly  satisfied  of  the  guilt  of  the 
prisoners  before  they  proceeded  to  try  them  ; 
but  still  something  was  necessary  to  convince 
the  community  at  large, — to  quiet  those  prying 
quidnuncs  who  should  come  after  them, — in 
short,    the   world  must  be  satisfied.     Oh,  the 


Ux^ing  tbe  "QClitcbcs  107 

world — the  world  ! — all  the  world  knows  the 
world  of  trouble  the  world  is  eternally  occasion- 
ing !  The  worthy  judges,  therefore,  were  driven 
to  the  necessity  of  sifting,  detecting,  and  mak- 
ing evident  as  noonday,  matters  which  were  at 
the  commencement  all  clearly  understood  and 
firmly  decided  upon  in  their  own  pericraniums, 
— so  that  it  may  truly  be  said  that  the  witches 
were  burnt  to  gratify  the  populace  of  the  day, 
but  were  tried  for  the  satisfaction  of  the  whole 
world  that  should  come  after  them  ! 

Finding,  therefore,  that  neither  exhortation, 
sound  reason,  nor  friendly  entreaty  had  any 
avail  on  these  hardened  offenders,  they  resorted 
to  the  more  urgent  arguments  of  torture  ;  and 
having  thus  absolutely  wrung  the  truth  from 
their  stubborn  lips,  they  condemned  them  to 
undergo  the  roasting  due  unto  the  heinous 
crimes  they  had  confessed.  Some  even  carried 
their  perverseness  so  far  as  to  expire  under  the 
torture,  protesting  their  innocence  to  the  last ; 
but  these  were  looked  upon  as  thorougly  and 
absolutely  possessed  by  the  Devil ;  and  the  pious 
by-standers  only  lamented  that  they  had  not 
lived  a  little  longer,  to  have  perished  in  the 
flames. 

In  the  city  of  Ephesus,  we  are  told  that  the 
plague  was  expelled  by  stoning  a  ragged  old 
beggar  to  death,  whom  Apollonius  pointed  out 


io8  Ibistorg  of  "flew  ^ovk 

as  being  the  evil  spirit  that  caused  it,  and  who 
actually  showed  himself  to  be  a  demon,  by  chan- 
ging into  a  shagged  dog.  In  like  manner  and 
by  measures  equally  sagacious,  a  salutary  check 
was  given  to  this  growing  e^dl.  The  witches 
were  all  burnt,  banished,  or  panic-struck,  and 
in  a  little  while  there  was  not  an  ugly  old  wo- 
man to  be  found  throughout  New  England, — 
which  is  doubtless  one  reason  why  all  the  young 
women  there  are  so  handsome.  Those  honest 
folk  who  had  suffered  from  their  incantations 
gradually  recovered,  excepting  such  as  had  been 
afflicted  with  twitches  and  aches,  which,  how- 
ever, assumed  the  less  alarming  aspects  of  rheu- 
matisms, sciatics,  and  lumbagos  ;  and  the  good 
people  of  New  England,  abandoning  the  study 
of  the  occult  sciences,  turned  their  attention  to 
the  more  profitable  hocus-pocus  of  trade,  and 
soon  became  expert  in  the  legerdemain  art  of 
turning  a  penny.  Still,  however,  a  tinge  of  the 
old  leaven  is  discernible,  even  unto  this  day,  in 
their  characters  :  witches  occasionally  start  up 
among  them  in  different  disguises,  as  physicians, 
civiUans,  and  divines.  The  people  at  large  show 
a  keenness,  a  cleverness,  and  a  profundity  of 
wisdom,  that  savors  strongly  of  witchcraft ;  and 
it  has  been  remarked  that,  whenever  any  stones 
fall  from  the  moon,  the  greater  part  of  them  is 
sure  to  tumble  into  New  England  ! 


CHAPTER  IX. 

WHICH  RECORDS  THE  RISE  AND  RENOWN  OF  A 
MII^ITARY  COMMANDER,  SHOWING  THAT  A 
MAN,  I.IKE  A  BLADDER,  MAY  BE  PUFFED  UP 
TO  GREATNESS  BY  MERE  WIND  ;  TOGETHER 
WITH  THE  CATASTROPHE  OF  A  VETERAN  AND 
HIS  QUEUE. 

WHEN  treating  of  these  tempestuous  times, 
the  unknown  writer  of  the  Stuyvesant 
manuscript  breaks  out  into  an  apostrophe  in 
praise  of  the  good  St.  Nicholas,  to  whose  pro- 
tecting care  he  ascribes  the  dissensions  which 
broke  out  in  the  council  of  the  league,  and  the 
direful  witchcraft  which  filled  all  Yankee  land 
as  with  Egyptian  darkness. 

A  portentous  gloom,  says  he,  hung  lowering 
upon  the  fair  valleys  of  the  East :  the  pleasant 
banks  of  the  Connecticut  no  longer  echoed  to 
the  sound  of  rustic  gayety  ;  grisly  phantoms 
glided  about  each  wild  brook  and  silent  glen  ; 
fearful  apparitions  were  seen  in  the  air  ;  strange 
voices  were  heard  in  solitary  places  ;  and  the 


no  Ibietot^  of  "flew  l^orh 

border  towns  were  so  occupied  in  detecting  and 
punishing  losel  witches,  that,  for  a  time,  all 
thought  of  war  was  suspended,  and  New  Am- 
sterdam and  its  inhabitants  seemed  to  be  totally 
forgotten. 

I  must  not  conceal  the  fact  that  at  one  time 
there  was  some  danger  of  this  plague  of  witch- 
craft extending  into  the  New  Netherlands  ;  and 
certain  witches,  mounted  on  broomsticks,  are 
said  to  have  been  seen  whisking  in  the  air  over 
some  of  the  Dutch  villages  near  the  borders  ; 
but  the  worthy  Nederlanders  took  the  precau- 
tion to  nail  horseshoes  to  their  doors,  which,  it 
is  well  known,  are  efifectual  barriers  against  all 
diabolical  vermin  of  the  kind.  Many  of  those 
horseshoes  may  be  seen  at  this  very  day  on 
ancient  mansions  and  barns  remaining  from  the 
days  of  the  patriarchs ;  nay,  the  custom  is  still 
kept  up  among  some  of  our  legitimate  Dutch 
yeomanry,  who  inherit  from  their  forefathers  a 
desire  to  keep  witches  and  Yankees  out  of  the 
country. 

And  now  the  great  Peter,  having  no  imme- 
diate hostility  to  apprehend  from  the  east, 
turned  his  face,  with  characteristic  vigilance,  to 
his  southern  frontiers.  The  attentive  reader 
will  recollect  that  certain  freebooting  Swedes 
had  become  very  troublesome  in  this  quarter  in 
the  latter  part  of  the  reign  of  William  the  Testy, 


General  Dan  poftcnburgb         m 

setting  at  naught  the  proclamations  of  that  veri- 
table potentate,  and  putting  his  admiral,  the 
intrepid  Jan  Jansen  Alpendam,  to  a  perfect 
nonplus.  To  check  the  incursions  of  these 
Swedes,  Peter  Stuyvesant  now  ordered  a  force 
to  that  frontier,  giving  the  command  of  it  to 
General  Jacobus  Van  Poffenburgh,  an  officer 
who  had  risen  to  great  importance  during  the 
reign  of  Wilhelmus  Kieft.  He  had,  if  histories 
speak  true,  been  second  in  command  to  the 
doughty  Van  Curlet,  when  he  and  his  warriors 
were  inhumanly  kicked  out  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop 
by  the  Yankees.  In  that  memorable  affair  Van 
Poffenburgh  is  said  to  have  received  more  kicks 
in  a  certain  honorable  part  than  any  of  his  com- 
rades, in  consequence  of  which,  on  the  resigna- 
tion of  Van  Curlet,  he  had  been  promoted  to  his 
place,  being  considered  a  hero  who  had  seen 
service,  and  suffered  in  his  country's  cause. 

It  is  pointedly  observed  by  honest  old  Soc- 
rates, that  heaven  infuses  into  some  men  at  their 
birth  a  portion  of  intellectual  gold,  into  others 
of  intellectual  silver,  while  others  are  intellect- 
ually furnished  with  iron  and  brass.  Of  the  last 
class  was  General  Van  Poffenburgh ;  and  it 
would  seem  as  if  Dame  Nature,  who  will  some- 
times be  partial,  had  given  him  brass  enough  for 
a  dozen  ordinary  braziers.  All  this  he  had  con- 
trived to  pass  off  upon  William  the  Testy  for 


112  fjistorg  ot  Bcw  15ork 

genuine  gold  ;  and  the  little  governor  would  sit 
for  hours  and  listen  to  his  gunpowder  stories  of 
exploits,  which  left  those  of  Tirante  the  White, 
Don  Belianis  of  Greece,  or  St.  George  and  the 
Dragon  quite  in  the  background.  Having  been 
promoted  by  William  Kieft  to  the  command  of 
his  whole  disposable  forces,  he  gave  importance 
to  his  station  by  the  grandiloquence  of  his  bul- 
letins, always  styling  himself  as  Commander-in- 
Chief  of  the  Armies  of  the  New  Nederlands, 
though  in  sober  truth  these  armies  were  nothing 
more  than  a  handful  of  hen-stealing,  bottle- 
bruising  ragamuffins. 

In  person,  he  was  not  very  tall,  but  exceed- 
ingly round  ;  neither  did  his  bulk  proceed  from 
his  being  fat,  but  windy,  being  blown  up  by  a 
prodigious  conviction  of  his  own  importance, 
until  he  resembled  one  of  those  bags  of  wind 
given  by  jS^oIus,  in  an  incredible  fit  of  gener- 
osity, to  that  vagabond  warrior,  Ulysses.  His 
windy  endowments  had  long  excited  the  ad- 
miration of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who  is  said  to 
have  hinted  more  than  once  to  William  the 
Testy,  that  in  making  Van  Poffenburgh  a  general 
he  had  spoiled  an  admirable  trumpeter. 

As  it  is  the  practice  in  ancient  story  to  give 
the  reader  a  description  of  the  arms  and  equip- 
ments of  every  noted  warrior,  I  will  bestow  a 
word  upon  the  dress  of  this  redoubtable  com- 


Wxcee  and  ^equipments  113 

mander.  It  comported  with  his  character,  being 
so  crossed  and  slashed,  and  embroidered  with 
lace  and  tinsel,  that  he  seemed  to  have  as  much 
brass  without  as  nature  had  stored  away  within. 
He  was  swaddled,  too,  in  a  crimson  sash,  of  the 
size  and  texture  of  a  fishing-net, — doubtless  to 
keep  his  swelling  heart  from  bursting  through 
his  ribs.  His  face  glowed  with  furnace  heat 
from  between  a  huge  pair  of  well-powdered 
whiskers,  and  his  valorous  soul  seemed  ready  to 
bounce  out  of  a  pair  of  large,  glassy,  blinking 
eyes,  projecting  like  those  of  a  lobster. 

I  swear  to  thee,  worthy  reader,  if  history  and 
tradition  belie  not  this  warrior,  I  would  give 
all  the  money  in  my  pocket  to  have  seen  him 
accoutred  cap-a-pie^  —  booted  to  the  middle, 
sashed  to  the  chin,  collared  to  the  ears,  whiskered 
to  the  teeth,  crowned  with  an  overshadowing 
cocked  hat,  and  girded  with  a  leathern  belt  ten 
inches  broad,  from  which  trailed  a  falchion,  of 
a  length  that  I  dare  not  mention.  Thus  equipped, 
he  strutted  about,  as  bitter-looking  a  man  of  war 
as  the  far-famed  More,  of  More-hall,  when  he 
sallied  forth  to  slay  the  dragon  of  Wantley.  For 
what  says  the  ballad  ? 

"  Had  you  but  seen  him  in  this  dress, 
How  fierce  he  looked  and  how  big, 
You  would  have  thought  him  for  to  be 
Some  Egyptian  porcupig. 


112  l)i6torB  ot  1ftcw  l^orfi 

genuine  gold  ;  and  the  little  governor  would  sit 
for  hours  and  listen  to  his  gunpowder  stories  of 
exploits,  which  left  those  of  Tirante  the  White, 
Don  Belianis  of  Greece,  or  St.  George  and  the 
Dragon  quite  in  the  background.  Having  been 
promoted  by  William  Kieft  to  the  command  of 
his  whole  disposable  forces,  he  gave  importance 
to  his  station  by  the  grandiloquence  of  his  bul- 
letins, always  styling  himself  as  Commander-in- 
Chief  of  the  Armies  of  the  New  Nederlands, 
though  in  sober  truth  these  armies  were  nothing 
more  than  a  handful  of  hen-stealing,  bottle- 
bruising  ragamuffins. 

In  person,  he  was  not  very  tall,  but  exceed- 
ingly round  ;  neither  did  his  bulk  proceed  from 
his  being  fat,  but  windy,  being  blown  up  by  a 
prodigious  conviction  of  his  own  importance, 
until  he  resembled  one  of  those  bags  of  wind 
given  by  ^olus,  in  an  incredible  fit  of  gener- 
osity, to  that  vagabond  warrior,  Ulysses.  His 
windy  endowments  had  long  excited  the  ad- 
miration of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who  is  said  to 
have  hinted  more  than  once  to  William  the 
Testy,  that  in  making  Van  Poffenburgh  a  general 
he  had  spoiled  an  admirable  trumpeter. 

As  it  is  the  practice  in  ancient  story  to  give 
the  reader  a  description  of  the  arms  and  equip- 
ments of  every  noted  warrior,  I  will  bestow  a 
word  upon  the  dress  of  this  redoubtable  com- 


Drc60  ant)  JEquipmcnts  us 

mander.  It  comported  with  his  character,  being 
so  crossed  and  slashed,  and  embroidered  with 
lace  and  tinsel,  that  he  seemed  to  have  as  much 
brass  without  as  nature  had  stored  away  within. 
He  was  swaddled,  too,  in  a  crimson  sash,  of  the 
size  and  texture  of  a  fishing-net, — doubtless  to 
keep  his  swelling  heart  from  bursting  through 
his  ribs.  His  face  glowed  with  furnace  heat 
from  between  a  huge  pair  of  well-powdered 
whiskers,  and  his  valorous  soul  seemed  ready  to 
bounce  out  of  a  pair  of  large,  glassj',  blinking 
eyes,  projecting  like  those  of  a  lobster. 

I  swear  to  thee,  worthy  reader,  if  history  and 
tradition  belie  not  this  warrior,  I  would  give 
all  the  money  in  my  pocket  to  have  seen  him 
accoutred  cap-a-pie^  —  booted  to  the  middle, 
sashed  to  the  chin,  collared  to  the  ears,  whiskered 
to  the  teeth,  crowned  with  an  overshadowing 
cocked  hat,  and  girded  with  a  leathern  belt  ten 
inches  broad,  from  which  trailed  a  falchion,  of 
a  length  that  I  dare  not  mention.  Thus  equipped, 
he  strutted  about,  as  bitter-looking  a  man  of  war 
as  the  far-famed  More,  of  More-hall,  when  he 
sallied  forth  to  slay  the  dragon  of  Wantley.  For 
what  says  the  ballad  ? 

"  Had  you  but  seen  him  in  this  dress, 
How  fierce  he  looked  and  how  big, 
You  would  have  thought  him  for  to  be 
Some  Egjrptian  porcupig. 


114  fbietov^  of  IRew  l^ork 

He  frightened  all— cats,  dogs,  and  all, 
Each  cow,  each  horse,  and  each  hog ; 

For  fear  they  did  flee,  for  they  took  him  to  be 
Some  strange  outlandish  hedgehog."  * 

I  must  confess  this  general,  with  all  his  out- 
ward valor  and  ventosity,  was  not  exactly  an 
ofl&cer  to  Peter  Stuyvesant's  taste  ;  but  he  stood 
foremost  in  the  army  list  of  William  the  Testy, 
and  it  is  probable  the  good  Peter,  who  was  con- 
scientious in  his  dealings  with  all  men,  and 
had  his  military  notions  of  precedence,  thought 
it  but  fair  to  give  him  a  chance  of  proving  his 
right  to  his  dignities. 

To  this  copper  captain,  therefore,  was  con- 
fided the  command  of  the  troops  destined  to 
protect  the  southern  frontier,  and  scarce  had  he 
departed  for  his  station  than  bulletins  began  to 
arrive  from  him,  describing  his  undaunted 
march  through  savage  deserts,  over  insurmount- 
able mountains,  across  impassable  rivers,  and 
through  impenetrable  forests,  conquering  vast 
tracts  of  uninhabited  country,  and  encounter- 
ing more  perils  than  did  Xenophon  in  his  far- 
famed  retreat  with  his  ten  thousand  Grecians. 

Peter  Stuy vesant  read  all  these  grandiloquent 
despatches  with  a  dubious  screwing  of  the 
mouth  and  shaking  of  the  head  ;  but  Antony 
Van   Corlear  repeated   these   contents  in   the 

*  Ballad  of  "  Dragon  of  Wantley." 


IPort  Caslmir  115 

streets  and  market-places  with  an  appropriate 
flourish  upon  his  trumpet,  and  the  windy  vic- 
tories of  the  general  resounded  through  the 
streets  of  New  Amsterdam. 

On  arri^^ng  at  the  southern  frontier  Van  Pof- 
fenburgh  proceeded  to  erect  a  fortress,  or 
stronghold,  on  the  South  or  Delaware  River. 
At  first  he  bethought  him  to  call  it  Fort  Stuy- 
vesant,  in  honor  of  the  governor, — a  lowly  kind 
of  homage  prevalent  in  our  country  among 
speculators,  military  commanders,  and  office- 
seekers  of  all  kinds,  by  which  our  maps  come 
to  be  studded  with  the  names  of  political  pa- 
trons and  temporary  great  men  ;  in  the  present 
instance,  Van  Poffenburgh  carried  his  homage 
to  the  most  lowly  degree,  giving  his  fortress  the 
name  of  Fort  Casimir,  in  honor,  it  is  said,  of  a 
favorite  pair  of  brimstone  trunk-breeches  of  his 
Excellency. 

As  this  fort  will  be  found  to  give  rise  to  im- 
portant events,  it  may  be  worth  while  to  notice 
that  it  was  afterwards  called  Nieuw  Amstel, 
and  was  the  germ  of  the  present  flourishing  town 
of  New  Castle,  or,  more  properly  speaking,  No 
Castle,  there  being  nothing  of  the  kind  on  the 
premises. 

His  fortress  being  finished,  it  would  have  done 
any  man's  heart  good  to  behold  the  swelling 
dignity  with  which  the  general  would  stride  in 


ii6  ibistors  ot  IRew  ^oxn 

and  out  a  dozen  times  a  day,  surveying  it  in 
front  and  in  rear,  on  this  side  and  on  that ;  how 
he  would  strut  backwards  and  forwards  in  full 
regimentals  on  the  top  of  the  ramparts, — ^like  a 
vainglorious  cock-pigeon,  swelling  and  vaporing 
on  the  top  of  a  dove-cot. 

There  is  a  kind  of  valorous  spleen  which,  like 
■wind,  is  apt  to  grow  unruly  in  the  stomachs  of 
newly  made  soldiers,  compelling  them  to  box- 
lobby  brawls  and  broken-headed  quarrels,  unless 
there  can  be  found  some  more  harmless  wa)'-  to 
give  it  vent.  It  is  recorded  in  the  delectable 
romance  of  Pierce  Forest  that  a  young  knight, 
being  dubbed  by  King  Alexander,  did  inconti- 
nently gallop  into  an  adjacent  forest  and  belabor 
the  trees  with  such  might  and  main  that  he  not 
merely  eased  off  the  sudden  effervescence  of  his 
valor,  but  convinced  the  whole  court  that  he 
was  the  most  potent  and  courageous  cavalier 
on  the  face  of  the  earth.  In  like  manner  the 
commander  of  Fort  Casimir,  when  he  found  his 
martial  spirit  waxing  too  hot  within  him,  would 
sally  forth  into  the  fields,  and  lay  about  him 
most  lustily  with  his  sabre, — decapitating  cab- 
bages by  platoons,  hewing  down  lofty  sun- 
flowers, which  he  termed  gigantic  Swedes,  and 
if,  perchance,  he  espied  a  colony  of  big-bellied 
pumpkins  quietly  basking  in  the  sun, — "Ah! 
caitiff  Yankees!"    would    he    roar,    "have   I 


•Rel^crmcester's  (Slueuc  117 

caught  ye  at  last?  "  So  saying,  with  one  sweep 
of  his  sword  he  would  cleave  the  unhappy  vege- 
tables from  their  chins  to  their  waistbands  ;  by 
which  warlike  havoc  his  choler  being  in  some 
sort  allayed,  he  would  return  into  the  fortress 
with  the  full  conviction  that  he  was  a  very  mir- 
acle of  military  prowess. 

He  was  a  disciplinarian,  too,  of  the  first  order. 
Woe  to  any  unlucky  soldier  who  did  not  hold 
up  his  head  and  turn  out  his  toes  when  on 
parade,  or  who  did  not  salute  the  general  in 
proper  style  as  he  passed.  Having  one  day,  in 
his  Bible  researches,  encountered  the  history  of 
Absalom  and  his  melancholy  end,  the  general 
bethought  him  that,  in  a  country  abounding 
with  forests,  his  soldiers  were  in  constant  risk 
of  a  like  catastrophe ;  he  therefore,  in  an  evil 
hour,  issued  orders  for  cropping  the  hair  of 
both  officers  and  men  throughout  the  garrison. 

Now  it  so  happened  that  among  his  officers 
was  a  sturdy  veteran  named  Keldermeester,  who 
had  cherished  through  a  long  life  a  mop  of  hair 
not  a  little  resembling  the  shag  of  a  Newfound- 
land dog,  terminating  in  a  queue  like  the  han- 
dle of  a  frying-pan,  and  queued  so  tightly  to  his 
head  that  his  eyes  and  mouth  generally  stood 
ajar,  and  his  eyebrows  were  drawn  up  to  the 
top  of  his  forehead.  It  may  naturally  be  sup- 
posed that  the  possessor  of  so  goodly  an  ap- 


ii8  1bi6tors  of  Iftew  l^orft 

pendage  would  resist  with  abhorrence  an  order 
condemning  it  to  the  shears.  On  hearing  the 
general  orders,  he  discharged  a  tempest  of  vet- 
eran, soldier-like  oaths,  and  dunder  and  blixums, 
— swore  he  would  break  any  man's  head  who 
attempted  to  meddle  with  his  tail, — queued  it 
stijQfer  than  ever,  and  whisked  it  about  the 
garrison  as  fiercely  as  the  tale  of  a  crocodile. 

The  eel -skin  queue  of  old  Keldermeester 
became  instantly  an  affair  of  the  utmost  im- 
portance. The  commander-in-chief  was  too  en- 
lightened an  officer  not  to  perceive  that  the  dis- 
cipline of  the  garrison,  the  subordination  and 
good  order  of  the  armies  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
landts,  the  consequent  safety  of  the  whole  prov- 
ince, and  ultimately  the  dignity  and  prosperity 
of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States- 
General,  imperiously  demanded  the  docking  of 
that  stubborn  queue.  He  decreed,  therefore, 
that  old  Keldermeester  should  be  publicly  shorn 
of  his  glories  in  presence  of  the  v.'hole  garrison ; 
the  old  man  as  resolutely  stood  on  the  defensive  ; 
whereupon  he  was  arrested  and  tried  by  a 
court-martial  for  mutiny,  desertion,  and  all  the 
other  list  of  offences  noticed  in  the  articles  of 
war,  ending  with  a  "videlicet,  in  wearing  an 
eel-skin  queue,  three  feet  long,  contrary  to 
orders."  Then  came  on  arraignments,  and 
trials,  and  pleadings,  and  the  whole  garrison 


B  (Bbostls  l)l0itor  119 

was  in  a  ferment  about  this  unfortunate  queue. 
As  it  is  well  known  that  the  commander  of  a 
frontier  post  has  the  power  of  acting  pretty 
much  after  his  own  will,  there  is  little  doubt 
but  that  the  veteran  would  have  been  hanged,  or 
shot  at  least,  had  he  not  luckily  fallen  ill  of  a 
fever  through  mere  chagrin  and  mortification, 
and  deserted  from  all  earthly  command,  with 
his  beloved  locks  un\dolated.  His  obstinacy 
remained  unshaken  to  the  very  last  moment, 
when  he  directed  that  he  should  be  carried  to 
his  grave  with  his  eel-skin  sticking  out  of  a 
hole  in  his  coffin. 

This  magnanimous  aflfair  obtained  the  general 
great  credit  as  a  disciplinarian  ;  but  it  is  hinted 
that  he  was  ever  afterwards  subject  to  bad 
dreams  and  fearful  visitations  in  the  night, 
when  the  grisly  spectre  of  old  Keldermeester 
would  stand  sentinel  by  his  bedside,  erect  as  a 
pump,  his  enormous  queue  strutting  out  like 
the  handle. 


BOOK  VI. 

CONTAINING  THE  SECOND  PART  OE  THE  REIGN 
OP  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG,  AND  HIS  GAI^ 
I^ANT  ACHIEVEMENTS  ON  THE  DEI<AWARE. 

CHAPTER  I. 


IN  WHICH  IS  EXHIBITED  A  WARLIKE  PORTRAIT 
OP  THE  GREAT  PETER,  OF  THE  WINDY  CON- 
TEST OF  GENERAI,  VAN  POFFENBURGH  AND 
GENERAI.  PRINTZ,  AND  OP  THE  MOSQUITO 
WAR  ON  THE  DEI.AWARE. 

HITHERTO,  most  venerable  and  courteous 
reader,  have  I  shown  thee  the  adminis- 
tration of  the  valorous  Stuyvesant,  under  the 
mild  moonshine  of  peace,  or  rather  the  grim 
tranquillity  of  awful  expectation  ;  but  now  the 
■war-dnmi  rumbles  from  afar,  the  brazen  trumpet 
brays  its  thrilling  note,  and  the  rude  crash  of 
hostile  arms  speaks  fearful  prophecies  of  coming 


^be  (3allant  llClarrlor  121 

troubles.  The  gallant  "warrior  starts  from  soft 
repose,  from  golden  visions  and  voluptuous 
ease,  where  in  the  dulcet,  "piping  time  of 
peace  "  he  sought  sweet  solace  after  all  his  toils. 
No  more  in  beauty's  siren  lap  reclined,  he 
weaves  fair  garlands  for  his  lady's  brows  ;  no 
more  entwines  with  flowers  his  shining  sword, 
nor  through  the  livelong  lazy  summer's  day 
chants  forth  his  love-sick  soul  in  madrigals.  To 
manhood  roused,  he  spurns  the  amorous  flute  ; 
doffs  from  his  brawny  back  the  robe  of  peace, 
and  clothes  his  pampered  limbs  in  panoply  of 
steel.  O'er  his  dark  brow,  where  late  the  mjrrtle 
waved,  where  wanton  roses  breathed  enervate 
love,  he  rears  the  beaming  casque  and  nodding 
plume  ;  grasps  the  bright  shield,  and  shakes  the 
ponderous  lance  ;  or  mounts  with  eager  pride 
his  fiery  steed,  and  bums  for  deeds  of  glorious 
chivalry  ! 

But  soft,  worthy  reader !  I  would  not  have 
you  imagine  that  any  preux  chevalier^  thus 
hideously  begirt  with  iron,  existed  in  the  city  of 
New  Amsterdam.  This  is  but  a  lofty  and  gigantic 
mode,  in  which  we  heroic  writers  always  talk  of 
war,  thereby  to  give  it  a  noble  and  imposing 
aspect ;  equipping  our  warriors  with  bucklers, 
helms,  and  lances,  and  such  like  outlandish  and 
obsolete  weapons,  the  like  of  which  perchance 
they  had  never  seen  or  heard  of, — in  the  same 


122  Ibistors  ot  IRew  l^oih 

manner  that  a  cunning  statuary  arrays  a  modem 
general  or  an  admiral  in  the  accoutrements  of  a 
Caesar  or  an  Alexander.  The  simple  truth,  then, 
of  all  this  oratorical  flourish  is  this,  that  the 
valiant  Peter  Stuyvesant  all  of  a  sudden  found 
it  necessary  to  scour  his  rusty  blade,  which  too 
long  had  rusted  in  its  scabbard,  and  prepare 
himself  to  undergo  those  hardy  toils  of  war  in 
which  his  mighty  soul  so  much  delighted. 

Methinks  I  at  this  moment  behold  him  in  my 
imagination,  or  rather,  I  behold  his  goodly 
portrait,  which  still  hangs  up  in  the  family 
mansion  of  the  Stuyvesants,  arrayed  in  all  the 
terrors  of  a  true  Dutch  General :  his  regimental 
coat  of  German  blue,  gorgeously  decorated  with 
a  goodly  show  of  large  brass  buttons,  reaching 
from  his  waistband  to  his  chin  ;  the  voluminous 
skirts  turned  up  at  the  comers  and  separating 
gallantly  behind,  so  as  to  display  the  seat  of  a 
sumptuous  pair  of  brimstone-colored  trunk- 
breeches, — a  graceful  style  still  prevalent  among 
the  warriors  of  our  day,  and  which  is  in  con- 
formity to  the  custom  of  ancient  heroes,  who 
scorned  to  defend  themselves  in  rear  ;  his  face 
rendered  exceeding  terrible  and  warlike  by  a 
pair  of  black  mustachios  ;  his  hair  strutting  out 
on  each  side  in  stiffly  pomatumed  ear-locks,  and 
descending  in  a  rat-tail  queue  below  his  waist ; 
a  shining  stock  of  black  leather  supporting  his 


(Bovcrnor  5an  iprint3  123 

chin ;  and  a  little  but  fierce  cocked  hat,  stuck 
with  a  gallant  and  fiery  air  over  his  left  eye. 
Such  was  the  chivalric  port  of  Peter  the  Head- 
strong ;  and  when  he  made  a  sudden  halt,  planted 
himself  firmly  on  his  solid  supporter,  with  his 
wooden  leg,  inlaid  with  silver,  a  little  in  advance, 
in  order  to  strengthen  his  position,  his  right 
hand  grasping  a  gold-headed  cane,  his  left  rest- 
ing upon  the  pummel  of  his  sword,  his  head 
dressing  spiritedly  to  the  right,  with  a  most 
appalling  and  hard-favored  frown  upon  his 
brow, — he  presented  altogether  one  of  the  most 
commanding,  bitter-looking,  and  soldier-like 
figures  that  ever  strutted  upon  canvas.  — Proceed 
we  now  to  inquire  the  cause  of  this  warlike 
preparation. 

In  the  preceding  chapter  we  have  spoken  of 
the  founding  of  Fort  Casimir,  and  of  the  merci- 
less warfare  waged  by  its  commander  upon 
cabbages,  sunflowers,  and  pumpkins,  for  want 
of  better  occasion  to  flesh  his  sword.  Now  it 
came  to  pass  that,  higher  up  the  Delaware,  at 
his  stronghold  of  Tinnekonk,  resided  one  Jan 
Printz,  who  styled  himself  Governor  of  New 
Sweden.  If  history  belie  not  this  redoubtable 
Swede,  he  was  a  rival  worthy  of  the  windy  and 
inflated  commander  of  Fort  Casimir,  for  master 
Dax-id  Pieterzen  de  Vrie,  in  his  excellent  book 
of  voyages,    describes  him   as    ' '  weighing  up- 


124  1b(6tori5  ot  Bew  l^orft 

wards  of  four  hundred  pounds,"  a  huge  feeder 
and  bowser  in  proportion,  taking  three  pota- 
tions pottle-deep  at  every  meal.  He  had  a 
garrison  after  his  own  heart  at  Tinnekonk, — 
guzzling,  deep-drinking  swash-bucklers,  who 
made  the  wild  woods  ring  with  their  carousals. 

No  sooner  did  this  robustious  commander 
hear  of  the  erection  of  Fort  Casimir,  than  he 
sent  a  message  to  Van  Poffenburgh,  warning 
him  off  the  land,  as  being  within  the  bounds 
of  his  jurisdiction. 

To  this  General  Van  Poflfenburgh  replied 
that  the  land  belonged  to  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses, having  been  regularly  purchased  of  the 
natives,  as  discoverers  from  the  Manhattoes,  as 
witness  the  breeches  of  their  land  measurer 
Ten  Broeck. 

To  this  the  governor  rejoined  that  the  land 
had  previously  been  sold  by  the  Indians  to  the 
Swedes,  and  consequently  was  under  the  petti- 
coat government  of  her  Swedish  majesty, 
Christina  ;  and  woe  be  to  any  mortal  that  wore 
breeches  who  should  dare  to  meddle  even  with 
the  hem  of  her  sacred  garment. 

I  forbear  to  dilate  upon  the  war  of  words 
which  was  kept  up  for  some  time  by  these 
windy  commanders.  Van  Poffenburgh,  how- 
ever, had  served  under  William  the  Testy,  and 
was  a  veteran  in  this  kind  of  warfare.    Governor 


a  minOg  Martarc  125 

Printz,  finding  he  was  not  to  be  dislodged  by 
these  long  shots,  now  determined  upon  coming 
to  closer  quarters.  Accordingly,  he  descended 
the  river  in  great  force  and  fume,  and  erected 
a  rival  fortress,  just  one  Swedish  mile  below 
Fort  Casimir,  to  which  he  gave  the  nam<^  of 
Helsenburg. 

And  now  commenced  a  tremendous  rivalry 
between  these  two  doughty  commanders,  striv 
ing  to  out-strut  and  out-swell  each  other  like  a 
couple  of  belligerent  turkey-cocks.  There  was 
a  contest  who  should  run  up  the  tallest  flag- 
staflf  and  display  the  broadest  flag  ;  all  day  long 
there  was  a  furious  rolling  of  drums  and  twang- 
ing of  trumpets  in  either  fortress,  and  which- 
ever had  the  wind  in  its  favor  would  keep  up  a 
continual  firing  of  cannon,  to  taunt  its  antago- 
nist with  the  smell  of  gunpowder. 

On  all  these  points  of  windy  warfare  the 
antagonists  were  well  matched  ;  but  so  it  hap- 
pened that,  the  Swedish  fortress  being  lower 
down  the  river,  all  the  Dutch  vessels  bound  to 
Fort  Casimir  with  supplies  had  to  pass  it.  Gov- 
ernor Printz  at  once  took  advantage  of  this 
circumstance,  and  compelled  them  to  lower 
their  flags  as  they  passed  under  the  guns  of  his 
battery. 

This  was  a  deadly  wound  to  the  Dutch  pride 
of  General  Van  Poffenburgh,  and  sorely  would 


126  1b(6torg  ot  IFlcw  lorft 

he  swell  when  from  the  ramparts  of  Fort  Casi- 
mir  he  beheld  the  flag  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses struck  to  the  rival  fortress.  To  heighten 
his  vexation,  Governor  Printz,  who,  as  has  been 
shown,  was  a  huge  trencherman,  took  the  lib- 
erty of  having  the  first  rummage  of  every  Dutch 
merchant-ship,  and  securing  to  himself  and  his 
guzzling  garrison  all  the  little  round  Dutch 
cheeses,  all  the  Dutch  herrings,  the  ginger- 
bread, the  sweetmeats,  the  curious  stone  jugs 
of  gin,  and  all  the  other  Dutch  luxuries,  on 
their  way  for  the  solace  of  Fort  Casimir.  It  is 
possible  he  may  have  paid  to  the  Dutch  skip- 
pers the  full  value  of  their  commodities  ;  but 
what  consolation  was  this  to  Jacobus  Van  Pof- 
fenburgh  and  his  garrison,  who  thus  found 
their  favorite  supplies  cut  off  and  diverted  into 
the  larders  of  the  hostile  camp  ?  For  some 
time  this  war  of  the  cupboard  was  carried  on 
to  the  great  festivity  and  jollification  of  the 
Swedes,  while  the  warriors  of  Fort  Casimir 
found  their  hearts,  or  rather  their  stomachs, 
daily  failing  them.  At  length  the  summer 
heats  and  summer  showers  set  in,  and  now,  lo 
and  behold,  a  great  miracle  was  wrought  for 
the  relief  of  the  Nederlands,  not  a  little  resem- 
bling one  of  the  plagues  of  Egj'pt ;  for  it  came 
to  pass  that  a  great  cloud  of  mosquitoes  arose 
out  of  the  marshy  borders  of  the  river  and  set- 


Hbc  /fcosquito  Mar  127 

tied  upon  the  fortress  of  Halsenburg,  being, 
doubtless,  attracted  by  the  scent  of  the  fresh 
blood  of  these  Swedish  gormandizers.  Nay,  it 
is  said  that  the  body  of  Jan  Printz  alone,  which 
was  as  big  and  as  full  of  blood  as  that  of  a  prize 
ox,  was  sufiBcient  to  attract  the  mosquitoes  from 
every  part  of  the  country.  For  some  time  the 
garrison  endeavored  to  hold  out,  but  it  was 
all  in  vain  ;  the  mosquitoes  penetrated  into 
every  chink  and  crevice,  and  gave  them  no 
rest  day  nor  night ;  and  as  to  Governor  Jan 
Printz,  he  moved  about  as  in  a  cloud,  with  mos- 
quito music  in  his  ears,  and  mosquito  stings  to 
the  very  end  of  his  nose.  Finally  the  garri- 
son was  fairly  driven  out  of  the  fortress,  and 
obliged  to  retreat  to  Tinnekonk  ;  nay,  it  is 
said  that  the  mosquitoes  followed  Jan  Printz 
even  thither,  and  absolutely  drove  him  out  of 
the  country  ;  certain  it  is,  he  embarked  for 
Sweden  shortly  afterwards,  and  Jan  Claudius 
Risingh  was  sent  to  govern  New  Sweden  in  his 
stead. 

Such  was  the  famous  mosquito  war  on  the 
Delaware,  of  which  General  Van  Poffenburgh 
would  fain  have  been  the  hero ;  but  the  devout 
people  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts  always  as- 
scribed  the  discomfiture  of  the  Swedes  to  the 
miraculous  intervention  of  St.  Nicholas.  As  to 
the  fortress  of  Helsenburg,  it  fell  to  ruin  ;  but 


128 


•fcistor^  of  "Kcw  l^orli 


the  story  of  its  strange  destruction  was  perpet- 
uated by  the  Swedish  name  of  Myggen-borg, 
that  is  to  say,  Mosquito  Castle.* 

♦Acrelius'  History  N.  Sweden.  For  some  node*  of 
this  miraculous  discomfiture  of  the  Swedes,  see  N,  V, 
His.  Col.,  new  series,  vol.  I.,  p.  412. 


CHAPTER  II. 

OP  JAN  RISINGH,  HIS  GIANTLY  PERSON  AND 
CRAFTY  DEEDS  ;  AND  OF  THE  CATASTROPHE 
AT  FORT  CASIMIR. 

JAN  CLAUDIUS  RISINGH,  who  succeeded 
to  the  command  of  New  Sweden,  looms 
largely  in  ancient  records  as  a  gigantic  Swede, 
who,  had  he  not  been  rather  knock-kneed  and 
splay-footed,  might  have  served  for  the  model 
of  a  Samson  or  a  Hercules.  He  was  no  less 
rapacious  than  mighty,  and,  withal,  as  crafty^  as 
he  was  rapacious  ;  so  that  there  is  very  little 
doubt  that,  had  he  lived  some  four  or  five  cen- 
turies since,  he  would  have  figured  as  one  of 
those  wicked  giants  who  took  a  cruel  pleasure 
in  pocketing  beautiful  princesses  and  distressed 
damsels,  when  gadding  about  the  world,  and 
locking  them  up  in  enchanted  castles,  without 
a  toilet,  a  change  of  linen,  or  any  other  con- 


130  I)i0tori2  of  Bew  l^orft 

venience.  In  consequence  of  which  enormities 
they  fell  under  the  high  displeasure  of  chivalry, 
and  all  true,  loyal,  and  gallant  knights  were  in- 
structed to  attack  and  slay  outright  any  miscre- 
ant they  might  happen  to  find  above  six  feet 
high  ;  which  is  doubtless  one  reason  why  the 
race  of  large  men  is  nearly  extinct,  and  the 
generations  of  latter  ages  are  so  exceedingly 
small. 

Governor  Risingh,  notwithstanding  his  gi- 
antly  condition,  was,  as  I  have  hinted,  a  man 
of  craft.  He  was  not  the  man  to  ruffle  the  van- 
ity of  General  Van  Poffenburgh,  or  to  rub  his 
self-conceit  against  the  grain.  On  the  contrary, 
as  he  sailed  up  the  Delaware,  he  paused  before 
Fort  Casimir,  displayed  his  flag,  and  fired  a 
royal  salute  before  dropping  anchor.  The  salute 
would  doubtless  have  been  returned,  had  not 
the  guns  been  dismounted ;  as  it  was,  a  veteran 
sentinel,  who  had  been  napping  at  his  post, 
and  had  suffered  his  match  to  go  out,  returned 
the  compliment  by  discharging  his  musket 
with  the  spark  of  a  pipe  borrowed  from  a  com- 
rade. Governor  Risingh  accepted  this  as  a 
courteous  reply,  and  treated  the  fortress  to  a 
second  salute,  well  knowing  its  commander  was 
apt  to  be  marvellously  delighted  with  these 
little  ceremonials,  considering  them  so  many 
acts  of  homage  paid  to  his  greatness.     He  then 


I 


Zbc  0arri0on  mnDer  Brms        131 

prepared  to  land  with  a  military  retinue  of 
thirty  men,  a  prodigious  pageant  in  the  wilder- 
ness. 

And  now  took  place  a  terrible  rummage  and 
racket  in  Fort  Casimir,  to  receive  such  a  visitor 
in  proper  style,  and  to  make  an  imposing  ap- 
pearance. The  main  guard  was  turned  out  as 
soon  as  possible,  equipped  to  the  best  advantage 
in  the  few  suits  of  regimentals,  which  had  to 
do  duty  by  turns  with  the  whole  garrison.  One 
tall,  lank  fellow  appeared  in  a  little  man's  coat, 
with  the  buttons  between  his  shoulders,  the 
skirts  scarce  covering  his  bottom,  his  hands 
hanging  like  spades  out  of  the  sleeves,  and  the 
coat  linked  in  front  by  worsted  loops  made  out 
of  a  pair  of  red  garters.  Another  had  a  cocked 
hat  stuck  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  deco- 
rated with  a  bunch  of  cock's  tails  ;  a  third  had 
a  pair  of  rusty  gaiters  hanging  about  his  heels  ; 
while  a  fourth,  a  little  duck-legged  fellow,  was 
equipped  in  a  pair  of  the  general's  cast-oflf 
breeches,  which  he  held  up  with  one  hand 
while  he  grasped  his  firelock  with  the  other. 
The  rest  were  accoutred  in  similar  style,  except 
three  ragamuffins  without  shirts,  and  with  but 
a  pair  and  a  half  of  breeches  between  them  ; 
wherefore  they  were  sent  to  the  black  hole,  to 
keep  them  out  of  sight,  that  they  might  not 
disgrace  the  fortress. 


132  Ibistorg  of  IRcw  lorft 

His  men  being  tlins  gallantly  arrayed, — those 
who  lacked  muskets  shouldering  spades  and 
pick-axes,  and  every  man  being  ordered  to  tuck 
in  his  shirt-tail  and  pull  up  his  brogues, — Gen- 
eral Van  Poffenburgh  first  took  a  sturdy  draught 
of  foaming  ale,  which,  like  the  magnanimous 
More  of  More-hall,*  was  his  invariable  practice 
on  all  great  occasions  ;  this  done,  he  put  him- 
self at  their  head,  and  issued  forth  from  his 
castle,  like  a  mighty  giant,  just  refreshed  with 
wine.  But  when  the  two  heroes  met,  then  be- 
gan a  scene  of  warlike  parade  that  beggars  all 
description.  The  shrewd  Risingh,  who  had 
grown  gray  much  before  his  time  in  conse- 
quence of  his  craftiness,  saw  at  one  glance  the 
ruling  passion  of  the  great  Van  Poffenburgh, 
and  humored  him  in  all  his  valorous  fantasies. 

Their  detachments  were  accordingly  drawn 
up  in  front  of  each  other  ;  they  carried  arms  and 
they  presented  arms  ;  they  gave  the  standing 
salute  and  the  passing  salute  ;  they  rolled  their 
drums,  they  flourished  their  fifes,  and  they 
waved  their  colors  ;  they  faced  to  the  left,  and 
they  faced  to  the  right,  and  they  faced  to  the 
right-about  ;   they   wheeled  forward,  and  they 

*" as  soon  as  he  rose, 

To  make  him  strong  and  mighty, 
He  drank  by  the  tale,  six  pots  of  ale, 
And  a  quart  of  aqua  vittc." 

Dragon  of  Wantley. 


jfflbilitarB  Bv^olutions  133 

wheeled  backward,  and  they  wheeled  into 
echellon ;  they  marched  and  they  counter- 
marched, by  grand  divisions,  by  single  divi- 
sions, and  by  subdivisions;  by  platoons,  by 
sections,  and  by  files  ;  in  quick  time,  in  slow 
time,  and  in  no  time  at  all ;  for,  having  gone 
through  all  the  evolutions  of  two  great  armies, 
including  the  eighteen  manoeuvres  of  Dundas  ; 
having  exhausted  all  they  could  recollect  or 
imagine  of  military  tactics,  including  sunrlry 
strange  and  irregular  evolutions,  the  like  of 
which  were  never  seen  before  nor  since,  except- 
ing among  certain  of  our  newly  raised  militia, 
—  the  two  commanders  and  their  respective 
troops  came  at  length  to  a  dead  halt,  completely 
exhausted  by  the  toils  of  war.  Never  did  two 
valiant  train-band  captains,  or  two  buskined 
theatric  heroes,  in  the  renowned  tragedies  of 
Pizarro,  Tom  Thumb,  or  any  other  heroical 
and  fighting  tragedy,  marshal  their  gallows- 
looking,  duck-legged,  heavy-heeled  myrmidons 
with  more  glory  and  self-admiration. 

These  military  compliments  being  finished, 
General  Van  Poflfenburgh  escorted  his  illustri- 
ous visitor,  with  great  ceremony,  into  the  fort ; 
attended  him  throughout  the  fortifications ; 
showed  him  the  horn-works,  crown-works,  half- 
moons,  and  various  other  outworks,  or  rather 
the  places  where  they  ought  to  be  erected,  and 


134  fbietov^  of  Bew  l^ork 

where  they  might  be  erected  if  he  pleased ; 
plainly  demonstrating  that  it  was  a  place  of 
"great  capability,"  and  though  at  present  but  a 
little  redoubt,  yet  that  it  was  evidently  a  for- 
midable fortress,  in  embyro.  This  survey,  over, 
he  next  had  the  whole  garrison  put  under  arms, 
exercised,  and  reviewed ;  and  concluded  by 
ordering  the  three  bridewell  birds  to  be  hauled 
out  of  the  black  hole,  brought  up  to  the  hal- 
berds, and  soundly  flogged,  for  the  amusement 
of  his  visitor,  and  to  convince  him  that  he  was 
a  great  disciplinarian. 

The  cunning  Risingh,  while  he  pretended  to 
be  struck  dumb  outright  with  the  puissance  of 
the  great  Van  Pofienburgh,  took  silent  note  of 
the  incompetency  of  his  garrison, — of  which  he 
gave  a  wink  to  his  trusty  followers,  who  tipped 
each  other  the  wink,  and  laughed  most  obstrep- 
erously— in  their  sleeves. 

The  inspection,  review,  and  flogging  being 
concluded,  the  party  adjourned  to  the  table  ; 
for  among  his  other  great  qualities,  the  general 
was  remarkably  addicted  to  huge  carousals, 
and  in  one  afternoon's  campaign  would  leave 
more  dead  men  on  the  field  than  he  ever  did  in 
the  whole  course  of  his  military  career.  Many 
bulletins  of  these  bloodless  victories  do  still 
remain  on  record  ;  and  the  whole  province  was 
once  thrown  in  amaze  by  the  return  of  one  of 


Dan  poltcnbur0b*0  iprowess       135 

his  campaigns,  wherein  it  was  stated  that, 
though,  like  Captain  Bobadil,  he  had  only 
twenty  men  to  back  him,  yet  in  the  short  space 
of  six  months  he  had  conquered  and  utterly 
annihilated  sixty  oxen,  ninety  hogs,  one  hun- 
dred sheep,  ten  thousand  cabbages,  one  thousand 
bushels  of  potatoes,  one  hundred  and  fifty 
kilderkins  of  small  beer,  two  thousand  seven 
hundred  and  thirty-five  pipes,  seventy-eight 
pounds  of  sugar-plums,  and  forty  bars  of  iron, 
besides  sundry  small  meats,  game,  poultry,  and 
garden-stuff :  —  an  achievement  unparalleled 
since  the  days  of  Pantagruel  and  his  all-devour- 
ing army,  and  which  showed  that  it  was  only 
necessary  to  let  Van  Poffenburgh  and  his  garri- 
son loose  in  an  enemy's  country,  and  in  a  little 
while  they  would  breed  a  famine,  and  starve  all 
the  inhabitants. 

No  sooner,  therefore,  had  the  general  received 
intimation  of  the  visit  of  Governor  Risingh, 
than  he  ordered  a  great  dinner  to  be  prepared, 
and  privately  sent  out  a  detachment  of  his  most 
experienced  veterans,  to  rob  all  the  hen-roosts 
in  the  neighborhood,  and  lay  the  pigsties  under 
contribution, — a  service  w^hich  they  discharged 
with  such  zeal  and  promptitude,  that  the  garri- 
son table  groaned  under  the  weight  of  their 
spoils. 

I  wish,  with  all  my  heart,  my  readers  could 


136  Iblstor^  of  Bcw  lorft 

see  the  valiant  Van  Poflfenburgh,  as  lie  presided 
at  the  head  of  the  banquet ;  it  was  a  sight  worth 
beholding  : — there  he  sat,  in  his  greatest  glory, 
surrounded  by  his  soldiers,  like  that  famous 
wine-bibber,  Alexander,  whose  thirsty  virtues 
he  did  most  ably  imitate, — telling  astonishing 
stories  of  his  hair-breadth  adventures  and  heroic 
exploits ;  at  which,  though  all  his  auditors 
knew  them  to  be  incontinent  lies  and  outra- 
geous gasconadoes,  yet  did  they  cast  up  their 
eyes  in  admiration,  and  utter  many  interjections 
of  astonishment.  Nor  could  the  general  pro- 
nounce any  thing  that  bore  the  remotest  re- 
semblence  to  a  joke,  but  the  stout  Risingh 
would  strike  his  brawny  fist  upon  the  table  till 
every  glass  rattled  again,  throw  himself  back  in 
the  chair,  utter  gigantic  peals  of  laughter,  and 
swear  most  horribly  it  was  the  best  joke  he 
ever  heard  in  his  life.  Thus  all  was  rout  and 
revelry  and  hideous  carousal  within  Fort  Casi- 
mir ;  and  so  lustily  did  Van  Poffenburgh  ply  the 
bottle,  that  in  less  than  four  short  hours  he 
made  himself  and  his  whole  garrison,  who  all 
sedulously  emulated  the  deeds  of  their  chieftain, 
dead  drunk,  with  singing  songs,  quaffing  bum- 
pers, and  drinking  patriotic  toasts,  none  of 
which  but  was  as  long  as  a  Welsh  pedigree  or  a 
plea  in  chancery. 

No  sooner  did  things  come  to  this  pass,  than 


•ffngratituDe  ot  the  SwcDes        137 

Risingh  and  his  Swedes,  who  had  cunningly 
kept  themselves  sober,  rose  on  their  entertain- 
ers, tied  them  neck  and  heels,  and  took  formal 
possession  of  the  fort,  and  all  its  dependencies, 
in  the  name  of  Queen  Christina  of  Sweden,  ad- 
ministering at  the  same  time  an  oath  of  al- 
legiance to  all  the  Dutch  soldiers  who  could  be 
made  sober  enough  to  swallow  it.  Risingh 
then  put  the  fortification  in  order,  appointed 
his  discreet  and  vigilant  friend,  Suen  Schiite, 
otherwise  called  Skytte,  a  tall,  wind-dried, 
water-drinking  Swede,  to  the  command,  and 
departed,  bearing  with  him  this  truly  amiable 
garrison  and  its  puissant  commander,  who, 
when  brought  to  himself  by  a  sound  drubbing, 
bore  no  little  resemblance  to  a  "  deboshed  fish," 
or  bloated  sea-monster  caught  upon  dry  land. 

The  transportation  of  the  garrison  was  done 
to  prevent  the  transmission  of  intelligence  to 
New  Amsterdam  ;  for  much  as  the  cunning  Ri- 
singh exulted  in  his  stratagem,  yet  did  he  dread 
the  vengeance  of  the  sturdy  Peter  Stuy\'esant, 
whose  name  spread  as  much  terror  in  the  neigh- 
borhood as  did  whilom  that  of  the  unconquera- 
ble Scanderbeg  among  his  scurvy  enemies  the 
Turks. 


CHAPTER  III. 

SHOWING  HOW  PROFOUND  SECRETS  ARE  OFTEN 
BROUGHT  TO  WGHT  ;  WITH  THE  PROCEEDINGS 
OF  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  WHEN  HE  HEARD 
OF  THE  MISFORTUNES  OF  GENERAI.  VAN  POF- 
FENBURGH. 

WHOEVER  first  described  common  fame,  or 
rumor,  as  belonging  to  the  sager  sex,  was 
a  very  owl  for  shrewdness.  She  has  in  truth 
certain  feminine  qualities  to  an  astonishing  de- 
gree, particularly  that  benevolent  anxiety  to  take 
care  of  the  affairs  of  others,  which  keeps  her 
continually  hunting  after  secrets,  and  gadding 
about  proclaiming  them.  Whatever  is  done 
openly  and  in  the  face  of  the  world,  she  takes 
but  transient  notice  of ;  but  whenever  a  transac- 
tion is  done  in  a  comer,  and  attempted  to  be 
shrouded  in  mystery,  then  her  goddess-ship  is 
at  her  wit's  end  to  find  it  out,  and  takes  a  most 
mischievous  and  lady -like  pleasure  in  publishing 
it  to  the  world. 


DlrK  Scbuiler  139 

It  is  this  truly  feminine  propensity  which  in- 
duces her  continually  to  be  prying  into  the  cab- 
inets of  princes,  listening  at  the  key-holes  of 
senate-chambers,  and  peering  through  chinks 
and  crannies  when  our  worthy  Congress  are 
sitting  with  closed  doors,  deliberating  between 
a  dozen  excellent  modes  of  ruining  the  nation. 
It  is  this  which  makes  her  so  baneful  to  all 
wary  statesmen  and  intriguing  commanders, — 
such  a  stumbling-block  to  private  negotiations 
and  secret  expeditions,  betraying  them  by 
means  and  instruments  which  never  would 
have  been  thought  of  by  any  but  a  female 
head. 

Thus  it  was  in  the  case  of  the  affair  of  Fort 
Casimir.  No  doubt  the  cunning  Risingh  ima- 
gined that,  by  securing  the  garrison,  he  should 
for  a  long  time  prevent  the  history  of  its  fate 
from  reaching  the  ears  of  the  gallant  Stuyve- 
sant ;  but  his  exploit  was  blown  to  the  world 
when  he  least  expected,  and  by  one  of  the  last 
beings  he  would  ever  have  suspected  of  enlist- 
ing as  trumpeter  to  the  wide-mouthed  deity. 

This  was  one  Dirk  Schuiler  (or  Skulker)  a 
kind  of  hanger-on  to  the  garrison,  who  seemed 
to  belong  to  nobody,  and  in  a  manner  to  beself- 
out-lawed.  He  was  one  of  those  vagabond  cos- 
mopolites who  shark  about  the  world  as  if  they 
had  no  right  or  business  in  it,  and  who  infest 


I40  Iblstors  of  IRcw  lork 

the  skirts  of  society  like  poachers  and  inter- 
lopers. Every  garrison  and  country  village  has 
one  or  more  scape-goats  of  this  kind,  whose  life 
is  a  kind  of  enigma,  whose  existence  is  without 
motive,  who  comes  from  the  Lord  knows  where, 
who  lives  the  Lord  knows  how,  and  who  seems 
created  for  no  other  earthly  purpose  but  to  keep 
up  the  ancient  and  honorable  order  of  idleness. 
This  vagrant  philosopher  was  supposed  to  have 
some  Indian  blood  in  his  veins,  which  was  mani- 
fested by  a  certain  Indian  complexion  and  cast 
of  countenance,  but  more  especially  by  his  pro- 
pensities and  habits.  He  was  a  tall,  lank  fellow, 
swift  of  foot,  and  long-winded.  He  was  gen- 
erally equipped  in  a  half  Indian  dress,  with 
belt,  leggins,  and  moccasons.  His  hair  hung  in 
straight  gallows-locks  about  his  ears,  and  added 
not  a  little  to  his  sharking  demeanor.  It  is  an 
old  remark,  that  persons  of  Indian  mixture  are 
half  civilized,  half  savage,  and  half  devil, — a 
third  half  being  provided  for  their  particular 
convenience.  It  is  for  similar  reasons,  and 
probably  with  equal  truth,  that  the  backwoods- 
men of  Kentucky  are  styled  half  man,  half 
horse,  and  half  alligator,  by  the  settlers  on  the 
Mississippi,  and  held  accordingly  in  great  re* 
pect  and  abhorrence. 

The  above  character  may  have  presented  it' 
self  to  the  garrison  as  applicable  to  Dirk  Schu- 


(5allow0  Dirk  141 

iler,  whom  they  familiarly  dubbed  Gallows 
Dirk.  Certain  it  is,  he  acknowledged  allegiance 
to  no  one, — was  an  utter  enemy  to  work,  holding 
it  in  no  manner  of  estimation, — but  lounging 
about  the  fort,  depending  upon  chance  for  a 
subsistence,  getting  drunk  whenever  he  could 
get  liquor,  and  stealing  whatever  he  could 
lay  his  hands  on.  Every  day  or  two  he  was  sure 
to  get  a  round  rib-roasting  for  some  of  his  mis- 
demeanors, which,  however,  as  it  broke  no 
bones,  he  made  very  light  of,  and  scrupled  not 
to  repeat  the  offence  whenever  another  oppor- 
tunity presented.  Sometimes,  in  consequence 
of  some  flagrant  villainy,  he  would  abscond  from 
the  garrison,  and  be  absent  for  a  month  at  a 
time,  skulking  about  the  woods  and  swamps, 
with  a  long  fowling-piece  on  his  shoulder,  lying 
in  ambush  for  game, — or  squatting  himself  down 
on  the  edge  of  a  pond,  catching  fish  for  hours 
together,  and  bearing  no  little  resemblance  to 
that  notable  bird  of  the  crane  family,  ycleped 
the  Mudpoke.  When  he  thought  his  crimes  had 
been  forgotten  or  forgiven,  he  would  sneak  back 
to  the  fort  with  a  bundle  of  skins,  or  a  load  of 
poultry,  which,  perchance,  he  had  stolen,  and 
would  exchange  them  for  liquor,  with  which 
having  well  soaked  his  carcass,  he  would  lie  in 
the  sun  and  enjoy  all  the  luxurious  indolence  of 
that  swinish  philosopher  Diogenes.      He  was 


142  Ibistor^  of  Iftew  l^orft 

the  terror  of  all  the  farm-yards  in  the  country 
into  which  he  made  fearful  inroads  ;  and  some- 
times he  would  make  his  sudden  appearance  in 
the  garrison  at  daybreak,  with  the  whole  neigh- 
borhood at  his  heels, — like  the  scoundrel  thief 
of  a  fox,  detected  in  his  maraudings  and  hunt- 
ed to  his  hole.  Such  was  this  Dirk  Schuiler ;  and 
from  the  total  indifference  he  showed  to  the 
world  and  its  concerns,  and  from  his  truly  In- 
dian stoicism  and  taciturnity,  no  one  would  ever 
have  dreamt  that  he  would  have  been  the  pub- 
lisher of  the  treachery  of  Risingh. 

When  the  carousal  was  going  on,  which 
proved  so  fatal  to  the  brave  Poffenburgh  and  his 
watchful  garrison.  Dirk  skulked  about  from 
room  to  room,  being  a  kind  of  privileged  va' 
grant,  or  useless  hound,  whom  nobody  noticed. 
But  though  a  fellow  of  few  words,  yet,  like  your 
taciturn  people,  his  eyes  and  ears  were  always 
open,  and  in  the  course  of  his  prowlings  he 
overheard  the  whole  plot  of  the  Swedes.  Dirk 
immediately  settled  in  his  own  mind  how  he 
should  turn  the  matter  to  his  own  advantage. 
He  played  the  perfect  jack-of-both-sides,  which  is 
to  say,  he  made  a  prize  of  every  thing  that  came 
in  his  reach,  robbed  both  parties,  stuck  the 
copper-bound  cocked  hat  of  the  puissant  Van 
Poffenburgh  on  his  head,  whipped  a  huge  pair 
of  Risingh' s  jack-boots  under  his  arms,    and 


jfllabt  to  IRew  BmsterOam        143 

took  to  his  heels  just  before  the  catastrophe  and 
confusion  at  the  garrison. 

Finding  himself  completely  dislodged  from 
his  haunt  in  this  quarter,  he  directed  his  flight 
towards  his  native  place,  New  Amsterdam, 
whence  he  had  formerly  been  obliged  to  ab- 
scond percipitately,  in  consequence  of  misfor- 
tune in  business, — that  is  to  say,  having  been 
detected  in  the  act  of  sheep-stealing.  After 
wandering  many  days  in  the  woods,  toiling 
through  swamps,  fording  brooks,  swimming 
various  rivers,  and  encountering  a  world  of 
hardships  that  would  have  killed  any  other  be- 
ing but  an  Indian,  a  backwoodsman,  or  the 
Devil,  he  at  length  arrived,  half  famished,  and 
lank  as  a  starved  weasel,  at  Communipaw,  where 
he  stole  a  canoe,  and  paddled  over  to  New  Am- 
sterdam. Immediately  on  landing,  he  repaired 
to  Governor  Stuyvesant,  and,  in  more  words 
than  he  had  ever  spoken  before  in  the  whole 
course  of  his  life,  gave  an  account  of  the  disas- 
trous affair. 

On  receiving  these  direful  tidings,  the  valiant 
Peter  started  from  his  seat,  dashed  the  pipe  he 
was  smoking  against  the  back  of  the  chimney, 
thrust  a  prodigious  quid  of  tobacco  into  his  left 
cheek,  pulled  up  his  galligaskins,  and  strode  up 
and  down  the  room,  humming,  as  was  customary 
with  him  when  in  a  passion,  a  hideous  north- 


144  tXstor^  of  Bew  l^ork 

west  ditty.  But,  as  I  have  before  shown,  he  was 
not  a  man  to  vent  his  spleen  in  idle  vaporing. 
His  first  measure,  after  the  paroxysm  of  wrath 
had  subsided,  was  to  stump  up  stairs  to  a  huge 
wooden  chest,  which  served  as  his  armor>%  from 
whence  he  drew  forth  that  identical  suit  of  regi- 
mentals described  in  the  preceding  chapter. 
In'these  portentous  habiliments  he  arrayed  him- 
self like  Achilles  in  the  armor  of  Vulcan,  main- 
taining all  the  while  an  appalling  silence, 
knitting  his  brows,  and  drawing  his  breath 
through  his  clinched  teeth.  Being  hastily 
equipped,  he  strode  down  into  the  parlor  and 
jerked  down  his  trusty  sword  from  over  the 
fireplace,  where  it  was  usually  suspended ;  but 
before  he  girded  it  on  his  thigh,  he  drew  it  from 
its  scabbard,  and  as  his  eye  coursed  along  the 
rusty  blade,  a  grim  smile  stole  over  his  iron  vis- 
age ;  it  was  the  first  smile  that  had  visited  his 
countenance  for  five  long  weeks ;  but  every  one 
who  beheld  it  prophesied  that  there  would  soon 
be  warm  work  in  the  province  ! 

Thus  armed  at  all  points,  with  grisly  war  de- 
picted in  each  feature,  his  very  cocked  hat  as- 
suming an  air  of  uncommon  defiance,  he  in- 
stantly put  himself  upon  the  alert,  and  de- 
spatched Antony  Van  Corlear  hither  and  thither, 
this  way  and  that  way,  through  all  the  nmddy 
streets  and  crooked  lanes  of  the  city,  summon- 


Zbc  Council  Summoned  ms 

ing  by  sound  of  trumpet  his  trusty  peers  to 
assemble  in  instant  council.  This  done,  by  way 
of  expediting  matters,  according  to  the  custom 
of  people  in  a  hurry,  he  kept  in  continual  bus- 
tle, shifting  from  chair  to  chair,  popping  his 
head  out  of  every  window,  and  stumping  up 
and  down  stairs  with  his  wooden  leg  in  such 
brisk  and  incessant  motion,  that,  as  we  are  in- 
formed by  an  authentic  historian  of  the  times, 
the  continual  clatter  bore  no  small  resemblance 
to  the  music  of  a  cooper  hooping  a  flour-barrel. 

A  summons  so  peremptory,  and  from  a  man 
of  the  governor's  mettle,  was  not  to  be  trifled 
with ;  the  sages  forthwith  repaired  to  the  coun- 
cil-chamber, seated  themselves  with  the  utmost 
tranquillity,  and,  lighting  their  long  pipes, 
gazed  with  unruffled  composure  on  his  Excel- 
lency and  his  regimentals, — being,  as  all  coim- 
sellors  should  be,  not  easily  flustered,  nor  taken 
by  surprise.  The  governor,  looking  around  for 
a  moment  with  a  lofty,  soldier-like  air,  and 
resting  one  hand  on  the  pommel  of  his  sword, 
and  flinging  the  other  forth  in  a  free  and  spir- 
ited manner,  addressed  them  in  a  short  but 
soul-stirring  harangue. 

I  am  extremely  sorry  that  I  have  not  the  ad- 
vantages of  Livy,Thucydides,  Plutarch,  and  oth- 
ers of  my  predecessors,  who  were  furnished,  as 
7  am  told,  with  the  speeches  of  all  their  heroes, 


146  Ibistor^  of  Bew  l^ork 

taken  down  in  short-hand  by  the  most  accurate 
stenographers  of  the  time, — whereby  they  were 
enabled  wonderfully  to  enrich  their  histories, 
and  delight  their  readers  with  sublime  strains 
of  eloquence.  Not  having  such  important  aux- 
iliaries, I  cannot  possibly  pronounce  what  was 
the  tenor  of  Governor  Stujrvesant's  speech.  I 
am  bold,  however,  to  say,  from  the  tenor  of  his 
character,  that  he  did  not  wrap  his  rugged  sub- 
ject in  silks  and  ermines,  and  other  sickly  trick- 
eries of  phrase,  but  spoke  forth  like  a  man  of 
nerve  and  vigor,  who  scorned  to  shrink  in  words 
from  those  dangers  which  he  stood  ready  to  en- 
coimter  in  very  deed.  This  much  is  certain,  that 
he  concluded  by  announcing  his  determination 
to  lead  on  his  troops  in  person,  and  rout  these 
costard -monger  Swedes  from  their  usurped 
quarters  at  Fort  Casimir.  To  this  hardy  resolu- 
tion, such  of  his  council  as  were  awake  gave 
their  usual  signal  of  concurrence  ;  and  as  to  the 
rest,  who  had  fallen  asleep  about  the  middle  of 
the  harangue  (their  "  usual  custom  in  the  after- 
noon "),  they  made  not  the  least  objection. 

And  now  was  seen  in  the  fair  city  of  New 
Amsterdam  a  prodigious  bustle  and  preparation 
for  iron  war.  Recruiting  parties  marched  hither 
and  thither,  calling  lustily  upon  all  the  scrubs, 
the  runagates,  and  tatterdemalions  of  the  Man- 
hattoes  and  its  vicinity,  who  had  any  ambition 


IRccruftincj  tor  Tldar  147 

of  sixpence  a  day,  and  immortal  fame  into  the 
bargain,  to  enlist  in  the  cause  of  glory : — for  I 
would  have  you  note  that  your  warlike  heroes 
who  trudge  in  the  rear  of  conquerors  are  gener- 
ally of  that  illustrious  class  of  gentlemen  who 
are  equal  candidates  for  the  army  or  the  bride- 
well, the  halberds  or  the  w^hipping-post, — for 
whom  Dame  Fortune  has  cast  an  even  die, 
whether  they  shall  make  their  exit  by  the  sword 
or  the  halter,  and  whose  deaths  shall,  at  all 
events,  be  a  lofty  example  to  their  countrymen. 
But,  notwithstanding  all  this  martial  rout  and 
invitation,  the  ranks  of  honor  were  but  scantily 
supplied,  so  averse  were  the  peaceful  burghers 
of  New  Amsterdam  from  enlisting  in  foreign 
broils,  or  stirring  beyond  that  home  which 
rounded  all  their  earthly  ideas.  Upon  behold- 
ing this,  the  great  Peter,  whose  noble  heart  was 
all  on  fire  with  war  and  sweet  revenge,  deter- 
mined to  wait  no  longer  for  the  tardy  assistance 
of  these  oily  citizens,  but  to  muster  up  his  merry 
men  of  the  Hudson,  who,  brought  up  among 
woods,  and  wilds,  and  savage  beasts,  like  our 
yeomen  of  Kentucky,  delighted  in  nothing  so 
much  as  desperate  adventures  and  perilous  ex- 
peditions through  the  wilderness.  Thus  resolv- 
ing, he  ordered  his  trusty  squire,  Antony  Van 
Corlear,  to  have  his  state  galley  prepared  and 
duly  victualled  ;  which  being  performed,  he  at- 


148 


Ibistorg  ot  IRew  l^orh 


tended  public  service  at  the  great  church  of  St. 
Nicholas,  like  a  true  and  pious  governor ;  and 
then  leaving  peremptory  orders  with  his  council 
to  have  the  chivalry  of  the  Manhattoes  mar- 
shalled out  and  appointed  against  his  return, 
departed  on  his  recruiting  voyage  up  the  waters 
of  the  Hudson. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

CONTAINING  PETER  STUYVES ANT'S  VOYAGE  UP 
THE  HUDSON,  AND  THE  WONDERS  AND  DE- 
LIGHTS  OF  THAT  RENOWNED   RIVER. 


NOW  did  the  soft  breezes  of  the  south  steal 
sweetly  over  the  face  of  nature,  tempering 
the  panting  heats  of  summer  into  genial  and 
prolific  warmth  ;  when  that  miracle  of  hardi- 
hood and  chivalric  virtue,  the  dauntless  Peter 
Stuyvesant,  spread  his  canvas  to  the  wind,  and 
departed  from  the  fair  island  of  Manna- hata. 
The  galley  in  which  he  embarked  was  sump- 
tuously adorned  with  pendants  and  streamers  of 
gorgeous  dyes  which  fluttered  gayly  in  the 
wind,  or  drooped  their  ends  into  the  bosom  of 
the  stream.  The  bow  and  poop  of  this  majestic 
vessel  were  gallantly  bedight,  after  the  rarest 
Dutch  fashion,  with  figures  of  little  pursy  Cu- 
pids with  periwigs  on  their  heads,  and  bearing 
in  their  hands  garlands  of  flowers,  the  like  of 


I50  Ibistors  of  1Rew  l^orh 

which  are  not  to  be  found  in  any  book  of  botany, 
being  the  matchless  flowers  which  flourished  in 
the  golden  age,  and  exist  no  longer,  unless  it 
be  in  the  imaginations  of  ingenious  carvers  of 
wood  and  discolorers  of  canvas. 

Thus  rarely  decorated,  in  style  befitting  the 
puissant  potentate  of  the  Manhattoes,  did  the 
galley  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  launch  forth  upon 
the  bosom  of  the  lordly  Hudson,  which,  as  it 
rolled  its  broad  waves  to  the  ocean,  seemed  to 
pause  for  a  while  and  swell  with  pride,  as  if 
conscious  of  the  illustrious  burden  it  sustained. 

But  trust  me,  gentlefolk,  far  other  was  the 
scene  presented  to  the  contemplation  of  the 
crew  from  that  which  may  be  witnessed  at  this 
degenerate  day.  Wildness  and  savage  majesty 
reigned  on  the  borders  of  this  mighty  river ;  the 
hand  of  cultivation  had  not  as  3'et  laid  low  the 
dark  forest,  and  tamed  the  features  of  the  land- 
scape ;  nor  had  the  frequent  sail  of  commerce 
broken  in  upon  the  profound  and  awful  solitude 
of  ages.  Here  and  there  might  be  seen  a  rude 
wigwam  perched  among  the  clifls  of  the  moun- 
tains, with  its  curling  column  of  smoke  mount- 
ing in  the  transparent  atmosphere,  —  but  so 
loftily  situated  that  the  whoopings  of  the  savage 
children,  gambolling  on  the  margin  of  the  dizzy 
heights,  fell  almost  as  faintly  on  the  ear  as  do 
the  notes  of  the  lark  when  lost  in  the  azure 


XLbc  ttJoBage  151 

vault  of  heaven.  Now  and  then,  from  the  beet- 
ling brow  of  some  precipice,  the  wild  deer  would 
look  timidly  down  upon  the  splendid  pageant  as 
it  passed  below,  and  then,  tossing  his  antlers  in 
the  air,  would  bound  away  into  the  thickest  of 
the  forest 

Through  such  scenes  did  the  stately  vessel  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant  pass.  Now  did  they  skirt  the 
bases  of  the  rocky  heights  of  Jersey,  which 
spring  up  like  everlasting  walls,  reaching  from 
the  waves  unto  the  heavens,  and  were  fashioned, 
if  tradition  may  be  believed,  in  times  long  past, 
by  the  mighty  spirit  Manetho,  to  protect  his 
favorite  abodes  from  the  unhallowed  eyes  of 
mortals.  Now  did  they  career  it  gayly  across  the 
vast  expanse  of  Tappan  Bay,  whose  wide-extend- 
ed shores  present  a  variety  of  delectable  scenery, 
— ^here  the  bold  promontory,  crowned  with  em- 
bowering trees,  advancing  into  the  bay, — there 
the  long  woodland  slope,  sweeping  up  from  the 
shore  in  rich  luxuriance,  and  terminating  in  the 
upland  precipice, — while  at  a  distance  a  long 
waving  line  of  rocky  heights  threw  their  gigan- 
tic shades  across  the  water.  Now  would  they 
pass  where  some  modest  little  interval,  opening 
among  these  stupendous  scenes,  yet  retreating 
as  it  were  for  protection  into  the  embraces  of 
the  neighboring  mountains,  displayed  a  rural 
paradise,  fraught  with  sweet  and  pastoral  beau- 


152  1bi0tori2  ot  IRew  l^orft 

ties, — the  velvet-tufted  lawn,  tlie  bushy  copse, 
the  tinkling  rivulet,  stealing  through  the  fresh 
and  vivid  verdure,  on  whose  banks  was  situated 
some  little  Indian  village,  or,  peradventure,  the 
rude  cabin  of  some  solitary  hunter. 

The  different  periods  of  the  revolving  day 
seemed  each,  with  cunning  magic,  to  diffuse  a 
different  charm  over  the  scene.  Now  would  the 
jovial  sun  break  gloriously  from  the  east,  blazing 
from  the  summits  of  the  hills,  and  sparkling  the 
landscape  with  a  thousand  dewy  gems  ;  while 
along  the  borders  of  the  river  were  seen  the 
heavy  masses  of  mist,  which,  like  midnight 
caitiffs,  disturbed  at  his  approach,  made  a  slug- 
gish retreat,  rolling  in  sullen  reluctance  up  the 
mountains.  At  such  times  all  was  brightness,  and 
life,  and  gayety, — the  atmosphere  was  of  an  in- 
describable pureness  and  transparency, — the 
birds  broke  forth  in  wanton  madrigals,  and  the 
freshening  breezes  wafted  the  vessel  merrily  on 
her  course.  But  when  the  sun  sunk  amid  a  flood 
of  glory  in  the  west,  mantling  the  heavens  and 
the  earth  with  a  thousand  gorgeous  dyes,  then 
all  was  calm,  and  silent,  and  magnificent.  The 
late  swelling  sail  hung  lifelessly  against  the 
mast ; — the  seaman,  with  folded  arms,  leaned 
against  the  shrouds,  lost  in  that  involuntary 
musing  which  the  sober  grandeur  of  nature 
commands  in  the  rudest  of  her  children.     The 


XLwiliQbt  on  tbe  IbuDgon  153 

vast  bosom  of  the  Hudson  was  like  an  unruffled 
mirror,  reflecting  the  golden  splendor  of  the 
heavens,  excepting  that  now  and  then  a  bark 
canoe  would  steal  across  its  surface,  filled  with 
painted  savages,  whose  gay  feathers  glared 
brightly  as  perchance  a  lingering  ray  of  the 
setting  sun  gleamed  upon  them  from  the  western 
mountains. 

But  when  the  hour  of  twilight  spread  its 
majestic  mists  around,  then  did  the  face  of 
nature  assume  a  thousand  fugitive  charms, 
which  to  the  worthy  heart  that  seeks  enjoyment 
in  the  glorious  works  of  its  Maker  are  inex- 
pressibly captivating.  The  mellow  dubious  light 
that  prevailed  just  served  to  tinge  with  illusive 
colors  the  softened  features  of  the  scenery.  The 
deceived  but  delighted  eye  sought  vainly  to 
discern  in  the  broad  masses  of  shade  the  separa- 
ting line  between  the  land  and  water,  or  to  dis- 
tinguish the  fading  objects  that  seemed  sinking 
into  chaos.  Now  did  the  busy  fancy  supply  the 
feebleness  of  vision,  producing  with  industrious 
craft  a  fairy  creation  of  her  own.  Under  her 
plastic  wand  the  barren  rocks  frowned  upon  the 
watery  waste  in  the  semblance  of  lofty  towers 
and  high  embattled  castles, — trees  assumed  the 
direful  forms  of  mighty  giants,  and  the  inacces- 
sible summits  of  the  mountains  seemed  peopled 
with  a  thousand  shadowy  beings. 


154  Distort  ot  IWew  forft 

Now  broke  forth  from  the  shores  the  notes  of 
an  innumerable  variety  of  insects,  which  filled 
the  air  with  a  strange  but  not  inharmonious 
concert,  while  ever  and  anon  was  heard  the 
melancholy  plaint  of  the  whippoorwill,  who, 
perched  on  some  lone  tree,  wearied  the  ear  of 
night  with  his  incessant  moanings.  The  mind, 
soothed  into  a  hallowed  melancholy,  listened 
with  pensive  stillness  to  catch  and  distinguish 
each  sound  that  vaguely  echoed  from  the  shore, 
— now  and  then  startled  perchance  by  the 
whoop  of  some  straggling  savage,  or  by  the 
dreary  howl  of  a  wolf,  stealing  forth  upon  his 
nightly  prowlings. 

Thus  happily  did  they  pursue  their  course, 
until  they  entered  upon  those  awful  defiles  de- 
nominated THE  HiGHi^ANDS,  where  it  would 
seem  that  the  gigantic  Titans  had  erst 
waged  their  impious  war  with  heaven,  piling  up 
cliffs  on  cliffs,  and  hurling  vast  masses  of  rock 
in  wild  confusion.  But  in  sooth  very  different 
is  the  history  of  these  cloud-capt  mountains. 
These  in  ancient  days,  before  the  Hudson  poured 
its  waters  from  the  lakes,  formed  one  vast 
prison,  within  whose  rocky  bosom  the  omnipo- 
tent Manetho  confined  the  rebellious  spirits  who 
repined  at  his  control.  Here,  bound  in  adaman- 
tine chains,  or  jammed  in  rifted  pines,  or  crushed 
by  ponderous  rocks,  they  groaned  for  many  an 


XLbc  1bi0blanO5  155 

age.  At  length  the  conquering  Hudson,  in  its 
career  towards  the  ocean,  burst  open  their 
prison-house,  rolling  its  tide  triumphantly- 
through  the  stupendous  ruins. 

Still,  however,  do  many  of  them  lurk  about 
their  old  abodes ;  and  these  it  is,  according  to 
venerable  legends,  that  cause  the  echoes  which 
resound  throughout  these  awful  solitudes, — 
which  are  nothing  but  their  angry  clamors  when 
any  noise  disturbs  the  profoundness  of  their 
repose.  For  when  the  elements  are  agitated  by- 
tempest,  when  the  winds  are  up  and  the  thunder 
rolls,  then  horrible  is  the  yelling  and  howling 
of  these  troubled  spirits,  making  the  moimtains 
to  rebellow  with  their  hideous  uproar ;  for  at 
such  times  it  is  said  that  they  think  the  great 
Manetho  is  returning  once  more  to  plunge  them 
in  gloomy  caverns,  and  renew  their  intolerable 
captivity. 

But  all  these  fair  and  glorious  scenes  were 
lost  upon  the  gallant  Stuyvesant ;  naught  occu- 
pied his  mind  but  thoughts  of  iron  war,  and 
proud  anticipations  of  hardy  deeds  of  arms. 
Neither  did  his  honest  crew  trouble  their  heads 
with  any  romantic  speculations  of  the  kind. 
The  pilot  at  the  helm  quietly  smoked  his  pipe, 
thinking  of  nothing  either  past,  present,  or  to 
come  ; — those  of  his  comrades  who  were  not  in- 
dustriously smoking  under  the  hatches  were 


156  t>i0tori2  of  IRcvv  l^orft 

listening  with  open  mouths  to  Antony  Van 
■  Corlear,  who,  seated  on  the  windlass,  was  re- 
lating to  them  the  marvellous  history  of  those 
myriads  of  fireflies  that  sparkled  like  gems  and 
spangles  upon  the  dusky  robe  of  night.  These, 
according  to  tradition,  were  originally  a  race  of 
pestilent  sempitemous  beldames,  who  peopled 
these  parts  long  before  the  memory  of  man, 
being  of  that  abominated  race  emphatically 
called  brmtstofies,  and  who,  for  their  innumer- 
able sins  against  the  children  of  men,  and  to 
furnish  an  awful  warning  to  the  beauteous  sex, 
were  doomed  to  infest  the  earth  in  the  shape  of 
these  threatening  and  terrible  little  bugs,  en- 
during the  internal  torments  of  that  fire  which 
they  formerly  carried  in  their  hearts  and 
breathed  forth  in  their  words,  but  now  are 
sentenced  to  bear  about  forever — in  their  tails  ! 
And  now  I  am  going  to  tell  a  fact,  which  I 
doubt  much  my  readers  will  hesitate  to  believe ; 
but  if  they  do  they  are  welcome  not  to  believe 
a  word  in  this  whole  history,  for  nothing  which 
it  contains  is  more  true.  It  must  be  known 
then  that  the  nose  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter 
was  of  a  very  lusty  size,  strutting  boldly  from 
his  countenance  like  a  mountain  of  Golconda  ; 
being  sumptuously  bedecked  with  rubies  and 
other  precious  stones, — the  true  regalia  of  a 
king    of   good-fellows,    which    jolly    Bacchus 


Bntoni3'6  IRose  157 

grants  to  all  who  bouse  it  heartily  at  the  flagon. 
Now  thus  it  happened  that,  bright  and  early  in 
the  morning,  the  good  Antony,  having  washed 
his  burly  visage,  was  leaning  over  the  quarter- 
railing  of  the  galley,  contemplating  it  in  the 
glassy  wave  below.  Just  at  this  moment  the 
illustrious  sun,  breaking  in  all  its  splendor 
from  behind  a  high  bluff  of  the  highlands,  did 
dart  one  of  his  most  potent  beams  full  upon  the 
refulgent  nose  of  the  sounder  of  brass — the 
reflection  of  which  shot  straightway  down, 
hissing-hot,  into  the  water,  and  killed  a  mighty 
sturgeon  that  was  sporting  beside  the  vessel ! 
This  huge  monster  being  with  infinite  labor 
hoisted  on  board,  furnished  a  luxurious  repast 
to  all  the  crew,  being  accounted  of  excellent 
flavor,  excepting  about  the  wound,  where  it 
smacked  a  little  of  brimstone  ;  and  this,  on  my 
veracity,  was  the  first  time  that  ever  sturgeon 
was  eaten  in  these  parts  by  Christian  people.* 

When  this  astonishing  miracle  came  to  be 
made  known  to  Peter  Stuyvesant,  and  that  he 
tasted  of  the  unknown  fish,  he,  as  may  well  be 
supposed,  marvelled  exceedingly ;  and  as  a 
monument  thereof,  he  gave  the  name  oi  Anto- 

*  The  learned  Hans  Megapolensis,  treating  of  the  coun- 
try about  Albany,  in  a  letter  which  was  written  some  time 
after  the  settlement,  says  :  "  There  is  in  the  river  great 
plenty  of  sturgeon,  which  we  Christians  do  not  make 
use  of,  but  the  Indians  eat  them  greedily." 


158  fbistov^  ot  Irlew  13ork 

ny^s  Nose  to  a  stout  promontory  in  the  neigh- 
borhood ;  and  it  has  continued  to  be  called 
Antony's  Nose  ever  since  that  time. 

But  hold  :  whither  am  I  wandering  ?  By  the 
mass,  if  I  attempt  to  accompany  the  good  Peter 
Stuyvesant  on  this  voyage,  I  shall  never  make 
an  end  ;  for  never  was  there  a  voyage  so  fraught 
with  marvellous  incidents,  nor  a  river  so 
abounding  with  transcendent  beauties,  worthy 
of  being  severally  recorded.  Even  now  I  have 
it  on  the  point  of  my  pen  to  relate  how  his  crew 
were  most  horribly  frightened,  on  going  on 
shore  above  the  highlands,  by  a  gang  of  merry 
roistering  devils,  frisking  and  curveting  on  a 
flat  rock,  which  projected  into  the  river,  and 
which  is  called  the  DtiyveVs  Dafis-Kamer  to 
this  very  day.  But  no,  Diedrich  Knicker- 
bocker, it  becomes  thee  not  to  idle  thus  in  thy 
historic  wayfaring. 

Recollect  that,  while  dwelling  with  the  fond 
garrulity  of  age  over  these  fairy  scenes,  en- 
deared to  thee  by  the  recollections  of  thy  youth, 
and  the  charms  of  a  thousand  legendary  tales, 
which  beguiled  the  simple  ear  of  thy  child- 
hood,— recollect  that  thou  art  trifling  with 
those  fleeting  moments  which  should  be  devot- 
ed to  loftier  themes.  Is  not  Time — relentless 
Time  ! — shaking,  with  palsied  hand,  his  almost 
exhausted    hour-glass    before    thee  ?      Hasten 


protection  ot  St.  IFlfcbolas        159 

then  to  pursue  thy  weary  task,  lest  the  last 
sands  be  run  ere  thou  hast  finished  thy  history 
of  the  Manhattoes. 

Let  us,  then,  commit  the  dauntless  Peter,  his 
brave  galley,  and  his  loyal  crew  to  the  protec- 
tion of  the  blessed  St.  Nicholas,  who,  I  have 
no  doubt,  will  prosper  him  in  his  voyage,  while 
we  await  his  return  at  the  great  city  of  New 
Amsterdam. 


CHAPTER  V. 

DESCRIBING  THE  POWERFUIv  ARMY  THAT  AS- 
SEMBI^ED  AT  THE  CITY  OE  NEW  AMSTER- 
DAM—TOGETHER WITH  THE  INTERVIEW 
BETWEEN  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  AND 
GENERAE  VAN  POFFENBURGH,  AND  PETER'S 
SENTIMENTS  TOUCHING  UNFORTUNATE  GREAT 
MEN. 

WHIIvB  thus  the  enterprising  Peter  was 
coasting,  with  flowing  sail,  up  the 
shores  of  the  lordly  Hudson,  and  arousing  all 
the  phlegmatic  little  Dutch  settlements  upon 
its  borders,  a  great  and  puissant  concourse  of 
warriors  was  assembling  at  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam.  And  here  that  invaluable  frag- 
ment of  antiquity,  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript, 
is  more  than  commonly  particular  ;  by  which 
means  I  am  enabled  to  record  the  illustrious 
host  that  encamped  itself  in  the  public  square 
in  front  of  the  fort,  at  present  denominated  the 
Bowling  Green. 

In  the  centre,  then,  was  pitched  the  tent  of 


IDaKant  SolOlers  i6i 

the  men  of  battle  of  the  Manhattoes,  who, 
being  the  inmates  of  the  metropolis,  composed 
the  lifeguards  of  the  governor.  These  were 
commanded  by  the  valiant  Stoffel  Brinker- 
hoof,  who  whilom  had  acquired  such  immortal 
fame  at  Oyster  Bay  ;  they  displayed  as  a  stand- 
ard a  beaver  rampant  on  a  field  of  orange, 
being  the  arms  of  the  province,  and  denoting 
the  persevering  industry  and  the  amphibious 
origin  of  the  Nederlanders.* 

On  their  right  hand  might  be  seen  the  vassals 
of  that  renowned  Mynheer,  Michael  Paw,t  who 
lorded  it  over  the  fair  regions  of  ancient  Pavo- 
nia,  and  the  lands  away  south  even  unto  the 
Navesink  Mountains,]:  and  was,  moreover,  pa- 
troon  of  Gibbet  Island.  His  standard  was  borne 
by  his  trusty  squire,  Cornelius  Van  Vorst,  con- 
sisting of  a  huge  oyster  recumbent  upon  a  sea- 
green  field,  being  the  armorial  bearings  of  his 

*  This  was  likewise  the  g^reat  seal  of  the  New  Nether- 
lands, as  may  still  be  seen  in  ancient  records 

t  Besides  what  is  related  in  the  Stuyvesant  MS.,  I  have 
found  mention  made  of  this  illustrious  patroon  in  an- 
other manuscript,  which  says  :  "  De  Heer  (or  the  squire) 
Michael  Paw,  a  Dutch  subject,  about  loth  Aug.,  1630,  by 
deed  purchased  Staten  Island.  N.  B. — The  same  Michael 
Paw  had  what  the  Dutch  called  a  colonic  at  Pavonia,  on 
the  Jersey  shore,  opposite  New  York,  and  his  overseer 
in  1636  was  named  Corns.  Van  Vorst,  a  person  of  the 
same  name,  in  1769,  owned  Pawles  Hook,  and  a  large 
farm  at  Pavonia,  and  is  a  lineal  descendant  from  Van 
Vorst." 

\  So  called  from  the  Navesink  tribe  of  Indians  that  in- 
habited these  parts.  At  present  they  are  erroneously 
denominated  the  Neversink  or  Neversunk  Mountains. 


i62  1bf6tori5  of  IRcw  l^ork 

favorite  metropolis,  Communipaw.  He  brought 
to  the  camp  a  stout  force  of  warriors,  heavily 
armed,  being  each  clad  in  ten  pair  of  linsey- 
woolsey  breeches,  and  overshadowed  by  broad- 
brimmed  beavers,  with  short  pipes  twisted  in 
their  hat-bands.  These  were  the  men  who 
vegetated  in  the  mud  along  the  shores  of  Pavo- 
nia,  being  of  the  race  of  genuine  copperheads, 
and  were  fabled  to  have  sprung  from  oysters. 

At  a  little  distance  was  encamped  the  tribe  of 
warriors  who  came  from  the  neighborhood  of 
Hell-gate.  These  were  commanded  by  the  Suy 
Dams,  and  the  Van  Dams, — incontinent  hard 
swearers,  as  their  names  betoken.  They  were 
terrible-looking  fellows,  clad  in  broad-skirted 
gaberdines  of  that  curious-colored  cloth  called 
thunder  and  lightning, — and  bore  as  a  standard 
three  Devil's  darning-needles,  volant^  in  a  flame- 
colored  field. 

Hard  by  was  the  tent  of  the  men  of  battle 
from  the  marshy  borders  of  the  Waale-Boght* 
and  the  country  thereabouts.  These  were  of  a 
sour  aspect,  by  reason  that  they  lived  on  crabs, 
which  abound  in  these  parts.  They  were  the 
first  institutors  of  that  honorable  order  of  knight- 
hood called  Fly-market  shirks,  and,  if  tradition 
speak  true,  did  likewise  introduce  the  far-famed 

*  Since  corrupted  into  the  Wallabout ;  the  bay  where 
the  Navy  Yard  is  situated. 


Stugvesant's  Brmg  1^3 

step  in  dancing  called  "double  trouble."  They 
were  commanded  by  the  fearless  Jacobus  Varra 
Vanger, — and  had,  moreover,  a  jolly  band  of 
Breuckelen*  ferry-men,  who  performed  a  brave 
concerto  on  conch  shells. 

But  I  refrain  from  pursuing  this  minute  de- 
scription, which  goes  on  to  describe  the  war- 
riors of  Bloemen-dael,  and  Weehawk,  and  Ho- 
boken,  and  sundry  other  places  well  known  in 
history  and  song  ;  for  now  do  the  notes  of  mar- 
tial music  alarm  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam, 
soimdingafar  from  beyond  the  walls  of  the  city. 
But  this  alarm  was  in  a  little  while  relieved,  for 
lo  !  from  the  midst  of  a  vast  cloud  of  dust  they 
recognized  the  brimstone-colored  breeches  and 
splendid  silver  leg  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  glaring 
in  the  sunbeams,  and  beheld  him  approaching 
at  the  head  of  a  formidable  army,  which  he  had 
mustered  along  the  banks  of  the  Hudson.  And 
here  the  excellent  but  anonymous  writer  of  the 
Stuyvesant  manuscript  breaks  out  into  a  brave 
and  glorious  description  of  the  forces  as  they 
defiled  through  the  principal  gate  of  the  city, 
that  stood  by  the  head  of  Wall  Street. 

First  of  all  came  the  Van  Bummels,  who  in- 
habit the  pleasant  borders  of  the  Bronx  ;  these 
were  short,  fat  men,  wearing  exceeding  large 
trunk-breeches,  and  were  renowned  for  feats  of 

♦Now  spelt  Brooklyn. 


i64  1bi0tori2  ot  IWew  l^orft 

the  trencher ;  they  were  the  first  inventors  of 
suppawn,  or  mush  and  milk.  Close  in  their 
rear  marched  the  Van  Vlotens,  of  Kaatskill, 
horrible  quaffers  of  new  cider,  and  arrant  brag- 
garts in  their  liquor.  After  them  came  the  Van 
Pelts,  of  Groodt  Esopus,  dexterous  horsemen, 
mounted  upon  goodly  switch-tailed  steeds  of 
the  Esopus  breed  ;  these  were  mighty  hunters 
of  minks  and  musk-rats,  whence  came  the  word 
Peltry.  Then  the  Van  Nests,  of  Kinderhoeck, 
valiant  robbers  of  birds'-nests,  as  their  name 
denotes  ;  to  these,  if  report  may  be  believed, 
are  we  indebted  for  the  invention  of  slap-jacks, 
or  buckwheat  cakes.  Then  the  Van  Higgin- 
bottoms,  of  Wapping's  Creek;  these  came 
armed  with  ferules  and  birchen  rods,  being  a 
race  of  schoolmasters  who  first  discovered  the 
marvellous  sympathy  between  the  seat  of  honor 
and  the  seat  of  intellect, — and  that  the  shortest 
way  to  get  knowledge  into  the  head  was  to 
hammer  it  into  the  bottom.  Then  the  Van 
Grolls,  of  Antony's  Nose,  who  carried  their 
liquor  in  fair  round  little  pottles,  by  reason 
they  could  not  bouse  it  out  of  their  canteens, 
having  such  rare  long  noses.  Then  the  Garden- 
iers,  of  Hudson  and  thereabouts,  distinguished 
by  many  triumphant  feats,  such  as  robbing 
watermelon  patches,  smoking  rabbits  out  of 
their  holes,   and  the  like,  and  by  being  great 


Zbc  •RnfcftcrbocFiers  165 

lovers  of  roasted  pigs'  tails  ;  these  were  the 
ancestors  of  the  renowned  Congressman  of  that 
name.  Then  the  Van  Hoesens,  of  Sing-Sing, 
great  choristers  and  players  upon  the  jews-harp  ; 
these  marched  two  and  two,  singing  the  great 
song  of  St.  Nicholas.  Then  the  Couenhovens, 
of  Sleepy  Hollow ;  these  gave  birth  to  a  jolly 
race  of  publicans,  who  first  discovered  the  magic 
artifice  of  conjuring  a  quart  of  wine  into  a  pint 
bottle.  Then  the  Van  Kortlandts,  who  lived  on 
the  wild  banks  of  the  Croton,  and  were  great 
killers  of  wild  ducks,  being  much  spoken  of  fa 
their  skill  in  shooting  with  the  long  bow.  Then 
the  Van  Bunschotens,  of  Nyack  and  Kakiat, 
who  were  the  first  that  ever  did  kick  with  the 
left  foot ;  they  were  gallant  bushwhackers  and 
hunters  of  raccoons  by  moonlight.  Then  the 
Van  Winkles,  of  Haerlem,  potent  suckers  of 
eggs,  and  noted  for  running  of  horses,  and  run- 
ning up  of  scores  at  taverns  ;  they  were  the 
first  that  ever  winked  with  both  eyes  at  once. 
Lastly  came  the  Knickerbockers,  of  the  great 
town  of  Scaghtikoke,  where  the  folk  lay  stones 
upon  the  houses  in  windy  weather  lest  they 
should  be  blown  away ;  these  derive  their 
name,  as  some  say,  from  K7iicker,  to  shake,  and 
Beker^  a  goblet,  indicating  thereby  that  they 
were  sturdy  toss-pots  of  yore,  but,  in  truth,  it 
was  derived  from  Knicker,  to  nod,  and  Boeken^ 


i66  Ibfstori?  ot  mew  forft 

"books,  plainly  meaning  that  they  were  great 
nodders  or  dozers  over  books  ;  from  them  did 
descend  the  writer  of  this  history. 

Such  was  the  legion  of  sturdy  bush-beaters 
that  poured  in  at  the  grand  gate  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. The  Stuyvesant  manuscript  indeed 
speaks  of  many  more,  whose  names  I  omit  to 
mention,  seeing  that  it  behooves  me  to  hasten 
to  matters  of  greater  moment.  Nothing  could 
surpass  the  joy  and  martial  pride  of  the  lion- 
hearted  Peter  as  he  reviewed  this  mighty  host 
of  warriors,  and  he  determined  no  longer  to 
defer  the  gratification  of  his  much-wished-for 
revenge  upon  the  scoundrel  Swedes  at  Fort 
Casimir. 

But  before  I  hasten  to  record  those  unmatch- 
able  events  which  will  be  found  in  the  sequel 
of  this  faithful  history,  let  me  pause  to  notice 
the  fate  of  Jacobus  Van  Pofifenburgh,  the  dis- 
comfited commander-in-chief  of  the  armies  of 
the  New  Nederlands.  Such  is  the  inherent  un- 
charitableness  of  human  nature,  that  scarcely 
did  the  news  become  public  of  his  deplorable 
discomfiture  at  Fort  Casimir,  than  a  thousand 
scurvy  rumors  were  set  afloat  in  New  Amster- 
dam, wherein  it  was  insinuated  that  he  had  in 
reality  a  treacherous  understanding  with  the 
Swedish  commander  ;  that  he  had  long  been  in 
the  practice  of  privately  communicating  with 


Dan  l^otfenburab's  XiteQuarO      167 

the  Swedes,  together  with  divers  hints  about 
"secret-service  money."  To  all  which  deadly- 
charges  I  do  not  give  a  jot  more  credit  than  I 
think  they  deserve. 

Certain  it  is,  that  the  general  vindicated  his 
character  by  the  most  vehement  oaths  and  pro- 
testations, and  put  every  man  out  of  the  ranks 
of  honor  who  dared  to  doubt  his  integrity. 
Moreover,  on  returning  to  New  Amsterdam  he 
paraded  up  and  down  the  streets  with  a  crew  of 
hard  swearers  at  his  heels, — sturdy  bottle-com- 
panions, whom  he  gorged  and  fattened,  and 
who  were  ready  to  bolster  him  through  all  the 
courts  of  justice, — heroes  of  his  own  kidney, 
fierce -whiskered,  broad-shouldered,  colbrand- 
looking  swaggerers,  —  not  one  of  whom  but 
looked  as  though  he  could  eat  up  an  ox,  and 
pick  his  teeth  with  the  horns.  These  lifeguard 
men  quarrelled  all  his  quarrels,  were  ready  to 
fight  all  his  battles,  and  scowled  at  every  man 
that  turned  up  his  nose  at  the  general,  as 
though  they  M'ould  devour  him  alive.  Their 
conversation  was  interspersed  with  oaths  like 
minute-guns,  and  every  bombastic  rhodomon- 
tade  was  rounded  off  by  a  thundering  execra- 
tion, like  a  patriotic  toast  honored  with  a  dis- 
charge of  artiller}\ 

All  these  valorous  vaporings  had  a  consider- 
erable   efiect  in   convincing    certain   profound 


i68  Ibietori?  of  mew  l^orft 

sages,  who  began  to  think  the  general  a  hero 
'  of  unmatchable  loftiness  and  magnanimity  of 
soul,  particularly  as  he  was  continually  protest- 
ing on  the  honor  of  a  soldier, — a  marvellously 
high-sounding  asseveration.  Nay,  one  of  the 
members  of  the  council  went  so  far  as  to  pro- 
pose they  should  immortalize  him  by  an  im- 
perishable statue  of  plaster  of  Paris. 

But  the  vigilant  Peter  the  Headstrong  was 
not  thus  to  be  deceived.  Sending  privately  for 
the  commander-in-chief  of  all  the  armies,  and 
having  heard  all  his  story,  garnished  with  the 
customary  pious  oaths,  protestations,  and  ejacu- 
lations,— "Harkee,  comrade, "said  he,  "though 
by  your  own  account  you  are  the  most  brave, 
upright,  and  honorable  man  in  the  whole  prov- 
ince, yet  do  you  lie  under  the  misfortune  of 
being  damnably  traduced,  and  immeasurably 
despised.  Now,  though  it  is  certainly  hard  to 
punish  a  man  for  his  misfortunes,  and  though 
it  is  very  possible  you  are  totally  innocent  of 
the  crimes  laid  to  your  charge,  yet  as  heaven, 
doubtless  for  some  wise  purpose,  sees  fit  at 
present  to  withhold  all  proofs  of  your  inno- 
cence, far  be  it  from  me  to  counteract  its  sov- 
ereign will.  Besides,  I  cannot  consent  to  ven- 
ture my  armies  with  a  commander  whom  they 
despise,  nor  to  trust  the  welfare  of  my  people  to 
a  champion  whom  they  distrust.    Retire,  there- 


•mntortunatc  (5rcat  /Ibcn 


:69 


fore,  my  friend,  from  the  irksome  toils  and 
cares  of  public  life,  with  this  comforting  reflec- 
tion that,  if  guilty,  you  are  but  enjoying  your 
just  reward,  and,  if  innocent,  you  are  not  the 
first  great  and  good  man  who  has  most  wrong- 
fully been  slandered  and  maltreated  in  this 
wicked  world, — doubtless  to  be  better  treated  in 
a  better  world,  where  there  shall  be  neither 
error,  calumny,  nor  persecution.  In  the  mean- 
time let  me  never  see  your  face  again,  for  I 
have  a  horrible  antipathy  to  the  countenances 
of  unfortune  great  men  like  yourself" 


CHAPTER  VI. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  DISCOURSES  VERY 
INGENIOUSLY  OF  HIMSEI^F — AFTER  WHICH  IS 
TO  BE  FOUND  MUCH  INTERESTING  HISTORY 
ABOUT  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  AND  HIS 
FOI^IvOWERS. 

AS  my  readers  and  myself  are  about  entering 
on  as  many  perils  as  ever  a  confederacy 
of  meddlesome  knights-errant  wilfully  ran  their 
heads  into,  it  is  meet  that,  like  those  hardy 
adventurers,  we  should  join  hands,  bury  all  dif- 
ferences, and  swear  to  stand  by  one  another,  in 
weal  or  woe,  to  the  end  of  the  enterprise.  My 
readers  must  doubtless  perceive  how  completely 
I  have  altered  my  tone  and  deportment  since 
we  first  set  out  together.  I  warrant  they  then 
thought  me  a  crabbed,  cynical,  impertinent  lit- 
tle son  of  a  Dutchman  ;  for  I  scarcely  gave  them 
a  civil  word,  nor  so  much  as  touched  my  beaver 
when  I  had  occasion  to  address  them.     But  as 


Cbc  autbor's  Wiilce  171 

•we  jogged  along  together  on  the  high  road  of 
tny  history,  I  gradually  began  to  relax,  to  grow 
more  courteous,  and  occasionally  to  enter  into 
familiar  discourse,  until  at  length  I  came  to 
conceive  a  most  social,  companionable  kind  of 
regard  for  them.  This  is  just  my  way ;  I  am 
always  a  little  cold  and  reserved  at  first,  partic- 
ularly to  people  whom  I  neither  know  nor  care 
for,  and  am  only  to  be  completely  won  by  long 
intimacy. 

Besides,  why  should  I  have  been  sociable  to 
the  crowd  of  how-d'ye-do  acquaintances  that 
flocked  around  me  at  my  first  appearance  ? 
Many  were  merely  attracted  by  a  new  face, 
and  having  stared  me  full  in  the  title-page, 
walked  off  without  saying  a  word  ;  while  others 
lingered  yawningly  through  the  preface,  and, 
having  gratified  their  short-lived  curiosity,  soon 
dropped  off  one  by  one.  But,  more  especially 
to  try  their  mettle,  I  had  recourse  to  an  expedi- 
ent similar  to  one  which  we  are  told  was  used 
by  that  peerless  flower  of  chivalry.  King  Ar- 
thur, who,  before  he  admitted  any  knight  to 
his  intimacy,  first  required  that  he  should  shew 
himself  superior  to  danger  or  hardships,  by 
encountering  unheard-of  mishaps,  slaying  some 
dozen  giants,  vanquishing  wicked  enchanters, 
not  to  say  a  word  of  dwarfs,  hippogrifis,  and 
fiery   dragons.     On   a  similar  principle  did  I 


172  "fclstorg  of  nacw  l^orft 

cunningly  lead  my  readers,  at  the  first  sally, 
into  two  or  three  knotty  chapters,  where  they 
were  most  wofully  belabored  and  buffeted  by  a 
host  of  pagan  philosophers  and  infidel  writers. 
Though  naturally  a  very  grave  man,  yet  could 
I  scarcely  refrain  from  smiling  outright  at  see- 
ing the  utter  confusion  and  dismay  of  my 
valiant  cavaliers.  Some  dropped  dowm  dead 
(asleep)  on  the  field,  others  threw  down  my 
book  in  the  middle  of  the  first  chapter,  took  to 
their  heels,  and  never  ceased  scampering  until 
they  had  fairly  run  it  out  of  sight,  when  they 
stopped  to  take  breath  to  tell  their  friends  what 
troubles  they  had  undergone,  and  to  warn  all 
others  from  venturing  on  so  thankless  an  ex- 
pedition. Every  page  thinned  my  ranks  more 
and  more,  and  of  the  vast  multitude  that  first 
set  out,  but  a  comparatively  few  made  shift  to 
survive,  in  exceedingly  battered  condition, 
through  the  five  introductory  chapters. 

What,  then !  w^ould  you  have  had  me  take 
such  sunshine,  faint-hearted  recreants  to  my 
bosom  at  our  first  acquaintance?  No,  no;  I 
reserved  my  friendship  for  those  who  deserved 
it,  for  those  who  undauntedly  bore  me  com- 
pany, in  despite  of  difficulties,  dangers,  and 
fatigues.  And  now,  as  to  those  who  adhere  to 
me  at  present,  I  take  them  afilectionately  by 
the  hand.     Worthy  and  thrice-beloved  readers, 


^be  Brms  Bmbarfts  173 

brave  and  well-tried  comrades,  who  have  faith- 
fully followed  my  footsteps  through  all  my 
wanderings,  I  salute  you  from  my  heart,  I 
pledge  myself  to  stand  by  you  to  the  last,  and 
to  conduct  you  (so  heaven  speed  this  trusty 
weapon  which  I  now  hold  between  my  fingers) 
triumphantly  to  the  end  of  this  our  stupendous 
undertaking. 

But  hark  !  while  we  are  thus  talking,  the  city 
of  New  Amsterdam  is  in  a  bustle.  The  host  of 
warriors  encamped  in  the  Bowling  Green  are 
striking  their  tents ;  the  brazen  trumpet  of  An- 
tony Van  Corlear  makes  the  welkin  to  resound 
with  portentous  clangor  ;  the  drums  beat ;  the 
standards  of  the  Manhattoes,  of  Hell-gate,  and 
of  Michael  Paw,  wave  proudly  in  the  air.  And 
now  behold  where  the  mariners  are  busily 
employed  hoisting  the  sails  of  yon  topsail 
schooner,  and  those  clump-built  sloops,  which 
are  to  waft  the  army  of  the  Nederlanders  to 
gather  immortal  honors  on  the  Delaware ! 

The  entire  population  of  the  city,  man,  wom- 
an, and  child,  turned  out  to  behold  the  chivalry 
of  New  Amsterdam,  as  it  paraded  the  streets 
previous  to  embarkation.  Many  a  handker- 
chief was  waved  out  of  the  windows  ;  many  a 
fair  nose  was  blown  in  melodious  sorrow  on  the 
mournful  occasion.  The  grief  of  the  fair  dames 
and  beauteous  damsels  of  Granada  could  not 


174  l)l6tori5  of  Bew  l^orft 

have  been  more  vociferous  on  the  banishment 
of  the  gallant  tribe  of  Abencerrages,  than  was 
that  of  the  kind-hearted  fair  ones  of  New  Am- 
sterdam on  the  departure  of  their  intrepid 
warriors.  Bvery  lovesick  maiden  fondly 
crammed  the  pockets  of  her  hero  with  ginger- 
bread and  doughnuts  ;  many  a  copper  ring  was 
exchanged,  and  crooked  sixpence  broken,  in 
pledge  of  eternal  constancy  ;  and  there  remain 
extant  to  this  day  some  love  verses  written  on 
that  occasion,  sufficiently  crabbed  and  incom- 
prehensible to  confound  the  whole  universe. 

But  it  was  a  moving  sight  to  see  the  buxom 
lasses,  how  they  hung  about  the  doughty  An- 
tony Van  Corlear, — for  he  was  a  jolly,  rosy- 
faced,  lusty  bachelor,  fond  of  his  joke,  and 
withal,  a  desperate  rogue  among  the  women. 
Fain  would  they  have  kept  him  to  comfort 
them  while  the  army  was  away ;  for,  besides 
what  I  have  said  of  him,  it  is  no  more  than  jus- 
tice to  add,  that  he  was  a  kind-hearted  soul, 
noted  for  his  benevolent  attentions  in  comfort- 
ing disconsolate  wives  during  the  absence  of 
their  husbands  ;  and  this  made  him  to  be  very 
much  regarded  by  the  honest  burghers  of  the 
city.  But  nothing  could  keep  the  valiant  An- 
tony from  following  the  heels  of  the  old  gover- 
nor, whom  he  loved  as  he  did  his  very  soul ; 
so,  embracing  all  the  young  vrouws,  and  giving 


popularits  ot  tbe  (5ovcrnoc       175 

every  one  of  them  that  had  good  teeth  and  rosy 
lips  a  dozen  hearty  smacks,  he  departed,  loaded 
with  their  kind  wishes. 

Nor  was  the  departure  of  the  gallant  Peter 
among  the  least  causes  of  public  distress. 
Though  the  old  governor  was  by  no  means  in- 
dulgent to  the  follies  and  waywardness  of  his 
subjects,  yet  somehow  or  other  he  had  become 
strangely  popular  among  the  people.  There 
is  something  so  captivating  in  personal  bravery, 
that,  with  the  common  mass  of  mankind,  it 
takes  the  lead  of  most  other  merits.  The  sim- 
ple folk  of  New  Amsterdam  looked  upon  Peter 
Stuyvesant  as  a  prodigy  of  valor.  His  wooden 
leg,  that  trophy  of  his  martial  encounters,  was 
regarded  with  reverence  and  admiration.  Every 
old  burgher  had  a  budget  of  miraculous  stories 
to  tell  about  the  exploits  of  Hardkoppig  Piet, 
wherewith  he  regaled  his  children  of  a  long 
winter  night,  and  on  which  he  dwelt  with  as 
much  delight  and  exaggeration  as  do  our  hon- 
est country  yeomen  on  the  hardy  adventures 
of  old  General  Putnam  (or,  as  he  is  familiarly 
termed.  Old  Put),  during  our  glorious  Revolu- 
tion. Not  an  individual  but  verily  believed  the 
old  governor  was  a  match  for  Beelzebub  him- 
self; and  there  was  even  a  story  told,  with 
great  mystery  and  under  the  rose,  of  his  having 
shot  the  Devil  with  a  silver  bullet  one  dark, 


176  Ibistor^  of  IFlew  l^orft 

stormy  night,  as  lie  was  sailing  in  a  canoe 
through  Hell-gate,  but  this  I  do  not  record  as 
being  an  absolute  fact.  Perish  the  man  who 
would  let  fall  a  word  to  discolor  the  pure  stream 
of  history  ! 

Certain  it  is,  not  an  old  woman  in  New  Am- 
sterdam but  considered  Peter  Stuyvesant  as  a 
tower  of  strength,  and  rested  satisfied  that  the 
public  welfare  was  secure  so  long  as  he  was  in 
the  city.  It  is  not  surprising,  then,  that  they 
looked  upon  his  departure  as  a  sore  affliction. 
With  heavy  hearts  they  draggled  at  the  heels  of 
his  troop,  as  they  marched  down  to  the  river- 
side to  embark.  The  governor,  from  the  stem 
of  his  schooner,  gave  a  short  but  truly  patri- 
archal address  to  his  citizens,  wherein  he  rec- 
ommended them  to  comport  like  loyal  and 
peaceable  subjects, — to  go  to  church  regularly 
on  Sundays,  and  to  mind  their  business  all  the 
week  besides.  That  the  women  should  be  duti- 
ful and  aflfectionate  to  their  husbands, — looking 
after  nobody's  concerns  but  their  own, — eschew- 
ing all  gossipiugs  and  morning  gaddings, — and 
carrying  short  tongues  and  long  petticoats. 
That  the  men  should  abstain  from  intermeddling 
in  public  concerns,  intrusting  the  cares  of  gov- 
ernment to  the  officers  appointed  to  support 
them, — staying  at  home,  like  good  citizens, 
making    money   for    themselves,    and  getting 


^be  (3overnor*6  BDDrcss  177 

children  for  the  benefit  of  their  country.  That 
the  burgomasters  should  look  well  to  the  public 
interest, — not  oppressing  the  poor  nor  indulging 
the  rich, — not  tasking  their  ingenuity  to  devise 
new  laws,  but  faithfully  enforcing  those  which 
were  already  made, — rather  bending  their  atten- 
tion to  prevent  evil  than  to  punish  it ;  ever  rec- 
ollecting that  civil  magistrates  should  consider 
themselves  more  as  guardians  of  public  morals 
than  rat-catchers  employed  to  entrap  public 
delinquents.  Finally,  he  exhorted  them,  one 
and  all,  high  and  low,  rich  and  poor,  to  conduct 
themselves  as  well  as  they  could^  assuring  them 
that  if  they  faithfully  and  conscientiously  com- 
plied with  his  golden  rule,  there  was  no  danger 
but  that  they  would  all  conduct  themselves  well 
enough.  This  done,  he  gave  them  a  paternal 
benediction,  the  sturdy  Antony  sounded  a  most 
loving  farewell  with  his  trumpet,  the  jolly  crews 
put  up  a  shout  of  triumph,  and  the  in\dncible 
armada  swept  oflf  proudly  down  the  bay. 

The  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam  crowded 
down  to  the  Battery, — that  blest  resort,  from 
whence  so  many  a  tender  prayer  has  been 
wafted,  so  many  a  fair  hand  waved,  so  many  a 
tearful  look  been  cast  by  lovesick  damsel,  after 
the  lessening  bark  bearing  her  adventm-ous 
swain  to  distant  climes !  Here  the  populace 
watched  with  straining  eyes  the  gallant  squad- 


178  Ibistorg  of  nacw  l^orft 

ron,  as  it  slowly  floated  down  the  bay,  and 
when  the  intervening  land  at  the  Narrows  shut 
it  from  their  sight,  gradually  dispersed  with 
silent  tongues  and  downcast  countenances. 

A  heavy  gloom  hung  over  the  late  bustling 
city  :  the  honest  burghers  smoked  their  pipes  in 
profound  thoughtfulness,  casting  many  a  wist- 
ful look  to  the  weathercock  on  the  church  of 
St.  Nicholas ;  and  all  the  old  women,  having  no 
longer  the  presence  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  to 
hearten  them,  gathered  their  children  home, 
and  barricaded  the  doors  and  windows  every 
evening  at  sundown. 

In  the  meanwhile  the  armada  of  the  sturdy 
Peter  proceeded  prosperously  on  its  voyage ; 
and  after  encountering  about  as  many  storms, 
and  water-spouts,  and  whales,  and  other  horrors 
and  phenomena  as  generally  befall  adventurous 
landsmen  in  perilous  voyages  of  the  kind,  and 
after  undergoing  a  severe  scouring  from  that 
deplorable  and  unpitied  malady  called  seasick- 
ness, the  whole  squadron  arrived  safely  in  the 
Delaware. 

Without  so  much  as  dropping  anchor  and 
giving  his  wearied  ships  time  to  breathe,  after 
laboring  so  long  on  the  ocean,  the  intrepid 
Peter  pursued  his  course  up  the  Delaware,  and 
made  a  sudden  appearance  before  FortCasimir. 
Having  summoned  the  astonished  garrison  by  a 


XLbc  Btm(6tlce  IRcjecteD  179 

terrific  blast  from  the  trumpet  of  the  long- 
winded  Van  Corlear,  he  demanded,  in  a  tone  of 
thunder,  an  instant  surrender  of  the  fort.  To 
this  demand,  Suen  Skytte,  the  wind-dried  com- 
mandant, replied,  in  a  shrill,  whiffling  voice, 
which,  by  reason  of  his  extreme  spareness, 
sounded  like  the  wind  whistling  through  a 
broken  bellows,  that  he  had  no  very  strong 
reason  for  refusing,  except  that  the  demand  was 
particularly  disagreeable,  as  he  had  been  ordered 
to  maintain  his  post  to  the  last  extremity.  He 
requested  time,  therefore,  to  consult  with  Gov- 
ernor Risingh,  and  proposed  a  truce  for  that 
purpose. 

The  choleric  Peter,  indignant  at  having  his 
rightful  fort  so  treacherously  taken  from  him, 
and  thus  pertinaciously  withheld,  refused  the 
proposed  armistice,  and  swore  by  the  pipe  of 
St.  Nicholas,  which,  like  the  sacred  fire,  was 
never  extinguished,  that  unless  the  fort  were 
surrendered  in  ten  minutes,  he  would  incon- 
tinently storm  the  works,  make  all  the  garrison 
run  the  gauntlet,  and  split  their  scoundrel  of  a 
commander  like  a  pickled  shad.  To  give  this 
menace  the  greater  effect,  he  drew  forth  his 
trusty  sword,  and  shook  it  at  them  with  such  a 
fierce  and  vigorous  motion,  that  doubtless,  if  it 
had  not  been  exceeding  rusty,  it  would  have 
lightened  terror  into  the  eyes  and  hearts  of  the 


i8o  1bl6tor^  ot  IRcvv  l^orft 

enemy.  He  then  ordered  his  men  to  bring  a 
broadside  to  bear  upon  the  fort,  consisting  of 
two  swivels,  three  muskets,  a  long  duck  fowling- 
piece,  and  two  brace  of  horse-pistols. 

In  the  meantime  the  sturdy  Van  Corlear  mar- 
shalled all  the  forces,  and  commenced  his  war- 
like operations.  Distending  his  cheeks  like  a 
very  Boreas,  he  kept  up  a  most  horrific  twang- 
ing of  his  trumpet, — the  lusty  choristers  of 
Sing-Sing  broke  forth  into  a  hideous  song  of 
battle, — the  warriors  of  Breuckelen  and  the 
Wallabout  blew  a  potent  and  astonishing  blast 
on  their  conch  shells, — altogether  forming  as 
outrageous  a  concerto  as  though  five  thousand 
French  fiddlers  were  displaying  their  skill  in  a 
modern  overture. 

Whether  the  formidable  front  of  war  thus 
suddenly  presented  smote  the  garrison  with  sore 
dismay, —  or  whether  the  concluding  terms  of 
the  summons,  which  mentioned  that  he  should 
surrender  "at  discretion,"  were  mistaken  by 
Suen  Skytte,  who,  though  a  Swede,  was  a  very 
considerate,  easy-tempered  man,  as  a  compli- 
ment to  his  discretion,  I  will  not  take  upon  me 
to  say  ;  certain  it  is  he  found  it  impossible  to 
resist  so  courteous  a  demand.  Accordingly, 
in  the  very  nick  of  time,  just  as  the  cabin-boy 
had  gone  after  a  coal  of  fire  to  discharge  the 
swivel,  a  chamade  was  beat  on  the  rampart  by 


Surrender  of  tbc  ffoit  iSi 

the  only  drum  in  the  garrison,  to  the  no  small 
satisfaction  of  both  parties,  who,  notwithstand- 
ing their  great  stomach  for  fighting,  had  full  as 
good  an  inclination  to  eat  a  quiet  dinner  as  to 
exchange  black  eyes  and  bloody  noses. 

Thus  did  this  impregnable  fortress  once  more 
return  to  the  domination  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses. Skytte  and  his  garrison  of  twenty  men 
were  allowed  to  march  out  with  the  honors  of 
war ;  and  the  victorious  Peter,  who  was  as  gen- 
erous as  brave,  permitted  them  to  keep  posses- 
sion of  all  their  arms  and  ammunition, — the 
same  on  inspection  being  found  totally  unfit  for 
service,  having  long  rusted  in  the  magazine  of 
the  fortress,  even  before  it  was  wrested  by  the 
Swedes  from  the  windy  Van  Poffenburgh,  But 
I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  the  governor 
was  so  well  pleased  with  the  service  of  his  faith- 
ful squire,  Van  Corlear,  in  the  reduction  of  this 
great  fortress,  that  he  made  him  on  the  spot 
lord  of  a  goodly  domain  in  the  vicinity  of  New 
Amsterdam, — which  goes  by  the  name  of  Cor- 
lear's  Hook  unto  this  very  day. 

The  unexampled  liberality  of  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant  towards  the  Swedes,  occasioned  great  sur- 
prise in  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam, — nay,  cer- 
tain factious  iudix-iduals,  w^ho  had  been  enlight- 
ened by  political  meetings  in  the  days  of  William 
the  Testy,  but  who  had  not  dared  to  indulge 


i82  Ibiators  ot  IRcw  l^ork 

their  meddlesome  habits  under  the  eye  of  their 
present  ruler,  now,  emboldened  by  his  absence, 
gave  vent  to  their  censures  in  the  street.  Mur- 
murs were  heard  in  the  very  council-chamber 
of  New  Amsterdam ;  and  there  is  no  knowing 
whether  they  might  not  have  broken  out  into 
downright  speeches  and  invectives,  had  not 
Peter  Stuyvesant  privately  sent  home  his  walk- 
ing-staff, to  be  laid  as  a  mace  on  the  table  of  the 
council-chamber,  in  the  midst  of  his  council- 
lors ;  who,  like  wise  men,  took  the  hint,  and 
forever  after  held  their  peace. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

SHOWING  THE  GREAT  ADVANTAGE  THAT  THE 
AUTHOR  HAS  OVER  HIS  READER  IN  TIME  OF 
BATTI^E — TOGETHER  WITH  DIVERS  PORTEN- 
TOUS MOVEMENTS,  WHICH  BETOKEN  THAT 
SOMETHING  TERRIBLE  IS  ABOUT  TO  HAPPEN. 


LIKE  as  a  mighty  alderman,  when  at  a  cor- 
poration feast  the  first  spoonful  of  turtle- 
soup  salutes  his  palate,  feels  his  appetite  but 
tenfold  quickened,  and  redoubles  his  vigorous 
attacks  upon  the  tureen,  while  his  projecting 
eyes  roll  greedily  round,  devouring  every  thing 
at  table,  so  did  the  mettlesome  Peter  Stuy vesant 
feel  that  hunger  for  martial  glory,  which  raged 
within  his  bowels,  inflamed  by  the  capture  of 
Fort  Casimir,  and  nothing  could  allay  it  but  the 
conquest  of  all  New  Sweden.  No  sooner,  there- 
fore, had  he  secured  his  conquest  than  he 
stumped  resolutely  on,  flushed  with  success,  to 
gather  fresh  laurels  at  Fort  Christina.* 

*At  present  a  flourishing  town,  called  Christiana,  or 
Chrifiteen,  about  thirty-seven  miles  from  Philadelphia,  on 
the  post-road  to  Baltimore. 


i84  Ibistorg  ot  Bew  lorfi 

This  was  the  grand  Swedish  post,  established 
on  a  small  river  (or,  as  it  is  improperly  termed, 
creek)  of  the  same  name  :  and  here  that  crafty- 
governor,  Jan  Risingh,  lay  grimly  drawn  up,  like 
a  gray-bearded  spider  in  the  citadel  of  his  web. 

But  before  we  hurry  into  the  direful  scenes 
which  must  attend  the  meeting  of  two  such  po- 
tent chieftains,  it  is  advisable  to  pause  for  a 
moment,  and  hold  a  kind  of  warlike  council. 
Battles  should  not  be  rushed  into  precipitately 
by  the  historian  and  his  readers,  any  more  than 
by  the  general  and  his  soldiers.  The  great 
commanders  of  antiquity  never  engaged  the 
enemy  without  previously  preparing  the  minds 
of  their  followers  by  animating  harangues,  spir- 
iting them  up  to  heroic  deeds,  assuring  them  of 
the  protection  of  the  gods,  and  inspiring  them 
with  a  confidence  of  the  prowess  of  their  leaders. 
So  the  historian  should  awaken  the  attention 
and  enlist  the  passions  of  his  readers  ;  and  hav- 
ing set  them  all  on  fire  with  the  importance  of 
his  subject,  he  should  put  himself  at  their  head, 
flourish  his  pen,  and  lead  them  on  to  the  thick- 
est of  the  fight. 

An  illustrious  example  of  this  rule  may  be 
seen  in  that  mirror  of  historians,  the  immortal 
Thucydides.  Having  arrived  at  the  breaking 
out  of  the  Peloponnesian  war,  one  of  his  com- 
mentators observes  that  "  he  sounds  the  charge 


BDvanta^e  of  tbe  Ibistorian       185 

in  all  the  disposition  and  spirit  of  Homer.  He 
catalogues  tbe  allies  on  both  sides.  He  awak- 
ens our  expectations,  and  fast  engages  our  atten- 
tion. All  mankind  are  concerned  in  the  im- 
portant point  now  going  to  be  decided.  En- 
deavors are  made  to  disclose  futurity.  Heaven 
itself  is  interested  in  the  dispute.  The  earth 
totters,  and  nature  seems  to  labor  with  the  great 
event.  This  is  his  solemn,  sublime  manner  of 
setting  out.  Thus  he  magnifies  a  war  between 
two,  as  Rapin  styles  them,  petty  states  ;  and 
thus  artfully  he  supports  a  little  subject  by 
treating  it  in  a  great  and  noble  method." 

In  like  manner,  having  conducted  my  readers 
into  the  very  teeth  of  peril, — having  followed 
the  adventurous  Peter  and  his  band  into  foreign 
regions,  surrounded  by  foes,  and  stunned  by  the 
horrid  din  of  arms, — at  this  important  moment, 
while  darkness  and  doubt  hang  o'er  each  coming 
chapter,  I  hold  it  meet  to  harangue  them,  and 
prepare  them  for  the  events  that  are  to  follow. 

And  here  I  would  premise  one  great  advan- 
tage which,  as  historian,  I  possess  over  my 
reader ;  and  this  it  is,  that,  though  I  cannot  save 
the  life  of  my  favorite  hero,  nor  absolutely  con- 
tradict the  event  of  a  battle  (both  which  liber- 
ties, though  often  taken  by  the  French  writers 
of  the  present  reign,  I  hold  to  be  utterly  un- 
worthy of  a  scrupulous  historian),  yet  I  can  now 


i86  Iblstors  of  IFlew  l^orft 

.and  tlien  make  him  bestow  on  his  enemy  a 
sturdy  back-stroke  sufficient  to  fell  a  giant, — 
though,  in  honest  truth,  he  may  never  have 
done  any  thing  of  the  kind  ;  or  I  can  drive  his 
antagonist  clear  round  and  round  the  field,  as 
did  Homer  make  that  fine  fellow  Hector  scamper 
like  a  poltroon  round  the  walls  of  Troy ;  for 
which,  if  ever  they  have  encountered  one  an- 
other in  the  Elysian  fields,  I  '11  warrant  the 
prince  of  poets  has  had  to  make  the  most  hum- 
ble apology. 

I  am  aware  that  many  conscientious  readers 
will  be  ready  to  cry  out  "foul  play  !  "  whenever 
I  render  a  little  assistance  to  my  hero,  but  I 
consider  it  one  of  those  privileges  exercised  by 
historians  of  all  ages,  and  one  which  has  never 
been  disputed.  An  historian  is,  in  fact,  as  it 
were,  bound  in  honor  to  stand  by  his  hero  ;  the 
fame  of  the  latter  is  entrusted  to  his  hands,  and 
it  is  his  duty  to  do  the  best  by  it  he  can.  Never 
was  there  a  general,  an  admiral,  or  any  other 
commander,  who,  in  giving  account  of  any 
battle  he  had  fought,  did  not  sorely  belabor  the 
enemy  ;  and  I  have  no  doubt  that  had  my  heroes 
written  the  history  of  their  own  achievements, 
they  would  have  dealt  much  harder  blows  than 
any  that  I  shall  recount.  Standing  forth,  there- 
fore, as  the  guardian  of  their  fame,  it  behooves 
me  to  do  them  the  same  justice  they  would  have 


^expectation  J6jcite&  187 

done  themselves  ;  and  if  I  happen  to  be  a  little 
hard  upon  the  Swedes,  I  give  free  leave  to  any 
of  their  descendants,  who  may  write  a  story  of 
the  State  of  Delaware,  to  take  fair  retaliation, 
and  belabor  Peter  Stuyvesant  as  hard  as  they 
please. 

Therefore  stand  by  for  broken  heads  and 
bloody  noses  !  My  pen  hath  long  itched  for  a 
battle  ;  siege  after  siege  have  I  carried  on  with- 
out blows  or  bloodshed ;  but  now  I  have  at 
length  got  a  chance,  and  I  vow  to  Heaven  and 
St.  Nicholas,  that  let  tlie  chronicles  of  the  times 
say  what  they  please,  neither  Sallust,  Livy, 
Tacitus,  Polybius,  nor  any  other  historian,  did 
ever  record  a  fiercer  fight  than  that  in  which  my 
valiant  chieftains  are  now  about  to  engage. 

And  you,  O  most  excellent  readers,  whom, 
for  your  faithful  adherence,  I  could  cherish  in 
the  warmest  comer  of  my  heart,  be  not  uneasy, 
— trust  the  fate  of  our  favorite  Stuyvesant  with 
me,  for  by  the  rood,  come  what  may,  I  '11  stick 
by  Hardkoppig  Piet  to  the  last.  I  '11  make  him 
drive  about  these  losels  vile,  as  did  the  renowned 
Launcelot  of  the  Lake  a  herd  of  recreant  Cor- 
nish knights  ;  and  if  he  does  fall,  let  me  never 
draw  my  pen  to  fight  another  battle  in  behalf  of 
a  brave  man,  if  I  don't  make  these  lubberly 
Swedes  pay  for  it ! 

No  sooner  had  Peter  Stuyvesant  arrived  at 


i88  1b(0tori2  of  1Rcw  l^orft 

Fort  Christina,  than  he  proceeded  without  delay 
to  intrench  himself,  and  immediately  on  run- 
ning his  first  parallel,  dispatched  Antony  Van 
Corlear  to  summon  the  fortress  to  surrender. 
Van  Corlear  was  received  with  all  due  formality, 
hoodwinked  at  the  portal,  and  conducted 
through  a  pestiferous  smell  of  salt  fish  and 
onions  to  the  citadel,  a  substantial  hut  built  of 
pine  logs.  His  eyes  were  here  uncovered,  and 
he  found  himself  in  the  august  presence  of 
Governor  Risingh.  This  chieftain,  as  I  have 
before  noted,  was  a  very  giantly  man,  and  was 
clad  in  a  coarse  blue  coat,  strapped  round  the 
waist  with  a  leathern  belt,  which  caused  the 
enormous  skirts  and  pockets  to  set  off  with  a 
very  warlike  sweep.  His  ponderous  legs  were 
cased  in  a  pair  of  foxy-colored  jack-boots,  and  he 
was  straddling  in  the  attitude  of  the  Colossus 
of  Rhodes  before  a  bit  of  broken  looking-glass, 
shaving  himself  with  a  villainously  dull  razor. 
This  afflicting  operation  caused  him  to  make  a 
series  of  horrible  grimaces,  which  heightened 
exceedingly  the  grisly  terrors  of  his  visage.  On 
Antony  Van  Corlear's  being  announced,  the 
grim  commander  paused  for  a  moment  in  the 
midst  of  one  of  his  most  hard-favored  contor- 
tions, and  after  eying  him  askance  over  the 
shoulder,  with  a  kind  of  snarling  grin  on  his 
countenance,  resumed  his  labors  at  the  glass. 


Visingb'e  Defiance  1B9 

This  Iron  harvest  being  reaped,  he  turned  once 
more  to  the  trumpeter,  and  demanded  the  pur- 
port of  his  errand.  Antony  Van  Corlear  de- 
livered in  a  few  words,  being  a  kind  of  short-hand 
speaker,  a  long  message  from  his  Excellency, 
recounting  the  whole  history  of  the  province, 
with  a  recapitulation  of  grievances,  and  enu- 
meration of  claims,  and  concluding  with  a 
peremptory  demand  of  instant  surrender  ;  which 
done,  he  turned  aside,  took  his  nose  between  his 
thumb  and  fingers  and  blew  a  tremendous  blast, 
not  unlike  the  flourish  of  a  trumpet  of  defiance, 
— which  it  had  doubtless  learned  from  a  long 
and  intimate  neighborhood  with  that  melodious 
instrument 

Governor  Risingh  heard  him  through,  trump- 
et and  all,  but  with  infinite  impatience, — leaning 
at  times,  as  was  his  usual  custom,  on  the  pommel 
of  his  sword,  and  at  times  twirling  a  huge  steel 
watch-chain,  or  snapping  his  fingers.  Van  Cor- 
lear having  finished,  he  bluntly  replied  that 
Peter  Stuyvesant  and  his  summons  might  go  to 
the  d — 1,  whither  he  hoped  to  send  him  and  his 
crew  of  ragamufl&ns  before  supper-time.  Then 
unsheathing  his  brass-hilted  sword,  and  throw- 
ing away  the  scabbard, — '*  'Fore  gad,"  quod  he, 
"  but  I  will  not  sheath  thee  again  until  I  make 
a  scabbard  of  the  smoke-dried  leathern  hide  of 
this  runagate  Dutchman."     Then  having  flung 


igo  l)i0tor^  of  Bew  l^ork 

a  fierce  defiance  in  the  teeth  of  his  adversary  by 
"the  lips  of  his  messenger,  the  latter  was  recon- 
ducted to  the  portal  with  all  the  ceremonious 
civility  due  to  the  trumpeter,  squire,  and  am- 
bassador of  so  great  a  commander ;  and  being 
again  unblinded,  was  courteously  dismissed  with 
a  tweak  of  the  nose,  to  assist  him  in  recollecting 
his  message. 

No  sooner  did  the  gallant  Peter  receive  this 
insolent  reply  than  he  let  fly  a  tremendous  vol- 
ley of  red-hot  execrations,  which  would  infal- 
libly have  battered  down  the  fortifications,  and 
blown  up  the  powder-magazine  about  the  ears  of 
the  fiery  Swede,  had  not  the  ramparts  been  re- 
markably strong,  and  the  magazine  bomb-proof. 
Perceiving  that  the  works  withstood  this  terrific 
blast,  and  that  it  was  utterly  impossible  (as  it 
really  was  in  those  unphilosophic  days)  to  cany- 
on a  war  with  words,  he  ordered  his  merry  men 
all  to  prepare  for  an  immediate  assault.  But 
here  a  strange  murmur  broke  out  among  his 
troops,  beginning  with  the  tribe  of  the  Van 
Bummels,  those  valiant  trenchermen  of  the 
Bronx,  and  spreading  from  man  to  man,  accom- 
panied with  certain  mutinous  looks  and  discon- 
tented murmurs.  For  once  in  his  life,  and  only 
for  once,  did  the  great  Peter  turn  pale,  for  he 
verily  thought  his  warriors  were  going  to  falter 
in  this  hour  of  perilous  trial,  and  thus  to  tarnish 


i 


^be  Brmg  Bines  191 

forever  the  fame  of  the  province  of  New  Nether- 
lands. 

But  soon  did  he  discover,  to  his  great  joy,  that 
in  his  suspicion  he  deeply  wronged  his  most 
undaunted  army  ;  for  the  cause  of  his  agitation 
and  uneasiness  simply  was,  that  the  hour  of 
dinner  was  at  hand,  and  it  would  have  almost 
broken  the  hearts  of  these  regular  Dutch  war- 
riors to  have  broken  in  upon  the  invariable  rou- 
tine of  their  habits.  Besides,  it  was  an  estab- 
lished rule  among  our  ancestors  always  to  fight 
upon  a  full  stomach  ;  and  to  this  may  be  doubt- 
less attributed  the  circumstance  that  they  came 
to  be  so  renowed  in  arms. 

And  now  are  the  hearty  men  of  the  Manhat- 
toes,  and  their  no  less  hearty  comrades,  all 
lustily  engaged  under  the  trees,  buffeting  stoutly 
with  the  contents  of  their  wallets,  and  taking 
such  affectionate  embraces  of  their  canteens  and 
pottles,  as  though  they  verily  believed  they  were 
to  be  the  last.  And  as  I  foresee  we  shall  have 
hot  work  in  a  page  or  two,  I  advise  my  readers 
to  do  the  same,  for  which  purpose  I  will  bring 
this  chapter  to  a  close, — giving  them  my  word 
of  honor,  that  no  advantage  shall  be  taken  of 
this  armistice  to  surprise,  or  in  any  wise  molest, 
the  honest  Nederlanders  while  at  their  vigor- 
ous repast. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

CONTArNING  THE  MOST  HORRIBI.E  BATTLE  EVER 
RECORDED  IN  POETRY  OR  PROSE  ;  WITH  THE 
ADMIRABI^E  EXPI.OITS  OE  PETER  THE  HEAD- 
STRONG. 

"  "j\  TOW  had  the  Dutchmen  snatched  a  huge 
1  N  repast,"  and  finding  themselves  wonder- 
fully encouraged  and  animated  thereby,  prepared 
to  take  the  field.  Expectation,  says  the  writer 
oftheStuyvesant  manuscript, — Expectation  now 
stood  on  stilts.  The  world  forgot  to  turn  round, 
or  rather  stood  still,  that  it  might  witness  the 
afiray, — like  a  round-bellied  alderman,  watch- 
ing the  combat  of  two  chivalrous  flies  upon  his 
jerkin.  The  eyes  of  all  mankind,  as  usual  in 
such  cases,  were  turned  upon  Fort  Christina. 
The  sun,  like  a  little  man  in  a  crowd  at  a  pup- 
pet-show, scampered  about  the  heavens,  popping 
his  head  here  and  there,  and  endeavoring  to  get 
a   peep  between   the  unmannerly  clouds  that 


^arsbalUng  tbe  (3oDi3  193 

obtruded  themselves  in  his  way.  The  histori- 
ans filled  their  ink-horns  ;  the  poets  went  with- 
out their  dinners,  either  that  they  might  buy 
paper  and  goose-quills,  or  because  they  could 
not  get  any  thing  to  eat.  Antiquity  scowled 
sulkily  out  of  its  grave,  to  see  itself  outdone, — 
while  even  Posterity  stood  mute,  gazing  in  gap- 
ing ecstasy  of  retrospection  on  the  eventful 
field. 

The  immortal  deities,  who  whilom  had  seen 
service  at  the  '  *  affair ' '  of  Troy,  now  mounted 
their  feather-bed  clouds,  and  sailed  over  the 
plain,  or  mingled  among  the  combatants  in 
difierent  disguises,  all  itching  to  have  a  finger 
in  the  pie.  Jupiter  sent  off  his  thunderbolt  to 
a  noted  coppersmith,  to  have  it  furbished  up  for 
the  direful  occasion.  Venus  vowed  by  her 
chastity  to  patronize  the  Swedes,  and  in  sem- 
blance of  a  blear-eyed  trull  paraded  the  battle- 
ments of  Fort  Christina,  accompanied  by  Diana, 
as  a  sergeant's  widow,  of  cracked  reputation. 
The  noted  bully,  ;RIars,  stuck  two  horse-pistols 
into  his  belt,  shouldered  a  rusty  fire-lock,  and 
gallantly  swaggered  at  their  elbow,  as  a  drunken 
corporal, — while  Apollo  trudged  in  their  rear,  as 
a  bandy-legged  fifer,  playing  most  villainously 
out  of  tune. 

On  the  other  side,  the  ox-eyed  Juno,  who  had 
gained  a  pair  of  black  ej-es  overnight,  in  one  of 


194  1bistori2  of  IRew  lorK 

her  curtain-lectures  with  old  Jupiter,  displayed 
her  haughty  beauties  on  a  baggage-wagon  ;  Mi- 
nerva, as  a  brawny  gin-suttler,  tucked  up  her 
skirts,  brandished  her  fists,  and  swore  most 
heroically,  in  exceeding  bad  Dutch  (having  but 
lately  studied  the  language),  by  way  of  keeping 
up  the  spirits  of  the  soldiers  ;  while  Vulcan 
halted  as  a  club-footed  blacksmith,  lately  pro* 
moted  to  be  a  captain  of  militia.  All  was  silent 
awe,  or  bustling  preparation  :  war  reared  his 
horrid  front,  gnashed  loud  his  iron  fangs,  and 
shook  his  direful  crest  of  bristling  bayonets. 

And  now  the  mighty  chieftains  marshalled 
out  their  hosts.  Here  stood  stout  Risingh,  firm 
as  a  thousand  rocks, — incrusted  with  stockades, 
and  intrenched  to  the  chin  in  mud  batteries. 
His  valiant  soldiery  lined  the  breastwork  in 
grim  array,  each  having  his  mustachios  fiercely 
greased,  and  his  hair  pomatumed  back,  and 
queued  so  stifl&y,  that  he  grinned  above  the 
ramparts  like  a  grisly  death's  head. 

There  came  on  the  intrepid  Peter, — his  brows 
knit,  his  teeth  set,  his  fists  clenched,  almost 
breathing  forth  volumes  of  smoke,  so  fierce  was 
the  fire  that  raged  within  his  bosom.  His  faith- 
ful Squire  Van  Corlear  trudged  valiantly  at  his 
heels  with  his  trumpet  gorgeously  bedecked 
with  red  and  yellow  ribbons,  the  remembrances 
of  his  fair  mistresses  at  the  Manhattoes.     Then 


XLbc  IRoU  of  Ibonor  195 

came  waddling  on  the  sturdy  chivalry  of  the 
Hudson.  There  were  the  Van  Wycks,  and  the 
Van  Dycks,  and  the  Ten  Kycks ;  the  Van 
Nesses,  the  Van  Tassels,  the  Van  Grolls,  the 
Van  Hoesens,  the  Van  Giesons,  and  the  Van 
Blarcoms  ;  the  Van  Warts,  the  Van  Winkles,  the 
Van  Dams,  the  Van  Pelts,  the  Van  Rippers,  and 
the  Van  Brunts.  There  were  the  Van  Homes, 
the  Van  Hooks,  the  Van  Bunschotens,  the  Van 
Gelders,  the  Van  Arsdales,  and  the  Van  Bum- 
mels,  the  Vander  Belts,  the  Vander  Hoofs,  the 
Vander  Voorts,  the  Vander  Lyns,  the  Vander 
Pools,  and  the  Vander  Spiegles  ;  then  came  the 
Hoffmans,  the  Hooghlands,  the  Hoppers,  the 
Cloppers,  the  Ryckmans,  the  Dyckmans,  the 
Hogebooms,  the  Rosebooms,  the  Oothouts,  the 
Quackenbosses,  the  Roerbacks,  the  Garre- 
brantzes,  the  Bensons,  the  Brouwers,  the  Wal- 
drons,  the  Onderdonks,  the  Varra  Vangers,  the 
Schermerhoms,  the  Stoutenburghs,  the  Brinker- 
hoflfs,  the  Bontecous,  the  Knickerbockers,  the 
Hockstrassers,  the  Ten  Breecheses,  and  the 
Tough  Breecheses,  with  a  host  more  of  worthies 
whose  names  are  too  crabbed  to  be  written,  or 
if  they  could  be  written  it  would  be  impossible 
for  man  to  utter,— all  fortified  with  a  mighty 
dinner,  and,  to  use  the  words  of  a  great  Dutch 
poet, 

"  Brimful  of  wrath  and  cabbage." 


196  1bi6tors  ot  IFlew  lorft 

For  an  instant  the  mighty  Peter  paused  in 
the  midst  of  his  career,  and,  mounting  on  a 
stump,  addressed  his  troops  in  eloquent  Low 
Dutch,  exhorting  them  to  fight  like  duyvels^ 
and  assuring  them  that  if  they  conquered  they 
should  get  plenty  of  booty ;  if  they  fell,  they 
should  be  allowed  the  satisfaction,  while  dying, 
of  reflecting  that  it  was  in  the  service  of  their 
country,  and,  after  they  were  dead,  of  seeing 
their  names  inscribed  in  the  temple  of  renown, 
and  handed  down,  in  company  with  all  the 
other  great  men  of  the  year,  for  the  admiration 
of  posterity.  Finally,  he  swore  to  them,  on  the 
word  of  a  governor  (and  they  knew  him  too  well 
to  doubt  it  for  a  moment),  that  if  he  caught  any 
mother's  son  of  them  looking  pale,  or  playing 
craven,  he  would  curry  his  hide  till  he  made 
him  run  out  of  it  like  a  snake  in  spring-time. 
Then  lugging  out  his  trusty  sabre,  he  bran- 
dished it  three  times  over  his  head,  ordered 
Van  Corlear  to  sound  a  charge,  and  shouting 
the  words  "St.  Nicholas  and  the  Mauhattoes !  " 
courageously  dashed  forwards.  His  warlike 
followers,  who  had  employed  the  interval  in 
lighting  their  pipes,  instantly  stuck  them  into 
their  mouths,  gave  a  furious  puff,  and  charged 
gallantly  under  cover  of  the  smoke. 

The  Swedish  garrison,  ordered  by  the  cun- 
ning Risiugh  not  to  fire  until  they  could  distin- 


^be  JBattle  ©pene&  197 

guish  the  whites  of  their  assailants'  eyes,  stood 
in  horrid  silence  on  the  covert-way  until  the 
eager  Dutchmen  had  ascended  the  glacis.  Then 
did  they  pour  into  them  such  a  tremendous  vol- 
ley that  the  very  hills  quaked  around,  and  were 
terrified  even  unto  an  incontinence  of  water,  in- 
somuch that  certain  springs  burst  forth  from 
their  sides,  which  continue  to  run  unto  the 
present  day.  Not  a  Dutchman  but  would  have 
bitten  the  dust  beneath  that  dreadful  fire,  had  not 
the  protecting  Miner\^a  kindly  taken  care  that 
the  Swedes  should,  one  and  all,  observe  their 
usual  custom  of  shutting  their  eyes  and  turning 
away  their  heads  at  the  moment  of  discharge. 

The  Swedes  followed  up  their  fire  by  leaping 
the  counterscarp,  and  falling  tooth  and  nail 
upon  the  foe  with  furious  outcries.  And  now 
might  be  seen  prodigies  of  valor,  unmatched  in 
history  or  song.  Here  was  the  sturdy  Stoffel 
Brinkerhoff  brandishing  his  quarter-staflf,  like 
the  giant  Blanderon  his  oak  tree  (for  he  scorned 
to  carry  any  other  weapon),  and  drumming  a 
horrific  tune  upon  the  hard  heads  of  the  Swed- 
ish soldiery.  There  were  the  Van  Kortlandts, 
posted  at  a  distance,  like  the  Locrian  archers  of 
yore,  and  plying  it  most  potently  with  the  long- 
bow, for  which  they  were  so  justly  renowned. 
On  a  rising  knoll  were  gathered  the  valiant  men 
of  Sing-Sing,  assisting  marvellously  in  the  fight 


igS  Ibistor^  ot  IRew  ll)orh 

,by  clianting  the  great  song  of  St.  Nicholas  ;  but 
as  to  the  Gardeniers,  of  Hudson,  they  were  ab- 
sent on  a  marauding  party,  laying  waste  the 
neighboring  watermelon  patches. 

In  a  different  part  of  the  field  were  the  Van 
Grolls  of  Antony's  Nose,  struggling  to  get  to 
the  thickest  of  the  fight,  but  horribly  perplexed 
in  a  defile  between  two  hills  by  reason  of  the 
length  of  their  noses.  So  also  the  Van  Bun- 
schotens  of  Nyack  and  Kakiat,  so  renowned  for 
kicking  with  the  left  foot,  were  brought  to  a 
stand  for  want  of  wind,  in  consequence  of  the 
hearty  dinner  they  had  eaten,  and  would  have 
been  put  to  utter  rout  but  for  the  arrival  of  a 
gallant  corps  of  voltigeurs,  composed  of  the 
Hoppers,  who  advanced  nimbly  to  their  assist- 
ance on  one  foot.  Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention 
the  valiant  achievements  of  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear,  who,  for  a  good  quarter  of  an  hour,  waged 
stubborn  fight  with  a  little  pursy  Swedish  drum- 
mer, whose  hide  he  drummed  most  magnifi- 
cently, and  whom  he  would  infallibly  have  an- 
nihilated on  the  spot,  but  that  he  had  come 
into  the  battle  vnth  no  other  weapon  but  his 
trumpet. 

But  now  the  combat  thickened.  On  came  the 
mighty  Jacobus  Varra  Vauger  and  the  fighting- 
men  of  the  Wallabout ;  after  them  thundered 
the  Van  Pelts  of  Ksopus,  together  with  the  Van 


%  Desperate  Struggle  199 

Rippers  and  the  Van  Brunts,  bearing  down  all 
before  them  ;  then  the  Suy  Dams,  and  the  Van 
Dams,  pressing  forward  with  many  a  blustering 
oath,  at  the  head  of  the  warriors  of  Hell-gate, 
clad  in  their  thunder-and-lightning  gaberdines  ; 
and.  lastly,  the  standard-bearers  and  body-guard 
of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  bearing  the  great  beaver 
of  the  Manhattoes. 

And  now  commenced  the  horrid  din,  the  des- 
perate struggle,  the  maddening  ferocity,  the 
frantic  desperation,  the  confusion  and  self- 
abandonment  of  war.  Dutchman  and  Swede 
commingled,  tugged,  panted,  and  blowed.  The 
heavens  were  darkened  with  a  tempest  of  mis- 
sives. Bang !  went  the  guns  ;  whack  !  went 
the  broad-swords  ;  thump  !  went  the  cudgels ; 
crash  !  went  the  musket-stocks  :  blows,  kicks, 
cuffs,  scratches,  black  eyes,  and  bloody  noses 
swelling  the  horrors  of  the  scene !  Thick 
thwack,  cut  and  hack,  helter-skelter,  higgledy- 
piggledy,  hurly-burly,  head-over-heels,  rough- 
and-tumble  !  Dunder  and  blixun  !  swore  the 
Dutchmen ;  splitter  and  splutter !  cried  the 
Swedes.  Storm  the  w  orks !  shouted  Hardkop- 
pig  Peter.  Fire  the  mine  !  roared  stout  Risingh. 
Tanta-rar-ra-ra !  twanged  the  trumpet  of  Antony 
Van  Corlear ; — until  all  voice  and  sound  became 
unintelligible, — grunts  of  pain,  yells  of  fury, 
and  shouts  of  triumph  mingling  in  one  hideous 


200  1bl6tor^  of  Bew  lork 

clamor.  The  earth  shook  as  if  struck  with  a 
paralytic  stroke ;  trees  shrunk  aghast,  and 
withered  at  the  sight ;  rocks  burrowed  in  the 
ground  like  rabbits ;  and  even  Christina  creek 
turned  from  its  course,  and  ran  up  a  hill  in 
breathless  terror ! 

I^ong  hung  the  contest  doubtful ;  for  though 
a  heavy  shower  of  rain,  sent  by  the  "cloud- 
compelling  Jove,"  in  some  measure  cooled  their 
ardor,  as  doth  a  bucket  of  water  thrown  on  a 
group  of  fighting  mastiffs,  yet  did  they  but 
pause  for  a  moment,  to  return  with  tenfold  fury 
to  the  charge.  Just  at  this  juncture  a  vast  and 
dense  column  of  smoke  was  seen  slowly  rolling 
toward  the  scene  of  battle.  The  combatants 
paused  for  a  moment,  gazing  in  mute  astonish- 
ment, until  the  wind,  dispelling  the  murky 
cloud,  revealed  the  flaunting  banner  of  Michael 
Paw,  the  Patroon  of  Communipaw.  That  valiant 
chieftain  came  fearlessly  on  at  the  head  of  a 
phalanx  of  oyster-fed  Pavonians  and  a  corps  de 
reserve  of  the  Van  Arsdales  and  Van  Bummels, 
who  had  remained  behind  to  digest  the  enor- 
mous dinner  they  had  eaten.  These  now 
trudged  manfully  forward,  smoking  their  pipes 
with  outrageous  vigor,  so  as  to  raise  the  awful 
cloud  that  has  been  mentioned,  but  marching 
exceedingly  slow,  being  short  of  leg,  and  of 
great  rotundity  in  the  belt. 


panic  ot  tbe  Dutcb  201 

Aud  now  the  deities  who  watched  over  the 
fortunes  of  the  Nederlanders  having  unthink- 
ingly left  the  field,  and  stepped  into  a  neighbor- 
ing tavern  to  refresh  themselves  with  a  pot  of 
beer,  a  direful  catastrophe  had  wellnigh  ensued. 
Scarce  had  the  myrmidons  of  Michael  Paw 
attained  the  front  of  battle,  when  the  Swedes, 
instructed  by  the  cunning  Risingh,  levelled  a 
shower  of  blows  full  at  their  tobacco-pipes. 
Astounded  at  this  assault,  and  dismayed  at  the 
havoc  of  their  pipes,  these  ponderous  warriors 
gave  w^ay,  and  like  a  drove  of  frightened  ele- 
phants broke  through  the  ranks  of  their  own 
army.  The  little  Hoppers  were  borne  down  in 
the  surge  ;  the  sacred  banner  emblazoned  with 
the  gigantic  oyster  of  Communipaw  was  tram- 
pled in  the  dirt ;  on  blundered  and  thundered 
the  hea^'7-stemed  fugitives,  the  Swedes  pressing 
on  their  rear  and  applying  their  feet  a  parte 
poste  of  the  Van  Arsdales  and  the  Van  Bummels 
with  a  vigor  that  prodigiously  accelerated  their 
movements ;  nor  did  the  renowned  Michael 
Paw  himself  fail  to  receive  divers  grievous  and 
dishonorable  visitations  of  shoe-leather. 

But  what,  O  Muse  !  was  the  rage  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant,  when  from  afar  he  saw  his  army 
giving  way  !  In  the  transports  of  his  wrath  he 
sent  forth  a  roar,  enough  to  shake  the  very 
hills.     The  men  of  the  Manhattoes  plucked  up 


202  1bi6tors  of  IWew  l^orfe 

new  courage  at  the  sound,  or,  rather,  they 
rallied  at  the  voice  of  their  leader,  of  whom 
they  stood  more  in  awe  than  of  all  the  Swedes 
in  Christendom.  "Without  waiting  for  their 
aid,  the  daring  Peter  dashed,  sword  in  hand, 
into  the  thickest  of  the  foe.  Then  might  be 
seen  achievements  worthy  of  the  days  of  the 
giants.  Wherever  he  went,  the  enemy  shrank 
before  him  ;  the  Swedes  fled  to  right  and  left, 
or  were  driven,  like  dogs,  into  their  own  ditch ; 
but  as  he  pushed  forward  singly  with  headlong 
courage,  the  foe  closed  behind  and  hung 
upon  his  rear.  One  aimed  a  blow  full  at  his 
heart ;  but  the  protecting  power  which  watches 
over  the  great  and  good  turned  aside  the  hostile 
blade  and  directed  it  into  a  side-pocket,  where 
reposed  an  enormous  iron  tobacco-box,  en- 
dowed, like  the  shield  of  Achilles,  with  super- 
natural powers,  doubtless  from  bearing  the 
portrait  of  the  blessed  St.  Nicholas.  Peter 
Stuyvesant  turned  like  an  angry  bear  upon  the 
foe,  and  seizing  him  as  he  fled,  by  an  immeas- 
urable queue,  * '  Ah,  whoreson  caterpillar, ' ' 
roared  he,  "here  's  what  shall  make  worms' 
meat  of  thee  ! "  So  saying,  he  whirled  his 
sword,  and  dealt  a  blow  that  would  have  decapi- 
tated  the  varlet,  but  that  the  pitying  steel  struck 
short  and  shaved  the  queue  forever  from  his 
crown.    At  this  moment  au  arquebusier,  levelled 


IRival  "fcerocs  203 

his  piece  from  a  neighboring  mound,  with  dead- 
ly aim  ;  but  the  watchful  Minerva,  who  had  just 
stopped  to  tie  up  her  garter,  seeing  the  peril  of 
her  favorite  hero,  sent  old  Boreas  with  his  bel- 
lows, who,  as  the  match  descended  to  the  pan, 
gave  a  blast  that  blew  the  priming  from  the 
touchhole. 

Thus  waged  the  fight,  when  the  stout  Risingh, 
survej'ing  the  field  from  the  top  of  a  little  rave- 
lin, perceived  his  troops  banged,  beaten,  and 
kicked  by  the  invincible  Peter.  Drawing  his 
falchion  and  uttering  a  thousand  anathemas,  he 
strode  down  to  the  scene  of  combat  with  some 
such  thundering  strides  as  Jupiter  is  said  by 
Hesiod  to  have  taken  when  he  strode  down  the 
spheres  to  hurl  his  thunder-bolts  at  the  Titans. 

When  the  rival  heroes  came  face  to  face,  each 
made  a  prodigious  start  in  the  style  of  a  veteran 
stage-champion.  Then  did  they  regard  each 
other  for  a  moment  with  the  bitter  aspect  of 
two  furious  ram-cats  on  the  point  of  a  clapper- 
clawing. Then  did  they  throw  themselves  into 
one  attitude,  then  into  another,  striking  their 
swords  on  the  ground,  first  on  the  right  side, 
then  on  the  left ;  at  last  at  it  they  went,  with 
incredible  ferocity.  Words  cannot  tell  the 
prodigies  of  strength  and  valor  displayed  in 
this  direful  encounter, — an  encounter  compared 
to  which  the  far-famed  battles   of  Ajax  with 


204  Distort  of  mew  l^ork 

Hector,  of  ^neas  with  Tumus,  Orlando  with 
Rodomont,  Guy  of  Warwick  with  Colbrand  the 
Dane,  or  of  that  renowned  Welsh  knight,  Sir 
Owen  of  the  Mountains,  with  the  giant  Guylon, 
were  all  gentle  sports  and  holiday  recreations. 
At  length  the  valiant  Peter,  watching  his  op- 
portunity, aimed  a  blow,  enough  to  cleave  his 
adversary  to  the  very  chine ;  but  Risingh, 
nimbly  raising  his  sword,  warded  it  oflf  so  nar- 
rowly, that,  glancing  on  one  side,  it  shaved 
away  a  huge  canteen  in  which  he  carried  his 
liquor, — thence  pursuing  its  trenchant  course,  it 
severed  off  a  deep  coat-pocket,  stored  with  bread 
and  cheese, — which  provant  rolling  among  the 
armies,  occasioned  a  fearful  scrambling  be- 
tween the  Swedes  and  Dutchmen,  and  made  the 
general  battle  to  wax  more  furious  than  ever. 

Enraged  to  see  his  military  stores  laid  waste, 
the  stout  Risingh,  collecting  all  his  forces,  aimed 
a  mighty  blow  full  at  the  hero's  crest.  In  vain 
did  his  fierce  little  cocked  hat  oppose  its  course. 
The  biting  steel  clove  through  the  stubborn  ram 
beaver,  and  would  have  cracked  the  crown  of 
any  one  not  endowed  with  supernatural  hard- 
ness of  head  ;  but  the  brittle  weapon  shivered 
in  pieces  on  the  skull  of  Hardkoppig  Piet, 
shedding  a  thousand  sparks  like  beams  of  glory, 
round  his  grisly  visage. 

The  good  Peter  reeled  with  the  blow,   and 


3faU  ot  tbc  Cbicttalns  205 

turning  up  his  eyes  beheld  a  thousand  suns,  be- 
sides moons  and  stars,  dancing  about  the  firma- 
ment ;  at  length,  missing  his  footing,  by  reason 
of  his  wooden  leg,  down  he  came  on  his  seat  of 
honor  with  a  crash  which  shook  the  surrounding 
hills,  and  might  have  wrecked  his  frame,  had  he 
not  been  received  into  a  cushion  softer  than 
velvet,  which  Providence,  or  Minerv^a,  or  St. 
Nicholas,  or  some  cow,  had  benevolently  pre- 
pared for  his  reception. 

The  furious  Risingh,  in  despite  of  the  maxim, 
cherished  by  all  true  knights,  that  ' '  fair  play 
is  a  jewel,"  hastened  to  take  advantage  of  the 
hero's  fall ;  but,  as  he  stooped  to  give  a  fatal 
blow,  Peter  Stuyvesant  dealt  him  a  thwack  over 
the  sconce  with  his  wooden  leg,  which  set  a 
chime  of  bells  ringing  triple  bob-majors  in  his 
cerebellum.  The  bewildered  Swede  staggered 
with  the  blow,  and  the  wary  Peter  seizing  a 
pocket-pistol,  which  lay  hard  by,  discharged  it 
full  at  the  head  of  the  reeling  Risingh.  Let  not 
my  reader  mistake  ;  it  was  not  a  murderous 
weapon  loaded  with  powder  and  ball,  but  a  little 
sturdy  stone  pottle  charged  to  the  muzzle  with  a 
double  dram  of  true  Dutch  courage,  which  the 
knowing  Antony  Van  Corlear  carried  about  him 
by  way  of  replenishing  his  valor,  and  which  had 
dropped  from  his  wallet  during  his  furious  en- 
counter with  the  drummer.    The  hideous  weapon 


2o6  1bi0tors  ot  Bcw  l^orft 

sang  througli  the  air,  and  true  to  its  course  as 
was  the  fragment  of  a  rock  discharged  at  Hector 
by  bully  Ajax,  encountered  the  head  of  the 
gigantic  Swede  with  matchless  violence. 

This  heaven-directed  blow  decided  the  battle. 
The  ponderous  pericranium  of  General  Jan 
Risingh  sank  upon  his  breast ;  his  knees  tottered 
under  him  ;  a  death-like  torpor  seized  upon  his 
frame,  and  he  tumbled  to  the  earth  with  such 
violence,  that  old  Pluto  started  with  affright,  lest 
he  should  have  broken  through  the  roof  of  his 
infernal  palace. 

His  fall  was  the  signal  of  defeat  and  victory  ; 
the  Swedes  gave  way,  the  Dutch  pressed  for- 
ward ;  the  former  took  to  their  heels,  the  latter 
hotly  pursued.  Some  entered  with  them,  pell- 
mell,  through  the  sally-port ;  others  stormed  the 
bastion,  and  others  scrambled  over  the  curtain. 
Thus  in  a  little  while  the  fortress  of  Fort  Chris- 
tina, which,  like  another  Troy,  had  stood  a  siege 
of  full  ten  hours,  was  carried  by  assault,  without 
the  loss  of  a  single  man  on  either  side.  Victory, 
in  the  likeness  of  a  gigantic  oxfly,  sat  perched 
upon  the  cocked  hat  of  the  gallant  Stuyvesant ; 
and  it  was  declared,  by  all  the  writers  whom  he 
hired  to  write  the  history  of  his  expedition, 
that  on  this  memorable  day  he  gained  a  suffi- 
cient quantity  of  glory  to  immortalize  a  dozen 
of  the  greatest  heroes  in  Christendom  ! 


CHAPTER  IX. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  AND  THE  READER, 
WHII,E  REPOSING  AFTER  THE  BATTI^E,  FAI^I, 
INTO  A  VERY  GRAVE  DISCOURSE— AFTER 
WHICH  IS  RECORDED  THE  CONDUCT  OF  PETER 
STUYVESANT  AFTER  HIS  VICTORY. 

THANKS  to  St.  Nicholas,  we  have  safely 
finished  this  tremendous  battle ;  let  us  sit 
down,  my  worthy  reader,  and  cool  ourselves,  for 
I  am  in  a  prodigious  sweat  and  agitation  ;  truly 
this  fighting  of  battles  is  hot  work  !  and  if  your 
great  commanders  did  but  know  what  trouble 
they  give  their  historians,  they  would  not  have 
the  conscience  to  achieve  so  many  horrible 
victories.  But  methinks  I  hear  my  reader  com- 
plain, that  throughout  this  boasted  battle  there 
is  not  the  least  slaughter,  nor  a  single  individual 
maimed,  if  we  except  the  unhappy  Swede,  who 
was  shorn  of  his  queue  by  the  trenchant  blade 
of  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  all  which,  he  observes,  is 
a  great  outrage  on  probability,  and  highly  in- 
jurious to  the  interest  of  the  narration. 


2o8  t>i6tov^  Of  Bcw  ISovft 

This  is  certainly  an  objection  of  no  little  mo- 
ment, but  it  arises  entirely  from  the  obscurity 
enveloping  the  remote  periods  of  time  about 
which  I  have  undertaken  to  write.  Thus,  though 
doubtless,  from  the  importance  of  the  object  and 
the  prowess  of  the  parties  concerned,  there  must 
have  been  terrible  carnage,  and  prodigies  of 
valor  displayed  before  the  walls  of  Christina, 
yet,  notwithstanding  that  I  have  consulted  every 
history,  manuscript,  and  tradition,  touching 
this  memorable  though  long-forgotten  battle,  I 
cannot  find  mention  made  of  a  single  man  killed 
or  wounded  in  the  whole  affair. 

This  is,  without  doubt,  owing  to  the  extreme 
modesty  of  our  forefathers,  who,  unlike  their 
descendants,  were  never  prone  to  vaunt  of  their 
achievements  ;  but  it  is  a  virtue  which  places 
their  historian  in  a  most  embarrassing  predica- 
ment ;  for,  having  promised  my  readers  a 
hideous  and  unparalleled  battle,  and  having 
worked  them  up  into  a  warlike  and  blood- 
thirsty state  of  mind,  to  put  them  oif  without 
any  havoc  and  slaughter  would  have  been  as 
bitter  a  disappointment  as  to  summon  a  multi- 
tude of  good  people  to  attend  an  execution,  and 
then  cruelly  balk  them  by  a  reprieve. 

Plad  the  fates  only  allowed  me  some  half  a 
score  of  dead  men,  I  had  been  content ;  for  I 
would  have  made  them  such  heroes  as  abound- 


Zbc  JSlooDlcse  :©attlc  209 

ed  in  the  olden  time,  but  whose  race  is  now 
unfortunately  extinct, — any  one  of  whom,  if  we 
may  believe  those  authentic  writers,  the  poets, 
could  drive  great  armies,  like  sheep,  before 
him,  and  conquer  and  desolate  whole  cities  by 
his  single  arm. 

But  seeing  that  I  had  not  a  single  life  at  my 
disposal,  all  that  was  left  me  was  to  make  the 
most  I  could  of  my  battle,  by  means  of  kicks, 
and  cufifs,  and  bruises,  and  such  like  ignoble 
wounds.  And  here  I  cannot  but  compare  my 
dilemma,  in  some  sort,  to  that  of  the  divine 
Milton,  who,  having  arrayed  with  sublime 
preparation  his  immortal  hosts  against  each 
other,  is  sadly  put  to  it  how  to  manage  them, 
and  how  he  shall  make  the  end  of  his  battle 
answer  to  the  beginning,  inasmuch  as,  being 
mere  spirits,  he  cannot  deal  a  mortal  blow,  nor 
even  give  a  flesh  wound  to  any  of  his  comba- 
tants. For  my  part,  the  greatest  difficulty  I 
found  was,  when  I  had  once  put  my  warriors 
in  a  passion,  and  let  them  loose  into  the  midst 
of  the  enemy,  to  keep  them  from  doing  mis- 
chief. Many  a  time  had  I  to  restrain  the  sturdy 
Peter  from  cleaving  a  gigantic  Swede  to  the 
very  waistband,  or  spitting  hall  a  dozen  little 
fellows  on  his  sword,  like  so  many  sparrows, 
and  when  I  had  set  some  hundred  of  missives 
flying  it_  the  air,  I  did  not  dare  to  suffer  one  of 


2IO  1bi6tors  of  Bew  l^orft 

them  to  reach,  the  ground,  lest  it  should  have 
put  an  end  to  some  unlucky  Dutchman. 

The  reader  cannot  conceive  how  mortifying 
it  is  to  a  writer  thus  in  a  manner  to  have  his 
hands  tied,  and  how  many  tempting  opportuni- 
ties I  had  to  wink  at,  where  I  might  have  made 
as  fine  a  death-blow  as  any  recorded  in  history 
or  song. 

From  my  own  experience  I  begin  to  doubt 
most  potently  of  the  authenticity  of  many  of 
Homer's  stories.  I  verily  believe  that,  when 
he  had  once  launched  one  of  his  favorite  heroes 
among  a  crowd  of  the  enemy,  he  cut  down 
many  an  honest  fellow,  without  any  authority 
for  so  doing,  excepting  that  he  presented  a  fair 
mark, —  and  that  often  a  poor  fellow  was  sent 
to  grim  Pluto's  domains,  merely  because  he 
had  a  name  that  would  give  a  sounding  turn  to 
a  period.  But  I  disclaim  all  such  unprincipled 
liberties  ;  let  me  but  have  truth  and  the  law  on 
my  side,  and  no  man  would  fight  harder  than 
myself;  but  since  the  various  records  I  con- 
sulted did  not  warrant  it,  I  had  too  much 
conscience  to  kill  a  single  soldier.  By  St. 
Nicholas,  but  it  would  have  been  a  pretty  piece 
of  business  !  My  enemies,  the  critics,  who  I 
foresee  will  be  ready  enough  to  lay  any  crime 
they  can  discover  at  my  door,  might  have 
charged  me  with  murder  outright,  and  I  should 


Butbor'5  IReflectlons  211 

have  esteemed  myself  lucky  to  escape  "with  no 
harsher  verdict  than  manslaughter  ! 

And  now,  gentle  reader,  that  we  are  tranquil- 
ly sitting  down  here,  smoking  our  pipes,  permit 
me  to  indulge  in  a  melancholy  reflection  which 
at  this  moment  passes  across  my  mind.  How 
vain,  how  fleeting,  how  uncertain  are  all  those 
gaudy  bubbles  after  which  we  are  panting  and 
toiling  in  this  world  of  fair  delusions.  The 
wealth  which  the  miser  has  amassed  with  so 
many  weary  days,  so  many  sleepless  nights,  a 
spendthrift  here  may  squander  away  in  joyless 
prodigality ;  the  noblest  monuments  which 
pride  has  ever  reared  to  perpetuate  a  name,  the 
hand  of  time  will  shortly  tumble  into  ruins ; 
and  even  the  brightest  laurels,  gained  by  feats 
of  arms,  may  wither,  and  be  forever  blighted 
by  the  chilling  neglect  of  mankind.  **  How 
many  illustrious  heroes,"  says  the  good  Boe- 
tius,  "who  were  once  the  pride  and  glory  of 
the  age,  hath  the  silence  of  historians  buried  in 
eternal  oblivion  !  "  And  this  it  was  that  in- 
duced the  Spartans,  when  they  went  to  battle, 
solemnly  to  sacrifice  to  the  Muses,  supplicating 
that  their  achievements  might  be  worthily  re- 
corded. Had  not  Homer  tuned  his  lofty  lyre, 
observes  the  elegant  Cicero,  the  valor  of  Achil- 
les had  remained  unsung.  And  such,  too,  after 
all  the  toils  and  perils  he  had  braved,  after  all 


212  Ibfstor^  of  IRew  l^orft 

the  gallant  actions  he  had  achieved,  such,  too, 
had  nearly  been  the  fate  of  the  chivalric  Peter 
Stujrvesant,  but  that  I  fortunately  stepped  in 
and  engraved  his  name  on  the  indelible  tablet 
of  history,  just  as  the  caitiff  Time  was  silently 
brushing  it  away  forever  ! 

The  more  I  reflect  the  more  I  am  astonished 
at  the  important  character  of  the  historian.  Ke 
is  the  sovereign  censor  to  decide  upon  the  re- 
nown or  infamy  of  his  fellow-men.  He  is  the 
patron  of  kings  and  conquerors,  on  whom  it 
depends  whether  they  shall  live  in  after-ages, 
or  be  forgotten  as  were  their  ancestors  before 
them.  The  tyrant  may  oppress  while  the  ob- 
ject of  his  tyranny  exists  ;  but  the  historian 
possesses  superior  might,  for  his  power  extends 
even  beyond  the  grave.  The  shades  of  departed 
and  long-forgotten  heroes  anxiously  bend  down 
from  above,  while  he  writes,  v/atching  each 
movement  of  his  pen,  whether  it  shall  pass  by 
their  names  with  neglect,  or  inscribe  them  on 
the  deathless  pages  of  renown.  Even  the  drop 
of  ink  which  hangs  trembling  on  his  pen,  which 
he  may  either  dash  upon  the  floor  or  waste  in 
idle  scrawlings, — that  very  drop,  which  to  him 
is  not  worth  the  twentieth  part  of  a  farthing, 
may  be  of  incalculable  value  to  some  departed 
worthy,  may  elevate  half  a  score,  in  one  mo- 
ment, to  immortality,  who  would  have  given 


fmmortal  3Fame  213 

worlds,  had  they  possessed  them,  to  insure  the 
glorious  meed. 

Let  not  my  readers  imagine,  however,  that  I 
am  indulging  in  vainglorious  boastings,  or  am 
anxious  to  blazon  forth  the  importance  of  my 
tribe.  On  the  contrary,  I  shrink  when  I  reflect 
on  the  awful  responsibility  we  historians  as- 
sume ;  I  shudder  to  think  what  direful  commo- 
tions and  calamities  we  occasion  in  the  world  ; 
I  swear  to  thee,  honest  reader,  as  I  am  a  man,  I 
weep  at  the  very  idea  !  Why,  let  me  ask,  are 
so  many  illustrious  men  daily  tearing  them- 
selves away  from  the  embraces  of  their  families, 
sHghting  the  smiles  of  beauty,  despising  the 
allurements  of  fortune,  and  exposing  themselves 
to  the  miseries  of  war  ?  Why  are  kings  deso- 
lating empires,  and  depopulating  whole  coun- 
tries ?  In  short,  what  induces  all  great  men  of 
all  ages  and  countries  to  commit  so  many  victo- 
ries and  misdeeds,  and  inflict  so  many  miseries 
upon  mankind  and  upon  themselves,  but  the 
mere  hope  that  some  historian  will  kindly  take 
them  into  notice,  and  admit  them  into  a  comer 
of  his  volume?  For,  in  short,  the  mighty  ob- 
ject of  all  their  toils,  their  hardships,  and  pri- 
vations is  nothing  but  immortal  fame.  And 
what  is  immortal  fame  ? — why,  half  a  page  of 
dirty  paper  !  Alas  !  alas  !  how  humiliating  the 
idea,  that  the  renown  of  so  great  a  man  as  Peter 


214  Ibistorg  of  mew  l^ork 

Stuyvesant  should  depend  upon  the  pen  of  so 
little  a  man  as  Diedrich  Knickerbocker  ! 

And  now,  having  refreshed  ourselves  after  the 
fatigues  and  perils  of  the  field,  it  behooves  us  to 
return  once  more  to  the  scene  of  conflict,  and 
inquire  what  were  the  results  of  this  renowned 
conquest.  The  fortress  of  Christina  being  the 
fair  metropolis,  and  in  a  manner  the  key  to 
New  Sweden,  its  capture  was  speedily  followed 
by  the  entire  subjugation  of  the  province.  This 
was  not  a  little  promoted  by  the  gallant  and 
courteous  deportment  of  the  chivalric  Peter. 
Though  a  man  terrible  in  battle,  yet  in  the  hour 
of  victory  was  he  endued  with  a  spirit  generous, 
merciful,  and  humane.  He  vaunted  not  over 
his  enemies,  nor  did  he  make  defeat  more  gall- 
ing by  unmanly  insults  ;  for  like  that  mirror  of 
knightly  virtue,  the  renowned  Paladin  Orlando, 
he  was  more  anxious  to  do  great  actions  than 
to  talk  of  them  after  they  were  done.  He  put 
no  man  to  death ;  ordered  no  houses  to  be 
burnt  down  ;  permitted  no  ravages  to  be  perpe- 
trated on  the  property  of  the  vanquished  ;  and 
even  gave  one  of  his  bravest  officers  a  severe 
admonishment  with  his  walking-staff"  for  having 
been  detected  in  the  act  of  sacking  a  hen-roost. 

He  moreover  issued  a  proclamation  inviting 
the  inhabitants  to  submit  to  the  authority  of 
their  High  Mightinesses ;  but  declaring,  with 


Submission  of  IRew  Sweden      215 

unexampled  clemency,  that  wlioever  refused 
should  be  lodged  at  the  public  expense  in  a 
goodly  castle  provided  for  the  purpose,  and 
have  an  armed  retinue  to  wait  on  them  in  the 
bargain.  In  consequence  of  these  beneficent 
terms  about  thirty  Swedes  stepped  manfully 
forward  and  took  the  oath  of  allegiance  ;  in  re- 
ward for  which  they  were  graciously  permitted 
to  remain  on  the  banks  of  the  Delaware,  where 
their  descendants  reside  at  this  very  day.  I  am 
told,  however,  by  divers  observant  travellers 
that  they  have  never  been  able  to  get  over  the 
chapfallen  looks  of  their  ancestors,  but  that 
they  still  do  strangely  transmit  from  father  to 
son  manifest  marks  of  the  sound  drubbing  given 
them  by  the  sturdy  Amsterdammers. 

The  whole  country  of  New  Sweden,  having 
thus  yielded  to  the  arms  of  the  triumphant 
Peter,  was  reduced  to  a  colony  called  South 
River,  and  placed  under  the  superintendence 
of  a  lieutenant-governor,  subject  to  the  control 
of  the  supreme  government  of  New  Amster- 
dam. This  great  dignitary  was  called  Mynheer 
William  Beekman,  or  rather  Beck--nia.n,  who 
derived  his  surname,  as  did  Ovidious  Naso  of 
yore,  from  the  lordly  dimensions  of  his  nose, 
which  projected  from  the  centre  of  his  counte- 
nance like  the  beak  of  a  parrot.  He  was  the 
great  progenitor  of  the  tribe  of  the  Beekmans, 


2i6  1bi6tors  of  *lew  l^orU 

-one  of  the  most  ancient  and  honorable  families 
of  the  province,  the  members  of  which  do  grate- 
fully commemorate  the  origin  of  their  dignity, 
— not  as  yom:  noble  families  in  England  would 
do,  by  having  a  glowing  proboscis  emblazoned 
on  their  escutcheon,  but  by  one  and  all  wearing 
a  right  goodly  nose,  stuck  in  the  very  middle 
of  their  faces. 

Thus  was  this  perilous  enterprise  gloriously 
terminated,  with  the  loss  of  only  two  men  : 
Wolfert  Van  Home,  a  tall  spare  man,  who  was 
knocked  overboard  by  the  boom  of  a  sloop  in  a 
flaw  of  wind,  and  fat  Brom  Van  Bummel,  who 
was  suddenly  carried  off  by  an  indigestion ; 
both,  however,  were  immortalized,  as  having 
bravely  fallen  in  the  service  of  their  country. 
True  it  is,  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  one  of  his 
limbs  terribly  fractured  in  the  act  of  storming 
the  fortress  ;  but  as  it  was  fortunately  his  wood- 
en leg,  the  wound  was  promptly  and  effectually 
healed. 

And  now  nothing  remains  to  this  branch  of 
my  history  but  to  mention  that  this  immacu- 
late hero  and  his  victorious  army  returned  joy- 
ously to  the  Manhattoes,  where  they  made  a 
solemn  and  triumphant  entry,  bearing  with 
them  the  conquered  Risingh,  and  the  remnant 
of  his  battered  crew,  who  had  refused  allegiance  ; 
for  it  appears  that  the  gigantic  Swede  had  only 


•Return  ot  tbe  Dfctors  217 

fallen  into  a  swoon,  at  the  end  of  the  battle, 
from  which  he  was  speedily  restored  by  a  whole- 
some tweak  of  the  nose. 

These  captive  heroes  were  lodged,  according 
to  the  promise  of  the  governor,  at  the  public 
expense,  in  a  fair  and  spacious  castle, — being 
the  prison  of  state,  of  which  Stoffel  BrinkerhofiF, 
the  immortal  conqueror  of  Oyster  Bay,  was 
appointed  governor,  and  which  has  ever  since 
remained  in  the  possession  of  his  descendants.* 

It  was  a  pleasant  and  goodly  sight  to  witness 
the  joy  of  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam  at 
beholding  their  warriors  once  more  return  from 
this  war  in  the  wilderness.  The  old  women 
thronged  round  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who 
gave  the  whole  history  of  the  campaign  with 
matchless  accuracy,  saying  that  he  took  the 
credit  of  fighting  the  whole  battle  himself,  and 
especially  of  vanquishing  the  stout  Risingh, — 
which  he  considered  himself  as  clearly  entitled 
to,  seeing  that  it  was  effected  by  his  own  stone 
pottle. 

The  schoolmasters  throughout  the  town  gave 
holidays  to  their  little  urchins,  who  followed  in 
droves  after  the  drums,  with  paper  caps  on  their 
heads,  and  sticks  in  their  breeches,  thus  taking 

♦This castle,  though  very  much  altered  and  modern- 
ized, is  still  in  being,  and  stands  at  the  comer  of  Pearl 
Street,  facing  Coeuties  Slip. 


2i8  Ibistor^  of  IRew  lorh 

the  first  lesson  in  the  art  of  war.  As  to  the 
sturdy  rabble,  they  thronged  at  the  heels  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant  wherever  he  went,  waving 
their  greasy  hats  in  the  air,  and  shouting 
"  Hardkoppig  Piet  forever  ! " 

It  was  indeed  a  day  of  roaring  rout  and 
jubilee.  A  huge  dinner  was  prepared  at  the 
Stadthouse  in  honor  of  the  conquerors,  where 
were  assembled  in  one  glorious  constellation 
the  great  and  little  luminaries  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. There  were  the  lordly  Schout  and 
obsequious  deputy  ;  the  burgomasters  with  their 
officious  schepens  at  their  elbows ;  the  subaltern 
officers  at  the  elbows  of  the  schepens,  and  so 
on  down  to  the  lowest  hanger-on  of  police  : 
every  tag  having  his  rag  at  his  side,  to  finish 
his  pipe,  drink  off  his  heel-taps,  and  laugh  at 
his  flights  of  immortal  dulness.  In  short, — for 
a  city  feast  is  a  city  feast  all  the  world  over,  and 
has  been  a  city  feast  ever  since  the  creation, — the 
dinner  went  off  much  the  same  as  do  our  great 
corporation  junketings  and  Fourth-of  July  ban- 
quets. Loads  of  fish,  flesh,  and  fowl  were  de- 
voured, oceans  of  liquor  drank,  thousands  of 
pipes  smoked,  and  many  a  dull  joke  honored 
with  much  obstreperous  fat-sided  laughter. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  to  this  far- 
famed  victory  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  indebted 
for  another  of  his  many  titles  ;  for  so  hugely  de- 


t>ictet  t>e  (5rooOt  219 

lighted  were  the  honest  burghers  with  his 
achievements,  that  they  unanimously  honored 
him  with  the  name  of  Picter  de  Groodt,  that  is 
to  say,  Peter  the  Great,  or,  as  it  was  translated 
into  EngUsh  by  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam, 
for  the  benefit  of  their  New  England  visitors, 
Piet  de  pig, — an  appellation  which  he  main- 
tained even  unto  the  day  of  his  death. 


BOOK  VII. 

CONTAINING  THE  THIRD  PART  OF  THE  RBIGN 
OF  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG — HIS  TROUBI.ES 
WITH  THE  BRITISH  NATION,  AND  THE  DE- 
CI^INE   AND   FAI,Iy  OF  THE   DUTCH    DYNASTY. 

CHAPTER  I. 

HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT  RELIEVED  THE  SOV- 
EREIGN PEOPLE  FROM  THE  BURDEN  OF  TAK- 
ING CARE  OF  THE  NATION  ;  WITH  SUNDRY 
PARTICULARS  OF  HIS  CONDUCT  IN  TIME  OF 
PEACE,  AND  OF  THE  RISE  OF  A  GREAT  DUTCH 
ARISTOCRACY. 

THE  history  of  the  reign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant 
furnishes  an  edifying  picture  of  the  cares 
and  vexations  inseparable  from  sovereignty,  and 
a  solemn  warning  to  all  who  are  ambitious  of 
attaining  the  seat  of  honor.  Though  returning 
in  triumph  and  crowned  with  victory,  his  exul- 


"Kistng  ^factions  221 

tation  was  checked  on  observing  the  abuses 
which  had  sprung  up  in  New  Amsterdam  during 
his  short  absence.  His  walking-staff,  which  he 
had  sent  home  to  act  as  vicegerent,  had,  it  is 
true,  kept  his  council-chamber  in  order, — the 
counsellors  eying  it  with  awe,  as  it  lay  in  grim 
repose  upon  the  table,  and  smoking  their  pipes 
in  silence, — but  its  control  extended  not  out  of 
doors. 

The  populace  unfortunately  had  had  too 
much  their  own  way  under  the  slack  though 
fitful  reign  of  William  the  Testy  ;  and  though 
upon  the  accession  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  they 
had  felt,  with  the  instinctive  perception  which 
mobs  as  well  as  cattle  possess,  that  the  reins  of 
government  had  passed  into  stronger  hands,  yet 
could  they  not  help  fretting  and  chafing  and 
champing  upon  the  bit,  in  restive  silence. 

Scarcely,  therefore,  had  he  departed  on  his 
expedition  against  the  Swedes,  than  the  old 
factions  of  William  Kieft's  reign  had  again 
thrust  their  heads  above  water.  Pothouse 
meetings  were  again  held  to  "  discuss  the  state 
of  the  nation,"  where  cobblers,  tinkers,  and 
tailors,  the  self-dubbed  "friends  of  the  people," 
once  more  felt  themselves  inspired  with  the 
gift  of  legislation,  and  undertook  to  lecture  on 
every  movement  of  government. 

Now,  as  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  a  singular  in- 


222  Dlstors  ot  IFlew  l^orh 

clination  to  govern  the  province  by  his  indi- 
vidual will,  his  first  move,  on  his  return,  was  to 
put  a  stop  to  this  gratuitous  legislation.  Accord- 
ingly, one  evening,  when  an  inspired  cobbler 
was  holding  forth  to  an  assemblage  of  the  kind, 
the  intrepid  Peter  suddenly  made  his  appearance, 
with  his  ominous  walking-staff  in  his  hand,  and 
a  countenance  sufl&cient  to  petrify  a  mill-stone. 
The  whole  meeting  was  thrown  into  confusion, 
the  orator  stood  aghast,  with  open  mouth  and 
trembling  knees,  while  * '  horror  !  tyranny  ! 
liberty  !  rights  !  taxes !  death  !  destruction  !  '* 
and  a  host  of  other  patriotic  phrases  were  bolted 
forth  before  he  had  time  to  close  his  lips.  Peter 
took  no  notice  of  the  skulking  throng,  but 
strode  up  to  the  brawling  bully-ruffian,  and 
pulling  out  a  huge  silver  watch,  which  might 
have  served  in  times  of  yore  as  a  town-clock, 
and  which  is  still  retained  by  his  descendants  as 
a  family  curiosity,  requested  the  orator  to  mend 
it,  and  set  it  going.  The  orator  humbly  con- 
fessed that  it  was  utterly  out  of  his  power,  as  he 
was  unacquainted  with  the  nature  of  its  con- 
struction. * '  Nay,  but, ' '  said  Peter,  ' '  try  your 
ingenuity,  man  :  you  see  all  the  springs  and 
wheels,  and  how  easily  the  clumsiest  hand  may 
stop  it,  and  pull  it  to  pieces ;  and  why  should  it 
not  be  equally  easy  to  regulate  as  to  stop  it?  " 
The  orator  declared  that  his  trade  was  wholly 


XTbe  Cobbler^s  Contu6ion  223 

diflferent, — that  he  was  a  poor  cobbler,  and  had 
never  meddled  with  a  watch  in  his  life, — that 
there  were  men  skilled  in  the  art,  whose  busi- 
ness it  was  to  attend  to  those  matters  ;  but  for 
his  part,  he  should  only  mar  the  workmanship 
and  put  the  whole  in  confusion.  **  Why, 
harkee,  master  of  mine,"  cried  Peter, — turning 
suddenly  upon  him,  with  a  countenance  that 
almost  petrified  the  patcher  of  shoes  into  a 
perfect  lapstone, — "  dost  thou  pretend  to  meddle 
with  the  movements  of  government, — to  regu- 
late, and  correct,  and  patch,  and  cobble  a  com- 
plicated machine,  the  principles  of  which  are 
above  thy  comprehension,  and  its  simplest 
workings  too  subtle  for  thy  understanding, 
when  thou  canst  not  correct  a  trifling  error  in  a 
common  piece  of  mechanism,  the  whole  mys- 
tery of  which  is  open  to  thy  inspection  ?  Hence 
with  thee  to  the  leather  and  stone,  which  are 
emblems  of  thy  head  ;  cobble  thy  shoes,  and 
confine  thyself  to  the  vocation  for  which  Heaven 
has  fitted  thee.  But,"  elevating  his  voice  until 
it  made  the  welkin  ring,  "  if  ever  I  catch  thee, 
or  any  of  thy  tribe,  meddling  again  with  the 
affairs  of  government,  by  St.  Nicholas,  but  I  '11 
have  every  mother's  bastard  of  ye  flay'd  alive, 
and  your  hides  stretched  for  drum-heads,  that 
ye    may    thenceforth  make   a    noise  to  some 


224  1bi0tor^  ot  IFlew  ^oxh 

This  threat,  and  the  tremenduous  voice  in 
which  it  was  uttered,  caused  the  whole  multi- 
tude to  quake  with  fear.  The  hair  of  the  orator 
rose  on  his  head  like  his  own  swines'  bristles, 
and  not  a  knight  of  the  thimble  present  but  his 
heart  died  within  him,  and  he  felt  as  though  he 
could  have  verily  escaped  through  the  eye  of  a 
needle.  The  assembly  dispersed  in  silent  con- 
sternation ;  the  pseudo-statesmen,  who  had 
hitherto  undertaken  to  regulate  public  affairs, 
were  now  fain  to  stay  at  home,  hold  their 
tongues,  and  take  care  of  their  families  ;  and 
party  feuds  died  away  to  such  a  degree,  that 
many  thriving  keepers  of  taverns  and  dram- 
shops were  utterly  ruined  for  want  of  business. 
But  though  this  measure  produced  the  desired 
effect  in  putting  an  extinguisher  on  the  new 
lights  just  brightening  up,  yet  did  it  tend  to  in- 
jure the  popularity  of  the  Great  Peter  with  the 
thinking  part  of  the  community,  that  is  to  say, 
that  part  which  thinks  for  others  instead  of  for 
themselves,  or,  in  other  words,  who  attend  to 
everybody's  business  but  their  own.  These  ac- 
cused the  old  governor  of  being  highly  aristo- 
cratical ;  and  iu  truth  there  seems  to  have  been 
some  ground  for  such  an  accusation  ;  for  he  car- 
ried himself  with  a  lofty,  soldier-like  air,  and 
was  somewhat  particular  in  dress,  appearing, 
when  not  in  uniform,  in  rich  apparel  of  the  an- 


state  anJ)  Cexcmom  225 

tique  flaundrish  cut,  and  was  especially  noted 
for  having  his  sound  leg  (which  was  a  very 
comely  one)  always  arrayed  in  a  red  stocking 
and  high-heeled  shoe. 

Justice  he  often  dispensed  in  the  primitive 
patriarchial  way,  seated  on  the  *'  stoep  "  before 
his  door,  under  the  shade  of  a  great  button- 
wood  tree  ;  but  all  visits  of  form  and  state  were 
received  with  something  of  court  ceremony  in 
the  best  parlor  ;  where  Antony  the  Trumpeter 
officiated  as  high  chamberlain.  On  public  oc- 
casions he  appeared  with  great  pomp  of  equi- 
page, and  always  rode  to  church  in  a  yellow 
wagon  with  flaming  red  wheels. 

These  symptoms  of  state  and  ceremony,  as  vve 
have  hinted,  were  much  cavilled  at  by  the 
thinking  (and  talking)  part  of  the  community-. 
They  had  been  accustomed  to  find  easy  access 
to  their  former  governors,  and  in  particular  had 
lived  on  terms  of  extreme  intimacy  with  Wil- 
liam the  Testy  ;  and  they  accused  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant  of  assuming  too  much  dignity  and  reserve, 
and  of  wrapping  himself  in  mystery.  Others, 
however,  have  pretended  to  discover  in  all  this 
a  shrewd  policy  on  the  part  of  the  old  governor^ 
It  is  certainly  of  the  first  importance,  say  they, 
that  a  country  should  be  governed  by  wise 
men  ;  but  then  it  is  almost  equally  important 
that  the  people  should  think  them  wise ;   for 


226  Ibistorg  of  Bew  l^orft 

this  belief  alone  can  produce  willing  subordina- 
tion. To  keep  up,  however,  this  desirable  con- 
fidence in  rulers,  the  people  should  be  allowed 
to  see  as  little  of  them  as  possible.  It  is  the 
mystery  which  envelops  great  men,  that  gives 
them  half  their  greatness.  There  is  a  kind  of 
superstitious  reverence  for  office  which  leads  us 
to  exaggerate  the  merits  of  the  occupant,  and 
to  suppose  that  he  must  be  wiser  than  common 
men.  He,  however,  who  gains  access  to  cabi- 
nets, soon  finds  out  by  what  foolishness  the 
world  is  governed.  He  finds  that  there  is 
quackery  in  legislation  as  in  every  thing  else  ; 
that  rulers  have  their  whims  and  errors  as  well 
as  other  men,  and  are  not  so  wonderfully  supe- 
rior as  he  imagined,  since  even  he  may  occa- 
sionally confute  them  in  argument.  Thus  awe 
subsides  into  confidence,  confidence  inspires 
familiarity,  and  familiarity  produces  contempt. 
Such  was  the  case,  they  say,  with  William  the 
Testy.  By  making  himself  too  easy  of  access, 
he  enabled  every  scrub  politician  to  measure 
wits  with  him,  and  to  find  out  the  true  dimen- 
sions not  only  of  his  person  but  of  his  mind ; 
and  thus  it  was  that,  by  being  familiarly 
scanned,  he  was  discovered  to  be  a  very  little 
man.  Peter  Stuyvesant,  on  the  contrary,  say 
they,  by  conducting  himself  with  dignity  and 
loftiness,  was  looked  up  to  with  great  reverence. 


^be  Dutcb  Bristocracs  227 

As  tie  never  gave  his  reasons  for  any  thing  he 
did,  the  public  gave  him  credit  for  very  profound 
ones ;  every  moment,  however  intrinsically  un- 
important, was  a  matter  of  speculation ;  and  his 
very  red  stockings  excited  some  respect,  as  be- 
ing diflferent  from  the  stockings  of  other  men. 

Another  charge  against  Peter  Stuyvesant  was 
that  he  had  a  great  leaning  in  favor  of  the  patri- 
cians ;  and  indeed  in  his  time  rose  many  of  those 
mighty  Dutch  families  which  have  taken  such 
vigorous  root,  and  branched  out  so  luxviriantly 
in  our  State.  Some,  to  be  sure,  were  of  earlier 
date,  such  as  the  Van  Kortlandts,  the  Van 
Zandts,  the  Ten  Broecks,  the  Harden  Broecks, 
and  others  of  Pavonian  renown,  who  gloried  in 
the  title  of  ''Discoverers,"  from  having  been 
engaged  in  the  nautical  expedition  from  Com- 
munipaw,  in  which  they  so  heroically  braved 
the  terrors  of  Hell-gate  and  Buttermilk  Channel, 
and  discovered  a  site  for  New  Amsterdam. 

Others  claimed  to  themselves  the  appellation 
of  "Conquerors,"  from  their  gallant  achieve- 
ments in  New  Sweden  and  their  victory  over 
the  Yankees  at  Oyster  Bay.  Such  was  that  list 
of  warlike  worthies  heretofore  enumerated,  be- 
ginning with  the  Van  Wycks,  the  Van  Dycks, 
and  the  Ten  Eycks,  and  extending  to  the  Rut- 
gers, the  Bensons,  the  Brinkerhoffs,  and  the 
Schermerhoms, — a  roll  equal  to  the  Doomsday- 


228  1bl0tori2  of  'B^ew  13orft 

•Book  of  William  the  Conqueror,  and  establish- 
ing the  heroic  origin  of  many  an  ancient  aristo- 
cratical  Dutch  family.  These,  after  all,  are  the 
only  legitimate  nobility  and  lords  of  the  soil ; 
these  are  the  real  ' '  beavers  of  the  Manhattoes ' ' ; 
and  much  does  it  grieve  me  in  modem  days  to 
see  them  elbowed  aside  by  foreign  invaders,  and 
more  especially  by  those  ingenious  people,  "the 
Sons  of  the  Pilgrims  "  ;  who  out-bargain  them 
in  the  market,  out-speculate  them  on  the  ex- 
change, out-top  them  in  fortune,  and  run  up 
mushroom  palaces  so  high  that  the  tallest  Dutch 
family  mansion  has  not  w4nd  enough  left  for  its 
weathercock. 

In  the  proud  days  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  how- 
ever, the  good  old  Dutch  aristocracy  loomed  out 
in  all  its  grandeur.  The  burly  burgher,  in 
round-crowned  flaundrish  hat  with  brim  of  vast 
circumference,  in  portly  gabardine  and  bulbous 
multiplicity  of  breeches,  sat  on  his  "stoep" 
and  smoked  his  pipe  in  lordly  silence  ;  nor  did 
it  ever  enter  his  brain  that  the  active,  restless 
Yankee,  whom  he  saw  through  his  half-shut 
eyes  worrying  about  in  dog-day  heat,  ever  intent 
on  the  main  chance,  was  one  day  to  usurp  con- 
trol over  these  goodly  Dutch  domains.  Already, 
however,  the  races  regarded  each  other  with 
disparaging  eyes.  The  Yankees  sneeringly  spoke 
of  the  round-crowned  burghers  of  the  Manhat- 


Zbc  Dutcb  Brtstocracg 


229 


toes  as  the  "Copperheads,"  while  the  latter, 
glorying  in  their  own  nether  rotundity,  and  ob- 
serving the  slack  galligaskins  of  their  rivals, 
flapping  like  an  empty  sail  against  the  mast, 
retorted  upon  them  with  the  opprobrious  appel- 
lation of  **  Platter-breeches." 


CHAPTER  II. 


HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT  I^ABORED  TO  CIYII^IZE 
THE  COMMUNITY — HOW  HE  WAS  A  GREAT 
PROMOTER  OF  HOI,IDAYS — HOW  HE  INSTI- 
TUTED KISSING  ON  NEW-YEAR'S  DAY — HOW 
HE  DISTRIBUTED  FIDDLES  THROUGHOUT  THE 
NEW  NETHERI.ANDS — HOW  HE  VENTURED  TO 
REFORM  THE  I^ADIES'  PETTICOATS,  AND  HOW 
HE  CAUGHT  A  TARTAR. 

FROM  what  I  have  recounted  in  the  foregoing 
chapter  I  would  not  have  it  imagined  that 
the  great  Peter  was  a  tyrannical  potentate,  rul- 
ing with  a  rod  of  iron.  On  the  contrary,  where 
the  dignity  of  office  permitted,  he  abounded  in 
generosity  and  condescension.  If  he  refused 
the  brawling  multitude  the  right  of  misrule,  he 
at  least  endeavored  to  rule  them  in  righteous- 
ness. To  spread  abundance  in  the  land,  he 
obliged  the  bakers  to  give  thirteen  loaves  to  the 
dozen, — a  golden  rule  which  remains  a  mon- 
ument of  his  beneficence.  So  far  from  indul- 
ging in  unreasonable  austerity,  he  delighted  to 


Ikissfng  on  IRew  l^cars  231 

see  the  poor  aud  the  laboring  man  rejoice  ;  and 
for  this  purpose  he  was  a  great  promoter  of  holi- 
days. Under  his  reign  there  was  a  great  crack- 
ling of  Eggs  at  Paas  or  Easter  ;  Whitsuntide  or 
Pinxter  also  flourished  in  all  its  bloom  ;  and 
never  were  stockings  better  filled  on  the  eve  of 
the  blessed  St.  Nicholas. 

New- Year's  day,  however,  was  his  favorite 
festival,  and  was  ushered  in  by  the  ringing  of 
bells  and  firing  of  guns.  On  that  genial  day 
the  fountains  of  hospitality  were  broken  up, 
and  the  whole  community  was  deluged  with 
cherry -brandy,  true  Hollands,  and  mulled  cider  ; 
every  house  was  a  temple  of  the  jolly  god ;  and 
many  a  provident  vagabond  got  drunk  out  of 
■pure  economy — taking  in  liquor  enough  gratis 
to  serve  him  half  a  year  afterwards. 

The  great  assemblage,  however,  was  at  the 
governor's  house,  whither  repaired  all  the  burgh- 
ers of  New  Amsterdam  with  their  wives  and 
daughters,  pranked  out  in  their  best  attire.  On 
this  occasion  the  good  Peter  was  devoutly  ob- 
servant of  the  pious  Dutch  rite  of  kissing  the 
■womenkind  for  a  happy  new-year  ;  and  it  is 
traditional  that  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  who 
acted  as  gentleman  usher,  took  toll  of  all  who 
were  young  and  handsome,  as  they  passed 
through  the  antechamber.  This  venerable 
custom,  thus  happily  introduced,  was  followed 


232  1bi6tori5  ot  IFlew  l^orft 

with  such  zeal  by  high  and  low,  that  on  New- 
Year's  day,  during  the  reign  of  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant,  New  Amsterdam  was  the  most  thoroughly 
be-kissed  community  in  all  Christendom.  An- 
other great  measure  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  for 
public  improvement  was  the  distribution  of 
fiddles  throughout  the  land.  These  were  placed 
in  the  hands  of  veteran  negroes,  who  were  de- 
spatched as  missionaries  to  every  part  of  the 
province.  This  measure,  it  is  said,  was  first 
suggested  by  Antony  the  Trumpeter ;  and  the 
effect  was  marvellous.  Instead  of  those  "in- 
dignation meetings  "  set  on  foot  in  the  time  of 
William  the  Testy,  where  men  met  together  to 
rail  at  public  abuses,  groan  over  the  evils  of 
the  times,  and  make  each  other  miserable,  there 
were  joyous  gatherings  of  the  two  sexes  to 
dance  and  make  merry.  Now  were  instituted 
"  quilting  bees, "  and  "husking  bees,"  and  other 
rural  assemblages,  where,  under  the  inspiring 
influence  of  the  fiddle,  toil  was  enlivened  by 
gayety  and  followed  up  by  the  dance.  "Raising 
bees  "  also  were  frequent,  where  houses  sprung 
up  at  the  wagging  of  the  fiddle-sticks,  as  the 
walls  of  Thebes  sprang  up  of  yore  to  the  sound 
of  the  lyre  of  Amphiou. 

Jolly  autumn,  which  pours  its  treasures  ovei 
hill  and  dale,  was  in  those  days  a  season  for  the 
lifting  of  the  heel  as  well  as  the  heart ;  labor 


t)apps  Dags  233 

came  danciug  in  the  train  of  abundance,  and 
frolic  prevailed  throughout  the  land.  Happy- 
days  !  when  the  yeomanry  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
landts  were  merry  rather  than  wise ;  and  when 
the  notes  of  the  fiddle,  those  harbingers  of  good- 
humor  and  good-will,  resounded  at  the  close  of 
the  day  from  every  hamlet  along  the  Hudson  ! 

Nor  was  it  in  rural  communities  alone  that 
Peter  Stuyvesant  introduced  his  favorite  engine 
of  civilization.  Under  his  rule  the  fiddle  ac- 
quired that  potent  sway  in  New  Amsterdam 
which  it  has  ever  since  retained.  "Weekly  as- 
semblages were  held,  not  in  heated  ball-rooms 
at  midnight  hours,  but  on  Saturday  afternoons, 
by  the  golden  light  of  the  sun,  on  the  green 
lawn  of  the  Batter}', — with  Antony  the  trump- 
eter for  master  of  ceremonies.  Here  would  the 
good  Peter  take  his  seat  under  the  spreading 
trees,  among  the  old  burghers  and  their  wives, 
and  watch  the  mazes  of  the  dance.  Here  would 
he  smoke  his  pipe,  crack  his  joke,  and  forget 
the  rugged  toils  of  war  in  the  sweet  oblivious 
festivities  of  peace,  giving  a  nod  of  approbation 
to  those  of  the  young  men  who  shuffled  and 
kicked  most  vigorously,  and  now  and  then  a 
hearty  smack,  in  all  honesty  of  soul,  to  the 
buxom  lass  who  held  out  longest,  and  tired 
down  every  competitor, — infallible  proof  of  her 
being  the  best  dancer. 


234  tbistor^  of  mew  l^ork 

Once,  it  is  true,  tlie  harmony  of  these  meet- 
ings was  in  danger  of  interruption.  A  young 
belle,  just  returned  from  a  visit  to  Holland, 
who  of  course  led  the  fashions,  made  her  ap- 
pearance in  not  more  than  half  a  dozen  petti- 
coats, and  these  of  alarming  shortness.  A 
whisper  and  a  flutter  ran  through  the  assembly. 
The  young  men,  of  covirse,  were  lost  in  admira- 
tion, but  the  old  ladies  were  shocked  in  the 
extreme,  especially  those  who  had  marriageable 
daughters  ;  the  young  ladies  blushed  and  felt 
excessively  for  the  "poor  thing,"  and  even  the 
governor  himself  appeared  to  be  in  some  kind 
of  perturbation. 

To  complete  the  confusion  of  the  good  folks, 
she  undertook,  in  the  course  of  a  jig,  to  describe 
some  figures  in  algebra  taught  her  by  a  dan- 
cing-master at  Rotterdam.  Unfortunately,  at 
the  highest  flourish  of  her  feet  some  vagabond 
zephyr  obtruded  his  services,  and  a  display  of 
the  graces  took  place,  at  which  all  the  ladies 
present  were  thrown  into  great  consternation, 
several  grave  country  members  were  not  a  little 
moved,  and  the  good  Peter  Stuyvesant  himself 
was  grievously  scandalized. 

The  shortness  of  the  female's  dress,  which 
had  continued  in  fashion  ever  since  the  days  of 
William  Kieft,  had  long  offended  his  eye ;  and 
though  extremely  averse  to  meddling  with  the 


:i£jbibitina  tbe  ©races  235 

petticoats  of  the  ladies,  yet  he  immediately 
recommended  that  every  one  should  be  fur- 
nished with  a  flounce  to  the  bottom.  He  like- 
wise ordered  that  the  ladies,  and  indeed  the 
gentlemen,  should  use  no  other  step  in  dancing 
than  '  *  shuffle  and  turn, ' '  and  * '  double  trouble, ' ' 
and  forbade,  under  pain  of  his  high  displeas- 
ure, any  young  lady  thenceforth  to  attempt 
what  was  termed  "exhibiting  the  graces." 

These  were  the  only  restrictions  he  ever  im- 
posed upon  the  sex  ;  and  these  were  considered 
by  them  as  tyrannical  oppressions,  and  resisted 
with  that  becoming  spirit  manifested  by  the 
gentle  sex  whenever  their  privileges  are  in- 
vaded. In  fact,  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  as 
has  been  shovra,  was  a  sagacious  man,  experi- 
enced in  the  ways  of  women,  took  a  private 
occasion  to  intimate  to  the  governor  that  a  con- 
spiracy was  forming  among  the  young  vrouws 
of  New  Amsterdam,  and  that  if  the  matter  was 
pushed  any  further,  there  was  danger  of  their 
leaving  off  petticoats  altogether ;  whereupon 
the  good  Peter  shrugged  his  shoulders,  dropped 
the  subject,  and  ever  after  suffered  the  women 
to  wear  their  petticoats  and  cut  their  capers  as 
high  as  they  pleased,  a  privilege  which  they 
have  jealously  maintained  in  the  Manhattoes 
imto  the  present  day. 


CHAPTER  III. 
HOW  troubi.es  thicken  on  the  province 

— how  it  is  threatened  by  the  HEI.DER- 
BERGERS — THE  MERRYI.ANDERS,  AND  THE 
GIANTS  OE  THE  SUSQUEHANNA. 

IN  the  last  two  chapters  I  have  regaled  the 
reader  with  a  delectable  picture  of  the 
good  Peter  and  his  metropolis  during  an  inter- 
val of  peace.  It  was,  however,  but  a  bit  of  blue 
sky  in  a  stormy  day;  the  clouds  are  again 
gathering  up  from  all  points  of  the  compass, 
and,  if  I  am  not  mistaken  in  my  forebodings, 
we  shall  have  rattling  weather  in  the  ensuing 
chapters. 

It  is  with  some  communities  as  it  is  with 
certain  meddlesome  individuals :  they  have  a 
wonderful  facility  at  getting  into  scrapes  ;  and 
I  have  always  remarked  that  those  are  most 
prone  to  get  in  who  have  the  least  talent  at 
getting  out  again.     This  is  doubtless  owing  to 


Zvoublcs  0atbering  237 

the  excessive  valor  of  those  States  ;  for  I  have 
likewise  noticed  that  this  rampant  quality  is 
always  most  frothy  and  fussy  where  most  con- 
fined, which  accounts  for  its  vaporing  so  amaz- 
ingly in  little  States,  little  men,  and  ugly  little 
women  more  especially. 

Such  is  the  case  with  this  little  province  of 
the  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  which,  by  its  exceed- 
ing valor,  has  already  drawn  upon  itself  a  host 
of  enemies  ;  has  had  fighting  enough  to  satisfy 
a  province  twice  its  size ;  and  is  in  a  fair  way 
of  becoming  an  exceedingly  forlorn,  well- 
belabored,  and  woe-begone  little  pro\-ince,  all 
which  was  pro\4dentially  ordered  to  give  inter- 
est and  sublimity  to  this  pathetic  history. 

The  first  interruption  to  the  halcyon  quiet  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant  was  caused  by  hostile  intelli- 
gence from  the  old  belligerent  nest  of  Rensel- 
laerstein.  Killian,  the  lordly  patroon  of  Rensel- 
laerwick,  was  again  in  the  field,  at  the  head  of 
his  myrmidons  of  the  Helderberg,  seeking  to 
annex  the  whole  of  the  Kaats-kill  Mountains 
to  his  dominions.  The  Indian  tribes  of  these 
mountains  had  likewise  taken  up  the  hatchet 
and  menaced  the  venerable  Dutch  settlement 
of  Esopus. 

Fain  would  I  entertain  the  reader  ^vith  the 
triumphant  campaign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  in 
the  haimted  regions  of  those  mountains,  but 


238  Ibistor^  of  Bevv  lork 

that  I  hold  all  Indian  conflicts  to  be  mere  bar- 
baric brawls,  unworthy  of  the  pen  which  has  re- 
corded the  classic  war  of  Fort  Christina;  and 
as  to  these  Helderberg  commotions,  they  are 
among  the  flatulencies  which  from  time  to  time 
afilict  the  bowels  of  this  ancient  province,  as 
with  a  wind-colic,  and  which  I  deem  it  seemly 
and  decent  to  pass  over  in  silence. 

The  next  storm  of  trouble  was  from  the  south. 
Scarcely  had  the  worthy  Mynheer  Beekman  got 
warm  in  the  seat  of  authority  on  the  South 
River,  than  enemies  began  to  spring  up  all 
around  him.  Hard  by  was  a  formidable  race 
of  savages  inhabiting  the  gentle  region  watered 
by  the  Susquehanna,  of  whom  the  following 
mention  is  made  by  Master  Hariot,  in  his  excel- 
lent history  : 

"The  Susquesahanocks  are  a  giantly  people, 
strange  in  proportion,  behavior,  and  attire — their 
voice  sounding  from  them  as  out  of  a  cave. 
Their  tobacco-pipes  were  three  quarters  of  a 
}'ard  long  ;  carved  at  the  great  end  with  a  bird, 
beare,  or  other  device,  suflicient  to  beat  out  the 
brains  of  a  horse.  The  calfe  of  one  of  their 
legges  measured  three  quarters  of  a  yard  about ; 
the  rest  of  the  limbs  proportionable."  * 

These  gigantic  savages  and  smokers  caused 
no  little  disquiet  in  the  mind  of  Mynheer  Beek- 
*Hariot's  Journal,  Purch.  Pilgrims. 


Zbc  ^errglanDers  239 

man,  threatening  to  cause  a  famine  of  tobacco  in 
the  land ;  but  his  most  formidable  enemy  was  the 
roaring,  roistering  English  colony  of  Maryland, 
or,  as  it  was  anciently  written,  Merryland, — so 
called  because  the  inhabitants,  not  having  the 
fear  of  the  Lord  before  their  eyes,  were  prone  to 
make  merry  and  get  fuddled  with  mint-julep 
and  apple-toddy.  They  were,  moreover,  great 
horse-racers  and  cock-fighters,  mighty  wrestlers 
and  jumpers,  and  enormous  consumers  of  hoe- 
cake  and  bacon.  They  lay  claim  to  be  the  first 
inventors  of  those  recondite  beverages,  cock-tail, 
stone-fence,  and  sherry-cobbler,  and  to  have  dis- 
covered the  gastronomical  merits  of  terrapins 
soft  crabs,  and  canvas-back  ducks. 

This  rantipole  colony,  founded  by  Lord  Balti- 
more, a  British  nobleman,  was  managed  by  his 
agent,  a  swaggering  Englishman,  commonly 
called  Fendall,  that  is  to  say,  "offend  all," — a 
name  given  him  for  his  bullying  propensities. 
These  were  seen  in  a  message  to  Mynheer 
Beekman,  threatening  him,  unless  he  immedi- 
ately swore  allegiance  to  Lord  Baltimore  as  the 
rightful  lord  of  the  soil,  to  come,  at  the  head  of 
the  roaring  boys  of  Merryland  and  the  giants  of 
the  Susquehanna,  and  sweep  him  and  his  Neder- 
landers  out  of  the  countn,'. 

The  trusty  sword  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  almost 
leaped  from  its  scabbard  when  he  received  mis- 


240  1bi5tor^  ot  1Flcw  lock 

sives  from  Mynheer  Beekman,  informing  him 
of  the  swaggering  menaces  of  the  bully  Fendall ; 
and  as  to  the  giantly  warriors  of  the  Susque- 
hanna, nothing  would  have  more  delighted  him 
than  a  bout,  hand  to  hand,  with  half  a  score  of 
them,  having  never  encountered  a  giant  in  the 
whole  course  of  his  campaigns,  unless  we  may 
consider  the  stout  Risingh  as  such — and  he  was 
but  a  little  one. 

Nothing  prevented  his  marching  instantly  to 
the  South  River  and  enacting  scenes  still  more 
glorious  than  those  of  Fort  Christina,  but  the 
necessity  of  first  putting  a  stop  to  the  increasing 
aggressions  and  inroads  of  the  Yankees,  so  as 
not  to  leave  an  enemy  in  his  rear ;  but  he 
wrote  to  Mynheer  Beekman  to  keep  up  a  bold 
front  and  stout  heart,  promising,  as  soon  as  he 
had  settled  affairs  in  the  east,  that  he  would 
hasten  to  the  south  with  his  burly  warriors  of 
the  Hudson,  to  lower  the  crest  of  the  giants, 
and  mar  the  merriment  of  the  Merrylanders. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT  ADVENTURED  INTO 
THE  EAST  COUNTRY,  AND  HOW  HE  FARED 
THERE. 

TO  explain  the  apparently  sudden  movement 
of  Peter  Stuyvesant  against  the  crafty 
men  of  the  Bast  country,  I  would  observe  that, 
during  his  campaigns  on  the  South  River,  and 
in  the  enchanted  regions  of  the  Catskill  Moun- 
tains, the  twelve  tribes  of  the  East  had  been 
more  than  usually  active  in  prosecuting  their 
subtle  scheme  for  the  subjugation  of  the  Nieuw 
Nederlandts. 

Independent  of  the  incessant  maraudings 
among  hen-roosts  and  squattings  along  the 
border,  invading  armies  would  penetrate,  from 
time  to  time,  into  the  very  heart  of  the  country. 
As  their  prototypes  of  yore  went  forth  into  the 
land  of  Canaan,  with  their  wives  and  their  chil- 
dren, their  men-servants,  and  their  maid-ser- 
vants, their  flocks  and  herds,  to  settle  them- 
selves down  in  the  land  and  possess  it,  so  these 


242  tbistorg  of  IRcw  lork 

chosen  people  of  modem  days  would  progress 
through  the  country  in  patriarchal  style,  con- 
ducting carts  and  wagons  laden  with  household 
furniture,  with  women  and  children  piled  on  top, 
and  pots  and  kettles  dangling  beneath.  At  the 
tails  of  these  vehicles  would  stalk  a  crew  of 
long-limbed,  lank-sided  varlets,  with  axes  on 
their  shoulders  and  packs  on  their  backs,  reso- 
lutely bent  upon  ' '  locating ' '  themselves  as  they 
termed  it,  and  improving  the  country.  These 
were  the  most  dangerous  kind  of  invaders.  It 
is  true  they  were  guilty  of  no  overt  acts  of  hos- 
tility ;  but  it  was  notorious  that,  wherever  they 
got  a  footing,  the  honest  Dutchman  gradually 
disappeared,  retiring  slowly,  as  do  the  Indians  be- 
fore the  white  men,  being  in  some  way  or  other 
talked  and  chafied,  and  bargained  and  swapped, 
and,  in  plain  English,  elbowed  out  of  all  those 
rich  bottoms  and  fertile  nooks  in  which  our 
Dutch  yeomanry  are  prone  to  nestle  them- 
selves. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  at  length  roused  to  this 
kind  of  war  in  disguise,  by  which  the  Yankees 
were  craftily  aiming  to  subjugate  his  dominions. 
He  was  a  man  easily  taken  in,  it  is  true,  as  all 
great-hearted  men  are  apt  to  be  ;  but  if  he  once 
fouud  it  out,  his  wrath  was  terrible.  He  now 
threw  diplomacy  to  the  dogs  ;  determined  to 
appear  no  more  by  ambassadors,  but  to  repair 


XLbc  (Bovcrnor's  tRceolvc  243 

in  person  to  the  great  council  of  the  Amphicty- 
ons,  bearing  the  sword  in  one  hand  and  the 
olive  branch  in  the  other,  and  giving  them  their 
choice  of  sincere  and  honest  peace,  or  open  and 
iron  war. 

His  privy  councillors  were  astonished  and  dis- 
mayed when  he  announced  his  determination. 
For  once  they  ventured  to  remonstrate,  setting 
forth  the  rashness  of  venturing  his  sacred  per- 
son in  the  midst  of  a  strange  and  barbarous 
people.  They  might  as  well  have  tried  to  turn 
a  rusty  weathercock  with  a  broken-winded  bel- 
lows. In  the  fiery  heart  of  the  iron-headed 
Peter  sat  enthroned  the  five  kings  of  courage 
described  by  Aristotle  ;  and  had  the  philosopher 
enumerated  five  hundred  more,  I  verily  believe 
he  would  have  possessed  them  all.  As  to  that 
better  part  of  valor,  called  discretion,  it  was  too 
cold-blooded  a  virtue  for  his  tropical  tempera- 
ment. 

Summoning,  therefore,  to  his  presence  his 
trusty  follower,  Antony  Van  Corlear,  he  com- 
manded him  to  hold  himself  in  readiness  to  ac- 
company him  the  following  morning  on  this  his 
hazardous  enterprise.  Now,  Antony  the  Trum- 
peter was  by  this  time  a  little  stricken  in  years, 
but  by  dint  of  keeping  up  a  good  heart,  and 
having  never  known  care  or  sorrow  (having 
never  been  married),  he  was  still  a  hearty,  jo- 


244  1bi6torB  ot  Bew  l^orft 

cund,  rubicund,  gamesome  wag,  and  of  great 
capacity  in  a  doublet.  This  last  was  ascribed 
to  his  living  a  jolly  life  on  those  domains  at  the 
Hook,  which  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  granted  to 
him  for  his  gallantry  at  Fort  Casimir. 

Be  this  as  it  may,  there  was  nothing  that  more 
delighted  Antony  than  this  command  of  the 
great  Peter,  for  he  could  have  followed  the 
stout-hearted  old  governor  to  the  world's  end, 
with  love  and  loyalty  ;  and  he  moreover  still 
remembered  the  frolicking,  and  dancing,  and 
bundling,  and  other  disports  of  the  east  country, 
and  entertained  dainty  recollections  of  numer- 
ous kind  and  buxom  lasses,  whom  he  longed 
exceedingly  again  to  encounter. 

Thus  then  did  this  mirror  of  hardihood  set 
forth,  with  no  other  attendant  but  his  tnunpeter, 
upon  one  of  the  most  perilous  enterprises  ever 
recorded  in  the  annals  of  knight-errantry.  For 
a  single  warrior  to  venture  openly  among  a 
whole  nation  of  foes, — but,  above  all,  for  a  plain, 
downright  Dutchman  to  think  of  negotiating 
with  the  whole  council  of  New  England  ! — 
never  was  there  knov/n  a  more  desperate  under- 
taking ! — Ever  since  I  have  entered  upon  the 
chronicles  of  this  peerless  but  hitherto  uncele- 
brated chieftain,  has  he  kept  me  in  a  state  of 
incessant  action  and  anxiety  with  the  toils  and 
dangers  he  is  constantly  encountering.      Oh  ! 


^be  departure  245 

for  a  chapter  of  the  tranquil  reign  of  Wouter 
Van  Twiller,  that  I  might  repose  on  it  as  on  a 
feather-bed ! 

Is  it  not  enough,  Peter  Stuyvesant,  that  I 
have  once  already  rescued  thee  from  the  machi- 
nations of  these  terrible  Amphictyons,  by  bring- 
ing the  powers  of  v.'itchcraft  to  thine  aid  ?  Is 
it  not  enough  that  I  have  followed  thee  un- 
daunted, like  a  guardian  spirit,  into  the  midst 
of  the  horrid  battle  of  Fort  Christina  ?— that  I 
have  been  put  incessantly  to  my  trumps  to  keep 
thee  safe  and  sound, — now  warding  off  with  my 
single  pen  the  shower  of  dastard  blows  that  fell 
upon  thy  rear, — now  narrowly  shielding  thee 
from  a  deadly  thrust,  by  a  mere  tobacco-box, — 
now  casing  thy  dauntless  skull  with  adamant, 
when  even  thy  stubborn  ram-beaver  failed  to 
resist  the  sword  of  the  stout  Risingh, — and  now, 
not  merely  bringing  thee  off  alive,  but  triumph- 
ant, from  the  clutches  of  the  gigantic  Swede,  by 
the  desperate  means  of  a  paltry  stone  pottle  ? 
Is  not  all  this  enough,  but  must  thou  still  be 
plunging  into  new  difficulties,  and  hazarding  in 
headlong  enterprise  thyself,  thy  trumpeter,  and 
thy  historian  ? 

And  now  the  ruddy-faced  Aurora,  like  a  bux- 
om chambermaid,  draws  aside  the  sable  curtains 
of  the  night,  and  out  bounces  from  his  bed  the 
jolly    red-haired    Phcebus,    startled    at   being 


246  tbiatorg  of  IFlcw  lock 

caught  so  late  in  the  embraces  of  Dame  Thetis. 
With  many  a  stable-boy  oath  he  harnesses  his 
brazen-footed  steeds,  and  whips,  and  lashes,  and 
splashes  up  the  firmament,  like  a  loitering 
coachman,  half  an  hour  behind  his  time.  And 
now  behold  that  imp  of  fame  and  prowess,  the 
headstrong  Peter  bestriding  a  raw-boned,  switch- 
tailed  charger,  gallantly  arrayed  in  full  regi- 
mentals, and  bracing  on  his  thigh  that  rusty, 
brass-hilted  sword,  which  had  wrought  such 
fearful  deeds  on  the  banks  of  the  Delaware. 

Behold  hard  after  him  his  doughty  tnmipeter, 
Van  Corlear,  mounted  on  a  broken-winded, 
"wall-eyed,  calico  mare,  his  stone  pottle,  which 
had  laid  low  the  mighty  Risingh,  slung  under 
his  arm,  and  his  trumpet  displayed  vaultingly 
in  his  right  hand,  decorated  with  a  gorgeous 
banner,  on  which  is  emblazoned  the  great 
beaver  of  the  Manhattoes.  See  them  proudly 
issuing  out  of  the  city-gate,  like  an  iron-clad 
hero  of  yore,  with  his  faithful  squire  at  his  heels, 
the  populace  following  with  their  eyes,  and 
shouting  many  a  parting  wish,  and  hearty  cheer- 
ing, —  Farewell  Hardkoppig  Piet !  Farewell, 
honest  Antony  ! — Pleasant  be  your  wayfaring — 
prosperous  your  return  !  The  stoutest  hero 
that  ever  drew  a  sword,  and  the  worthiest  trum- 
peter that  ever  trod  shoe-leather  ! 

Legends  are  lamentably  silent  about  the  events 


5)(fficultlc0  anD  perils  247 

that  befell  our  adventurers  in  this  their  adven- 
turous travel,  excepting  the  Stuyvesant  manu- 
script, which  gives  the  substance  of  a  pleasant 
little  heroic  poem,  written  on  the  occasion  by- 
Dominie  ^gidius  Luyck,*  who  appears  to  have 
been  the  poet-laureate  of  New  Amsterdam. 
This  inestimable  manuscript  assures  us  that  it 
was  a  rare  spectacle  to  behold  the  great  Peter 
and  his  loyal  follower  hailing  the  morning  sun, 
and  rejoicing  in  the  clear  countenance  of  nature, 
as  they  pranced  it  through  the  pastoral  scenes 
of  Bloemen  Dael ;  which,  in  those  days,  was  a 
sweet  and  rural  valley,  beautified  with  many  a 
bright  wild-flower,  refreshed  by  many  a  pure 
streamlet,  and  enlivened  here  and  there  by  a 
delectable  little  Dutch  cottage,  sheltered  under 
some  sloping  hill,  and  almost  buried  in  em- 
bowering trees. 

Now  did  they  enter  upon  the  confines  of  Con- 
necticut, where  they  encountered  many  grievous 
difficulties  and  perils.  At  one  place  they  were 
assailed  by  a  troop  of  country  squires  and  militia 
colonels,  who,  mounted  on  goodly  steeds,  hung 
upon  their  rear  for  several  miles,  harassing  them 
exceedingly  with  guesses  and  questions,  more 
especially  the  worthy  Peter,  whose  silver-chased 

*  This  I^uyck  was  moreover  rector  of  the  I,atin  School 
in  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  1663.  There  are  two  pieces  ad- 
dressed to  ^gidius  Ivuyck  in  D.  Seljm's  MSS.  of  poesies, 
upon  his  marriage  with  Judith  Iseudoom.    Old  MS, 


248  f)i5tors  of  IRcw  lorft 

leg  excited  not  a  little  mangel.  At  another 
place,  hard  by  the  renowned  town  of  Stamford, 
they  were  set  upon  by  a  great  and  mighty  legion 
of  church  deacons,  who  imperiously  demanded 
of  them  five  shillings,  for  travelling  on  Sunday, 
and  threatened  to  carry  them  captive  to  a  neigh- 
boring church,  whose  steeple  peered  above  the 
trees ;  but  these  the  valiant  Peter  put  to  rout 
with  little  diflSculty,  insomuch  that  they  bestrode 
their  canes  and  galloped  off  in  horrible  confu- 
sion, leaving  their  cocked  hats  behind  in  the 
hurry  of  their  flight.  But  not  so  easily  did  he 
escape  from  the  hands  of  a  crafty  man  of  Py- 
quag,  who,  with  undaunted  perseverance,  and 
repeated  onsets,  fairly  bargained  him  out  of  his 
goodly  switch-tailed  charger,  leaving  in  place 
thereof  a  villainous,  foundered  Narraganset 
pacer. 

But  maugre  all  these  hardships,  they  pursued 
their  journey  cheerily  along  the  course  of  the 
soft-flowing  Connecticut,  whose  gentle  waves, 
says  the  song,  roll  through  many  a  fertile  vale 
and  sunny  plain, — now  reflecting  the  lofty  spires 
of  the  bustling  city,  and  now  the  rural  beauties 
of  the  humble  hamlet, — now  echoing  with  the 
busy  hum  of  commerce,  and  now  with  the  cheer- 
ful song  of  the  peasant. 

At  every  town  would  Peter  Stuyvesant,  who 
was  noted  for  warlike  punctilio,  order  the  sturdy 


f)onor0  to  tbe  l)cro  249 

Antony  to  sound  a  courteous  salutation  ;  though 
the  manuscript  observes  that  the  inhabitants 
were  thrown  into  great  dismay  when  they  heard 
of  his  approach.  For  the  fame  of  his  incompar- 
able achievements  on  the  Delaware  had  spread 
throughout  the  east  country,  and  they  dreaded 
lest  he  had  come  to  take  vengeance  on  their 
manifold  transgressions. 

But  the  good  Peter  rode  through  these  towns 
with  a  smiling  aspect,  waving  his  hand  with 
inexpressible  majesty  and  condescension  ;  for  he 
verily  believed  that  the  old  clothes  which  these 
ingenious  people  had  thrust  into  their  broken 
windows,  and  the  festoons  of  dried  apples  and 
peaches  which  ornamented  the  fronts  of  their 
houses,  were  so  many  decorations  in  honor  of 
his  approach,  as  it  was  the  custom  in  the  days 
of  chivalry  to  compliment  renowned  heroes  by 
sumptuous  displays  of  tapestry  and  gorgeous 
furniture.  The  women  crowded  to  the  doors  to 
gaze  upon  him  as  he  passed,  so  much  does 
prowess  in  arms  delight  the  gentle  sex.  The 
little  children,  too,  ran  after  him  in  troops, 
staring  with  wonder  at  his  regimentals,  his 
brimstone  breeches,  and  the  silver  garniture  of 
his  wooden  leg.  Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention 
the  joy  which  many  strapping  wenches  betrayed 
at  beholding  the  jovial  Van  Corlear,  who  had 
whilom  delighted  them  so  much  with  his  trump- 


250  Ibistors  ot  1FICW  l^orFi 

et,  when  he  bore  the  great  Peter's  challenge  to 
the  Amphictyons.  The  kind-hearted  Antony- 
alighted  from  his  calico  mare,  and  kissed  them 
all  with  infinite  loving-kindness, — and  was  right 
pleased  to  see  a  crew  of  little  trumpeters  crowd- 
ing around  him  for  his  blessing,  each  of  whom 
he  patted  on  the  head,  bade  him  be  a  good  boy, 
and  gave  him  a  penny  to  buy  molasses  candy. 


CHAPTER  V. 

HOW  THE  YANKEES  SECRETIvY  SOUGHT  THE  AID 
OF  THE  BRITISH  CABINET  IN  THEIR  HOSTII^E 
SCHEMES  AGAINST  THE  MANHATTOES. 

NOW  SO  it  happened  that  while  the  great 
and  good  Peter  Stuyvesant,  followed  by  his 
trusty  squire,  was  making  his  chivalric  progress 
through  the  East  country,  a  dark  and  direful 
scheme  of  war  against  his  beloved  province  was 
forming  in  that  nursery  of  monstrous  projects, 
the  British  Cabinet. 

This,  we  are  confidently  informed,  was  the 
result  of  the  secret  instigations  of  the  great 
council  of  the  league  ;  who,  finding  themselves 
totally  incompetent  to  vie  in  arms  with  the 
heavy-sterned  warriors  of  the  Manhattoes  and 
their  iron-headed  commander,  sent  emissaries 
to  the  British  government,  setting  forth  in  elo- 
quent language  the  wonders  and  delights  of  this 
delicious  little  Dutch  Canaan,  and  imploring 


252  Ibistor^  ot  Bew  l^orft 

that  a  force  might  be  sent  out  to  invade  it  by 
pea,  while  they  should  cooperate  by  land. 

These  emissaries  arrived  at  a  critical  juncture, 
just  as  the  British  Lion  was  beginning  to  bristle 
up  his  mane  and  wag  his  tail ;  for  we  are  assured 
by  the  anonymous  writer  of  the  Stuyvesant 
manuscript,  that  the  astounding  victory  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant  at  Fort  Christina  had  resounded 
throughout  Europe,  and  his  annexation  of  the 
territory  of  New  Sweden  had  awakened  the 
jealousy  of  the  British  Cabinet  for  their  wild 
lands  at  the  south.  This  jealousy  was  brought 
to  a  head  by  the  representations  of  Lord  Balti- 
more, who  declared  that  the  territory  thus  an- 
nexed lay  within  the  lands  granted  to  him  by 
the  British  crown,  and  he  claimed  to  be  protect- 
ed in  his  rights.  Lord  Sterling,  another  British 
subject,  claimed  the  whole  of  Nassau,  or  Long 
Island,  once  the  Ophir  of  William  the  Testy, 
but  now  the  kitchen-garden  of  the  Manhattoes, 
which  he  declared  to  be  British  territory  by  the 
right  of  discovery,  but  unjustly  usurped  by  the 
Nederlanders.  The  result  of  all  these  rumors 
and  representations  was  a  sudden  zeal  on  the 
part  of  his  Majesty  Charles  the  Second,  for  the 
safety  and  well-being  of  his  transatlantic  posses- 
sions, and  especially  for  the  recovery  of  the  New 
Netherlands,  which  Yankee  logic  had,  somehow 
or  other,  proved  to  be  a  continuity  of  the  terri- 


Zcnl  of  fjins  Gbarles  253 

tory  taken  possession  of  for  the  British  crown 
by  the  Pilgrims,  when  they  landed  on  Plymouth 
Rock,  fugitives  from  British  oppression.  All 
this  goodly  land,  thus  wrongfully  held  by  the 
Dutchmen,  he  presented,  in  a  fit  of  affection,  to 
his  brother,  the  Duke  of  York, — a  donation 
truly  royal,  since  none  but  great  sovereigns 
have  a  right  to  give  away  what  does  not  belong 
to  them.  That  this  munificent  gift  might  not 
be  merely  nominal,  his  Majesty  ordered  that  an 
armament  should  be  straightway  despatched  to 
invade  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  by  land  and 
water,  and  put  his  brother  in  complete  posses- 
sion of  the  premises. 

Thus  critically  situated  are  the  affairs  of  the 
New  Nederlanders.  While  the  honest  burghers 
are  smoking  their  pipes  in  sober  security,  and 
the  pri\'y  councillors  are  snoring  in  the  council- 
chamber  ;  while  Peter  the  Headstrong  is  un- 
dauntedly making  his  way  through  the  east 
country  in  the  confident  hope  by  honest  words 
and  manly  deeds  to  bring  the  grand  council  to 
terms, — a  hostile  fleet  is  sweeping  like  a  thun- 
der-cloud across  the  Atlantic,  soon  to  rattle  a 
storm  of  war  about  the  ears  of  the  dozing  Neder- 
landers, and  to  put  the  metal  of  their  governor 
to  the  trial. 

But  come  what  may,  I  here  pledge  my  ve- 
racity that  in  all  warlike  conflicts  and  doubtful 


254 


Ibistons  of  IRcw  l^orft 


perplexities  he  will  ever  acquit  himself  like 
a  gallant,  noble-minded,  obstinate  old  cavalier. 
Forward,  then,  to  the  charge !  Shine  out, 
propitious  stars,  on  the  renowned  city  of  the 
Manhattoes,  and  the  blessing  of  St.  Nicholas  go 
with  thee — honest  Peter  Stuyvesant. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

O^  PETER  STUYVES  ANT'S  EXPEDITION  INTO 
THE  EAST  COUNTRY,  SHOWING  THAT,  THOUGH 
AN  OI.D  BIRD,  HE  DID  NOT  UNDERSTAND 
TRAP. 

GREAT  nations  resemble  great  men  in  this 
particular,  that  their  greatness  is  seldom 
known  until  they  get  in  trouble.  Adversity, 
therefore,  has  been  wisely  denominated  the  or- 
deal of  true  greatness,  which,  like  gold,  can 
never  receive  its  real  estimation  until  it  has 
passed  through  the  furnace.  In  proportion, 
therefore,  as  a  nation,  a  community,  or  an  indi- 
vidual (possessing  the  inherent  quality  of  great- 
ness) is  involved  in  perils  and  misfortunes,  in 
proportion  does  it  rise  in  grandeur,  and  even 
when  sinking  under  calamity,  makes,  like  a 
house  on  fire,  a  more  glorious  display  than 
ever  it  did  in  the  fairest  period  of  its  prosperity. 


256  l)i6tors  of  IWcw  l^orft 

The  vast  empire  of  China,  though  teeming 
with  population  and  imbibing  and  concentrating 
the  wealth  of  nations,  has  vegetated  through  a 
succession  of  drowsy  ages,  and  were  it  not  for 
its  internal  revolutions  and  the  subversion  of 
its  ancient  government  by  the  Tartars,  might 
have  presented  nothing  but  a  dull  detail  of 
monotonous  prosperity.  Pompeii  and  Hercu- 
laneum  might  have  passed  into  oblivion,  with  a 
herd  of  their  contemporaries,  had  they  not  been 
fortunately  overwhelmed  by  a  volcano.  The 
renowned  city  of  Troy  acquired  celebrity  only 
from  its  ten  years'  distress  and  final  con- 
flagration ;  Paris  rose  in  importance  by  the 
plots  and  massacres  which  ended  in  the  ex- 
altation of  Napoleon  ;  and  even  the  mighty 
London  had  skulked  through  the  records  of 
time,  celebrated  for  nothing  of  moment,  ex- 
cepting the  plague,  the  great  fire,  and  Guy 
Fawkes'  gunpowder  plot !  Thus  cities  and  em- 
pires creep  along,  enlarging  in  silent  obscurity, 
until  they  burst  forth  in  some  tremendous  ca- 
lamity —  and  snatch,  as  it  were,  immortality 
from  the  explosion  ! 

The  above  principle  being  admitted,  my  reader 
will  plainly  perceive  that  the  city  of  New  Am- 
sterdam and  its  dependent  province  are  on  the 
high  road  to  greatness.  Dangers  and  hostil- 
ities threaten  from  every  side,  and  it  is  really  a 


Brrfval  at  JBoston  257 

matter  of  astonishment  how  so  small  a  state  has 
been  able,  in  so  short  a  time,  to  entangle  itself  in 
so  many  difficulties.  Ever  since  the  province 
was  first  taken  by  the  nose,  at  the  Fort  of  Goed 
Hoop,  in  the  tranquil  days  of  Wouter  Van  Twil- 
ler,  has  it  been  gradually  increasing  in  historic 
importance,  and  never  could  it  have  had  a  more 
appropriate  chieftain  to  conduct  it  to  the  pin- 
nacle of  grandeur  than  Peter  Stuy  vesant. 

This  truly  headstrong  hero  having  success- 
fully effected  his  daring  progress  through  the 
east  country,  girded  up  his  loins  as  he  ap- 
proached Boston,  and  prepared  for  the  grand 
onslaught  with  the  Amyhictyons,  which  was  to 
be  the  crowning  achievement  of  the  campaign. 
Throwing  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  with  his 
calico  mare,  formed  his  escort  and  army,  a  little 
in  the  advance,  and  bidding  him  be  of  stout 
heart  and  great  wind,  he  placed  himself  firmly 
in  his  saddle,  cocked  his  hat  more  fiercely  over 
his  left  eye,  summoned  all  the  heroism  of  his 
soul  into  his  coimtenance,  and,  with  one  arm 
akimbo,  the  hand  resting  upon  the  pommel  of 
his  sword,  rode  into  the  great  metropolis  of  the 
league,  Antony  sounding  his  trumpet  before 
hkn  in  a  manner  to  electrify  the  whole  com- 
munity. 

Never  was  there  such  a  stir  in  Boston  as  on 
this  occasion  ;  never  such  a  hurrying  hither  and 


258  Ibistorg  of  Bew  l^orft 

thither  about  the  streets  ;  such  popping  of  heads 
out  of  windows  ;  such  gathering  of  knots  in 
market-places.  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  a  straight- 
forward man  and  prone  to  do  every  thing  above- 
board.  He  would  have  ridden  at  once  to  the 
great  council-house  of  the  league  and  sounded 
a  parley  ;  but  the  grand  council  knew  the  met- 
tlesome hero  they  had  to  deal  with,  and  were  not 
for  doing  things  in  a  hurry.  On  the  contrary, 
they  sent  forth  deputations  to  meet  him  on  the 
way,  to  receive  him  in  a  style  befitting  the 
great  potentate  of  the  Manhattoes,  and  to  multi- 
ply all  kind  of  honors,  and  ceremonies,  and  for- 
malities, and  other  courteous  impediments  in 
his  path.  Solemn  banquets  were  accordingly 
given  him,  equal  to  thanksgiving  feasts.  Com- 
plimentary speeches  were  made  him,  wherein 
he  was  entertained  with  the  surpassing  virtues, 
long-sufferings,  and  achievements  of  the  Pil- 
grim Fathers ;  and  it  is  even  said  he  was  treated 
to  a  sight  of  Plymouth  Rock, — that  great  cor- 
ner-stone of  Yankee  empire. 

I  will  not  detain  my  readers  by  recounting 
the  endless  devices  by  which  time  was  wasted, 
and  obstacles  and  delays  multiplied  to  the  in- 
finite annoyance  of  the  impatient  Peter.  Nei- 
ther will  I  fatigue  them  by  dwelling  on  his 
negotiations  with  the  grand  council,  when  he 
at  length  brought  them  to  business.     Sufl5ce  it 


BstounDlng  "ffntelliacncc  259 

to  say,  it  was  like  most  other  diplomatic  nego- 
tiations ;  a  great  deal  was  said  and  very  little 
done  ;  one  conversation  led  to  another,  one  con- 
ference begot  misunderstandings  which  it  took 
a  dozen  conferences  to  explain,  at  the  end  of 
which  both  parties  found  themselves  just  where 
they  had  begun,  but  ten  times  less  likely  to 
come  to  an  agreement. 

In  the  midst  of  these  perplexities  which  be- 
wildered the  brain  and  incensed  the  ire  of  hon- 
est Peter,  he  received  private  intelligence  of 
the  dark  conspiracy  matured  in  the  British 
Cabinet,  with  the  astounding  fact  that  a  British 
squadron  was  already  on  the  way  to  invade  New 
Amsterdam  by  sea,  and  that  the  grand  council 
of  Amphictyons,  while  thus  beguiling  him  with 
subtleties,  were  actually  prepared  to  cooperate 
by  land  ! 

Oh  !  how  did  the  sturdy  old  warrior  rage  and 
roar,  when  he  found  himself  thus  entrapped, 
like  a  lion  in  the  hunter's  toil !  Now  did  he 
draw  his  trusty  sword,  and  determine  to  break 
in  upon  the  council  of  the  Amphictyons  and 
put  every  mother's  son  of  them  to  death.  Now 
did  he  resolve  to  fight  his  way  throughout  all 
the  region  of  the  east  and  to  lay  waste  Connec- 
ticut River  ! 

Gallant,  but  unfortunate  Peter  !  Did  I  not 
enter  with  sad  forebodings  on  this  ill-starred 


26o  Ibistorg  ot  "ftew  l^ocft 

expedition  ?  Did  I  not  tremble  when  I  saw 
thee,  with  no  other  counsellor  than  thine  own 
head ;  no  other  armor  than  an  honest  tongue, 
a  spotless  conscience,  and  a  rusty  sword;  no 
other  protector  but  St.  Nicholas,  and  no  other 
attendant  but  a  trumpeter ;  did  I  not  tremble 
when  I  beheld  thee  thus  sally  forth  to  contend 
with  all  the  knowing  powers  of  New  England  ? 

It  was  a  long  time  before  the  kind-hearted 
expostulations  of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  aided  by 
the  soothing  melody  of  his  trumpet,  could  lower 
the  spirits  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  from  their  war- 
like and  vindictive  tones,  and  prevent  his  mak- 
ing widows  and  orphans  of  half  the  population 
of  Boston.  With  great  difficulty  he  was  pre- 
vailed upon  to  bottle  up  his  wrath  for  the  pres- 
ent, to  conceal  from  the  council  his  knowledge 
of  their  machinations,  and  by  eflfecting  his  es- 
cape, to  be  able  to  arrive  in  time  for  the  salva- 
tion of  the  Manhattoes. 

The  latter  suggestion  awakened  a  new  ray  of 
hope  in  his  bosom ;  he  forthwith  despatched  a 
secret  message  to  his  councillors  at  New  Am- 
sterdam, apprising  them  of  their  danger,  and 
commanding  them  to  put  the  city  in  a  posture 
of  defence,  promising  to  come  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible to  their  assistance.  This  done,  he  felt 
marvellously  relieved,  rose  slowly,  shook  him- 
self like  a  rhinoceros,  and  issued  forth  from  his 


peter  tbe  IbeaDstrong  261 

den,  in  much  the  same  manner  as  Giant  De- 
spair is  described  to  have  issued  from  Doubting 
Castle,  in  the  chivalric  history  of  the  Pilgrim's 
Progress. 

And  how  much  does  it  grieve  me  that  I  must 
leave  the  gallant  Peter  in  this  imminent  jeop- 
ardy ;  but  it  behooves  us  to  hurry  back  and  see 
what  is  going  on  at  New  Amsterdam,  for  greatly 
do  I  fear  that  city  is  already  in  a  turmoil.  Such 
was  ever  the  fate  of  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  while 
doing  one  thing  with  heart  and  soul,  he  was 
too  apt  to  leave  every  thing  else  at  sixes  and 
sevens.  While,  like  a  potentate  of  yore,  he 
was  absent  attending  to  those  things  in  person 
which  in  modem  days  are  trusted  to  generals 
and  ambassadors,  his  little  territory  at  home  was 
sure  to  get  in  an  uproar  ; — all  which  was  owing 
to  that  uncommon  strength  of  intellect,  which 
induced  him  to  trust  to  nobody  but  himself,  and 
which  had  acquired  him  the  renowned  appella- 
tion of  Peter  the  Headstrong. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

HOW  THE  PEOPI^E  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  WERE 
THROWN  INTO  A  GREAT  PANIC  BY  THE  NEWS 
OF  THE  THREATENED  INVASION,  AND  THE 
MANNER  IN  WHICH  THEY  FORTIFIED  THEM- 
SEI<VES. 

THERE  is  no  sight  more  truly  interesting 
to  a  philosopher  than  a  community  where 
every  individual  has  a  voice  in  public  afifairs, 
where  every  individual  considers  himself  the 
Atlas  of  the  nation,  and  where  every  individual 
thinks  it  his  duty  to  bestir  himself  for  the  good 
of  his  country  :  I  say,  there  is  nothing  more  in- 
teresting to  a  philosopher  than  such  a  commu- 
nity in  a  sudden  bustle  of  war.  Such  clamor 
of  tongues — such  patriotic  bawling — such  run- 
ning hither  and  thither — everybody  in  a  hurry 
— everybody  in  trouble — everybody  in  the  way, 
and  everybody  interrupting  his  neighbor — who 
is  busily  employed  in  doing  nothing !  It  is  like 
witnessing  a  great  fire,  where  the  whole  com- 
munity are  agog — some  dragging  about  empty 


panic  ot  tbc  people  263 

engines — others  scampering  with  full  buckets, 
and  spilling  the  contents  into  their  neighbor's 
boots — and  others  ringing  the  church-bells  all 
night,  by  way  of  putting  out  the  fire.  Little 
firemen,  like  sturdy  little  knights  storming  a 
breach,  clambering  up  and  down  scaling-lad- 
ders, and  bawling  through  tin  trumpets,  by 
way  of  directing  the  attack.  Here  a  fellow,  in 
his  great  zeal  to  save  the  property  of  the  unfor- 
tunate, catches  up  an  anonymous  chamber- 
utensil,  and  gallants  it  oflF  with  an  air  of  as 
much  self-importance  as  if  he  had  rescued  a 
pot  of  money;  there  another  throws  looking- 
glasses  and  china  out  of  the  window,  to  save 
them  from  the  flames  ;  whilst  those  who  can  do 
nothing  else  run  up  and  down  the  streets,  keep- 
ing up  an  incessant  cry  of  Fire  !  Fire  !  Fire  ! 
"When  the  news  arrived  at  Sinope,"  says 
Lucian, — though  I  own  the  story  is  rather  trite, 
— "that  Phillip  was  about  to  attack  them,  the 
inhabitants  were  thrown  into  a  violent  alarm. 
Some  ran  to  furbish  up  their  arms  ;  others  rolled 
stones  to  build  up  the  walls, — everybody,  in 
short,  was  employed,  and  everybody  in  the  way 
of  his  neighbor.  Diogenes  alone  could  find 
nothing  to  do  ;  whereupon,  not  to  be  idle  when 
the  welfare  of  his  country  was  at  stake,  he 
tucked  up  his  robe,  and  fell  to  rolling  his  tub 
with  might  and  main  up  and  down  the  Gymna- 


264  1bl6tor^  ot  naew  fork 

sium."  In  like  manner  did  every  mother's  son 
in  the  patriotic  community  of  New  Amsterdam, 
on  receiving  the  missive  of  Peter  Stuyvesant, 
busy  himself  most  mightily  in  putting  things 
in  confusion,  and  assisted  the  general  uproar. 
**  Every  man  " — said  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript 
"  flew  to  arms  !  " — by  which  is  meant,  that  not 
one  of  our  honest  Dutch  citizens  would  venture 
to  church  or  to  market  without  an  old-fashioned 
spit  of  a  sword  dangling  at  his  side,  and  a  long 
Dutch  fowling-piece  on  his  shoulder  ;  nor  would 
he  go  out  of  a  night  without  a  lantern  ;  nor 
turn  a  corner  without  first  peeping  cautiously 
round,  lest  he  should  come  unawares  upon  a 
British  army  ;  and  we  are  informed  that  Stoffel 
Brinkerhoff,  who  was  considered  by  the  old 
women  almost  as  brave  a  man  as  the  governor 
himself,  actually  had  two  one-pound  swivels 
mounted  in  his  entry,  one  pointing  out  at  the 
front  door,  and  the  other  at  the  back. 

But  the  most  strenuous  measure  resorted  to 
on  this  awful  occasion,  and  one  which  has  since 
been  found  of  wonderful  efficacy,  was  to  assem- 
ble public  meetings.  These  brawling  convoca- 
tions, I  have  already  shown,  were  extremely 
offensive  to  Peter  Stuyr^esant ;  but  as  this  was  a 
moment  of  unusual  agitation,  and  as  the  old 
governor  was  not  present  to  repress  them,  they 
broke  out  with  intolerable  violence.     Hither, 


public  la^cctinQe  265 

therefore,  the  orators  and  politicians  repaired, 
striving  who  should  bawl  loudest,  and  exceed 
the  others  in  hyperbolical  bursts  of  patriotism, 
and  in  resolutions  to  uphold  and  defend  the 
government.  In  these  sage  meetings  it  was  re- 
solved that  they  were  the  most  enlightened,  the 
most  dignified,  the  most  formidable,  and  the 
most  ancient  community  upon  the  face  of  the 
earth.  This  resolution  being  carried  unani- 
mously, another  was  immediately  proposed, — 
whether  it  were  not  possible  and  politic  to  ex- 
terminate Great  Britain  ?  upon  which  sixty- 
nine  members  spoke  in  the  aflBrmative,  and 
only  one  arose  to  suggest  some  doubts, — who, 
as  a  punishment  for  his  treasonable  presump- 
tion, was  immediately  seized  by  the  mob,  and 
tarred  and  feathered, — which  punishment  being 
equivalent  to  the  Tarpeian  Rock,  he  was  after- 
wards considered  as  an  outcast  from  society, 
and  his  opinion  went  for  nothing.  The  ques- 
tion, therefore,  being  unanimously  carried  in 
the  affirmative,  it  was  recommended  to  the 
grand  council  to  pass  it  into  a  law  ;  which  was 
accordingly  done.  By  this  measure  the  hearts 
of  the  people  at  large  were  wonderfully  encour- 
aged, and  they  waxed  exceedingly  choleric  and 
valorous.  Indeed,  the  first  paroxysm  of  alarm 
having  in  some  measure  subsided, — the  old 
women  having  buried  all  the  money  they  could 


266  l)(6tor^  ot  l^ew  lor?i 

lay  their  hands  on,  and  their  husbands  daily 
getting  fuddled  with  what  was  left, — the  com- 
munity began  to  stand  even  on  the  offensive. 
Songs  were  manufactured  in  Low  Dutch  and 
sung  about  the  streets,  wherein  the  English 
were  most  wofully  beaten,  and  shown  no  quar- 
ter ;  and  popular  addresses  were  made,  wherein 
it  was  proved,  to  a  certainty,  that  the  fate  of 
Old  England  depended  upon  the  will  of  the 
New  Amsterdammers. 

Finally,  to  strike  a  violent  blow  at  the  very 
vitals  of  Great  Britain,  a  multitude  of  the  wiser 
inhabitants  assembled,  and  having  purchased 
all  the  British  manufactures  they  could  find, 
they  made  thereof  a  huge  bonfire  ;  and,  in  the 
patriotic  glow  of  the  moment,  every  man  pres- 
ent, who  had  a  hat  or  breeches  of  English  work- 
manship, pulled  it  off,  and  threw  it  into  the 
flames, — to  the  irreparable  detriment,  loss,  and 
ruin  of  the  English  manufacturers.  In  com- 
memoration of  this  great  exploit,  they  erected 
a  pole  on  the  spot,  with  a  device  on  top  intended 
to  represent  the  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts 
destrojdng  Great  Britain,  under  the  similitude 
of  an  eagle  picking  the  little  island  of  Old 
England  out  of  the  globe  ;  but  either  through 
the  unskilfulness  of  the  sculptor,  or  his  ill-timed 
waggery,  it  bore  a  striking  resemblance  to  a 
goose,  vainly  striving  to  get  hold  of  a  dumpling. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

HOW  THE  GRAND  COUNCII,  OF  THE  NEW  NETH- 
ERI.ANDS  WERE  MIRACUI<OUSI.Y  GIFTED 
WITH  LONG  TONGUES  IN  THE  MOMENT  OF 
EMERGENCY  —  SHOWING  THE  VAI,UE  OF 
WORDS  IN  WARFARE. 

IT  will  need  but  little  penetration  in  any  one 
conversant  with  the  ways  of  that  wise  but 
windy  potentate,  the  sovereign  people,  to  dis- 
cover that  notwithstanding  all  the  warlike  blus- 
ter and  bustle  of  the  last  chapter,  the  city  of 
New  Amsterdam  was  not  a  whit  more  prepared 
for  war  than  before.  The  privy  councillors  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant  were  aware  of  this  ;  and  hav- 
ing received  his  private  orders  to  put  the  city 
in  an  immediate  posture  of  defence,  they  called 
a  meeting  of  the  oldest  and  richest  burghers  to 
assist  them  with  their  wisdom.  These  were 
that  order  of  citizens  commonly  termed  **men 
of  the  greatest  weight  in   the   community  '* ; 


268  "fcistors  of  laew  l^ork 

their  weight  being  estimated  by  the  heaviness 
of  their  heads  and  of  their  purses.  Their  wis- 
dom, in  fact,  is  apt  to  be  of  a  ponderous  kind, 
and  to  hang  like  a  millstone  round  the  neck  of 
the  community. 

Two  things  were  unanimously  determined  in 
this  assembly  of  venerables  :  first,  that  the  city 
required  to  be  put  in  a  state  of  defence  ;  and, 
second,  that,  as  the  danger  was  imminent, 
there  should  be  no  time  lost ;  which  points 
being  settled,  they  fell  to  making  long  speeches 
and  belaboring  one  another  in  endless  and  in- 
temperate disputes.  For  about  this  time  was 
this  unhappy  city  first  visited  by  that  talking 
endemic  so  prevalent  in  this  country,  and  which 
so  invariably  evinces  itself  wherever  a  number 
of  wise  men  assemble  together,  breaking  out  in 
long  windy  speeches,  caused,  as  physicians  sup- 
pose, by  the  foul  air  which  is  ever  generated  in 
a  crowd.  Now  it  was,  moreover,  that  they  first 
introduced  the  ingenious  method  of  measuring 
the  merits  of  an  harangue  by  the  hour-glass,  he 
being  considered  the  ablest  orator  who  spoke 
longest  on  a  question.  For  which  excellent  in- 
vention, it  is  recorded,  we  are  indebted  to  the 
same  profound  Dutch  critic  who  judged  of 
books  by  their  size. 

This  sudden  passion  for  endless  harangues,  so 
little  consonant  with  the  customary  gravity  and 


Bssemblg  ot  Dcnerables  269 

taciturnity  of  our  sage  forefathers,  was  supposed 
by  certain  philosophers  to  have  been  imbibed, 
together  with  divers  other  barbarous  propensi- 
ties, from  their  savage  neighbors  ;  who  were 
peculiarly  noted  for  long  talks  and  council-fires^ 
and  never  undertook  any  affair  of  the  least  im- 
portance without  previous  debates  and  ha- 
rangues among  their  chiefs  and  old  men.  But 
the  real  cause  was,  that  the  people,  in  electing 
their  representatives  to  the  grand  council,  were 
particular  in  choosing  them  for  their  talents  at 
talking,  without  inquiring  whether  they  pos- 
sessed the  more  rare,  difficult,  and  ofttimes  im- 
portant talent  of  holding  their  tongues.  The 
consequence  was,  that  this  deliberative  body 
was  composed  of  the  most  loquacious  men  in 
the  community.  As  they  considered  them- 
selves placed  there  to  talk,  every  man  concluded 
that  his  duty  to  his  constituents,  and,  what  is 
more,  his  popularity  with  them,  required  that 
he  should  harangue  on  every  subject  whether 
he  understood  it  or  not.  There  was  an  ancient 
mode  of  burying  a  chieftain,  by  every  soldier 
throwing  his  shield  full  of  earth  on  the  corpse, 
until  a  mighty  mound  was  formed  ;  so,  when- 
ever a  question  was  brought  forward  in  this 
assembly,  every  member  pressing  forward  to 
throw  on  his  quantum  of  wisdom,  the  subject 
was  quickly  buried  under  a  mountain  of  words. 


270  Distort  ot  IRcw  l^orft 

We  are  told  that  disciples,  on  entering  the 
school  of  Pythagoras,  were  for  two  years  en- 
joined silence,  and  forbidden  either  to  ask  ques- 
tions or  make  remarks.  After  they  had  thus 
acquired  the  inestimable  art  of  holding  their 
tongues,  they  were  gradually  permitted  to  make 
inquiries,  and  finally  to  communicate  their 
own  opinions. 

With  what  a  beneficial  effect  could  this  wise 
regulation  of  Pythagoras  be  introduced  in  mod- 
em legislative  bodies, — and  how  wonderfully 
would  it  have  tended  to  expedite  business  in 
the  grand  council  of  the  Manhattoes  ! 

At  this  perilous  juncture  the  fatal  word  econ- 
omy^ the  stumbling-block  of  William  the  Testy, 
had  been  once  more  set  afloat,  according  to 
which  the  cheapest  plan  of  defence  was  insisted 
upon  as  the  best ;  it  being  deemed  a  great  stroke 
of  policy  in  furnishing  powder  to  economize  in 
ball. 

Thus  did  Dame  Wisdom  (whom  the  wags  of 
antiquity  have  humorously  personified  as  a 
woman)  seem  to  take  a  mischievous  pleasure 
in  jilting  the  venerable  councillors  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. To  add  to  the  confusion,  the  old 
factions  of  Short  Pipes  and  Long  Pipes,  which 
had  been  almost  strangled  by  the  herculean 
grasp  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  now  sprang  up  with 
tenfold  vigor.    Whatever  was  proposed  by  Short 


XLbc  Conservatives  271 

Pipe  was  opposed  by  the  whole  tribe  of  Long 
Pipes,  who,  like  true  partisans,  deemed  it  their 
first  duty  to  effect  the  downfall  of  their  rivals  ; 
their  second,  to  elevate  themselves  ;  and  their 
third,  to  consult  the  public  good  ;  though  many 
left  the  third  consideration  out  of  question  alto- 
gether. 

In  this  great  collision  of  hard  heads  it  is 
astonishing  the  number  of  projects  that  were 
struck  out, — projects  which  threw  the  wind- 
mill system  of  William  the  Testy  completely  in 
the  background.  These  were  almost  uniformly 
opposed  by  the  "men  of  the  greatest  weight  in 
the  community!"  your  weighty  men,  though 
slow  to  devise,  being  always  great  at  "  negativ- 
ing." Among  these  were  a  set  of  fat,  self-im- 
portant old  burghers,  who  smoked  their  pipes, 
and  said  nothing  except  to  negative  every  plan 
of  defence  proposed.  These  were  that  class  of 
"conservatives"  who,  having  amassed  a  for- 
tune, button  up  their  pockets,  shut  their  mouths, 
sink,  as  it  were,  into  themselves,  and  pass  the 
rest  of  their  lives  in  the  indwelling  beatitude 
of  conscious  wealth  ;  as  some  phlegmatic  oyster, 
having  swallowed  a  pearl,  closes  its  shell,  sinks 
in  the  mud,  and  devotes  the  rest  of  its  life  to  the 
conservation  cf  its  treasure.  Everj'  plan  of  de- 
fence seemed  to  these  worthy  old  gentlemen 
pregnant  with  ruin.      An  armed  force  was  a  le- 


272  1bi0torg  of  IFlcw  IJock 

gion  of  locusts  preying  upon  the  public  property; 
to  fit  out  a  naval  armament  was  to  throw  their 
money  into  the  sea ;  to  build  fortifications  was 
to  bury  it  in  the  dirt.  In  short,  they  settled  it 
as  a  sovereign  maxim,  so  long  as  their  pockets 
were  ftdl,  no  matter  how  much  they  were 
drubbed.  A  kick  left  no  scar  ;  a  broken  head 
cured  itself;  but  an  empty  purse  was  of  all 
maladies  the  slowest  to  heal,  and  one  in  which 
nature  did  nothing  for  the  patient. 

Thus  did  this  venerable  assembly  of  sages 
lavish  away  that  time  which  the  urgency  of 
afiiairs  rendered  invaluable,  in  empty  brawls  and 
long-winded  speeches,  without  ever  agreeing, 
except  on  the  point  with  which  they  started, 
namely,  that  there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  and 
delay  was  ruinous.  At  length,  St.  Nicholas, 
taking  compassion  on  their  distracted  situation, 
and  anxious  to  preserve  them  from  anarchy,  so 
ordered  that  in  the  midst  of  one  of  their  noisy 
debates,  on  the  subject  of  fortification  and  de- 
fence, when  they  had  nearly  fallen  to  logger- 
heads in  consequence  of  not  being  able  to 
convince  each  other,  the  question  was  happily 
settled  by  the  sudden  entrance  of  a  messenger, 
who  informed  them  that  a  hostile  fleet  had  ar- 
rived, and  was  actually  advancing  up  the  bay ! 


CHAPTER  IX. 


IN  WHICH  THE  TROUBI.ES  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM 
APPEAR  TO  THICKEN  —  SHOWING  THE  BRA- 
VERY, IN  TIME  OF  PERIL,  OF  A  PEOPLE  WHO 
DEFEND  THEMSELVES  BY  RESOLUTIONS. 

LIKE)  as  an  assemblage  of  belligerent  cats, 
gibbering  and  caterwauling,  eying  one  an- 
other with  hideous  grimaces  and  contortions, 
spitting  in  each  other's  faces,  and  on  the  point 
of  a  general  clapper-clawing,  are  suddenly  put 
to  scampering  rout  and  confusion  by  the  appear- 
ance of  a  house-dog,  so  was  the  no  less  vociferous 
council  of  New  Amsterdam  amazed,  astounded, 
and  totally  dispersed,  by  the  sudden  arrival  of 
the  enemy.  Every  member  waddled  home  as 
fast  as  his  short  legs  could  carry  him,  wheezing 
as  he  went  with  corpulency  and  terror.  Arrived 
at  his  castle,  he  barricaded  the  street-door,  and 
buried  himself  in  the  cider-cellar,  without  ven- 
turing to  peep  out,  lest  he  should  have  his  head 
carried  off  by  a  cannon-ball. 
The  sovereign  people  crowded  into  the  mar- 


274  Ibfstorg  ot  IKlew  ^ov\{ 

ket-place,  herding  together  with  the  instinct  of 
sheep,  who  seek  safety  in  each  other's  company 
when  the  shepherd  and  his  dog  are  absent,  and 
the  wolf  is  prowling  round  the  fold.  Far  from 
finding  relief,  however,  they  only  increased  each 
other's  terrors.  Bach  man  looked  ruefully  in  his 
neighbor's  face,  in  search  of  encouragement,  but 
only  found  in  its  woe-begone  lineaments  a  con- 
firmation of  his  own  dismay.  Not  a  word  now 
was  to  be  heard  of  conquering  Great  Britain, 
not  a  whisper  about  the  sovereign  virtues  of 
economy, — while  the  old  women  heightened 
the  general  gloom  by  clamorously  bewailing 
their  fate,  and  calling  for  protection  on  St. 
Nicholas  and  Peter  Stuyvesant. 

Oh,  how  did  they  bewail  the  absence  of  the 
lion-hearted  Peter !  and  how  did  they  long  for 
the  comforting  presence  of  Antony  Van  Corlear  ! 
Indeed,  a  gloomy  uncertainty  hung  over  the  fate 
of  these  adventurous  heroes.  Day  after  day  had 
elapsed  since  the  alarming  message  from  the 
governor,  without  bringing  any  further  tidings 
of  his  safety.  Many  a  fearful  conjecture  was 
hazarded  as  to  what  had  befallen  him  and  his 
loyal  squire.  Had  they  not  been  devoured  alive 
by  the  cannibals  of  Marblehead  and  Cape  Cod  ? 
— had  they  not  been  put  to  the  question  by  the 
great  council  of  Amphictyons  ? — had  they  not 
been  smothered  in  onions  by  the  terrible  men 


Brrival  of  ipetcr  275 

of  Pyquag  ?  In  the  midst  of  this  consternation 
and  perplexity,  when  horror,  like  a  mighty 
nightmare,  sat  brooding  upon  the  little,  fat,  ple- 
thoric city  of  New  Amsterdam,  the  ears  of  the 
multitude  were  suddenly  startled  by  the  sound 
of  a  trumpet :  it  approached,  it  grew  louder  and 
louder,  and  now  it  resounded  at  the  city  gate. 
The  public  could  not  be  mistaken  in  the  well- 
known  sound  ;  a  shout  of  joy  burst  from  their 
lips,  as  the  gallant  Peter,  covered  with  dust,  and 
followed  by  his  faithful  trumpeter,  came  gallop- 
ing into  the  market-place. 

The  first  transports  of  the  populace  having 
subsided,  they  gathered  round  the  honest  An- 
tony, as  he  dismounted,  overwhelming  him  with 
greetings  and  congratulations.  In  breathless 
accents  he  related  to  them  the  marvellous  ad- 
ventures through  which  the  old  governor  and 
himself  had  gone,  in  making  their  escape  from 
the  clutches  of  the  terrible  Amphictyons.  But 
though  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  with  its 
customary  minuteness  where  any  thing  touch- 
ing the  great  Peter  is  concerned,  is  very  par- 
ticular as  to  the  incidents  of  this  masterly 
retreat,  the  state  of  the  public  affairs  will  not 
allow  me  to  indulge  in  a  full  recital  thereof. 
Let  it  suffice  to  say  that,  while  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant was  anxiously  revolving  in  his  mind  how 
he  could  make  good  his  escape  with  honor  and 


276  1bt6tor^  Qt  IRew  fork 

dignity,  certain  of  the  sliips  sent  out  for  the 
conquest  of  the  Manhattoes  touched  at  the 
eastern  ports  to  obtain  supplies,  and  to  call  on 
the  grand  council  of  the  league  for  its  promised 
cooperation.  Upon  hearing  of  this,  the  vigilant 
Peter,  perceiving  that  a  moment's  delay  were 
fatal,  made  a  secret  and  precipitate  decamp- 
ment ;  though  much  did  it  grieve  his  lofty  soul 
to  be  obliged  to  turn  his  back  even  upon  a  na- 
tion of  foes.  Many  hair-breadth  'scapes  and 
divers  perilous  mishaps  did  they  sustain,  as  they 
scoured,  without  sound  of  trumpet,  through  the 
fair  regions  of  the  east.  Already  was  the  coun- 
try in  an  uproar  with  hostile  preparations,  and 
they  were  obliged  to  take  a  large  circuit  in  their 
flight,  lurking  along  through  the  woody  moun- 
tains of  the  Devil's  backbone  ;  whence  the  val- 
iant Peter  sallied  forth  one  day  like  a  lion,  and 
put  to  rout  a  whole  legion  of  squatters,  consist- 
ing of  three  generations  of  a  prolific  family,  who 
were  already  on  their  way  to  take  possession  of 
some  corner  of  the  New  Netherlands.  Nay,  the 
faithful  Antony  had  great  difl5culty,  at  sundry 
times,  to  prevent  him,  in  the  excess  of  his 
wrath,  from  descending  down  from  the  moun- 
tains, and  falling,  sword  in  hand,  upon  certain 
of  the  border  towns,  who  were  marshalling  forth 
their  draggle-tailed  militia. 

The  first  movement  of  the  governor  on  reach- 


Iparlcs  wltb  tbc  :fi3ritisb  277 

ing  his  dwelling,  was  to  mount  the  roof,  whence 
he  contemplated  with  rueful  aspect  the  hostile 
squadron.  This  had  already  come  to  anchor  in 
the  bay,  and  consisted  of  two  stout  frigates, 
having  on  board,  as  John  Josselyn,  Gent.,  in- 
forms us,  "three  hundred  valiant  redcoats." 
Having  taken  this  survey,  he  sat  himself  down 
and  wrote  an  epistle  to  the  commander,  de- 
manding the  reason  of  his  anchoring  in  the  har- 
bor without  obtaining  previous  permission  so  to 
do.  This  letter  was  couched  in  the  most  digni- 
fied and  courteous  terms,  though  I  have  it  from 
undoubted  authority  that  his  teeth  were  clinched, 
and  he  had  a  bitter,  sardonic  grin  upon  his  vis- 
age all  the  while  he  wrote.  Having  despatched 
his  letter,  the  grim  Peter  stumped  to  and  fro 
about  the  town  with  a  most  war-betokening 
countenance,  his  hands  thrust  into  his  breeches- 
pockets,  and  whistling  a  Low-Dutch  psalm- 
tune,  which  bore  no  small  resemblance  to  the 
music  of  a  northeast  wind  when  a  storm  is 
brewing.  The  very  dogs  as  they  eyed  him 
skulked  away  in  dismay  ;  while  all  the  old  and 
ugly  women  of  New  Amsterdam  ran  howling  at 
his  heels,  imploring  him  to  save  them  from 
murder,  robbery,  and  pitiless  ravishment ! 

The  reply  of  Colonel  Nicholas,  who  com- 
manded  the  invaders,  was  couched  in  terms  of 
equal  courtesy  with  the  letter  of  the  governor  ; 


278  1bl6tori5  of  Iftew  lorft 

declaring  the  right  and  title  of  his  British  Ma- 
jesty to  the  province  ;  where  he  affirmed  the 
Dutch  to  be  mere  interlopers ;  and  demanding 
that  the  town,  forts,  etc.,  should  be  forthwith 
rendered  into  his  Majesty's  obedience  and  pro- 
tection ;  promising,  at  the  same  time,  life,  lib- 
erty, estate,  and  free  trade  to  every  Dutch  deni- 
zen who  should  readily  submit  to  his  Majesty's 
government. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  read  over  this  friendly 
epistle  with  some  such  harmony  of  aspect  as  we 
may  suppose  a  crusty  farmer  reads  the  loving 
letter  of  John  Stiles,  warning  him  of  an  action 
of  ejectment.  He  was  not,  however,  to  be  taken 
by  surprise  ;  but,  thrusting  the  summons  into 
his  breeches-pocket,  stalked  three  times  across 
the  room,  took  a  pinch  of  snufF  with  great  vehe- 
mence, and  then,  loftily  waving  his  hand,  prom- 
ised to  send  an  answer  the  next  morning.  He 
now  summoned  a  general  meeting  of  his  privy 
councillors  and  burgomasters,  not  to  ask  their 
advice,  for,  confident  in  his  own  strong  head,  he 
needed  no  man's  counsel,  but  apparently  to  give 
them  a  piece  of  his  mind  on  their  late  craven 
conduct. 

His  orders  being  duly  promulgated,  it  was  a 
piteous  sight  to  behold  the  late  valiant  burgo- 
masters, who  had  demolished  the  whole  British 
empire  in  their  harangues,  peeping  ruefully  out 


^bc  "Ructul  Council  279 

of  their  hiding-places ;  crawling  cautiously  forth ; 
dodging  through  narrow  lanes  and  alleys ; 
starting  at  every  little  dog  that  barked ;  mistak- 
ing lamp-posts  for  British  grenadiers ;  and, 
in  the  excess  of  their  panic,  metamorphosing 
pumps  into  formidable  soldiers  levelling  blun- 
derbusess  at  their  bosoms !  Having,  however, 
in  despite  of  numerous  perils  and  difiSculties  of 
the  kind,  arrived  safe,  without  the  loss  of  a 
single  man,  at  the  hall  of  assembly,  they  took 
their  seats,  and  awaited  in  fearful  silence  the 
arrival  of  the  governor.  In  a  few  moments  the 
wooden  leg  of  the  intrepid  Peter  was  heard  in 
regular  and  stout-hearted  thumps  upon  the 
staircase.  He  entered  the  chamber,  arrayed  in 
full  suit  of  regimentals,  and  carrying  his  trusty 
toledo,  not  girded  on  his  thigh,  but  tucked 
under  his  arm.  As  the  governor  never  equipped 
himself  in  this  portentous  manner  unless  some- 
thing of  martial  nature  were  working  within  his 
pericranium,  his  council  regarded  him  ruefully, 
as  if  they  saw  fire  and  sword  in  his  iron  counte- 
nance, and  forgot  to  light  their  pipes  in  breath- 
less suspense. 

His  first  words  were  to  rate  his  council 
soundly  for  having  wasted  in  idle  debate  and 
party  feud  the  time  which  should  have  been 
devoted  to  putting  the  city  in  a  state  of  defence. 
He  was  particularly  indignant  at  those  brawlers 


28o  Ibistor^  ot  IRcw  Ifforft 

who  had  disgraced  the  councils  of  the  province 
b}'  empty  bickerings  and  scurrilous  invectives 
against  an  absent  enem3^  He  now  called  upon 
them  to  make  good  their  words  by  deeds,  as  the 
enemy  they  had  defied  and  derided  was  at  the 
gate.  Finally,  he  informed  them  of  the  sum- 
mons he  had  received  to  surrender,  but  con- 
cluded by  swearing  to  defend  the  province  as 
long  as  Heaven  was  on  his  side  and  he  had  a 
wooden  leg  to  stand  upon  ;  which  warlike  sen- 
tence he  emphasized  by  a  thwack  v/ith  the  flat 
of  his  sword  upon  the  table,  that  quite  electri- 
fied his  auditors. 

The  privy  councillors,  who  had  long  since 
been  brought  into  as  perfect  discipline  as  were 
ever  the  soldiers  of  the  great  PVederick,  knew 
there  was  no  use  in  saying  a  word,  so  lighted 
their  pipes,  and  smoked  away  in  silence,  like 
fat  and  discreet  councillors.  But  the  burgo- 
masters, being  inflated  with  considerable  im- 
portance and  self-sufficiency,  acquired  at  popular 
meetings,  were  not  so  easily  satisfied.  Muster- 
ing up  fresh  spirit,  when  they  found  there  was 
some  chance  of  escaping  from  their  present 
jeopardy  without  the  disagreeable  alternative 
of  fighting,  they  requested  a  copy  of  the  sum- 
mons to  surrender,  that  they  might  show  it  to  a 
general  meeting  of  the  people. 

So  insolent  and  mutinous   a  request  would 


IFnCJignatlon  ot  peter  281 

have  been  enough  to  have  roused  the  gorge  of 
the  tranquil  Van  Twiller  himself, — what  then 
must  have  been  its  effect  upon  the  great  Stuy- 
vesant,  who  was  not  only  a  Dutchman,  a  gov- 
ernor, and  a  valiant  wooden-legged  soldier  to 
boot,  but  withal  a  man  of  the  most  stomachful 
and  gunpowder  disposition  ?  He  burst  forth 
into  a  blaze  of  indignation, — swore  not  a  moth- 
er's son  of  them  should  see  a  syllable  of  it, — 
that  as  to  their  advice  or  concurrence,  he  did 
not  care  a  whiff  of  tobacco  for  either, — that  they 
might  go  home  and  go  to  bed  like  old  women  ; 
for  he  was  determined  to  defend  the  colony 
himself,  without  the  assistance  of  them  or  their 
adherents  !  So  saying  he  tucked  his  sword  un- 
der his  arm,  cocked  his  hat  upon  his  head,  and 
girding  up  his  loins,  stumped  indignantlv  out 
of  the  council-chamber,  everybody  making 
room  for  him  as  he  passed. 

No  sooner  was  he  gone  than  the  busy  biirgo- 
masters  called  a  public  meeting  in  front  of  the 
Stadthouse,  where  they  appointed  as  chairman 
one  Dofue  Roerback,  formerly  a  meddlesome 
member  of  the  cabinet  during  the  reign  of 
William  the  Testy,  but  kicked  out  of  ofi5ce  by 
Peter  Stuyvesant  on  taking  the  reins  of  govern- 
ment. He  was,  withal,  a  mighty  gingerbread 
baker  in  the  land,  and  reverenced  by  the  popu- 
lace as  a  man  of  dark  knowledge,  seeing  that 


282  Iblstorg  of  iRew  lorft 

he  was  the  first  to  imprint  New- Year  cakes 
with  the  mysterious  hieroglyphics  of  the  Cock 
and  Breeches,  and  such  like  magical  devices. 

This  burgomaster,  who  still  chewed  the  cud 
of  ill-will  against  Peter  Stuyvesant,  addressed 
the  multitude  in  what  is  called  a  patriotic 
speech,  informing  them  of  the  courteous  sum- 
mons which  the  governor  had  received,  to  sur- 
render, of  his  refusal  to  comply  therewith,  and 
of  his  denying  the  public  even  a  sight  of  the 
summons,  which  doubtless  contained  conditions 
highly  to  the  honor  and  advantage  of  the  prov- 
ince. 

He  then  proceeded  to  speak  of  his  Excellency 
in  high-sounding  terms  of  vituperation,  suited 
to  the  dignity  of  his  station  ;  comparing  him  to 
Nero,  Caligula,  and  other  flagrant  great  men  of 
yore  ;  assuring  the  people  that  the  history  of 
the  world  did  not  contain  a  despotic  outrage 
equal  to  the  present.  That  it  would  be  record- 
ed in  letters  of  fire  on  the  blood-stained  tablet 
of  history  !  That  ages  would  roll  back  with 
sudden  horror  when  they  came  to  view  it ! 
That  the  womb  of  time  (by  the  way,  your  ora- 
tors and  writers  take  strange  liberties  with  the 
womb  of  time,  though  some  would  fain  have  us 
believe  that  time  is  an  old  gentleman) — that  the 
womb  of  time,  pregnant  as  it  was  with  direful 
horrors,  would  never  produce  a  parallel  enor- 


IRiGmarolc  283 

niity  I — with  a  variety  of  other  heart-rending, 
soul-stirring  tropes  and  figures,  which  I  cannot 
enumerate  ;  neither,  indeed,  need  I,  for  they 
were  of  the  kind  which  even  to  the  present  day 
form  the  style  of  popular  harangues  and  patri- 
otic orations,  and  may  be  classed  in  rhetoric 
under  the  general  title  of  Rigiviarole. 

The  result  of  this  speech  of  the  inspired  bur- 
gomaster was  a  memorial  addressed  to  the  gov- 
ernor, remonstrating  in  good  round  terms  on 
his  conduct.  It  was  proposed  that  Dofue  Roer- 
back  himself  should  be  the  bearer  of  this  me- 
morial ;  but  this  he  warily  declined,  having  no 
inclination  of  coming  again  within  kicking  dis- 
tance of  his  Excellency.  Who  did  deliver  it 
has  never  been  named  in  history,  in  which 
neglect  he  has  suffered  grievous  wrong,  seeing 
that  he  was  equally  worthy  of  blazon  with  him 
perpetuated  in  Scottish  song  and  story  by  the 
surname  of  Bell-the-cat.  All  we  know  of  the 
fate  of  this  memorial  is,  that  it  was  used  by  the 
grim  Peter  to  light  his  pipe  ;  which,  from  the 
vehemence  with  which  he  smoked  it,  was  evi- 
dently any  thing  but  a  pipe  of  peace. 


CHAPTER  X. 

CONTAINING  A  DOI<EFUI,  DISASTER  OF  ANTONY 
THE  TRUMPETER  ;  AND  HOW  PETER  STUY- 
VESANT,  LIKE  A  SECOND  CROMWEIvI*,  SUD- 
DENI,Y  DISSOI^VED  A   RUMP  PARI.IAMENT. 


N' 


OW  did  the  high-minded  Pieter  de  Groodt 
shower  down  a  pannier-load  of  maledic- 
tions upon  his  burgomasters  for  a  set  of  self- 
willed,  obstinate,  factious  varlets,  who  would 
nether  be  convinced  not  persuaded.  Nor  did 
he  omit  to  bestow  some  left-handed  compli- 
ments upon  the  sovereign  people,  as  a  herd  of 
poltroons,  who  had  no  relish  for  the  glorious 
hardships  and  illustrious  misadventures  of 
battle,  but  would  rather  stay  at  home  and  eat 
and  sleep  in  ignoble  ease,  than  light  in  a  ditch 
for  immortality  and  a  broken  head. 

Resolutely  bent,  however,  upon  defending 
his  beloved  city,  in  despite  even  of  itself,  he 
called  unto  him  his  trusty  Van  Corlear,   who 


Bntong'0  /ilbisslon  285 

was  his  right-hand  man  in  all  times  of  emer- 
gency. Him  did  he  adjure  to  take  his  war- 
denouncing  tinimpet,  and  mounting  his  horse, 
to  beat  up  the  country  night  and  day,  sounding 
the  alarm  along  the  pastoral  borders  of  the 
Bronx,  startling  the  wild  solitudes  of  Croton, 
arousing  the  rugged  yeomanry  of  Weehawk 
and  Hoboken,  the  mighty  men  of  battle  of 
Tappan  Bay,  and  the  brave  boys  of  Tarry-town, 
Petticoat  Lane,  and  Sleepy  Hollow,  charging 
them  one  and  all  to  sling  their  powder-horns, 
shoulder  their  fowling-pieces,  and  march  mer- 
rily down  to  the  Manhattoes. 

Now  there  was  nothing  in  all  the  world,  the 
divine  sex  excepted,  that  Antony  Van  Corlear 
loved  better  than  errands  of  this  kind.  So  just 
stopping  to  take  a  lusty  dinner,  and  bracing  to 
his  side  his  junk  bottle,  well  charged  with 
heart-inspiring  Hollands,  he  issued  jollily  from 
the  city  gate,  which  looked  out  upon  what  is 
at  present  called  Broadway,  sounding  a  farewell 
strain,  that  rung  in  sprightly  echoes  through 
the  winding  streets  of  New  Amsterdam.  Alas ! 
never  more  were  they  to  be  gladdened  by  the 
melody  of  their  favorite  trumpeter  ! 

It  was  a  dark  and  stormy  night  when  the 
good  Antony  arrived  at  the  creek  (sagely  de- 
nominated Haerlem  river)  which  separates  the 
island  of  Manna-hata  from  the  mainland.     The 


286  Ibletorg  ot  IRew  l^orh 

wind  was  high,  the  elements  were  in  an  up- 
roar, and  no  Charon  could  be  found  to  ferry  the 
adventurous  sounder  of  brass  across  the  water. 
For  a  short  time  he  vapored  like  an  impatient 
ghost  upon  the  brink,  and  then  bethinking 
himself  of  the  urgency  of  his  errand,  took  a 
hearty  embrace  of  his  stone  bottle,  swore  most 
valorously  that  he  would  swim  across  in  spite 
of  the  Devil  (Spyt  den  Duyvel),  and  daringly 
plunged  into  the  stream.  Luckless  Antony  ! 
Scarce  had  he  buffeted  half  way  over,  when  he 
was  observed  to  struggle  violently,  as  if  bat- 
tling with  the  spirit  of  the  waters  ;  instinctively 
he  put  his  trumpet  to  his  mouth,  and  giving  a 
vehement  blast,  sank  forever  to  the  bottom. 

The  clangor  of  his  trumpet,  like  that  of  the 
ivory  horn  of  the  renowned  Paladin  Orlando, 
when  expiring  in  the  glorious  field  of  Ronces- 
valles,  rang  far  and  wide  through  the  country, 
alarming  the  neighbors  round,  who  hurried  in 
amazement  to  the  spot.  Here  an  old  Dutch 
burgher,  famed  for  his  veracity,  and  who  had 
been  a  witness  of  the  fact,  related  to  them  the 
melancholy  affair,  with  the  fearful  addition 
(to  which  I  am  slow  in  giving  belief)  that  he 
saw  the  Duyvel,  in  the  shape  of  a  huge  moss- 
bunker,  seize  the  sturdy  Antony  by  the  leg,  and 
drag  him  beneath  the  waves.  Certain  it  is,  the 
place,   with   the  adjoining  promontory,  which 


3Pate  ot  Bntons  287 

projects  into  the  Hudson,  has  been  called  Spyt 
den  Dtiyvel  ever  since  ;  the  ghost  of  the  unfortu- 
nate Antony  still  haunts  the  surrounding  soli- 
tudes, and  his  trumpet  has  often  been  heard  by 
the  neighbors  of  a  stormy  night,  mingling  with 
the  howling  of  the  blast.  Nobody  ever  at- 
tempts to  swim  across  the  creek  after  dark  ;  on 
the  contrary,  a  bridge  has  been  built  to  guard 
against  such  melancholy  accidents  in  the  fu- 
ture ;  and  as  to  the  moss-bunkers,  they  are 
held  in  such  abhorrence,  that  no  true  Dutch- 
man will  admit  them  to  his  table,  who  loves 
good  fish  and  hates  the  Devil. 

Such  was  the  end  of  Antony  Van  Corlear, — 
a  man  deserving  of  a  better  fate.  He  lived 
roundly  and  soundly,  like  a  true  and  jolly  bach- 
elor, until  the  day  of  his  death  ;  but  though  he 
was  never  married,  yet  did  he  leave  behind 
some  two  or  three  dozen  children,  in  different 
parts  of  the  country, — fine,  chubby,  brawling, 
flatulent  little  urchins,  from  whom,  if  legends 
speak  true  (and  they  are  not  apt  to  he),  did 
descend  the  innumerable  race  of  editors,  who 
people  and  defend  this  country,  and  who  are 
bountifully  paid  by  the  people  for  keeping  up 
a  constant  alarm,  and  making  them  miserable. 
It  is  hinted,  too,  that  in  his  various  expeditions 
into  the  East  he  did  much  towards  promoting 
the  population  of  the  country,  in  proof  of  which 


288  Dlstorg  of  mew  l^orh 

is  adduced  the  notorious  propensity  of  the  peo- 
ple of  those  parts  to  sound  their  own  trumpet 

As  some  wayworn  pilgrim,  when  the  tempest 
whistles  through  his  locks,  and  night  is  gather- 
ing round,  beholds  his  faithful  dog,  the  com- 
panion and  solace  of  his  journeying,  stretched 
lifeless  at  his  feet,  so  did  the  generous-hearted 
hero  of  the  Manhattoes  contemplate  the  un- 
timely end  of  Antony  Van  Corlear.  He  had 
been  the  faithful  attendant  of  his  footsteps  ; 
he  had  charmed  him  in  many  a  weary  hour  by 
his  honest  gayety  and  the  martial  melody  of 
his  trumpet,  and  had  followed  him  with  un- 
flinching loyalty  and  affection  through  many 
a  scene  of  direful  peril  and  mishap.  He  was 
gone  forever,  and  that,  too,  at  a  moment  when 
every  mongrel  cur  was  skulking  from  his  side. 
This — Peter  Stuyvesant — was  the  moment  to 
try  thy  fortitude,  and  this  was  the  moment 
when  thou  didst  indeed  shine  forth  Peter  the 
Headstrong  ! 

The  glare  of  day  had  long  dispelled  the  hor- 
rors of  the  stormy  night ;  still  all  was  dull  and 
gloomy.  The  late  jovial  Apollo  hid  his  face 
Dehind  lugubrious  clouds,  peeping  out  now  and 
then  for  an  instant,  as  if  anxious,  yet  fearful, 
to  see  what  was  going  on  in  his  favorite  city. 
This  was  the  eventful  morning  when  the  great 
Peter  was  to  give  his  reply  to  the  summons  of 


•QClintbcop's  BOvfcc  289 

the  invaders.  Already  was  he  closeted  with 
his  privy  council,  sitting  in  grim  state,  brooding 
over  the  fate  of  his  favorite  trumpeter,  and 
anon  boiling  with  indignation  as  the  insolence 
of  his  recreant  burgomasters  flashed  upon  his 
mind.  While  in  this  state  of  irritation,  a  courier 
arrived  in  all  haste  from  Winthrop,  the  subtle 
governor  of  Connecticut,  counselling  him,  in 
the  most  affectionate  and  disinterested  manner, 
to  surrender  the  province,  and  magnifying  the 
dangers  and  calamities  to  which  a  refusal  would 
subject  him.  What  a  moment  was  this  to  in- 
trude officious  advice  upon  a  man  who  never 
took  advice  in  his  whole  life!  The  fiery  old 
governor  strode  up  and  down  the  chamber  with 
a  vehemence  that  made  the  bosoms  of  his  coun- 
cillors to  quake  with  awe, — railing  at  his  un- 
lucky fate,  that  thus  made  him  the  constant 
butt  of  factious  subjects,  and  Jesuitical  ad- 
visers. 

Just  at  this  ill-chosen  juncture,  the  officious 
burgomasters,  who  had  heard  of  the  arrival  of 
mysterious  despatches,  came  marching  in  a 
body  into  the  room,  with  a  legion  of  schepens 
and  toad-eaters  at  their  heels,  and  abruptly  de- 
manded a  perusal  of  the  letter.  This  was  too 
much  for  the  spleen  of  Peter  Stuyvesant.  He 
tore  the  letter  into  a  thousand  pieces, — threw  it 
in  the  face  of  the  nearest  burgomaster, — ^broke 


290  l)i5tors  of  flew  l^ork 

his  pipe  over  the  head  of  the  next, — hurled  his 
spitting-box  at  an  unlucky  schepen,  who  was 
just  retreating  out  at  the  door, — and  finally  pro- 
rogued the  whole  meeting  si7ie  diCy  by  kicking 
them  down  stairs  with  his  wooden  leg. 

As  soon  as  the  burgomasters  could  recover 
from  their  confusion  and  had  time  to  breathe, 
they  called  a  public  meeting,  where  they  re- 
lated at  full  length,  and  with  appropriate  color- 
ing and  exaggeration,  the  despotic  and  vindic- 
tive deportment  of  the  governor  ;  declaring 
that,  for  their  own  parts,  they  did  not  value  a 
straw  the  being  kicked,  cuffed,  and  mauled  by 
the  timber  toe  of  his  Excellency,  but  that  they 
felt  for  the  dignity  of  the  sovereign  people, 
thus  rudely  insulted  by  the  outrage  committed 
on  the  seat  of  honor  of  their  representatives. 
The  latter  part  of  the  harangue  came  home  at 
once  to  that  delicacy  of  feeling  and  jealous 
pride  of  character  vested  in  all  true  mobs, — 
who,  though  they  may  bear  injuries  without  a 
murmur,  yet  are  marvellously  jealous  of  their 
sovereign  dignity  ;  and  there  is  no  knowing  to 
what  act  of  resentment  they  might  have  been 
provoked,  had  they  not  been  somewhat  more 
afraid  of  their  sturdy  old  governor  than  they 
were  of  St.  Nicholas,  the  English,— or  the  D — 1 
himself. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT  DEFENDED  THE  CITY 
OE  NEW  AMSTERDAM  FOR  SEVERAI,  DAYS, 
BY  DINT  OF    THE  STRENGTH   OF    HIS   HEAD. 

THERE  is  something  exceedingly  sublime 
and  melancholy  in  the  spectacle  which 
the  present  crisis  of  our  history  presents.  An 
illustrious  and  venerable  little  city, — the  me- 
tropolis of  a  vast  extent  of  iminhabited  coun- 
try,— garrisoned  by  a  doughty  host  of  orators, 
chairmen,  committee-men,  burgomasters,  sche- 
pens,  and  old  women, — governed  by  a  deter- 
mined and  strong-headed  warrior,  and  fortified 
by  mud  batteries,  palisadoes,  and  resolutions, — 
blockaded  by  sea,  beleaguered  by  land,  and 
threatened  with  direful  desolation  from  with- 
out, while  its  very  vitals  are  torn  with  internal 
faction  and  commotion !  Never  did  historic 
pen  record  a  page  of  more  complicated  distress, 
unless  it  be  the  strife  that  distracted  the  Israel- 


292  1bi6tori2  ot  flew  l^ocFi 

ites,  during  the  siege  of  Jerusalem, — where  dis- 
cordant parties  were  cutting  each  other's  throats, 
at  the  moment  when  the  victorious  legions  of 
Titus  had  toppled  down  their  bulwarks,  and 
were  carrying  fire  and  sword  into  the  very  sanc- 
tum sanciorufii  of  the  temple. 

Governor  Stuyvesant  having  triumphantly 
put  his  grand  council  to  the  rout,  and  delivered 
himself  from  a  multitude  of  impertinent  ad- 
visers, despatched  a  categorical  reply  to  the 
commanders  of  the  invading  squadron  ;  where- 
in he  asserted  the  right  and  title  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  the  Lords  States-General  to  the 
province  of  New  Netherlands,  and,  trusting  in 
the  righteousness  of  his  cause,  set  the  whole 
British  nation  at  defiance  ! 

My  anxiety  to  extricate  my  readers  and  my- 
self from  these  disastrous  scenes  prevents  me 
from  giving  the  whole  of  this  gallant  letter, 
which  concluded  in  these  manly  and  affection- 
ate terms : 

**  As  touching  the  threats  in  your  conclusion, 
we  have  nothing  to  answer,  only  that  we  fear 
nothing  but  what  God  (who  is  as  just  as  merci- 
ful) shall  lay  upon  us,  all  things  being  in  his 
gracious  disposal ;  and  we  may  as  well  be  pre- 
served by  him  with  small  forces  as  by  a  great 
army ;  which  makes  us  to  wish  you  all  happi- 
ness and  prosperity,  and  recommend  you  to  his 


Zctme  ot  the  JBrltlsb  293 

protection.     My  lords,  your  thrice  humble  and 
aflfectionate  servant  and  friend, 

"P.  Stuyvesant." 

Thus  having  thrown  his  gauntlet,  the  brave 
Peter  stuck  a  pair  of  horse-pistols  in  his  belt, 
girded  an  immense  powder-horn  on  his  side, 
thrust  his  sound  leg  into  a  Hessian  boot,  and 
clapping  his  fierce  little  war-hat  on  the  top  of 
his  head,  paraded  up  and  down  in  front  of  his 
house,  determined  to  defend  his  beloved  city  to 
the  last. 

While  all  these  struggles  and  dissensions  were 
prevailing  in  the  unhappy  city  of  New  Amster- 
dam, and  while  its  worthy  but  ill-starred  gov- 
ernor was  framing  the  above-quoted  letter,  the 
English  commanders  did  not  remain  idle.  They 
had  agents  secretly  employed  to  foment  the 
fears  and  clamors  of  the  populace  ;  and  more- 
over circulated  far  and  wide,  through  the  adja- 
cent country,  a  proclamation,  repeating  the 
terms  they  had  already  held  out  il  their  sum- 
mons to  surrender,  at  the  same  time  beguiling 
the  simple  Nederlanders  with  the  most  crafty 
and  conciliating  professions.  They  promised 
that  every  man  who  voluntarily  submitted  to 
the  authority  of  his  British  Majesty  should  re- 
tain peaceful  possession  of  his  house,  his  vrouw, 
and  his  cabbage-garden.  That  he  should  be 
suffered  to  smoke  his  pipe,  speak  Dutch,  wear 


^94  Ibietov^  of  Bew  lorft 

as  many  breeches  as  lie  pleased,  and  import 
"bricks,  tiles,  and  stone  jugs  from  Holland,  in- 
stead of  manufacturing  them  on  the  spot.  That 
he  should  on  no  account  be  compelled  to  learn 
the  English  language,  nor  eat  codfish  on  Satur- 
days, nor  keep  accounts  in  any  other  way  than 
by  casting  them  up  on  his  fingers,  and  chalking 
them  down  upon  the  crown  of  his  hat;  as  is 
observed  among  the  Dutch  yeomanry  at  the 
present  day.  That  every  man  should  be  allowed 
quietly  to  inherit  his  father's  hat,  coat,  shoe- 
buckles,  pipe,  and  every  other  personal  append- 
age ;  and  that  no  man  should  be  obliged  to 
conform  to  any  improvements,  inventions,  or 
any  other  modern  innovations  ;  but,  on  the 
contrary,  should  be  permitted  to  build  his  house, 
follow  his  trade,  manage  his  farm,  rear  his  hogs, 
and  educate  his  children,  precisely  as  his  ances- 
tors had  done  before  him  from  time  immemorial. 
Finally,  that  he  should  have  all  the  benefits  of 
free  trade,  and  should  not  be  required  to  ac- 
knowledge any  other  saint  in  the  calendar  than 
St.  Nicholas,  who  should  thenceforward,  as  be- 
fore, be  considered  the  tutelar  saint  of  the  city. 
These  terms,  as  may  be  supposed,  appeared 
very  satisfactory  to  the  people,  who  had  a  great 
disposition  to  enjoy  their  property  unmolested, 
and  a  most  singular  aversion  to  engage  in  a 
contest,  where  they  could  gain  little  more  than 


1pcter*6  ^firmness  295 

bonor  and  broken  heads, — the  first  of  which 
they  held  in  philosophic  indiflFerence,  the  latter 
in  utter  detestation.  By  these  insidious  means, 
therefore,  did  the  English  succeed  in  alienating 
the  confidence  and  affections  of  the  populace 
from  their  gallant  old  governor,  whom  they 
considered  as  obstinately  bent  upon  running 
them  into  hideous  misadventures  ;  and  did  not 
hesitate  to  speak  their  minds  freely,  and  abuse 
him  most  heartily — behind  his  back. 

Like  as  a  mighty  grampus  when  assailed  and 
buflfeted  by  roaring  waves  and  brawling  surges, 
still  keeps  on  an  undeviating  course,  rising 
above  the  boisterous  billows,  spouting  and 
blowing  as  he  emerges,  so  did  the  inflexible 
Peter  pursue,  unwavering,  his  determined  ca- 
reer, and  rise,  contemptuous,  above  the  clamors 
of  the  rabble. 

But  when  the  British  warriors  found  that  he 
set  their  power  at  defiance,  they  despatched  re- 
cruiting officers  to  Jamaica,  and  Jericho,  and 
Nineveh,  and  Quag,  and  Patchog,  and  all  those 
towns  on  Long  Island  which  had  been  subdued 
of  yore  by  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff ;  stirring  up  the 
progeny  of  Preserved  Fish,  and  Determined 
Cock,  and  those  other  New  England  squatters, 
to  assail  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  by  land, 
while  the  hostile  ships  prepared  for  an  assault 
by  water. 


296  fbiBtot^  ot  IRcw  lorft 

The  streets  of  New  Amsterdam  now  presented 
a  scene  of  wild  dismay  and  consternation.  In 
vain  did  Peter  Stuyvesant  order  the  citizens  to 
arm  and  assemble  on  the  Battery.  Blank  terror 
reigned  over  the  community.  The  whole  party 
of  Short  Pipes  in  the  course  of  a  single  night 
had  changed  into  arrant  old  women, — a  meta- 
morphosis only  to  be  paralleled  by  the  prodigies 
recorded  by  Livy  as  having  happened  at  Rome 
at  the  approach  of  Hannibal,  when  statues 
sweated  in  pure  affright,  goats  were  converted 
into  sheep,  and  cocks,  turning  into  hens,  ran 
cackling  about  the  street. 

Thus  baffled  in  all  attempts  to  put  the  city  in 
a  state  of  defence,  blockaded  from  without,  tor- 
mented from  within,  and  menaced  with  a  Yan- 
kee invasion,  even  the  stiflf-necked  will  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant  for  once  gave  way,  and  in  spite  of 
his  mighty  heart,  which  swelled  in  his  throat 
until  it  nearly  choked  him,  he  consented  to  a 
treaty  of  surrender. 

Words  cannot  express  the  transports  of  the 
populace,  on  receiving  this  intelligence ;  had 
they  obtained  a  conquest  over  the  enemies, 
they  could  not  have  indulged  greater  delight 
The  streets  resounded  with  their  congratula- 
tions ;  they  extolled  their  governor  as  the 
father  and  deliverer  of  his  country ;  they 
crowded  to  his  house  to  testify  their  gratitude, 


Brranging  tbe  Capitulation        297 

and  were  ten  times  more  noisy  in  their  plaudits 
than  when  he  returned,  with  victory  perched 
upon  his  beaver,  from  the  glorious  capture  of 
Fort  Christina.  But  the  indignant  Peter  shut 
his  doors  and  windows,  and  took  refuge  in  the 
innermost  recesses  of  his  mansion,  that  he 
might  not  hear  the  ignoble  rejoicings  of  the 
rabble. 

Commissioners  were  now  appointed  on  botb 
sides,  and  a  capitulation  was  speedily  arranged ; 
all  that  was  wanting  to  ratify  it  was  that  it 
should  be  signed  by  the  governor.  When  the 
commissioners  waited  upon  him  for  this  pur- 
pose, they  were  received  with  grim  and  bitter 
courtesy.  His  warlike  accoutrements  were  laid 
aside, — an  old  Indian  night-gown  was  wrapped 
about  his  rugged  limbs,  a  red  night-cap  over- 
shadowed his  frowning  brow,  an  iron-gray  beard 
of  three  days*  growth  gave  additional  grimness 
to  his  visage.  Thrice  did  he  seize  a  worn-out 
stump  of  a  pen,  and  essay  to  sign  the  loathsome 
paper;  thrice  did  he  clinch  his  teeth,  and  make 
a  horrible  countenance,  as  though  a  dose  of 
rhubarb,  senna,  and  ipecacuanha  had  been  of- 
fered to  !iis  lips  ;  at  length,  dashing  it  from 
him,  he  seized  his  brass-hilted  sword,  and 
jerking  it  from  the  scabbard,  swore  by  St. 
Nicholas,  to  sooner  die  than  yield  to  any  power 
under  heaven. 


For  two  whole  days  did  lie  persist  in  this 
magnanimous  resolution,  during  which  his 
house  was  besieged  by  the  rabble,  and  menaces 
and  clamorous  revilings  exhausted  to  no  pur- 
pose. And  now  another  course  was  adopted  to 
soothe,  if  possible,  his  mighty  ire.  A  proces- 
sion was  formed  by  the  burgomasters  and  sche- 
pens,  followed  by  the  populace,  to  bear  the 
capitulation  in  state  to  the  governor's  dwelling. 
They  found  the  castle  strongly  barricadoed,  and 
the  old  hero  in  full  regimentals,  with  his  cocked 
hat  on  his  head,  posted  with  a  blunderbuss  at 
the  garret  window. 

There  was  something  in  this  formidable  posi- 
tion that  struck  even  the  ignoble  vulgar  with 
awe  and  admiration.  The  brawling  multitude 
could  not  but  reflect  with  self-abasement  upon 
their  own  pusillanimous  conduct,  when  they  be- 
held their  hardy  but  deserted  old  governor, 
thus  faithful  to  his  post,  like  a  forlorn  hope, 
and  fully  prepared  to  defend  his  ungrateful  city 
to  the  last.  These  compunctions,  however, 
were  soon  overwhelmed  by  the  recurring  tide 
of  public  apprehension.  The  populace  ar- 
ranged themselves  before  the  house,  taking  off 
their  hats  with  most  respectful  humility  ;  Bur- 
gomaster Roerback,  who  was  of  that  popular 
class  of  orators  described  by  Sallust  as  being 
''talkative  rather  than  eloquent,"  stepped  forth 


Signing  tbe  Capitulation  299 

and  addressed  the  governor  in  a  speech  of  three 
hours'  length,  detailing,  in  the  most  pathetic 
terms,  the  calamitous  situation  of  the  province 
and  urging  him  in  a  constant  repetition  of  the 
same  arguments  and  words  to  sign  the  capitula- 
tion. 

The  mighty  Peter  eyed  him  from  his  garret 
window  in  grim  silence, — now  and  then  his  eye 
would  glance  over  the  surrounding  rabble,  and 
an  indignant  grin,  like  that  of  an  angry  mastiff, 
would  mark  his  iron  visage.  But  though  a  man 
of  most  undaunted  mettle, — though  he  had  a 
heart  as  big  as  an  ox,  and  a  head  that  would 
have  set  adamant  to  scorn, — yet  after  all  he  was 
a  mere  mortal.  Wearied  out  by  these  repeated 
oppositions,  and  this  eternal  haranguing,  and 
perceiving  that  unless  he  complied,  the  inhabi- 
tants would  follow  their  own  inclination,  or 
rather  their  fears,  without  waiting  for  his  con- 
sent, or,  what  was  still  worse,  the  Yankees 
would  have  time  to  pour  in  their  forces  and 
claim  a  share  in  the  conquest,  he  testily  ordered 
them  to  hand  up  the  paper.  It  was  accordingly 
hoisted  to  him  on  the  end  of  a  pole  ;  and  having 
scrawled  his  name  at  the  bottom  of  it,  he 
anathematized  them  all  for  a  set  of  cowardly, 
mutinous,  degenerate  poltroons,  threw  the  ca- 
pitulation at  their  heads,  slammed  down  the 
window,  and  was  heard  stumping  down  stairs 


300  l)i5tori2  ot  Bew  lorft 

with  vehement  indignation.  The  rabble  incon- 
tinently took  to  their  heels  ;  even  the  burgo- 
masters were  not  slow  in  evacuating  the 
premises,  fearing  lest  the  sturdy  Peter  might 
issue  from  his  den,  and  greet  them  with  some 
unwelcome  testimonial  of  his  displeasure. 

Within  three  hours  after  the  surrender,  a  le- 
gion of  British  beef-fed  warriors  poured  into 
New  Amsterdam,  taking  possession  of  the  fort 
and  batteries.  And  now  might  be  heard,  from 
all  quarters,  the  sound  of  hammers,  made  by  the 
old  Dutch  burghers  in  nailing  up  their  doors 
and  windows,  to  protect  their  vrouws  from  these 
fierce  barbarians,  whom  they  contemplated  in 
silent  sullenness  from  the  garret  windows  as 
they  paraded  through  the  streets. 

Thus  did  Colonel  Richard  Nichols,  the  com- 
mander of  the  British  forces,  enter  into  quiet 
possession  of  the  conquered  realm  as  locum 
tenens  for  the  Duke  of  York.  The  victory  was 
attended  with  no  other  outrage  than  that  of 
changing  the  name  of  the  province  and  its  me- 
tropolis, which  thenceforth  were  denominated 
New  York,  and  so  have  continued  to  be  called 
unto  the  present  day.  The  inhabitants,  accord- 
ing to  treaty,  were  allowed  to  maintain  quiet 
possession  of  their  property  ;  but  so  inveter- 
ately  did  they  retain  their  abhorrence  of  the 
British  nation,  that  in  a  private  meeting  of  the 


•Hew  l^orft 


301 


leading  citizens  it  was  unanimously  determined 
never  to  ask  any  of  their  conquerors  to  dinner. 

Note.— Modem  historians  assert  that  when  the  New 
Netherlands  were  thus  overrun  by  the  British,  as  Spain 
in  ancient  days  by  the  Saracens,  a  resolute  band  refused 
to  bend  the  neck  to  the  invader.  I,ed  by  one  Garret  Van 
Home,  a  valorous  and  gigantic  Dutchman,  they  crossed 
the  bay  and  buried  themselves  among  the  marshes  and 
cabbage-gardens  of  Communipaw,  as  did  Pelayo  and  his 
followers  among  the  mountains  of  Asturias.  Here  their 
descendants  have  remained  ever  since,  keeping  them- 
selves apart,  like  seed-corn,  to  re-people  the  city  with 
the  genuine  breed  whenever  it  shall  be  effectually  recov- 
ered from  its  intruders.  It  is  said  the  genuine  descend- 
ants of  the  Netherlands  who  inhabit  New  York,  still 
look  with  longring  eyes  to  the  g^een  marshes  of  ancient 
Pavonia,  as  did  the  conquered  Spaniards  of  yore  to  the 
stem  mountains  of  Asturias,  considering  these  the  re- 
gions whence  deliverance  is  to  come. 


CHAPTER  XII. 

CONTAINING  THE  DIGNIFIED  RETIREMENT 
AND  MORTAI,  SURRENDER  OF  PETER  THE 
HEADSTRONG. 

THUS,  then,  have  I  concluded  this  great  his- 
torical enterprise  ;  but  before  I  lay  aside 
my  weary  pen,  there  yet  remains  to  be  per- 
formed one  pious  duty.  If  among  the  variety 
of  readers  who  may  peruse  this  book,  there 
should  haply  be  found  any  of  those  souls  of 
true  nobility,  which  glow  with  celestial  fire  at 
the  history  of  the  generous  and  the  brave,  they 
will  doubtless  be  anxious  to  know  the  fate 
of  the  gallant  Peter  Stuyvesant.  To  gratify 
one  such  sterling  heart  of  gold  I  would  go 
more  lengths  than  to  instruct  the  cold-blooded 
curiosity  of  a  whole  fraternity  of  philoso- 
phers. 

No  sooner  had  that  high-mettled  cavalier 
signed  the  articles  of  capitulation,  than,  de- 
termined not  to  witness  the  humiliation  of  his 


Peter's  IRetirement  303 

favorite  city,  he  turned  his  back  on  its  walls 
and  made  a  growling  retreat  to  his  bouwery^  or 
country-seat,  which  was  situated  about  two 
miles  off,  where  he  passed  the  remainder  of  his 
days  in  patriarchal  retirement.  There  he  en- 
joyed that  tranquillity  of  mind  which  he  had 
never  known  amid  the  distracting  cares  of  gov- 
ernment, and  tasted  the  sweets  of  absolute  and 
uncontrolled  authority,  which  his  factious  sub- 
jects had  so  often  dashed  with  the  bitterness  of 
opposition. 

No  persuasions  could  ever  induce  him  to  re- 
visit the  city  ;  on  the  contrary,  he  would  always 
have  his  great  arm-chair  placed  with  its  back  to 
the  windows  which  looked  in  that  direction, 
until  a  thick  grove  of  trees  planted  by  his  own 
hand  grew  up  and  formed  a  screen  that  effectu- 
ally excluded  it  from  the  prospect.  He  railed 
continually  at  the  degenerate  innovations  and 
improvements  introduced  by  the  conquerors  ; 
forbade  a  word  of  their  detested  language  to  be 
spoken  in  his  family, — a  prohibition  readily 
obeyed,  since  none  of  the  household  could 
speak  any  thing  but  Dutch ;  and  even  ordered 
a  fine  avenue  to  be  cut  down  in  front  of  his 
house  because  it  consisted  of  English  cherry- 
trees. 

The  same  incessant  vigilance,  which  blazed 
forth  when  he  had  a  vast  province  under  his 


304  Iblstoris  ot  Bcw  l^orft 

care,  now  showed  itself  with  equal  vigor, 
though  in  narrower  limits.  He  patrolled  with 
unceasing  watchfulness  the  boundaries  of  his 
little  territory  ;  repelled  every  encroachment 
with  intrepid  promptness ;  punished  every  va- 
grant depredation  upon  his  orchard  or  his 
farm-yard  with  inflexible  severity;  and  con- 
ducted every  stray  hog  or  cow  in  triimiph  to 
the  pound.  But  to  the  indigent  neighbor,  the 
friendless  stranger,  or  the  weary  wanderer,  his 
spacious  doors  were  ever  open,  and  his  capacious 
fireplace,  that  emblem  of  his  own  warm  and 
generous  heart,  had  always  a  comer  to  receive 
and  cherish  them.  There  was  an  exception  to 
this,  I  must  confess,  in  case  the  ill-starred  ap- 
plicant were  an  Englishman  or  a  Yankee ;  to 
whom,  though  he  might  extend  the  hand  of  as- 
sistance, he  could  never  be  brought  to  yield  the 
rites  of  hospitality.  Nay,  if  peradventure  some 
straggling  merchant  of  the  East  should  stop  at 
his  door,  with  his  cart-load  of  tin -ware  or 
wooden  bowls,  the  fiery  Peter  would  issue  forth 
like  a  giant  from  his  castle,  and  make  such  a 
furious  clatter  among  his  pots  and  kettles,  that 
the  vender  of  "notions*'  was  fain  to  betake 
himself  to  instant  flight. 

His  suit  of  regimentals,  worn  threadbare  by 
the  brush,  were  carefully  hung  up  in  the  state 
bedchamber,   and  regularly  aired  the  first  fair 


2)utcb  ^festivals  305 

day  of  every  month  ;  and  his  cocked  hat  and 
trusty  sword  were  suspended  in  grim  repose 
over  the  parlor  mantel-piece,  forming  support- 
ers to  a  full-length  portrait  of  the  renowned 
Admiral  Van  Tromp.  In  his  domestic  empire 
he  maintained  strict  discipline  and  well-organ- 
ized despotic  government ;  but  though  his  own 
will  was  the  supreme  law,  yet  the  good  of  his 
subjects  was  his  constant  object.  He  watched 
over,  not  merely  their  immediate  comforts, 
but  their  morals,  and  their  ultimate  welfare  ; 
for  he  gave  them  abundance  of  excellent  ad- 
monition, nor  could  any  of  them  complain 
that,  when  occasion  required,  he  was  by  any 
means  niggardly  in  bestowing  wholesome  cor- 
rection. 

The  good  old  Dutch  festivals,  those  periodical 
demonstrations  of  an  overflowing  heart  and  a 
thankful  spirit,  which  are  falling  into  sad  dis- 
use among  my  fellow-citizens,  were  faithfully 
observed  in  the  mansion  of  Governor  Stuy\'e- 
sant.  New-Year  was  truly  a  day  of  open-handed 
liberality,  of  jocund  revelry,  and  v/arm-hearted 
congratulation,  when  the  bosom  swelled  with 
genial  good-fellowship,  and  the  plenteous  table 
was  attended  with  an  unceremonious  freedom 
and  honest  broad-mouthed  merriment,  un- 
known in  these  days  of  degeneracy  and  re- 
finement.    Paas  and  Pinxter  were  scrupulously 


3o6  Ibfstor^  of  IFlew  ll)orft 

observed  throughout  his  dominions ;  nor  was 
the  day  of  St.  Nicholas  suffered  to  pass  by 
without  making  presents,  hanging  the  stock- 
ing in  the  chimney,  and  complying  with  all 
its  other  ceremonies. 

Once  a  year,  on  the  first  day  of  April,  he  used 
to  array  himself  in  full  regimentals,  being  the 
first  anniversary  of  his  triumphal  entry  into 
New  Amsterdam,  after  the  conquest  of  New 
Sweden.  This  was  always  a  kind  of  saturnalia 
among  the  domestics,  when  they  considered 
themselves  at  liberty,  in  some  measure,  to  say 
and  do  what  they  pleased ;  for  on  this  day  their 
master  was  always  observed  to  unbend,  and  be- 
come exceeding  pleasant  and  jocose,  sending 
the  old  gray-headed  negroes  on  April-fool's 
errands  for  pigeon's  milk ;  not  one  of  whom 
but  allowed  himself  to  be  taken  in,  and  hu- 
mored his  old  master's  jokes,  as  became  a  faith- 
ful and  well-disciplined  dependant.  Thus  did 
he  reign,  happily  and  peacefully  on  his  own 
land — injuring  no  man — envying  no  man — mo- 
lested by  no  outward  strifes — perplexed  by  no 
internal  commotions ; — and  the  mighty  mon- 
archs  of  the  earth,  who  were  vainly  seeking  to 
maintain  peace,  and  promote  the  welfare  of 
mankind,  by  war  and  desolation,  would  have 
done  well  to  have  made  a  voyage  to  the  little 
island  of  Manna-hata,  and  learned  a  lesson  in 


Bge  anD  ITntirmlts  307 

government  from  the    domestic    economy  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant. 

In  process  of  time,  however,  the  old  governor, 
like  all  other  children  of  mortality,  began  to 
exhibit  evident  tokens  of  decay.  Like  an  aged 
oak,  which,  though  it  long  has  braved  the  fury 
of  the  elements,  and  still  retains  its  gigantic 
proportions,  begins  to  shake  and  groan  with 
every  blast,  so  was  it  with  the  gallant  Peter; 
for  though  he  still  bore  the  port  and  semblance 
of  what  he  was  in  the  days  of  his  hardihood 
and  chivalry,  yet  did  age  and  infirmity  begin  to 
sap  the  vigor  of  his  frame, — but  his  heart,  that 
unconquerable  citadel,  still  triiunphed  unsub- 
dued. With  matchless  avidity  would  he  listen 
to  every  article  of  intelligence  concerning  the 
battles  between  the  English  and  Dutch ;  still 
would  his  pulse  beat  high  whenever  he  heard 
of  the  victories  of  De  Ruyter,  and  countenance 
lower,  and  his  eyebrows  knit,  when  fortune 
turned  in  favor  of  the  English.  At  length,  as 
on  a  certain  day  he  had  just  smoked  his  fifth 
pipe,  and  was  napping  after  dinner,  in  his  arm- 
chair, conquering  the  whole  British  nation  in 
his  dreams,  he  was  suddenly  aroused  by  a  ring- 
ing of  bells,  rattling  of  drums,  and  roaring  of 
cannon,  that  put  all  his  blood  in  a  ferment. 
But  when  he  learned  that  these  rejoicings  were 
in  honor  of  a  great  victory  obtained  by  the  com- 


3o8  Ibistors  ot  Bew  l^ork 

bined  English  and  French  fleets  over  the  brave 
De  Ruyter  and  the  younger  Van  Tromp,  it 
went  so  much  to  his  heart,  that  he  took  to  his 
bed,  and  in  less  than  three  days  was  brought  to 
death's  door,  by  a  violent  cholera  morbus ! 
Even  in  this  extremity  he  still  displayed  the 
unconquerable  spirit  of  Peter  the  Headstrong ; 
holding  out  to  the  last  gasp,  with  inflexible 
obstinacy,  against  a  whole  army  of  old  women 
who  were  bent  upon  driving  the  enemy  out  of 
his  bowels,  in  the  true  Dutch  mode  of  defence, 
by  inundation. 

While  he  thus  lay,  lingering  on  the  verge  of 
dissolution,  news  was  brought  him  that  the 
brave  De  Ruyter  had  made  good  his  retreat, 
with  little  loss,  and  meant  once  more  to  meet 
the  enemy  in  battle.  The  closing  eye  of  the 
old  warrior  kindled  with  martial  fire  at  the 
words, — he  partly  raised  himself  in  bed, 
clinched  his  withered  hand,  as  if  he  felt  within 
his  gripe  that  sword  which  waved  in  triumph 
before  the  walls  of  Fort  Christina,  and  giving  a 
grim  smile  of  exultation,  sank  back  upon  his 
pillow  and  expired. 

Thus  died  Peter  Stuyvesant, — a  valiant  soldier, 
a  loyal  subject,  an  upright  governor,  and  an 
honest  Dutchman, — who  wanted  only  a  few 
empires  to  desolate  to  have  been  immortal- 
ized as  a  hero  ! 


\ 


^Funeral  ©bsequics  309 

His  funeral  obsequies  were  celebrated  with 
the  utmost  grandeur  and  solemnity.  The  town 
was  perfectly  emptied  of  its  inhabitants,  who 
crowded  in  throngs  to  pay  the  last  sad  honors 
to  their  good  old  governor.  All  his  sterling 
qualities  rushed  in  full  tide  upon  their  recollec- 
tion, while  the  memory  of  his  foibles  and  his 
faults  had  expired  with  him.  The  ancient 
burghers  contended  who  should  have  the  pri\d- 
lege  of  bearing  the  pall ;  the  populace  strove 
who  should  walk  nearest  to  the  bier  ;  and  the 
melancholy  procession  was  closed  by  a  number 
of  gray-headed  negroes,  who  had  wintered  and 
summered  in  the  household  of  their  departed 
master  for  the  greater  part  of  a  century. 

With  sad  and  gloomy  countenances  the  mul- 
titude gathered  round  the  grave.  They  dwelt 
with  mournful  hearts  on  the  sturdy  virtues,  the 
signal  services,  and  the  gallant  exploits  of  the 
brave  old  worthy.  They  recalled,  vrith  secret 
upbraidings,  their  own  factious  opposition  to 
his  government ;  and  many  an  ancient  burgher, 
whose  phlegmatic  features  had  never  been 
known  to  relax,  nor  his  eyes  to  moisten,  was 
now  observed  to  puff  a  pensive  pipe,  and  the 
big  drop  to  steal  down  his  cheek,  while  he  mut- 
tered, with  affectionate  accent  and  melancholy 
shake  of  the  head  :  *'  Well,  den  ! — Hardkoppig 
Peter  ben  gone  at  last !  " 


310  Ijistor^  ot  "fflew  l^orh 

His  remains  were  deposited  in  the  family 
vault,  under  a  chapel  which  he  had  piously 
erected  on  his  estate,  and  dedicated  to  St.  Nich- 
olas,— and  which  stood  on  the  identical  spot  at 
present  occupied  by  St.  Mark's  Church,  where 
his  tombstone  is  still  to  be  seen.  His  estate,  or 
bouwery^  as  it  was  called,  has  ever  continued  in 
the  possession  of  his  descendants,  who,  by  the 
uniform  integrity  of  their  conduct,  and  their 
strict  adherence  to  the  customs  and  manners 
that  prevailed  in  the  ^^ good  old  thnes,^^  have 
proved  themselves  worthy  of  their  illustrious 
ancestor.  Many  a  time  and  oft  has  the  farm 
been  haunted  at  night  by  enterprising  money- 
diggers,  in  quest  of  pots  of  gold,  said  to  have 
been  buried  by  the  old  governor,  though  I  can- 
not learn  that  any  of  them  have  ever  been 
enriched  by  their  researches  ;  and  who  is  there, 
among  my  native-bom  fellow-citizens,  that  does 
not  remember  when,  in  the  mischievous  days 
of  his  boyhood,  he  conceived  it  a  great  exploit 
to  rob  "Stuyvesant's  orchard"  on  a  holiday 
afternoon  ? 

At  this  stronghold  of  the  family  may  still  be 
seen  certain  memorials  of  the  immortal  Peter. 
His  full-length  portrait  frowns  in  martial  terrors 
from  the  parlor  wall ;  his  cocked  hat  and  sword 
still  hang  up  in  the  best  bedroom  ;  his  brim- 
stone-colored breeches  were  for  a  long  while 


•ffnvaluable  IReliques 


311 


suspended  in  the  hall,  until  some  years  since 
they  occasioned  a  dispute  between  a  new-mar- 
ried couple  ;  and  his  silver-mounted  wooden 
leg  is  still  treasured  up  in  the  store-room,  as  an 
invaluable  relique. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

THE  AUTHOR'S  REFLECTIONS  UPON  WHAT  HAS 
BEEN  SAID. 


AMONG  the  numerous  events,  which  are 
each  in  their  turn  the  most  direful  and 
melancholy  of  all  possible  occurrences,  in  your 
interesting  and  authentic  history,  there  is  none 
that  occasions  such  deep  and  heart-rending 
grief  as  the  decline  and  fall  of  your  renowned 
and  mighty  empires.  Where  is  the  reader  who 
can  contemplate  without  emotion  the  disas- 
trous events  by  which  the  great  dynasties  of  the 
world  have  been  extinguished  ?  While  wander- 
ing, in  imagination,  among  the  gigantic  ruins 
of  states  and  empires,  and  marking  the  tremen- 
dous convulsions  that  wrought  their  overthrow, 
the  bosom  of  the  melancholy  inquirer  swells 
with  sympathy  commensurate  to  the  surround- 
ing desolation.  Kingdoms,  principalities,  and 
powers  have  each  had  their  rise,  their  progress, 


/Dboral  IRcflections  313 

and  their  downfall, — each  in  its  turn  has  swayed 
a  potent  sceptre, — each  has  returned  to  its  prime- 
val nothingness.  And  thus  did  it  fare  with  the 
empire  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  at  the  Man- 
hattoes,  under  the  peaceful  reign  of  Walter  the 
Doubter,  the  fretful  reign  of  William  the  Testy, 
and  the  chivalric  reign  of  Peter  the  Head- 
strong. 

Its  history  is  fruitful  of  instruction,  and  wor- 
thy of  being  pondered  over  attentively,  for  it 
is  by  thus  raking  among  the  ashes  of  departed 
greatness,  that  the  sparks  of  true  knowledge 
are  to  be  found,  and  the  lamp  of  wisdom  illu- 
minated. Let,  then,  the  reign  of  Walter  the 
Doubter  warn  against  yielding  to  that  sleek, 
contented  security,  and  that  overweening  fond- 
ness for  comfort  and  repose,  which  are  produced 
by  a  state  of  prosperity  and  peace.  These  tend 
to  unnerve  a  nation,  to  destroy  its  pride  of 
character,  to  render  it  patient  of  insult,  deaf  to 
the  calls  of  honor  and  of  justice,  and  cause  it 
to  cling  to  peace,  like  the  sluggard  to  his  pil- 
low, at  the  expense  of  every  valuable  duty  and 
consideration.  Such  supineness  insures  the 
very  evil  from  which  it  shrinks.  One  right 
yielded  up,  produces  the  usurpation  of  a  sec- 
ond ;  one  encroachment  passively  suffered, 
makes  way  for  another  ;  and  the  nation  which 
thus,  through  a  doting  love  of  peace,  has  sac- 


314  1bi0tori2  of  IRew  lorft 

rificed  honor  and  interest,  will  at  length  have 
to  fight  for  existence. 

Let  the  disastrous  reign  of  "William  the  Testy 
serve  as  a  salutary  warning  against  that  fitful, 
feverish  mode  of  legislation,  which  acts  without 
system,  depends  on  shifts  and  projects,  and 
trusts  to  lucky  contingencies ;  which  hesitates 
and  wavers,  and  at  length  decides  with  the  rash- 
ness of  ignorance  and  imbecility  ;  which  stoops 
for  popularity  by  courting  the  prejudices  and 
flattering  the  arrogance,  rather  than  command- 
ing the  respect  of  the  rabble ;  which  seeks 
safety  in  a  multitude  of  counsellors,  and  dis- 
tracts itself  by  a  variety  of  contradictory 
schemes  and  opinions  ;  which  mistakes  pro- 
crastination for  wariness,  hurry  for  decision, 
parsimony  for  economy,  bustle  for  business, 
and  vaporing  for  valor  ;  which  is  violent  in 
council,  sanguine  in  expectation,  precipitate  in 
action,  and  feeble  in  execution  ;  which  under- 
takes enterprises  without  forethought,  enters 
upon  them  without  preparation,  conducts  them 
without  energy,  and  ends  them  in  confusion 
and  defeat. 

Let  the  reign  of  the  good  Stuyvesant  show 
the  effects  of  vigor  and  decision  even  when  des- 
titute of  cool  judgment,  and  surrounded  by 
perplexities.  Let  it  show  how  frankness,  prob- 
ity,  and    high-souled   courage  will    command 


lessons  to  \)c  fbcc^cb  315 

respect,  and  secure  honor,  even  where  success 
is  unattainable.  But  at  the  same  time,  let  it 
caution  against  a  too  ready  reliance  on  the  good 
faith  of  others,  and  a  too  honest  confidence  in 
the  loving  professions  of  powerful  neighbors, 
who  are  most  friendly  when  they  most  mean  to 
betray.  Let  it  teach  a  judicious  attention  to 
the  opinions  and  wishes  of  the  many,  who,  in 
times  of  peril,  must  be  soothed  and  led,  or  ap- 
prehension will  overpower  the  deference  to 
authority. 

Let  the  empty  wordiness  of  his  factious  sub- 
jects, their  intemperate  harangues,  their  violent 
"resolutions,"  their  hectorings  against  an  ab- 
sent enemy,  and  their  pusillanimity  on  his 
approach,  teach  us  to  distrust  and  despise  those 
clamorous  patriots  whose  courage  dwells  but 
in  the  tongue.  Let  them  serve  as  a  lesson  to 
repress  that  insolence  of  speech,  destitute  of 
real  force,  which  too  often  breaks  forth  in 
popular  bodies,  and  bespeaks  the  vanity  rather 
than  the  spirit  of  a  nation.  Let  them  caution 
us  against  vaunting  too  much  of  our  own  power 
and  prowess,  and  reviling  a  noble  enemy. 
True  gallantry  of  soul  would  always  lead  us  to 
treat  a  foe  with  courtesy  and  proud  pimctilio  ; 
a  contrary  conduct  but  takes  from  the  merit  of 
victory,  and  renders  defeat  doubly  disgraceful. 

But  I  cease  to  dwell  on  the  stores  of  excel- 


3i6  Ibistor^  of  mew  l^orft 

lent  examples  to  be  drawn  from  the  ancient 
chronicles  of  the  Manhattoes.  He  who  reads 
attentively  will  discover  the  threads  of  gold 
which  run  throughout  the  web  of  history,  and 
are  invisible  to  the  dull  eye  of  ignorance.  But, 
before  I  conclude,  let  me  point  out  a  solemn 
warning,  furnished  in  the  subtle  chain  of  events 
by  which  the  capture  of  Fort  Casimir  has  pro- 
duced the  present  convulsions  of  our  globe. 

Attend,  then,  gentle  reader,  to  this  plain  de- 
duction, which,  if  thou  art  a  king,  an  emperor, 
or  other  powerful  potentate,  I  advise  thee  to 
treasure  up  in  thy  heart, — though  little  expecta- 
tion have  I  that  my  work  shall  fall  into  such 
hands,  for  well  I  know  the  care  of  crafty  min- 
isters to  keep  all  grave  and  edifying  books  of 
the  kind  out  of  the  way  of  unhappy  monarchs, 
lest  peradventure  they  should  read  them  and 
learn  wisdom. 

By  the  treacherous  surprisal  of  Fort  Casimir, 
then,  did  the  crafty  Swedes  enjoy  a  transient 
triumph,  but  drew  upon  their  heads  the  ven- 
geance of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  who  wrested  all 
New  Sweden  from  their  hands.  By  the  con- 
quest of  New  Sweden,  Peter  Stuyvesant  aroused 
the  claims  of  Lord  Baltimore,  who  appealed  to 
the  cabinet  of  Great  Britain,  who  subdued  the 
whole  province  of  New  Netherlands.  By  this 
great  achievement  the  whole   extent  of  North 


Cbain  of  iBvcnte  317 

America,  from  Nova  Scotia  to  the  Floridas,  was 
rendered  one  entire  dependency  upon  the  Brit- 
ish crown,  but  mark  the  consequence.  The 
hitherto  scattered  colonies  being  thus  consoli- 
dated, and  having  no  rival  colonies  to  check  or 
keep  them  in  awe,  waxed  great  and  powerful, 
and  finally  becoming  too  strong  for  the  mother- 
country,  were  enabled  to  shake  off  its  bonds, 
and  by  a  glorious  revolution  became  an  inde- 
pendent empire.  But  the  chain  of  events 
stopped  not  here  :  the  successful  revolution  in 
America  produced  the  sanguinary  revolution  in 
France  ;  which  produced  the  puissant  Bona- 
parte ;  who  produced  the  French  despotism ; 
which  has  thrown  the  whole  world  in  confu- 
sion !  Thus  have  these  great  powers  been  suc- 
cessively punished  for  their  ill-starred  con- 
quests ;  and  thus,  as  I  have  asserted,  have  all 
the  present  convulsions,  revolutions,  and  disas- 
ters that  overwhelm  mankind,  originated  in 
the  capture  of  the  little  Fort  Casimir,  as  re- 
corded in  this  eventful  histor>\ 

And  now,  worthy  reader,  ere  I  take  a  sad 
farewell, — which,  alas  !  must  be  forever, — will- 
ingly would  I  part  in  cordial  fellowship,  and 
bespeak  thy  kind-hearted  remembrance.  That 
I  have  not  written  a  better  history  of  the  days 
of  the  patriarchs  is  not  my  fault ;  had  any  other 
person  written  one  as  good,  I  should  not  have 


3i8  Ibistors  of  mew  l^ork 

attempted  it  at  all.  That  many  will  hereafter 
spring  up  and  surpass  me  in  excellence,  I  have 
very  little  doubt,  and  still  less  care,  well  know- 
ing that,  when  the  great  Christovallo  Colon 
(who  is  vulgarly  called  Columbus)  had  once 
stood  his  egg  upon  its  end,  every  one  at  table 
could  stand  his  up  a  thousand  times  more  dex- 
terously. Should  any  reader  find  matter  of 
ofifence  in  this  history,  I  should  heartily  grieve, 
though  I  would  on  no  account  question  his 
penetration  by  telling  him  he  was  mistaken,  his 
good-nature  by  telling  him  he  was  captious, 
or  his  pure  conscience  by  telling  him  he  was 
startled  at  a  shadow.  Surely,  when  so  ingen- 
ious in  finding  offence  where  none  was  intend- 
ed, it  were  a  thousand  pities  he  should  not  be 
suffered  to  enjoy  the  benefit  of  his  discovery. 

I  have  too  high  an  opinion  of  the  understand- 
ing of  my  fellow-citizens,  to  think  of  yielding 
them  instruction,  and  I  covet  too  much  their 
good-will,  to  forfeit  it  by  giving  them  good  ad- 
vice. I  am  none  of  those  cynics  who  despise 
the  world  because  it  despises  them  ;  on  the  con- 
trary, though  but  low  in  its  regard,  I  look  up 
to  it  with  the  most  perfect  good-nature,  and  my 
only  sorrow  is,  that  it  does  not  prove  itself 
more  worthy  of  the  unbounded  love  I  bear  it. 
If,  however,  in  this  my  historic  production — 
the  scanty  fruit  of  a  long  and  laborious  life,— 


jfarewcU  319 

I  have  failed  to  gratify  the  dainty  palate  of  the 
age,  I  can  only  lament  my  misfortune,  for  it  is 
too  late  in  the  season  for  me  even  to  hope  to 
repair  it.  Already  has  withering  age  showered 
his  sterile  snows  upon  my  brow  ;  in  a  little  while, 
and  this  genial  warmth  which  still  lingers  around 
my  heart,  and  throbs — worthy  reader — throbs 
kindly  towards  thyself,  will  be  chilled  forever. 
Haply  this  frail  compound  of  dust,  which 
while  alive  may  have  given  birth  to  naught  but 
unprofitable  weeds,  may  form  a  humble  sod  of 
the  valley,  whence  may  spring  many  a  sweet 
wild  flower,  to  adorn  my  beloved  island  of 
Mauna-hata. 


END  OF  voi,.  n. 


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